[playlist] we could jet in a stolen car.
1. "starling" brave saint saturn
filthy bird laying in our yard, 4 chambered heart never beat so hard. dad said she was almost gone, upside down out on our lawn, and i could hold her in a shoe box. if she heals she could be mine, and if i cannot save her spirit dad says i should break her spine. shaking, brilliant, silver-black wings, jesus christ, what prayers these tears sing. wear your hearts out on your sleeves for starlings, starlings. of the least of all of these, are starlings, starlings.
2. "like o, like h" tegan & sara
when i was 8 i was sure i was growing nerves like steel in my palm. make a map of what you see, direct pain effectively, i was 8, i was sure i was growing pain like lead in my feet. s.o.s. to my mother, take the hinges off the door. oh, oh, sugar spell it out like oh, oh, sugar spell it out, like o, like h in your gut. when i was 4 plus a 10 i was swinging fists like nails in a board. pull your hands inside of you, 6 years 'till i'll be through, i was 4 plus a 10, i was swinging back, like a race to be sure.
3. "scared as fuck" an horse
i'm not really scared, i just like the way that those words sound when they fall from my mouth and i say them to you out aloud. sometimes my hands clap louder than everyone else, but that's the way it stands if i want to clap the loudest. but i got so scared that you might be a better me than me. you can take my socks, but you damn well better leave my gloves 'cause i need my hands to be warm like everybody else's. once my hands are warm i can give them to you and say, "please do all you can", but my fingerprints will stay the same. but i got so scared that you might be a better me than me; yeah, i got so scared that you might be a better me than me. but we know someone who got so scared at the supermarket and you were there and i get to hold their hand, 'cause they'll get scared again, they'll get scared again.
4. "furnace room lullaby" neko case
i twisted you over and under to take you, the coals went so wild as they swallowed the rest. i twisted you under and under to break you, i just couldn't breathe with your throne on my chest. all night, all i hear, all i hear's your heart. how come, how come? so far under the bed, into the beams you've gone, i've gone, you've gone. i'm wrapped in the depths of these deeds that have made me, i can't bring a sound from my head though i try. i can't seem to find my way up from the basement, a demon holds my place on earth 'till i die. all night, all i hear, all i hear's your heart. how come, how come?
5. "orestes" a perfect circle
metaphor for a missing moment, pull me in to your perfect circle. 1 womb, 1 shame, 1 resolve: liberate this will to release us all. gotta cut away, clear away, snip away and sever this umbilical residue, keeping me from killing you and from pulling you down with me here, i can almost hear you scream. give me one more medicated peaceful moment, give me one more medicated peaceful moment, and i don't wanna feel this overwhelming hostility, i don't wanna feel this overwhelming hostility.
6. "shame" stabbing westward
i only see myself reflected in your eyes, so all that i believe i am essentially are lies, and everything i've hoped to be or ever thought i was died with your belief in me so who the hell am i? i'm wandering round confused, wondering why i try. the more that you deny my pain, the more it intensifies. i pray for someone to ache for me the way i ache for you. if you ignore that i'm alive, i've nothing to cling to. i don't know if i am real without you. what is left of me without you? i don't know what's real without you. how can i exist without you? i stare into this mirror
so tired of this life, if only you would speak to me or care if i'm alive. once i swore i would die for you, but i never meant like this, i never meant like this, no i never meant like this.
7. "icicle" tori amos
icicle icicle where are you going, i have a hiding place when spring marches in, will you keep watch for me? i hear them calling, gonna lay down, gonna lay down. greeting the monster in our easter dresses, father says bow your head like the good book says, well i think the good book is missing some pages, gonna lay down, gonna lay down and when my hand touches myself, i can finally rest my head, and when they say take from his body, i think i'll take from mine instead. getting off getting off while they're all downstairs, singing prayers sing away he's in my pumpkin p.j's, lay your book on my chest, feel the word, feel it. i could have, i should have, i could have flown, you know i could have, i should have, i didn't. so.
8. "violet" hole
and the sky was made of amethyst, and all the stars are just like little fish. you should learn when to go, you should learn how to say no. might last a day, yeah, mine is forever. might last a day, yeah, mine is forever. and the sky was all violet i want it again, but violent, more violent, and i'm the one with no soul, 1 above and 1 below. when they get what they want, they never want it again, when they get what they want, they never want it again. go on, take everything take everything i want you to, go on, take everything take everything i dare you to.
9. "pavlov's daughter" regina spektor
if i hear another song about angels, if i see another feather on the dumb-box, i'm gonna go to babylon and get me some whiskey, oh get me some whiskey, get me some whisky, get me some whiskey now. my name is lucille and i know how you feel, i live downstairs, i hear you taking out your garbage, i hear you loving your girlfriend, i hear you loving yourself too, i hear you turning your thoughts off, i hear you turning your thoughts off, and i turn mine off too. the only thing i hear is you, and you don't sound nice and you don't sound right, and you don't sound good and you don't sound right. it gets quiet. as quiet as an ambulance checking out the neighborhood, waiting for the blade to slip and that final blow, but nothing happens, it's a cruel joke, as ironic as a ticker tape parade over the rain forest, as ironic as a ticker tape parade over my head, going down stream to where it isn't even real rain at all.
10. "carnies" chasing victory
weighed down like vultures circling the dead, pulling apart and embracing the life in the depths of this man, pulling teeth with sharpened beaks from the stones. raise your glass for the end is near. raise your glass to a life of fear. you're building a circus, a haven to shelter your deepest secrets and your darkest demons. you're feeding a monster, but enough is enough. you've taken this too far and i don't know who you are. the ghost is closing in on me, what's the price of admission? no gimmicks for one minute. you fall in love to feel part of the crowd, you fall asleep to dream about yourself away from help. all we have is who we are to someone else, all we are is what we have when we're away from help.
11. "woke up this morning" a3
and i woke up this morning and all i love was gone, pappa never told me about right and wrong but i'm looking good baby believe it i'm feeling fine i was born under a bad sign with a blue moon in my eyes; i woke up this morning everything was gone about half past 10 my head was going ding dong ring like a bell from my head down to my toes like a voice trying to tell me something i should know last night i was flying but today i'm so low it's times like these make me wonder if i'll ever know the meaning of things as they appear to the others wives husbands mothers fathers sisters and brothers and i wish i didn't function and i wish i didn't think beyond the next pay check and the next little drink but i do so i make up my mind to go on but when i woke up this morning everything was gone.
12. "this girl is taking bets" thea gilmore
this girl is the flutter of fake lashes in the mirror, she's a ragged edged fedora or a spanish souvenir. this girl is the clean cut, she's the frozen ground, she's a knife drawn down the side street when there's no-one else around. this girl's a forged ticket to a lloyd webber show, she's the far end of the graveyard up where the nettles grow. this girl is the rainbow in the dewy eyed stares, she's the name tag on the toe of your long dead love affairs. this girl is taking bets, this girl's a silhouette, can't you see? this girl is the wild smile, the icy stare, she's the crackle of the static, she's the curses, she's the prayers. this girl is the junkie in the children's matinee, she's the 4 minute warning, she is hell to pay. this girl is the plunge pool she is cocaine and kodak, now she's out setting sail on the ocean of the soundtrack. this girl is the shaking hand, the rattling cup, with a button and a note saying things are looking up.
13. "i want my innocence back" emilie autumn
i want my innocence back and if you can't give it to me i will cut you down, and i will run you through with the dagger you sharpened on my body and soul before you slit me in two and then devoured me whole. i want my innocence back and if you can't pacify me i will break your bones. you think i'm bluffing, just try me. i will never forget the words you used to ensnare me 'till my dying day, you'll suffer for this, i swear (i swear). i want my innocence back and i demand you put my heart back in my hand and wipe it clean from the mess you made of me, and i require you make me free from this desire, and when you leave, i'd better be the innocent i used to be.
14. "anger as beauty" hawksley workman
melt your silver down, kiss your lover's face. the sirens start to sound and you're caught up in the only place where the honesty of fear makes a battle like a song falling on your ears. this is anger as beauty, anger as beauty, anger as beauty. fighter soul alive in a whiskey fueled rage, the tears burn in your eyes, the saddest of the souls to save sings lovely in its fear with a voice that's broken/strong falling on your ears. this is anger as beauty, anger as beauty, anger as beauty. lover don't you wait, lover you'll be safe. strangest quiet in the streets. fighters for their love dug deep, they're under paved ports gently lifting up a song falling on your ears.
15. "wolf like me" tv on the radio
we could jet in a stolen car but i bet we wouldn't get too far before the transformation takes and bloodlust tanks and crave gets slaked. my mind has changed my body's frame but god i like it, my heart's aflame, my body's strained but god i like it. charge me your day rate, i'll turn you out in kind. when the moon is round and full gonna teach you tricks that'll blow your mongrel mind. baby doll i recognize, you're a hideous thing inside, if ever there were a lucky kind it's you you you you. i know it's strange another way to get to know you, you'll never know unless we go so let me show you. i know it's strange another way to get to know you, we've got till noon here comes the moon so let it show you, show you now. dream me oh dreamer, down to the floor, open my hands and let them weave onto yours. feel me, completer, down to my core, open my heart and let it bleed onto yours. feeding on fever, down all fours, show you what all that howl is for. hey hey my playmate let me lay waste to thee, burned down their hanging trees, it's hot here hot here hot here hot here. got a curse we cannot lift, shines when the sunset shifts. there's a cure comes with a kiss, the bite that binds, the gift that gives. now that we got gone for good, writhing under your riding hood, tell your grandma and your mama too, it's true, we're howling forever.
16. "northshore" tegan & sara
don't bend, don't bleed, don't beg, don't scream, don't whine, don't fight, don't tell me, don't tell me, don't tell me. don't feel, don't tear, don't kiss, don't care, don't touch, don't want me, don't want me, don't want me. don't run, don't hide, don't hurt, don't lie, don't breathe, don't try, don't find me, don't find me, don't find me. don't cringe, don't clinch, don't look, don't flinch, don't know, don't go, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me. don't sing, don't talk, don't yell, don't laugh, don't think, don't speak, don't save me, don't save me, don't save me. don't stare, don't glare, don't heal, don't mend, don't take, don't send, don't love me, don't love me, don't love me. something's so sick about this, my misery's so addictive. i'm halfway there watching northshore from the floor singing to you over my sholder.
17. "ease my pain" declan flynn
out of time, i hear your voice break through the noise and pain, my heart’s refrain. why can’t i convince myself that this is the right time to contend? will you please ease my pain? break the tide that’s pushing you outside the place you’re safe, don’t pretend. ask my eyes protect my gaze, as the light makes the day, i pray: will you please ease my pain?
18. "little bit of red" serena ryder
hey you, say you wanna start over again, like i ever wanted it to be any different. i've been watching all your colours fade to blue. said you'd come back, like i wanted you, wanted you. stop pretending everything's alright. oh, baby blue, oh baby blue, c'mere i'm gonna smear another colour over you. get outta bed you little sleepy head, your black and white needs a little bit of red. couldn't handle pressure life had put you through, thought you might've bit off a litte more than you could chew. no, i don't believe it when you say "i will make up to you". said you'd come back, didn't want you to, want you to, still pretending everything's alright, oh, baby blue, oh baby blue, c'mere i'm gonna smear another colour over you.
19. "you know what you are" nine inch nails
i tried to sneak myself through i tried to get to the other side, i had to patch up the cracks and the holes that i have to hide. for a little bit of time even made it work okay, just long enough to really make it hurt when they figured me out and it all just rotted away. you better take a good look 'cause i'm full of shit, with every bit of my heart i have tried to believe in it, you can dress it all up, you can try to pretend, but you can't change anything, you can't change anything in the end. don't you fucking know what you are? don't you fucking know what you are? go on, get back to where you belong.
20. "undertow" tool
third time in. i've been baptized by a voice that screams from deep beneath the cold black waters. and it's half as high as heaven, and half as clear as reason. it's cold and and black like silt on the riverbed, and just as never ending. the current's mouth below me, opens up around me. suggests and beckons all while swallowing, surrounds and drowns and wipes me away. but i'm so comfortable, too comfortable. shut up shut up shut up shut up, you're saturating me, how could i let this happen? why don't you kill me? i'm weak and numb and insignificant. how can i let this bring me back to my knees? euphoria i'm back down. i'm in the undertow. i'm helpless and awake. i'm in the undertow. i'll die beneath the undertow. there doesn't seem no other way out of the undertow. euphoria.
21. "run baby run" garbage
love can be so strange, don't it amaze you? every time you give yourself away it comes back to haunt you. love's an elusive charm and it can be painful to understand this crazy world, but you're not gonna crack, no you're never gonna crack. run my baby run my baby run, run from the noise of the street and the loaded gun, too late for solutions to solve in the setting sun so run my baby run my baby run. life can be so cruel, don't it astound you? so when nothing seems too certain or safe let it burn through you. you can keep it pure on the inside and you know what you believe to be right, so you're not gonna crack, no you're never gonna crack.
22. "all good things come to an end" nelly furtado
traveling i only stop at exits, wondering if i'll stay young and restless living this way i stress less. i want to pull away when the dream dies the pain sets in and i don't cry i only feel gravity and i wonder why. flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end? well the dogs were barking at a new moon, whistling a new tune, hoping it would come soon, and the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day 'til the feeling went away, and the sky was falling on the clouds were dropping and the rain forgot how to bring salvation. the dogs were barking at the new moon, whistling a new tune, hoping it would come soon so that they could die.