Another Friend
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Title: Another Friend
Characters: Fernando Alonso, Kimi Räikkönen
Rating: Green Flag
Summary: Fernando doesn't want another friend. Good thing that's not what Kimi is offering.
Beta: whisper_roar Thanks for always taking time to help, even when you're super busy!
Disclaimer: None of it is true. I lie.
A/N: Written for Secret Santa 2013 on f1slash, for larapidez.
It's already quite late by the time Kimi walks into the club lounge of the hotel, quickly scanning the dimmed room before walking to the bar and sitting next to a rather depressed looking Spaniard. Kimi orders a drink and another of whatever Fernando is drinking. He isn't normally one for these types of discussions, but he's got a feeling he knows exactly what his teammate is going through, and, for the sake of the team, or so he tells himself, he needs to make sure Fernando is in the right headspace for the next grand prix, because if today was any indication of what Fernando would accomplish, it wasn't looking good for Ferrari.
Kimi glances at his teammate, still well put together on the outside, hair styled, beard trimmed and clothes well fitted, but Fernando is clearly looking for the answers to all his questions at the bottom of his glass, and Kimi knows that's not where he's going to find them. He should know, he's looked there before, many times.
"Still missing Mark?" Kimi asks just loud enough for Fernando to hear, not bothering to look at him. Kimi can see Fernando snap his head towards him at the mention of Mark's name, looking around to see who might have heard, and even though nobody is there, Kimi isn't stupid, Fernando apparently doesn't appreciate the comment.
"Why should I? One competitor less," Fernando says before taking a large gulp of his drink, of which Kimi orders yet another refill.
"Because you like him, lik-"
"I do not like Mark," Fernando interrupts, half choking on his drink at the bluntness of Kimi's comment.
"Like I liked Seb," Kimi finishes, ignoring the interruption.
"You? You like Seb?" Fernando asks, his chocolate eyes curiously examining Kimi.
Kimi's lips curl into a sad smile as he shrugs. "I did. He liked Hanna and I was always just a friend." It hadn't been for lack of trying either. Kimi had been as blunt as one could be, dragging him out one night to party, cornering him against a wall and telling him, I want to kiss you. Seb had blushed, that beautiful red that covered his cheeks, but had scrunched up his nose, planting two firm hands on Kimi's shoulders and telling him, as rationally and politically correct as humanly possible, that he was flattered, not gay, and loved Hanna. To this day, Kimi has no recollection of what happened the rest of that night, though he woke up in his hotel room with enough empty bottles to cause alcohol poisoning.
"Mark loves Ann," Fernando sighs, his stare returning to the liquid swirling around in his glass. "He was, is, a good friend."
Kimi looks at Fernando, the way his eyes are cast down, shoulders slumped, and he can almost feel the pain in his chest. He wonders what hurts more, the rejection from Seb, or seeing Fernando rejected, because as much as he had hoped for Seb's affection, he was becoming a pro at mending his broken heart. Seeing Fernando hurt, on the other hand, wasn't something he was used to.
"There'll be someone else," Kimi tells him, "someone who will understand, who will not just be a friend."
Fernando looks at Kimi with a sad look, as if he was taking pity on how naive Kimi was for hoping for a fairy tale ending. "Is noone here Kimi, look around." And Kimi does, taking in the very empty room save for themselves, the bartender and a waitress, and he knows Fernando doesn't see him, just like so many before, looking for something that's right under their nose.
"I'm here," Kimi says, barely audible, but Fernando hears, and his eyes are drawn to Kimi's face, to the blue eyes just waiting to be noticed.
"I don't need another friend," Fernando tells him, still unwilling to acknowledge what is in front of him.
"Good thing I don't want to be friends," Kimi answers, allowing himself a smile, but Fernando doesn't see it, doesn't get what Kimi is trying to offer him.
"Mark was always there for me," Fernando sighs, maybe not hearing, maybe not listening, but stuck in the past like Kimi had been with Seb.
"Mark wasn't there for you. You were there for him," Kimi says, because the past season had been all about Mark, about his bad luck, his bad relationship with Seb, him leaving the sport. It had all been about Mark, even though Fernando was going through just as shitty a time, trying to make his mark in a sub-par car, struggling with the Ferrari management who tried to control and tame him, like they had Rubens and Felipe before him. He'd never mention it to anyone, but helping Fernando was one of the reasons why Kimi decided to return to Ferrari. He knew the team, had most engineers and mechanics on his side, and he knew he could help Fernando find his way with them.
"Maybe," Fernando says dejected, tossing back the last of his glass. "It does not matter now, I have noone."
"You have me," Kimi says, not willing to let Fernando go down the dark path of despair.
"You?" Fernando asks, eyebrows raised.
"Me," Kimi repeats, discretely dropping a hand on Fernando's thigh and squeezing it reassuringly. "I'm here. Here, now," Kimi says, his eyes searching into Fernando's, trying to make him understand that he isn't alone, that even though they might not be each other's first choice, they might be each other's best choice.
And finally, Fernando understands. Kimi sees it, sees the questions vanish from Fernando's stare, the worry ease up enough to let a small smile tug at his lips, and he covers the hand Kimi placed on his lap and entwines his fingers with it, acknowledging the offer. "Thank you," he simply says, before he orders a drink for both of them, and they continue drinking without further discussion, but with their fingers still laced together.
.