There are quite possibly a million things I've been putting off posting about.
Unfortunately, dealing with those million things is consuming all my home time. And during my breaks at work, I usually have jut enough time to take care of my bodily needs, and then check my messages. I can usually respond to two or three of them. But not always. So I usually need to triage my needs, and way to much gets dropped.
I currently am losing another day to an inconsolable screamer. I think he is still teething. Fortunately, my son being such a thing brings out the best in my daughter. I have strapped him into his chair so I can have a break to recover and try again in a minute, and she is taking the opportunity to sing to him and try to calm him down for me. She really is a great kid when she wants to be.
I miss gaming. I've been struggling with this for a while. I want to game with people who want to game. I want to ROLE PLAY. I want to create a singular character and create an epic story around them. I want to come away with stories to tell like I was talking about a long trusted friend. I want to feel like I have inside jokes with them. I want to find my own personality reshaped after years of exposure to them. I do not want to suffer power gaming. I do not want to meet my character once and abandon them. I want other people to get to know them as well as I do. I want to be able to miss them when it is over, and I want other people to miss them as well, and to tell their story long after I'm out of their life.
I have had this experience before. I understand I am spoiled. But that is the way it is. If I cannot have that level of investment and intensity, then I may as well play online flash games. I will find it just as satisfying.
Ideally, I would like to be running that game. I have a campaign I have been developing for a while, myth, setting, characters and all. I even have a whole series of epic quests in mind that start innocently and turn into a vast epic tale. But I would be content to play in another group if I thought the group were invested enough to make the story last, to tell the whole story. I get the miserable feeling that this will never happen. I thought I had found that group, but I was told by the person who runs that group that the idea of playing the same characters for that long would be boring. That and many other reasons have left me looking for another group I will likely never find.
My daughter wants to game, and I would really like to run a game for her. I am worried however. I don't know if I can find enough other kids to play with her. I had entertained the idea of a group of kids and parents. But most of the gamer parents I know do not have kids old enough to play. and Organizing to have a night off for myself to go play is one thing. Finding a time early enough for the kids to get home and to bed is another. Maybe in the Summer, when school is not such an issue. Maybe once a month. Doesn't help me in February.
For the record, the girl was successful. Boy is dancing with her. Cake tonight for good kids.
I really have a lot to do for RHPS. I know that a lot of people probably think I'm insane for trying to keep up with it. But honestly, I wonder how many people still wish it were around, even once in a while. If I give up, then it is gone, for everyone. It is just a freak show for Halloween, and then only maybe. It loses all cultural context. Its like Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. It is so basic and fundamental to the community. I just think so much foundation is lost if it goes away.
I remember hearing somewhere (and if you can find the quote, tell me) that the insane rule the world. A fanatic being one who has abandoned reasonable priorities in the name of his goal, he has the advantage over more reasonable people, as he will be unconcerned about things that stop the rest of us. Paying bills, taking care of family, other worldly things become less important to them, and for this reason, they will always seem to have more time and more resources to devote to their cause. The only way to combat them is to devote an equal amount of counterforce and resources to defeating them. But in doing so, one becomes a fanatic as well, so even if you win, the insane fanatics still rule the world. I'm trying to remain sane. But in doing so, I risk losing the things I love, and that help define my identity.
I feel that way about my role at Rocky. Somebody out there will want it sanely. For them, I'm willing to sacrifice. For my kids. I think it is worth it.
I desperately need a new job. I hate my employer. Not just my job, but my employer. Passionately. And I hate needing my job. I love working. I could even love my job, if I didn't hate my employer. Despite popular attitudes, I see no shame nor hardship in being a housekeeper. I like it. It is a zen thing. and it saves my brain and creativity for other things. I figure as long as I stay in a physically demanding job, I can remain at least somewhat fit, and it seems to apply. I gained a lot of weight a couple years after hurting my back. But once I was able to return to work, it mostly fell away. I'm actually very comfortable with my size lately.
My former boss, at least made my job bearable. I knew she had some of the same feelings I do. But she has recently stepped down. And after today, she is leaving for a dramatically better position elsewhere. And to make it worse, she made it a point to make sure I knew she was hiring for a fantastic position there, and she wanted me to apply. Problem is the long out of town commute. Problem is my daughter missing the bus frequently even with both my wife and I home, and me being the only one who drives. Problem is me never having space and time without the kids when I'm actually awake to even make up my resume. Problem is I've had this on my mind a week, and the most I've been able to do is look at the posting online. And its seasonal. I would have to find other work for like four or five months of every year, and my current job will not allow me to be seasonal for another job. And health insurance. And I would probably be making enough during those month to not qualify for medicare.And either Jess would have to go down to like no hours at work, or I would need to find massive childcare that we cannot afford. I'm being forced to give up an opportunity for a dream job for a job I hate. This is the stupidest thing I've ever had to do.
Boyness is still mostly calm, but is now knocking things over, and screaming at me when I try to stop him. And girlness wants computer time. Meh.
I currently am losing another day to an inconsolable screamer. I think he is still teething. Fortunately, my son being such a thing brings out the best in my daughter. I have strapped him into his chair so I can have a break to recover and try again in a minute, and she is taking the opportunity to sing to him and try to calm him down for me. She really is a great kid when she wants to be.
I miss gaming. I've been struggling with this for a while. I want to game with people who want to game. I want to ROLE PLAY. I want to create a singular character and create an epic story around them. I want to come away with stories to tell like I was talking about a long trusted friend. I want to feel like I have inside jokes with them. I want to find my own personality reshaped after years of exposure to them. I do not want to suffer power gaming. I do not want to meet my character once and abandon them. I want other people to get to know them as well as I do. I want to be able to miss them when it is over, and I want other people to miss them as well, and to tell their story long after I'm out of their life.
I have had this experience before. I understand I am spoiled. But that is the way it is. If I cannot have that level of investment and intensity, then I may as well play online flash games. I will find it just as satisfying.
Ideally, I would like to be running that game. I have a campaign I have been developing for a while, myth, setting, characters and all. I even have a whole series of epic quests in mind that start innocently and turn into a vast epic tale. But I would be content to play in another group if I thought the group were invested enough to make the story last, to tell the whole story. I get the miserable feeling that this will never happen. I thought I had found that group, but I was told by the person who runs that group that the idea of playing the same characters for that long would be boring. That and many other reasons have left me looking for another group I will likely never find.
My daughter wants to game, and I would really like to run a game for her. I am worried however. I don't know if I can find enough other kids to play with her. I had entertained the idea of a group of kids and parents. But most of the gamer parents I know do not have kids old enough to play. and Organizing to have a night off for myself to go play is one thing. Finding a time early enough for the kids to get home and to bed is another. Maybe in the Summer, when school is not such an issue. Maybe once a month. Doesn't help me in February.
For the record, the girl was successful. Boy is dancing with her. Cake tonight for good kids.
I really have a lot to do for RHPS. I know that a lot of people probably think I'm insane for trying to keep up with it. But honestly, I wonder how many people still wish it were around, even once in a while. If I give up, then it is gone, for everyone. It is just a freak show for Halloween, and then only maybe. It loses all cultural context. Its like Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. It is so basic and fundamental to the community. I just think so much foundation is lost if it goes away.
I remember hearing somewhere (and if you can find the quote, tell me) that the insane rule the world. A fanatic being one who has abandoned reasonable priorities in the name of his goal, he has the advantage over more reasonable people, as he will be unconcerned about things that stop the rest of us. Paying bills, taking care of family, other worldly things become less important to them, and for this reason, they will always seem to have more time and more resources to devote to their cause. The only way to combat them is to devote an equal amount of counterforce and resources to defeating them. But in doing so, one becomes a fanatic as well, so even if you win, the insane fanatics still rule the world. I'm trying to remain sane. But in doing so, I risk losing the things I love, and that help define my identity.
I feel that way about my role at Rocky. Somebody out there will want it sanely. For them, I'm willing to sacrifice. For my kids. I think it is worth it.
I desperately need a new job. I hate my employer. Not just my job, but my employer. Passionately. And I hate needing my job. I love working. I could even love my job, if I didn't hate my employer. Despite popular attitudes, I see no shame nor hardship in being a housekeeper. I like it. It is a zen thing. and it saves my brain and creativity for other things. I figure as long as I stay in a physically demanding job, I can remain at least somewhat fit, and it seems to apply. I gained a lot of weight a couple years after hurting my back. But once I was able to return to work, it mostly fell away. I'm actually very comfortable with my size lately.
My former boss, at least made my job bearable. I knew she had some of the same feelings I do. But she has recently stepped down. And after today, she is leaving for a dramatically better position elsewhere. And to make it worse, she made it a point to make sure I knew she was hiring for a fantastic position there, and she wanted me to apply. Problem is the long out of town commute. Problem is my daughter missing the bus frequently even with both my wife and I home, and me being the only one who drives. Problem is me never having space and time without the kids when I'm actually awake to even make up my resume. Problem is I've had this on my mind a week, and the most I've been able to do is look at the posting online. And its seasonal. I would have to find other work for like four or five months of every year, and my current job will not allow me to be seasonal for another job. And health insurance. And I would probably be making enough during those month to not qualify for medicare.And either Jess would have to go down to like no hours at work, or I would need to find massive childcare that we cannot afford. I'm being forced to give up an opportunity for a dream job for a job I hate. This is the stupidest thing I've ever had to do.
Boyness is still mostly calm, but is now knocking things over, and screaming at me when I try to stop him. And girlness wants computer time. Meh.