Every Step I Take (Away From You)
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Title: Every Step I Take (Away From You)
Characters: Felipe Massa, Rob Smedley
Rating: Blue Flag
Summary: Their Ferrari days are over and it's moving time.
Disclaimer: You know the drill: nothing is real. everything is false.
A/N: Started this fic back in 2014, for this prompt on Motorskink.
When Felipe arrives at the destination he had programmed in his GPS, he finds a large moving truck parked in front, with tall bulky men bringing things inside the house like ants carrying provisions back to their nest. He parks across the street and watches them for a while. He recognises a lot of the furniture: the dining table on which he served his specialty dish, the couch they snuggled on while they rewatched and analysed races, the bed. Felipe closes his eyes. The bed. God how he misses Rob.
“Watch the frame!”
He hears Rob’s voice before he sees him, exiting the house and gesturing at the movers.
Felipe gets out of his car and tentatively walks towards Rob, wondering whether it’s wrong of him to be here, but when Rob sees him, his whole face lights up and he’s almost running towards him.
“Felipe!” Rob says, pulling him into a tight hug as soon as he’s close enough. “I didn’t expect you.”
“Sorry,” Felipe says, head bowed a little, “I hope is okay.”
“Of course it’s okay, come on in! It’s a mess in there, but I’m sure we can find a quiet corner.”
Felipe nods and follows Rob inside, even if a quiet corner isn’t what he’s looking for. Although honestly, he’s not quite sure what he’s looking for. Everything he sees go past him reminds him of them. Rob’s office chair - just wide enough to straddle him. The coffee machine - getting woken up by a naked Rob, freshly brewed coffee in hand.
“What are you doing in town?” Rob asks casually. Too casually.
“Looking for house, becoming a Brit. Maybe I even start speaking like you,” Felipe jokes. The blue curtains - the ones they forgot to close, probably scarring that poor newspaper delivery boy for life.
“I fucking hope not. Wouldn’t want you to lose that sexy accent.”
Felipe’s head snaps up. There it is, like it never left, that look in Rob’s eyes. Consuming desire that keeps bringing them back together, no matter how often they tell themselves they shouldn’t.
“So where are you buying?” Rob - coworker Rob, friend Rob - says, patting the top of a large box before sitting on another next to it.
Felipe looks at Rob, really looks at him. His hair is a mess, his beard is scruffy, and his legs are still pasty white. While Felipe feels like he’s been thrown into a tornado, trying to cling to anything for fear of being torn apart, Rob is simply letting the storm pass by, seemingly untouched by the madness, looking better for it, actually.
“Are you okay Phillip?” Rob asks, his easy grin falling into a thin line.
Felipe glides his finger over the box that was meant to be his seat. “I think you very busy, is better if I go.” He turns to leave, but Rob’s stern voice stops him.
“Stay.”
Want to. Forever. “Have things to do, I see you at the factory. Bye Rob.” He takes another step towards the door, each step away from Rob as painful as ever. Away from Rob is still the direction he hates the most. He’s already lost in his thoughts when two strong hands grab a hold of him and push him against the wall.
“You never listen, do you, sunshine?” Rob says, his face inches from him, his voice so commanding. Felipe could fall to his knees at the sound of it, would fall, wants to fall… but he struggles uselessly against Rob’s hold instead.
“Not my engineer anymore, can’t tell me what to do.”
“Felipe,” Rob says softly, ignoring his struggles. “Look at me.”
Felipe keeps his eyes on the ground. “Don’t want to.” He knows it’s childish, but it’s also the only way he has not to fall apart. He knows that Rob will be looking at him, and if their eyes meet, if they look at each other with the care and love they’re obviously still feeling, it’ll be back to square one. Another ride on the rollercoaster.
“Felipe…”
“Can’t Rob. Need to go.”
Rob loosens the grip on his shoulders, but doesn’t let him go. “Why? Why are you here in the first place?”
“Mistake.”
“That’s bullshit,” he says softly.
Felipe pushes against Rob to get away, but Rob’s hands firm up again around him. He takes a deep breath and squeezes his eyes shut before reopening them. And the thing he feared would happen happens. He looks at Rob and everything is still there. Every memory. Every kiss, every tear. Every hello and every goodbye. He closes his eyes and tries to shut out the gut wrenching emptiness he’s been living with these past few months, the one he keeps telling himself will eventually fade. He feels his chest tighten, and he tries hard to stop his emotions from flowing out of his eyes. He doesn’t want to say goodbye, never did.
He opens his mouth to speak, but only manages a shaky breath. Rob’s arms wrap around him, pulling him close against his chest, lips pressing kisses in his hair. “It’s okay,” Rob whispers, “it’s okay.”
Felipe lets a tear trickle down his cheek, clinging to Rob for fear of losing him. Again.
“Miss you,” he manages to say, letting himself be reassured by Rob’s drumming heartbeat.
“We’ve got everything out of the van Mr. Smedley,” a rough voice calls from outside the room, and Felipe goes to move, but Rob hugs him closer.
“They will see us,” Felipe says, looking up at Rob.
“Let them,” he says, and kisses his forehead.
When the mover walks in, Rob gestures him over, signs the papers and sends them on their way, all while Felipe keeps his face buried in Rob’s shirt. They stay like this for several minutes, rooted in an empty room save a few boxes, walls as white as blank canvases.
Rob is the first to step back, opening up some distance between them, and Felipe reluctantly lets him. Rob doesn’t fully let go though, entwining their fingers together as he continues to step back, guiding Felipe to follow him. He sits on the large box and pulls Felipe to him. Felipe straddles him and they just sit there, fingers and thumbs drawing over each other, gently tracing skin as if discovering it for the first time. Except it’s not. It’s not the first time. In his mind, Felipe could draw Rob’s hands to the most minute detail. Every line inside his palms, the tiny scar on his knuckle.
“Felipe?” Rob whispers even if there’s no one left but them.
“Mmh?” he says in reply, continuing to explore Rob’s hands with the tips of his fingers.
“What do you want?”
The question is simply enough and asked kindly, with no trace of anger or annoyance. What does Felipe want.
Everything.
Raffa. Their son.
Rob.
Rob. He knows he’ll never be able to be without him. Rob is as an important part of his life as Raffa is, and saying anything otherwise is lying to himself. Which he’s tried to do before, and failed. Miserably.
“Want you,” Felipe says, raising his eyes to meet Rob’s.
Rob gives him a half smile and cups Felipe’s face. “And them.”
Felipe sighs and nods. And them. “Is wrong, no?”
Rob’s eyes soften and he smiles, tracing his thumb over Felipe’s bottom lip. “No. It’s not wrong Felipe. Your heart,” he says, pressing his fingers to Felipe’s chest, “is big enough for a lot of people. Did you stop loving Raffa when Felipinho was born?”
Felipe frowns at Rob. “No. Why would I?”
“Exactly. You just had one more person to love. You didn’t have to love someone any less because of it. If love’s like that for family and friends, why can’t it be like that for lovers?”
“So is okay to want all?”
“I think so. I don’t know what Raffa thinks though,” Rob says, bringing Felipe’s hands to his lips and kissing his fingers.
“She likes you,” Felipe says with a grin. “Tall and strong. Like a sexy bodyguard.” He lifts himself from Rob’s lap to press a kiss to his mouth.
Rob laughs, and it warms Felipe from the inside. “She did not say that,” he says, cheeks bright red from embarrassment.
“Okay…maybe I’m the one who say it, but she agreed.”
Rob kisses him roughly, the prick of beard scratching at his skin, but Felipe doesn’t mind. He likes that even an hour after they’ve kissed, he’ll still feel it on his skin.
Rob’s hands around him feel wonderful but he wants to feel more. He pulls his shirt over his head and tugs at Rob’s, helping him out of his. Even through clothing, he feels Rob’s cock becoming hard and he grinds against it, earning pleased noises from Rob in between kisses.
Felipe pulls out a condom from his wallet, handing it over to Rob. Rob raises his eyebrows at him. “Someone is prepared,” he says.
Felipe shrugs with an apologetic grin, then gets up and gets rid of the rest of his clothes. Rob follows suit, and Felipe goes down on his knees, taking Rob in his mouth. Rob holds on to his hair and slowly rocks his his hips into him until he’s satisfied he’s hard enough and cups Felipe’s cheek to guide him back up.
Felipe reaches up for a kiss, pressing their bodies together. “Want you in me,” he says after one last tease of Rob’s bottom lip.
Rob bends him over one of the larger boxes and Felipe spreads his legs, pumping his own cock while Rob traces the curve of his arse and slowly presses a licked finger to his entrance. There’s an added thrill as Rob’s fingers work him open while he stares out a large window without curtains.
There’s a kiss on his neck, tender and scratchy, and Rob whispers in his ear. “Ready?”
“Very ready,” Felipe answers, pushing back against the fingers still inside him.
He feels the fingers pull out and the head of Rob’s cock flush to him. Felipe’s breath catches in his lungs when Rob pushing inside him, slow and steady.
“Okay?”
“Okay,” Felipe answers, letting his body adjust to being so pleasantly filled. He’s the one who first starts moving against, pushing into Rob as Rob pushing into him, but it’s not quite what he wants. He wants to be able to see and touch and kiss Rob. He wants to wrap himself around him and lose track of where he ends and where Rob starts. So he drags them both to the floor, tossing a mover’s blanket on the floor to lie on (because carpet burns are evil - he knows from experience).
He lies down facing Rob, legs and arms wrapped around him, only breaking their kisses when Rob pulls away to catch a breath. But then Felipe busies himself with kissing other parts of Rob. His neck, his shoulders, his arms. He kisses every bit of skin he can reach.
When he’s almost ready to come, Felipe sneaks a hand between their bodies and massages Rob’s testicles, teasing him by reaching back once in a while, and it barely takes a minute before Rob is coming inside him. Felipe loves that feeling, and lets go shortly after, face buried against Rob’s chest and hugging him close.
They’re sweaty and sticky when they part and Rob rolls over next to him. Felipe uses the blanket to clean them both up, then lies back down, curled up next to Rob. Neither one speaks for a while, basking in wonderful satisfaction.
“Is peaceful here,” Felipe eventually says, his head resting against Rob’s chest, in the middle of the empty room but for a few unopened boxes.
Rob hums in agreement, gently stroking Felipe’s back.
“Lucy, you think she’ll be okay with us, together?” Felipe asks, because he needs to know. He needs to know he can have this again, without hiding, without feeling guilty.
“I think with some discussions she’ll come around. She has a similar mindset. We’ve talked about it before.”
“She wants, with us, too?” Felipe asks, surprised.
Rob chuckles and gives him a slap on the arse. “Not everyone wants to get in your pants sweatheart. She had a crush on a colleague at the time, went on a few dates with him.”
“Oh,” Felipe simply answers. He's fine with that. He just hopes Rob is right.
“I’ll talk to her,” Rob says and pulls him closer. “We’ll figure this out.”
Felipe stays still for a while, enjoying the closeness, but something keeps his mind thinking. “Rob?”
“Mh?”
“You think the people next door would sell their house to us?”
The hand that was caressing his arm stills.
“If is okay with you, or maybe you don’t want this close…” Felipe adds, sitting up. Asking out loud somehow sounds sillier than it did in his head a minute ago.
Rob stands and starts putting his clothes back on without a word. Felipe watches him, his lungs tightening in his chest, and after a moment, Rob turns to him.
“Well get on with it. You’re not gonna saunter over there naked are you?” Rob picks up Felipe’s pants and throws them at him. “Come on.”
Felipe's chest loosens and he smiles. “Is okay with you?”
“As long as you’re okay with the neighbour’s kids playing in your backyard and him showing up for dinner or a sleepover with his family without calling first.” Rob says as he puts on his last sock, looking at him with his soppy grin and messed up hair.
“For sure, am okay with that,” Felipe nods, and he means it. He truly believes this is going to be a new start for them, for all of them. A better start.
.