Taken from a personal ad at Gay.com
First and foremost, I'm looking for true love. But sexy gays are lecherous, egocentric, and obvious; noble gays are taken, plain, or remote; and the non-sexy, ignoble majority solicits me overwhelmingly. Abstinence being a real drag, I'm looking to hang out, hook up, and so forth. As I don't appreciate getting hit on by grossly unsuitable jackanapeses, please keep reading; and since I don't suffer fools and phonies, don't pretend you're not propositioning me if you are, or otherwise distort your true nature or motives in any way. I can tell. Even bland euphemistic catchphrases like "you lookin?" and "wanna play?" turn me off. I have a pic in a completed profile and will not respond to your pvt if you don't. If your default pic doesn't show your face or is visible only to paying subscribers, that counts as having no pic. You see, it's rude and presumptuous to check out others' pics beforehand unilaterally and then expect them to have to ask for yours. If you have one to send but not to post, you're either paranoid, trying to get your foot in the door sight unseen, or simply cheating on someone.
Please do not pvt me if you are under 23 or over 36. Obfuscating your true age is effeminate as well as mendacious. Most gays are self-seeking a-holes who lie and cheat compulsively as a matter of course. Among goodlooking gays, those characterizations are almost universal. Phony clothes, phony ages, phony measurements, phony sexual proclivities, and even phony names are commonplace. They are not acceptable to me.
I have zero sexual attraction to Asians, for whatever reason. Sorry, but that does not constitute racism.
I won't respond to you if your own damn bio states that you're looking for something which I am not, such as "cute young bois under 25." I don't respond to snotty hotties who scan the room lists from outside the chatroom. I don't enjoy fending off brazen trolls either, you know. Those who never chat in public, but just display themselves silently and send pvts, are on thin ice. Do not pvt me if you are in a relationship! That includes long-distance and open relationships. Put another way, I won't reply to you if you are "monogamously coupled," "seeing someone special," or "dating a few people." It's arrogant to think someone single should serve as an illicit partner for you, or a convenient third playmate to enliven your moribund romance. I'm not excluding threeways or groups altogether, just those agglomerations that fancy themselves to be seriously involved. Also do not pvt me if you get a new boyfriend (sic) every other week.
I'll probably ignore you if your handle contains words like "hottie," "frat," "boy," "boi," "cute," "play," "AF," and "aber-whatever," because I'm repelled by vanity, elitism, conformity, infantilism, dissimulation, and weak-minded susceptibility to mass marketing. On all clothing with a designer's name prominently displayed, the lettering should actually read: "Yes, I am an idiot." However, Abercrombie and Fitch has the most absurd yet flagitious marketing and business practices of them all; and you Aberzombies emit a foul stench of Aryan supremacy and privileged old money from the decaying mush between your ears. I'm not the fashion police, but summary judgment is warranted if you nickname yourself for their company thinking it makes you attractive. If you have their logo emblazoned across your chest in your pic, needless to say you shouldn't count on a response either. Finally, shirts and jerseys with player numbers worn when not playing sports, ostensibly to make one seem athletic and well-adjusted, instead announce cutesiness and conformism.
Don't pvt if you go around barebacking everyone, as you're probably infectious. Gays are always exhorting others to "play safe," but in actual practice I've found most try to fuck raw. And these suicide-murderers, who actually believe they are "clean" because they tested negative for something at some point in the distant past, are the ones who read this and think I am neurotic. I hereby submit that any apparent neuroses of mine are an artifact of your collective mass psychoses. Do not pvt me if you attend circuit parties like Flamerball, which make my flesh crawl with their perverse witches' Sabbaths to benefit epidemic pestilence, debased character, unwarranted pride, entrepreneurial opportunism, and phony charity. However physically attractive some gay sex scene fixtures may be, I perceive them not as a true individuals, but as pernicious subunits of a soulless sodomite subculture pullulating menacingly toward me. I don't take freebies from prostitutes. I have the greatest sympathy for the situation of their debasement, and would not want to cut into their profit margin. Besides, I'm allergic to penicillin.
Big minus points for most who proudly proclaim themselves professionals. Joyous servility to the inhuman institutions of this self-righteously barbaric criminal oppressor state is really quite sickening to me. If you are in advertising, marketing, or public relations, just go to hell. If you are a doctor or lawyer, don't waste your time. The justice and health care systems in America show with particular vulgarity how rights have been munificently expanded for the haves and savagely curtailed for the have-nots. I will suffer no contact with such obscenities. Don't bother me if you are a member of either political party: everyone knows that they serve wealth and power only. Of course, it's okay if you're a 2004 Democrat merely to help end the most odious and corrupt US administration ever. Do not pvt me if you voted with the minority for Bushbaby in the infamous stolen election. Do not pvt me if you support Operation Iraqi Fiefdom. No jingoes.
I'm not interested in religious or other deeply irrational people. A modicum of spirituality is acceptable, but pious allegiance to an organized religion, particularly one that regards you as an abomination because of your sexual orientation, is not. Casual affiliation with your parents' faith won't sink your boat, but those pictured with crucifixes dangling from their necks look like throwbacks from the Crusades to me.
I don't want to hear from total bottoms. And most total tops are total liars, playing the part to tap the vast number of cumslut bottoms in the gay population. That's certainly the simplest way to bed younger or better-looking guys, except for cash, and even the very attractive often employ this technique to achieve hyper-promiscuity. If you want to get with me, you should probably be in the vers/top range, insofar as you subscribe to those ridiculous labels.
Intelligence is a big turn-on for me. As far as physical attributes, for the sake of completeness, I prefer height >5'8", waist size <34, above average below-the-waist size, fairly good looks, and a full head of hair. That's rather crass, but I'm not asking for anything I don't have. While I appreciate better looks, bigger muscles, and bigger business as icing on the cake, they won't make up for anything. Indeed, they directly correlate with many of the character flaws and other peeves I've mentioned.
I'm not hot--don't demur unless you're trying to insult me--and I have a healthy libido. Lest the sexually hedonistic hotties whom I reject think me completely irrational, you may regard my criteria for sex partners, albeit very imprecisely, as pure pragmatism. I'm told that I'm very good at sex, but it's rather that most Americans are very bad at it. This is because the culture, such as it is, atomizes them and tangles them up in their own egocentricities. This suits well those very few who possess and seek to maintain and aggrandize enormous wealth and power. To exercise quasi-fascistic totalitarian corporate rule in a nation still cynically termed a democracy, the populace is considered a Great Beast to be kept atomized, stultified, distracted, and bewildered by its own institutions. These are the words of your masters and their loyal commissars, by the way, not mine. I strongly identify with and recommend the works of Noam Chomsky, if you're not too irreversibly brainwashed to appreciate his genius. But I digress.
Editorial comments about this profile and other pretexts for flouting my criteria are transparent to me. Banal advice about improving my attitude and messages of the form "I know I'm not your type, but..." serve no purpose. I do enjoy bitter condemnation, however. Please make it nasty, but creative. Remember, you just get one shot before being permanently blocked. If you read all that before pvting and get no answer, then you interpreted some stricture barring certain pvts as allowing them, at least for you. Translated into your native dissemblese: "I may be busy or away." I hope these offhand remarks were useful in guiding your self-selection process or quashing your pie-in-the-sky desirousness. You have a nice fucking day now.
--------------
I will marry you if you are this man. Except this particular example does drugs, and that's not acceptable. I must have a partner similar to the above example to be completely satisfied. His writing is full of morbid sarcasm and it's such a fucking turn on.
Hi. Will you marry me?
Please do not pvt me if you are under 23 or over 36. Obfuscating your true age is effeminate as well as mendacious. Most gays are self-seeking a-holes who lie and cheat compulsively as a matter of course. Among goodlooking gays, those characterizations are almost universal. Phony clothes, phony ages, phony measurements, phony sexual proclivities, and even phony names are commonplace. They are not acceptable to me.
I have zero sexual attraction to Asians, for whatever reason. Sorry, but that does not constitute racism.
I won't respond to you if your own damn bio states that you're looking for something which I am not, such as "cute young bois under 25." I don't respond to snotty hotties who scan the room lists from outside the chatroom. I don't enjoy fending off brazen trolls either, you know. Those who never chat in public, but just display themselves silently and send pvts, are on thin ice. Do not pvt me if you are in a relationship! That includes long-distance and open relationships. Put another way, I won't reply to you if you are "monogamously coupled," "seeing someone special," or "dating a few people." It's arrogant to think someone single should serve as an illicit partner for you, or a convenient third playmate to enliven your moribund romance. I'm not excluding threeways or groups altogether, just those agglomerations that fancy themselves to be seriously involved. Also do not pvt me if you get a new boyfriend (sic) every other week.
I'll probably ignore you if your handle contains words like "hottie," "frat," "boy," "boi," "cute," "play," "AF," and "aber-whatever," because I'm repelled by vanity, elitism, conformity, infantilism, dissimulation, and weak-minded susceptibility to mass marketing. On all clothing with a designer's name prominently displayed, the lettering should actually read: "Yes, I am an idiot." However, Abercrombie and Fitch has the most absurd yet flagitious marketing and business practices of them all; and you Aberzombies emit a foul stench of Aryan supremacy and privileged old money from the decaying mush between your ears. I'm not the fashion police, but summary judgment is warranted if you nickname yourself for their company thinking it makes you attractive. If you have their logo emblazoned across your chest in your pic, needless to say you shouldn't count on a response either. Finally, shirts and jerseys with player numbers worn when not playing sports, ostensibly to make one seem athletic and well-adjusted, instead announce cutesiness and conformism.
Don't pvt if you go around barebacking everyone, as you're probably infectious. Gays are always exhorting others to "play safe," but in actual practice I've found most try to fuck raw. And these suicide-murderers, who actually believe they are "clean" because they tested negative for something at some point in the distant past, are the ones who read this and think I am neurotic. I hereby submit that any apparent neuroses of mine are an artifact of your collective mass psychoses. Do not pvt me if you attend circuit parties like Flamerball, which make my flesh crawl with their perverse witches' Sabbaths to benefit epidemic pestilence, debased character, unwarranted pride, entrepreneurial opportunism, and phony charity. However physically attractive some gay sex scene fixtures may be, I perceive them not as a true individuals, but as pernicious subunits of a soulless sodomite subculture pullulating menacingly toward me. I don't take freebies from prostitutes. I have the greatest sympathy for the situation of their debasement, and would not want to cut into their profit margin. Besides, I'm allergic to penicillin.
Big minus points for most who proudly proclaim themselves professionals. Joyous servility to the inhuman institutions of this self-righteously barbaric criminal oppressor state is really quite sickening to me. If you are in advertising, marketing, or public relations, just go to hell. If you are a doctor or lawyer, don't waste your time. The justice and health care systems in America show with particular vulgarity how rights have been munificently expanded for the haves and savagely curtailed for the have-nots. I will suffer no contact with such obscenities. Don't bother me if you are a member of either political party: everyone knows that they serve wealth and power only. Of course, it's okay if you're a 2004 Democrat merely to help end the most odious and corrupt US administration ever. Do not pvt me if you voted with the minority for Bushbaby in the infamous stolen election. Do not pvt me if you support Operation Iraqi Fiefdom. No jingoes.
I'm not interested in religious or other deeply irrational people. A modicum of spirituality is acceptable, but pious allegiance to an organized religion, particularly one that regards you as an abomination because of your sexual orientation, is not. Casual affiliation with your parents' faith won't sink your boat, but those pictured with crucifixes dangling from their necks look like throwbacks from the Crusades to me.
I don't want to hear from total bottoms. And most total tops are total liars, playing the part to tap the vast number of cumslut bottoms in the gay population. That's certainly the simplest way to bed younger or better-looking guys, except for cash, and even the very attractive often employ this technique to achieve hyper-promiscuity. If you want to get with me, you should probably be in the vers/top range, insofar as you subscribe to those ridiculous labels.
Intelligence is a big turn-on for me. As far as physical attributes, for the sake of completeness, I prefer height >5'8", waist size <34, above average below-the-waist size, fairly good looks, and a full head of hair. That's rather crass, but I'm not asking for anything I don't have. While I appreciate better looks, bigger muscles, and bigger business as icing on the cake, they won't make up for anything. Indeed, they directly correlate with many of the character flaws and other peeves I've mentioned.
I'm not hot--don't demur unless you're trying to insult me--and I have a healthy libido. Lest the sexually hedonistic hotties whom I reject think me completely irrational, you may regard my criteria for sex partners, albeit very imprecisely, as pure pragmatism. I'm told that I'm very good at sex, but it's rather that most Americans are very bad at it. This is because the culture, such as it is, atomizes them and tangles them up in their own egocentricities. This suits well those very few who possess and seek to maintain and aggrandize enormous wealth and power. To exercise quasi-fascistic totalitarian corporate rule in a nation still cynically termed a democracy, the populace is considered a Great Beast to be kept atomized, stultified, distracted, and bewildered by its own institutions. These are the words of your masters and their loyal commissars, by the way, not mine. I strongly identify with and recommend the works of Noam Chomsky, if you're not too irreversibly brainwashed to appreciate his genius. But I digress.
Editorial comments about this profile and other pretexts for flouting my criteria are transparent to me. Banal advice about improving my attitude and messages of the form "I know I'm not your type, but..." serve no purpose. I do enjoy bitter condemnation, however. Please make it nasty, but creative. Remember, you just get one shot before being permanently blocked. If you read all that before pvting and get no answer, then you interpreted some stricture barring certain pvts as allowing them, at least for you. Translated into your native dissemblese: "I may be busy or away." I hope these offhand remarks were useful in guiding your self-selection process or quashing your pie-in-the-sky desirousness. You have a nice fucking day now.
--------------
I will marry you if you are this man. Except this particular example does drugs, and that's not acceptable. I must have a partner similar to the above example to be completely satisfied. His writing is full of morbid sarcasm and it's such a fucking turn on.
Hi. Will you marry me?