(Batfic) Everything In Between, chapter 7
Warnings: Sex shops and talks of sex, oh my.
A/N: The first three sentences of the sermon are taken/paraphrased from http://www.jr.co.il/books/rberzon/styrint1.htm, and are not my words.
Previous chapters and stories: speak_sing
His green eyes were narrow and guarded when he cracked the door open. The security chain was still attached. The curtains were drawn and the lights were down low, leaving what was visible of the apartment behind him in murky darkness. He waited.
Rachel cleared her throat and lifted her chin a little. “You didn’t have to leave, Edward.”
She’d meant to put him at ease by using his first name, but his eyes narrowed even more. “Don’t you have an infant to take care of?”
“Charles is watching her. Really, you didn’t have to leave. Tom and Helna went home for lunch, and I ---” And she . . . what? Wanted the company of someone unfamiliar with her life? Knew that Jack would most likely pitch a fit if she were socialising, not with just any man, but with the Riddler? Wanted to be told that she was beautiful again? Wanted to be around someone else who couldn’t muster up the love for Ava that she was supposed to be feeling? Edward arched an eyebrow. “I don’t mind your company,” Rachel finished. “I’m well acquainted with Charles; if she says she has someone under control, she has them under control. If she didn’t warn me about who you were, then it’s because she doesn’t think you’re a threat.”
“You don’t seem to care for your husband much,” Edward observed.
Rachel felt like she’d been punched in the stomach and shook her head sharply in denial. “I love my --- I love him,” she told the other man. “We’re going through a rough time right now, is all. Ava was premature, he’s in the hospital in New York . . .”
Edward evaluated her for a moment longer, then straightened with a sigh and leaned against the doorjamb, his shoulder keeping the door from closing as he looked up at the ceiling. “Mrs. Fine is very protective of you.”
“Yes.”
“You were Gotham’s D.A., Rachel.”
“I was,” she confirmed, looking down the hallway. Did he know about Jack? “You were in Arkham for most of my terms.”
He brushed idly at his jacket. “They didn’t let me watch the news much. Don’t want me planning a great heist, or anything like that. Hence the limited access to information and the residence in such a small town.” He gave her a brief smile and ran a hand through his hair. “Although living in Loleta is partly for research. I wonder if Mrs. Fine will let me near her husband . . . He seems to be recovering from an injury, though . . .”
“It’s not my place to discuss that,” Rachel said as she glanced down the hallway again. “Helna got all the mothering instinct that I didn’t, apparently.” Another glance. “I don’t mind your company,” she repeated.
“Well, thank you for that assurance, Rachel. I’m not feeling up to another trek down and up those stairs today; give my best to Charles, would you? I’m sure your baby is missing you.”
It was clearly a dismissal, but it wasn’t said cruelly. Everything about him said that Edward was being honest and earnest. He turned as if to close the door and gave her a slight, crooked smile. Rachel smiled back as she nodded. “I will. Have a good day, Edward.”
“Of course. You, too, Rachel.”
“I will,” she murmured as she stepped back and he shut his door. She turned down the hallway and almost skipped down the stairs, then jogged across the street and arrived in the deli, face flushed and panting, just as Susie sat down with her sandwich. Janet was holding Ava at the table next to Susie, talking with Cathy as Charles picked all the kalamata olives out of her Greek salad and watched over the group.
Janet looked up and smiled nervously at Rachel. She’d been spending more time with Cathy, often reluctantly, and it made her anxious when it was pointed out. “We got Ava a new onesie,” she murmured, turning the sleepy baby around so Rachel could see. Across the teal, too-large onesie, ‘Be nice to me --- I’m a preemie!’ was scrawled in childish script.
“That was the smallest they had,” Cathy put in. She glanced at Janet. “Uhm . . .”
Rachel smiled as she took the baby and cuddled her, leaning down to smell her and kiss her forehead. Ava immediately started rooting, and when Charles looked up, Rachel sat to feed her. Cathy was still watching Ava, and when Rachel caught Janet’s quick headshake, she managed to put two and two together and smiled at the girl. “You can hold her when I’m done feeding her, Cathy.”
“Really?” Cathy said quickly, perking up. Then she coughed and looked away. “I mean, thanks, Mrs. Dawes. If it’s okay.”
“’Ey! Ai’yeh’a ‘urbber!”
Rachel sighed. “Susie, do not speak with your mouth full.”
The girl swallowed as quickly as she could, needing a moment to take a drink, then cleared her throat and glared at Cathy. “I get to burp her! I always burp Ava!”
“Because I let you,” Rachel told her sharply. “You won’t always get to burp Ava. Who do you think burps her when you’re asleep?” Susie’s lower lip quivered and she looked down, sullen. Rachel sighed after a minute or two and relented. “Don’t sulk, Susie. You can burp Ava, and then Cathy can hold her.” Susie perked up almost immediately, and Rachel sighed with relief.
***
“Not another riddle,” Rachel groaned as she saw the smile that Edward had. “You really don’t need to prove that you’re cleverer than I am, Edward. Besides, Helna’s going to be here soon.”
“I’m not as afraid of Mrs. Fine as she’d like me to be,” he countered, “but, yes, another riddle. I’m not trying to prove my intellectual superiority at all; I’m simply doing my part to keep you occupied.”
“And content,” she added. “You forgot the most important part, and I don’t believe you for a second about the superiority thing. You, Edward,” and she pointed her fork at him as he sat across from her, “have one of the largest egos I’ve encountered, and I’ve met some very large egos.”
“Yes, I keep forgetting that you’re Bruce Wayne’s best friend. These are simple,” he continued. “Try this one: This thing runs but cannot walk, sometimes sings but never talks. Lacks arms, has hands; lacks a head but has a face.”
Rachel shook her head. “I’m not answering that. I’m not. You can’t make me.”
“It’s a clock with hands,” Susie said from under the table.
Both adults jumped a little, and Edward leaned back in his chair so he could see the other redhead. “Pardon?”
“It’s a clock with hands,” she repeated as she crawled out, holding one of Ava’s toys; it squeaked every time she wiggled it to emphasise her speech. “You know, those long straight things on non-digital clocks? One’s longer and points to the minutes, one’s shorter and points to the hour?” She was looking at him like he was stupid, and hit him in the knee with the toy.
“And how do you know that?” he asked. It was possible that he was irritated that she’d figured it out when Rachel had refused to consider it.
Susie sighed and pointed at the clock on the wall. “A clock runs; on batteries, you know? But it can’t walk. It sings when it’s an hour with no minutes, but it doesn’t talk. It has hands, like I said, and it’s got a face. The face of the clock, with the numbers? You know?”
“You’re pretty rude, you know,” Edward told her with a frown.
“But I’m right.”
“So is Edward,” Rachel said firmly. Susie rolled her eyes and started to turn away, but Rachel reached out and grabbed her shoulder. “You need to be polite, Susie. Apologise.”
“I’m not sorry,” the girl complained. “Daddy says you shouldn’t apologise unless you’re sorry.”
“Is it okay to be rude, Susie?”
“. . . No,” Susie said cautiously as she stopped squirming.
“Then tell Mr. Nashton that you shouldn’t have been rude to him.”
Reluctantly, Susie turned to Edward. “I shouldn’t have been rude to you,” she mumbled. “Can I go, now?”
“Fine, go,” Rachel sighed. She watched the girl run outside and cling to Janet, no doubt tattling about how mean Edward had been and how unfair Rachel was, and turned back to her companion. “I’m sorry, Edward. She’s been acting up a lot, lately.”
He shrugged. “Her father’s not at home, her older sister’s not paying much attention to her, and you’re occupied with the baby. Seems reasonable, to me. It’s not all right,” he said warningly, “but I can see where she’s coming from.” Rachel covered her lips when tears threatened to fall, and he smiled. “She’s smart. How old is she, again?”
“Six,” Rachel told him. “She took the MENSA test and scored very high on it; she’ll show you her card if you ask.”
Edward whistled, long and low, and turned to look outside. “MENSA, huh? At six? No wonder she thinks everyone else is a moron.”
“It doesn’t help that her mother died recently, too.” Rachel cursed herself as soon as the words left her mouth, but Edward didn’t seem surprised by the revelation. He simply nodded and turned back to her.
“It’s hard to lose a parent. At least she’s got you and her father, whenever he comes home. When will he, by the way?”
Rachel almost laughed; Edward seemed to be under the impression that Susie and Janet were her stepchildren. Which, she figured, worked out just fine for the time being. She didn’t need him knowing right away that Jack was her husband.
“I don’t know,” she told him honestly. “But we’re going to see him tomorrow. We . . . We’ll know more, then.”
Edward looked at her for a long moment before replying, “Good luck.” Then he took out a notepad and pencil and started asking her questions about the legal system, which kept Rachel occupied until Helna and Tom showed up.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Helna said as her tone implied no such remorse. “Are you ready, Rachel?” She had Mitzi on her hip, and the baby was reaching for the kippah that Helna was wearing. “Stop it, Mitzi.”
“I thought that only men wore those,” Edward said as he stood up to leave.
Helna rolled her eyes at him as Mitzi ripped the kippah off with a laugh. “God created women last. We’re the holiest of His creations. Men have so many --- give it back, you rotten thing! --- so many restrictions placed on them just to get them to the level of holiness that women start out at. I’ll wear what I want. Mitzi! Give Mama the kippah, now. Tom!”
“She’s a woman,” he replied with a shrug. “She’ll do what she wants.” He ducked Helna’s glare, literally, and when he popped back up, he plucked the kippah from Mitzi’s hands as she was starting to chew on it. “Stop it, Mitzi,” he told her firmly when she started to cry and reach for the kippah. “This isn’t yours, it’s Mama’s. Stop crying.”
“Dada . . .” Huge tears plopped down Mitzi’s cheeks as she reached for the head covering. She squealed when Tom handed her a toy instead and threw it down, her face red as she started working up towards a howl.
Tom’s face twisted into a snarl and he bent, picking up Ava’s car-seat before walking out of the deli without a word. Rachel glanced at Helna before hurrying to the door, but he’d handed to carrier to Janet, who was buckling it into the car. Tom was leaning against the front passenger door and tapping the top of the car rhythmically as he frowned.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured.
“Get in, Susie.” Janet slid in after her sister, closing the door.
“It’s all right,” Rachel told him.
“You thought I might hurt Ava?”
“I ---” Rachel paused and thought about it. “No,” she finally said. “I didn’t think you were going to hurt her. I just, you walked out with her, and I . . .”
Tom finally looked up at her with a smile. “You went after your baby. It’s all right; Helna almost ripped my head off the first time I took Mitzi to a different room and didn’t tell her. I just . . . have to leave, sometimes. I guess Helna already told you about it.”
Rachel nodded and they stood there awkwardly for a few moments until Helna led Mitzi outside. Helna was once again wearing her kippah, and Mitzi was looking down at the ground, thoroughly chastised.
“Go on,” Helna said as she gave the girl a gentle push forward. “Tell Daddy that you’re sorry for misbehaving.” With her lower lip pushed out and her eyebrows knit together, Mitzi stumbled forward until she hit Tom’s legs. She buried her face in them and clung to his slacks and mumbled what could reasonably be taken as an apology.
Tom bent over and picked her up with a smile, hugging her tightly. “It’s okay, baby,” he said as he kissed her cheek. “I love you, Mitzi.” Mitzi threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly as she started crying again, most likely out of relief that she wasn’t in trouble any more.
“Well, let’s go, then,” Helna said cheerily as she watched Tom take Mitzi to their car. “Just follow us.”
Rachel got into the front passenger seat just as Bethany came out of the deli, and was settling in for a quiet ride when Janet spoke up. “I don’t want to go to Gotham this weekend,” she mumbled.
Rachel flipped the sun visor down and looked at Janet’s reflection in the small mirror. “Excuse me?”
Janet shifted in her seat and wrapped her arms around her torso, not meeting Rachel’s eyes. “I don’t want to go, tomorrow. I just . . . I want to stay here. Please.”
Rachel took a deep breath and Bethany reached for her hand as soon as she was buckled up. She didn’t need this right now. She needed Janet to do as she was told. “You have to. You can’t be without a legal guardian, which is me. And I’m going to Gotham for the weekend, so you’re going, too.” The idea was clearly unappetising, as evidenced by Janet’s scrunched face and disgusted sigh. “You don’t have to go see Jack. Stay in your room at Bruce’s, for all I care, but I can’t leave you here by yourself. The courts would put you in foster care for real,” she said over Janet’s half-formed protest.
The girl settled back with a scowl. “Fine,” she muttered. “Jack doesn’t want to see me, anyway. He wants to see you and Ava.”
“Daddy wants to see me,” Susie said. She looked unsure. “Doesn’t he?”
“Yes, he wants to see all of us,” Rachel reassured her as Janet rolled her eyes.
“Janet can help me,” Bethany broke in gently. “I have to move some stuff around the house.” Rachel looked at her mother and opened her mouth to protest, but Bethany simply raised her eyebrows at the road and Rachel kept quiet. She didn’t know how to deal with Janet’s periodic outbursts, and if Bethany did, Rachel wasn’t going to object.
Tom and Helna were waiting outside the synagogue when they pulled up. Rachel was expecting the rabbi and his wife, along with everyone else, to be curious and ask her questions about Jack, expected them to want to hold Ava, but other than asking after her and the baby’s health, there was none of the intruding curiosity that she’d been subjected to in town --- just honest inquiries after her and Ava’s health, and a welcoming warmth as introductions were made. When Rachel mentioned it just before the services started, Ava curled up and asleep in her baby sling, Helna just smiled and placed her fingers on her lips as she and Tom twisted the knotted cords of his prayer shawl around and between their linked hands. Obviously the Fines had spread the word to not be nosy, and given the nosy nature of all the Jews that Rachel had ever met, she was surprised that Tom and Helna had managed to keep a lid on things.
The rabbi started out speaking briefly about Jewish issues, what the Jewish people were currently experiencing. His gaze moved over the congregation, and he seemed to be making eye contact with as many people as possible. Rachel listened politely, but it was nothing that she could take on a personal level, and she didn’t understand the Hebrew terms the man used. Then he struck a chord.
“In contrast to Christianity,” he said, “which thinks in terms of nouns, Judaism speaks with verbs. With us, action is the big thing. We don’t speak of God’s nature, but of His will, His deeds. Action is what drives us; without it, we stagnate. We see God as dynamic, always in action, always moving. This is how He shows us His face. He is the great protector of humanity, even though at times it seems like He’s forsaken us. We see Him reflected in the faces of our peacekeepers,” and here he looked at Tom, “who risk their lives on a daily basis to keep the rest of us safe. We see Him reflected in those of us who give everything to keep our families protected. The deeds we accomplish in that pursuit are not always the holiest, and God sees that, but He also sees our efforts. He sees our action, our momentum, our drive to make our personal worlds more secure, our fight to keep what we find the most precious. Without that drive, we fall into apathy; we allow our families, our homes, our societies to crumble. Our ways are not always Godlike, but our drive is.”
Rachel stared at the rabbi, her mouth half open as he continued without once looking right at her. He moved on to a different topic, and then there was some singing, some standing and sitting, and the Torah was brought around for everyone to touch. There was more singing, and then the service was over. Tom and Helna had to lead Rachel out into the large dining area, where a post-sermon snack was laid out.
“Are you all right?” Tom asked.
Rachel had been dabbing at her eyes as surreptitiously as she could. The rabbi hadn’t named names, hadn’t pointed any fingers, but she knew that he couldn’t have been talking about anyone other than Jack. “I’m fine,” she whispered. She turned quickly as Susie ran past, shrieking. Three other children followed her. All of them were laughing. She looked around and saw Bethany dishing up two plates and Janet following her every movement. She almost looked like she was about the hyperventilate, but kept shaking her head every time Bethany said something and gestured to the door.
“Rabbi’s a good man,” Tom went on as he gave Rachel a half-hug. He kept his arm draped over her shoulder as he greeted a small group of men.
“You told him that I was coming tonight.”
“Might have mentioned it.”
“He was talking about Jack.”
Tom yawned a bit and bent down to pick Mitzi up as she rushed him, tossing her in the air. “Self-sacrifice in order to protect your family is a very noble, holy thing to do.” He tossed Mitzi again, laughing as she shrieked with glee.
“Sleeping with another woman is hardly self-sacrificing.”
“Not one bit.” Toss, shriek, laugh. “And no one should think or tell you that he was right to do that. He did what he thought he had to do in order to keep you safe; he thought wrong on some of it, but he was dealing with the situation as well as he knew how. Which . . . wasn’t very well at all.”
Rachel slid her arms beneath Ava and brought the just-waking baby up to her shoulder, cuddling her gently as she started to tear up. “Can I trust him, Tom? To not see her again?”
Tom finally set Mitzi down and she toddled dizzily off toward Helna, giggling. He looked at Rachel for a long moment before replying. “. . . Veronica disgusts Jack. I talked with him a lot in the hospital. He wanted a release from the stress he was under, and the only methods he knows of to cope with that amount of stress are violence and sex. He didn’t want to risk getting too rough with you, and Veronica was able to get him a lot of information about the two who took you.” He placed both hands on Rachel’s shoulders and leaned down a bit to look her firmly in the eye. “That does not make him right to have slept with her, but he didn’t think he had anyone he could really confide in. But he wasn’t right. And he’s not going to see her again.”
“So, what, he did an ignoble thing for a noble purpose?” Rachel bit out. “I’m supposed to forgive and forget that he had an affair, just because he thought he had no other choice?”
“No,” Tom said firmly as he shook his head. “You’re supposed to be angry, and hurt, and betrayed, and then you’re supposed to talk with --- with --- him about it, and both of you are supposed to decide what to do next.”
“Rachel, what’s wrong?” Bethany asked as she came up to them.
Rachel settled Ava back into the sling, moving her so that the baby was sitting up more, and took the plate her mother handed her as she shook her head. “I just . . . I just have to talk with Jack about something. Susie, don’t climb on that! Look, Mom, it’s all right.”
Bethany nodded as she took Rachel at face-value. “Are you and Helna still going out?”
“I wanna go,” Susie said as she skidded to a halt in front of Rachel.
“Ah, yes,” Rachel said. “No, you can’t go this time, Susie. They won’t let you in; you’re too young.”
“We’ll roast marshmallows,” Bethany told the girl.
“Are we still going to see Daddy tomorrow?”
“Are you ready?” Helna asked as she walked up, handing Mitzi back to Tom.
“Of course you’re seeing Daddy tomorrow,” Bethany said before Rachel could reply. “He’s going to be so excited to see you. Go on, Rachel, I’ll take the girls home.” Susie broke away long enough to give Rachel a hug and a kiss, and then Helna was ushering her into the car.
“They won’t let Ava in,” Rachel said.
Helna looked up from buckling the baby in and laughed. “She’s not going to be traumatised by porn and sex toys at this age. She’ll be fine. Even lactating mothers need to get off.”
“What if she needs to eat while we’re there?”
“Sit in the corner and charge ‘em a dollar a minute to watch you feed her.” Rachel started and stared at Helna, who laughed as she started the car and pulled out. “Seriously, you can feed her in the sling and no one will notice.”
“I suppose you did the same thing with Mitzi?” Rachel asked sarcastically.
“Of course I did. I fed my baby whenever she was hungry, wherever she was hungry.” Rachel got a sideways glance and a grin. “Give it up; you’re not winning this one.”
“I already have plenty of toys at home.”
“Lalalala, can’t hear you,” Helna sang. “I want a new one, anyway, and I need you to buy it for me. I’ll pay you back on Monday.”
Rachel rolled her eyes and sighed. “Why can’t you buy it?”
“Because it’s the Shabbat,” Helna said simply. “From sundown on Friday until sundown on Saturday. Can’t buy things, shouldn’t be using technology, nothing but quiet, reflective reverence of God.” She pulled into the parking lot and smiled at Rachel. “Come on, sweety. You know you need some time to relax.”
“Going to a sex shop is hardly my idea of relaxing,” Rachel protested as she got out and turned to get Ava. She was awake, but looking around quietly. Rachel was trying not to laugh, though. When Helna opened the door for her with a flourish, Rachel did laugh as she walked in, trying to be as nonchalant as possible as she adjusted Ava. “I feel like the first time I ever went into one of these places,” she confessed.
“Really? What happened?” Helna grabbed a basket and made a beeline for the edible body paint as Rachel followed her. “Oooh, mango . . .”
Rachel cleared her throat and idly glanced over the selection. “I was sixteen, and some friends of mine dared me to go inside the one by our high school. It was a couple blocks away. So I walked in, trying to pretend that I’d been in a dozen shops before, that it wasn’t new and that I was scared that I’d get caught and kicked out. I made one round --- I was supposed to stay inside for five minutes --- I made one round before the guy at the counter asked me for my ID. I told him that I’d left it at home, but I was definitely eighteen. Turns out he knew my mother.”
Helna laughed as she moved on to the gag gift rack. “Did he tell her?”
“Oh, most definitely. He took me into the office and called her at work, and she had to come down and get me. I was terrified.” It was hilarious twenty-four years after the fact, though.
“Ooh, look at this vibrator.” Helna gave the display model an experimental squeeze and pursed her lips, considering, then grabbed at a couple more. “Were you grounded?”
“No, she bought me a vibrator, which was just as embarrassing.”
That made Helna burst out laughing. “Your mom really bought you a vibrator?”
Rachel nodded. “Yeah. Made me stand outside and she brought me several models to look at and see if I might like. My friends were still there, too. It was humiliating.” She snorted. “Although it did get a lot of use. I’d been making do with my removable shower head and our hot tub jets.”
“I’ve never thought of using hot tub jets; I was always a do-it-myself sort of girl, especially since my mother was very anti-masturbation. She kept threatening to time my showers to make sure I wasn’t doing it while I bathed.” She had finally found a girth that she liked, and held it up. “Yep, this is about right.”
“For what?” Rachel asked.
“Tom.” Helna gave her an odd look when Rachel blinked and raised her eyebrows, then laughed. “Oh, nonono. Uh, Tom’s size. That’s what I meant. No, Tom won’t let me do that. Doesn’t mind being the giver, but won’t be the taker.” She seemed slightly put out.
Clearly, Jack’s attempts to corrupt the Fines had been successful. Rachel was having a hard time trying to wrap her mind around the concept of sweet, short, plump little Helna enjoying anal sex, or even finding it appropriate. “Uh, did Jack . . . ?”
Helna laughed. “Oh, heavens, no. Jack had nothing to do with it. Rabbi Maimonides once said, in answer to a question about anal sex, that ‘A man’s wife is permitted him.’ As long as no seed is spilled in vain and a certain amount of propriety is kept, a man can have his wife whenever, however he pleases, and his main goal has to be her pleasure.” Then Helna sighed. “I just wish he’d be a little more enthusiastic about oral. He loves it, but won’t reciprocate, you know?”
Rachel shook her head as she sized up a few vibrator models. “No, actually. I usually can’t get Jack away from me, there. I’ve torn some hair out a few times, trying to get him to come up so we can actually have sex. I mean, he’s fabulous at oral sex, but he’s a little too enthusiastic over it sometimes. Jack,” she finally said, holding one up.
Helna blinked at the size, then cleared her throat. “Uhm. Jack? Really?”
Rachel laughed as her friend tried to be polite. “Go ahead; it’s funny, I know. Yes, really.”
“. . . Well. That, uhm, explains a lot, if you believe in the cause-and-effect of penis size . . .”
“I’ve mentioned that. He didn’t think it was funny. But he does know how to use it.” Rachel set the smaller-than-average vibrator back and waggled her fingers over a few more. “It was kind of a surprise for me, actually. I’d had sex with two men between Harvey and Jack, and only once or twice. Both of them were in the same percentile as Jack, but, uhm, on the other side of average, shall we say?” Helna was giggling at this point. “Harvey, now . . . This is, to my recollection, an accurate representation of Harvey.” She waved the vibrator at Helna, who was visibly disturbed.
“That?”
Rachel looked at the vibrator and nodded. “This. If we didn’t get in at least a half-hour of serious foreplay and didn’t use enough lube, I’d be sore for days afterward.” She sighed and looked down at Ava, who had found her thumb and was sucking on it. “Oh, Christ, and I married that man who set him up to be murdered. I can’t be sane.”
“Certainly not to take that with any amount of regularity,” was Helna’s reply. Then she took the large vibrator out of Rachel’s hands and compared it to the smaller one, laughing. “Though really, no wonder the Joker wanted him out of the way. Over-compensating, much?” She started sword-fighting with the vibrators and then handed the smaller one to Rachel, which made Rachel dissolve into giggles as she continued the fight. A couple of customers had stopped and were staring, and when Rachel stopped sparring, Helna glanced at them and jerked her thumb at Rachel. “A dollar a minute to watch her feed the baby.”
“Helna!” Rachel hissed, doubly mortified when one of the men took out his wallet. “She’s lying!” she told him sharply, slapping at her friend. “Stop that, you skank!”
“Don’t tell me you couldn’t use the money,” Helna protested as Rachel dragged her to another section. She grabbed a popper and aimed it at Rachel, yanking on the cord.
“Hey!” Rachel hollered as she was covered with penis-shaped confetti. Ava jumped sharply at the sudden pop, her eyes going wide. “You’re disturbing the baby! You didn’t buy that!”
“Sorry! I’ll pay for it!” Helna called up to the front.
“You are going to get us kicked out,” Rachel snapped.
“You have a penis on your nose,” was all that Helna said before she went back to laughing. She put on a beer hat whose straws were shaped like penises at the end and modelled it for Rachel, who was leaning against a rack in order to catch her breath.
“You’re awful,” she gasped.
Helna brought the two straws together and examined them. “If you put the straws together, it’s like fitting Jack in your mouth.”
That made Rachel almost howl with laughter. She should have been offended that Helna was making fun of her husband, but it felt good to laugh at him. “I rarely give him blowjobs,” she confessed breathlessly.
Helna stared at her like she‘d grown a second head, the penis-straws bumping her on the chin. “What? How can you not give him blowjobs?”
Rachel shrugged. “I’m just . . . I don’t like it. The first boyfriend I slept with, he’d demand that I do it, and he’d keep my head down until he was finished. We broke up after the third time he did it, but . . . I just haven’t liked giving blowjobs since then. Sometimes I’ll do it for him, but . . . Not often, and not all the way.”
“Does he know?” Helna asked. She was concerned, her eyebrows puckering as she frowned.
“If we’re going to have a serious discussion about my aversion to fellatio,” Rachel told her, “you have to take that hat off.” Helna rolled her eyes up in surprise, then took the hat off and set it on the shelf. She looked at Rachel expectantly. “He knows the guy was too pushy about it. If I’d told him he’d forced me to give him head, Jack would have found him and killed him. He, uhm, wasn’t very stable, mentally, when the subject came up. Not like he is now. Or, was. And we just never brought it up again. Jack can be surprisingly considerate.” She lifted Ava up and brought her to her shoulder when the newborn started making small squeaks. Rachel’s voice rose an octave or so. “Hey, baby, what’s going on? Those aren’t hungry noises. Are you tired of laying down?”
“She’s smiling,” Helna said.
Rachel tipped Ava a bit, just to see her face. She wasn’t. “Were you smiling, baby girl? Huh? Were you smiling?” She twisted at the waist, and the movement prompted a curling of the lips from Ava. “Oh, my, you are smiling! Your first smiles! We told Daddy that you were smiling when you tooted before, just to make him feel better. Now you can really smile at him, can’t you? He’ll say you’re awfully smart for a baby. I bet he wasn’t as smart as you are. He just thinks he was. But we know better, don’t we?”
“And . . .” There was a shutter noise. “Got it!” Helna held up her cell phone, showing the picture of Rachel and Ava smiling at each other. “He’ll love this. Do you feel better?” she asked as she took the basket up to the register.
“Yes.” Rachel was surprised that she meant it, but she did feel a lot better. She pulled out her card to pay for Helna’s loot. “Feed the cats while we’re gone?”
“Glad to,” Helna promised with a smile.
A/N: The first three sentences of the sermon are taken/paraphrased from http://www.jr.co.il/books/rberzon/styrint1.htm, and are not my words.
Previous chapters and stories: speak_sing
His green eyes were narrow and guarded when he cracked the door open. The security chain was still attached. The curtains were drawn and the lights were down low, leaving what was visible of the apartment behind him in murky darkness. He waited.
Rachel cleared her throat and lifted her chin a little. “You didn’t have to leave, Edward.”
She’d meant to put him at ease by using his first name, but his eyes narrowed even more. “Don’t you have an infant to take care of?”
“Charles is watching her. Really, you didn’t have to leave. Tom and Helna went home for lunch, and I ---” And she . . . what? Wanted the company of someone unfamiliar with her life? Knew that Jack would most likely pitch a fit if she were socialising, not with just any man, but with the Riddler? Wanted to be told that she was beautiful again? Wanted to be around someone else who couldn’t muster up the love for Ava that she was supposed to be feeling? Edward arched an eyebrow. “I don’t mind your company,” Rachel finished. “I’m well acquainted with Charles; if she says she has someone under control, she has them under control. If she didn’t warn me about who you were, then it’s because she doesn’t think you’re a threat.”
“You don’t seem to care for your husband much,” Edward observed.
Rachel felt like she’d been punched in the stomach and shook her head sharply in denial. “I love my --- I love him,” she told the other man. “We’re going through a rough time right now, is all. Ava was premature, he’s in the hospital in New York . . .”
Edward evaluated her for a moment longer, then straightened with a sigh and leaned against the doorjamb, his shoulder keeping the door from closing as he looked up at the ceiling. “Mrs. Fine is very protective of you.”
“Yes.”
“You were Gotham’s D.A., Rachel.”
“I was,” she confirmed, looking down the hallway. Did he know about Jack? “You were in Arkham for most of my terms.”
He brushed idly at his jacket. “They didn’t let me watch the news much. Don’t want me planning a great heist, or anything like that. Hence the limited access to information and the residence in such a small town.” He gave her a brief smile and ran a hand through his hair. “Although living in Loleta is partly for research. I wonder if Mrs. Fine will let me near her husband . . . He seems to be recovering from an injury, though . . .”
“It’s not my place to discuss that,” Rachel said as she glanced down the hallway again. “Helna got all the mothering instinct that I didn’t, apparently.” Another glance. “I don’t mind your company,” she repeated.
“Well, thank you for that assurance, Rachel. I’m not feeling up to another trek down and up those stairs today; give my best to Charles, would you? I’m sure your baby is missing you.”
It was clearly a dismissal, but it wasn’t said cruelly. Everything about him said that Edward was being honest and earnest. He turned as if to close the door and gave her a slight, crooked smile. Rachel smiled back as she nodded. “I will. Have a good day, Edward.”
“Of course. You, too, Rachel.”
“I will,” she murmured as she stepped back and he shut his door. She turned down the hallway and almost skipped down the stairs, then jogged across the street and arrived in the deli, face flushed and panting, just as Susie sat down with her sandwich. Janet was holding Ava at the table next to Susie, talking with Cathy as Charles picked all the kalamata olives out of her Greek salad and watched over the group.
Janet looked up and smiled nervously at Rachel. She’d been spending more time with Cathy, often reluctantly, and it made her anxious when it was pointed out. “We got Ava a new onesie,” she murmured, turning the sleepy baby around so Rachel could see. Across the teal, too-large onesie, ‘Be nice to me --- I’m a preemie!’ was scrawled in childish script.
“That was the smallest they had,” Cathy put in. She glanced at Janet. “Uhm . . .”
Rachel smiled as she took the baby and cuddled her, leaning down to smell her and kiss her forehead. Ava immediately started rooting, and when Charles looked up, Rachel sat to feed her. Cathy was still watching Ava, and when Rachel caught Janet’s quick headshake, she managed to put two and two together and smiled at the girl. “You can hold her when I’m done feeding her, Cathy.”
“Really?” Cathy said quickly, perking up. Then she coughed and looked away. “I mean, thanks, Mrs. Dawes. If it’s okay.”
“’Ey! Ai’yeh’a ‘urbber!”
Rachel sighed. “Susie, do not speak with your mouth full.”
The girl swallowed as quickly as she could, needing a moment to take a drink, then cleared her throat and glared at Cathy. “I get to burp her! I always burp Ava!”
“Because I let you,” Rachel told her sharply. “You won’t always get to burp Ava. Who do you think burps her when you’re asleep?” Susie’s lower lip quivered and she looked down, sullen. Rachel sighed after a minute or two and relented. “Don’t sulk, Susie. You can burp Ava, and then Cathy can hold her.” Susie perked up almost immediately, and Rachel sighed with relief.
***
“Not another riddle,” Rachel groaned as she saw the smile that Edward had. “You really don’t need to prove that you’re cleverer than I am, Edward. Besides, Helna’s going to be here soon.”
“I’m not as afraid of Mrs. Fine as she’d like me to be,” he countered, “but, yes, another riddle. I’m not trying to prove my intellectual superiority at all; I’m simply doing my part to keep you occupied.”
“And content,” she added. “You forgot the most important part, and I don’t believe you for a second about the superiority thing. You, Edward,” and she pointed her fork at him as he sat across from her, “have one of the largest egos I’ve encountered, and I’ve met some very large egos.”
“Yes, I keep forgetting that you’re Bruce Wayne’s best friend. These are simple,” he continued. “Try this one: This thing runs but cannot walk, sometimes sings but never talks. Lacks arms, has hands; lacks a head but has a face.”
Rachel shook her head. “I’m not answering that. I’m not. You can’t make me.”
“It’s a clock with hands,” Susie said from under the table.
Both adults jumped a little, and Edward leaned back in his chair so he could see the other redhead. “Pardon?”
“It’s a clock with hands,” she repeated as she crawled out, holding one of Ava’s toys; it squeaked every time she wiggled it to emphasise her speech. “You know, those long straight things on non-digital clocks? One’s longer and points to the minutes, one’s shorter and points to the hour?” She was looking at him like he was stupid, and hit him in the knee with the toy.
“And how do you know that?” he asked. It was possible that he was irritated that she’d figured it out when Rachel had refused to consider it.
Susie sighed and pointed at the clock on the wall. “A clock runs; on batteries, you know? But it can’t walk. It sings when it’s an hour with no minutes, but it doesn’t talk. It has hands, like I said, and it’s got a face. The face of the clock, with the numbers? You know?”
“You’re pretty rude, you know,” Edward told her with a frown.
“But I’m right.”
“So is Edward,” Rachel said firmly. Susie rolled her eyes and started to turn away, but Rachel reached out and grabbed her shoulder. “You need to be polite, Susie. Apologise.”
“I’m not sorry,” the girl complained. “Daddy says you shouldn’t apologise unless you’re sorry.”
“Is it okay to be rude, Susie?”
“. . . No,” Susie said cautiously as she stopped squirming.
“Then tell Mr. Nashton that you shouldn’t have been rude to him.”
Reluctantly, Susie turned to Edward. “I shouldn’t have been rude to you,” she mumbled. “Can I go, now?”
“Fine, go,” Rachel sighed. She watched the girl run outside and cling to Janet, no doubt tattling about how mean Edward had been and how unfair Rachel was, and turned back to her companion. “I’m sorry, Edward. She’s been acting up a lot, lately.”
He shrugged. “Her father’s not at home, her older sister’s not paying much attention to her, and you’re occupied with the baby. Seems reasonable, to me. It’s not all right,” he said warningly, “but I can see where she’s coming from.” Rachel covered her lips when tears threatened to fall, and he smiled. “She’s smart. How old is she, again?”
“Six,” Rachel told him. “She took the MENSA test and scored very high on it; she’ll show you her card if you ask.”
Edward whistled, long and low, and turned to look outside. “MENSA, huh? At six? No wonder she thinks everyone else is a moron.”
“It doesn’t help that her mother died recently, too.” Rachel cursed herself as soon as the words left her mouth, but Edward didn’t seem surprised by the revelation. He simply nodded and turned back to her.
“It’s hard to lose a parent. At least she’s got you and her father, whenever he comes home. When will he, by the way?”
Rachel almost laughed; Edward seemed to be under the impression that Susie and Janet were her stepchildren. Which, she figured, worked out just fine for the time being. She didn’t need him knowing right away that Jack was her husband.
“I don’t know,” she told him honestly. “But we’re going to see him tomorrow. We . . . We’ll know more, then.”
Edward looked at her for a long moment before replying, “Good luck.” Then he took out a notepad and pencil and started asking her questions about the legal system, which kept Rachel occupied until Helna and Tom showed up.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Helna said as her tone implied no such remorse. “Are you ready, Rachel?” She had Mitzi on her hip, and the baby was reaching for the kippah that Helna was wearing. “Stop it, Mitzi.”
“I thought that only men wore those,” Edward said as he stood up to leave.
Helna rolled her eyes at him as Mitzi ripped the kippah off with a laugh. “God created women last. We’re the holiest of His creations. Men have so many --- give it back, you rotten thing! --- so many restrictions placed on them just to get them to the level of holiness that women start out at. I’ll wear what I want. Mitzi! Give Mama the kippah, now. Tom!”
“She’s a woman,” he replied with a shrug. “She’ll do what she wants.” He ducked Helna’s glare, literally, and when he popped back up, he plucked the kippah from Mitzi’s hands as she was starting to chew on it. “Stop it, Mitzi,” he told her firmly when she started to cry and reach for the kippah. “This isn’t yours, it’s Mama’s. Stop crying.”
“Dada . . .” Huge tears plopped down Mitzi’s cheeks as she reached for the head covering. She squealed when Tom handed her a toy instead and threw it down, her face red as she started working up towards a howl.
Tom’s face twisted into a snarl and he bent, picking up Ava’s car-seat before walking out of the deli without a word. Rachel glanced at Helna before hurrying to the door, but he’d handed to carrier to Janet, who was buckling it into the car. Tom was leaning against the front passenger door and tapping the top of the car rhythmically as he frowned.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured.
“Get in, Susie.” Janet slid in after her sister, closing the door.
“It’s all right,” Rachel told him.
“You thought I might hurt Ava?”
“I ---” Rachel paused and thought about it. “No,” she finally said. “I didn’t think you were going to hurt her. I just, you walked out with her, and I . . .”
Tom finally looked up at her with a smile. “You went after your baby. It’s all right; Helna almost ripped my head off the first time I took Mitzi to a different room and didn’t tell her. I just . . . have to leave, sometimes. I guess Helna already told you about it.”
Rachel nodded and they stood there awkwardly for a few moments until Helna led Mitzi outside. Helna was once again wearing her kippah, and Mitzi was looking down at the ground, thoroughly chastised.
“Go on,” Helna said as she gave the girl a gentle push forward. “Tell Daddy that you’re sorry for misbehaving.” With her lower lip pushed out and her eyebrows knit together, Mitzi stumbled forward until she hit Tom’s legs. She buried her face in them and clung to his slacks and mumbled what could reasonably be taken as an apology.
Tom bent over and picked her up with a smile, hugging her tightly. “It’s okay, baby,” he said as he kissed her cheek. “I love you, Mitzi.” Mitzi threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly as she started crying again, most likely out of relief that she wasn’t in trouble any more.
“Well, let’s go, then,” Helna said cheerily as she watched Tom take Mitzi to their car. “Just follow us.”
Rachel got into the front passenger seat just as Bethany came out of the deli, and was settling in for a quiet ride when Janet spoke up. “I don’t want to go to Gotham this weekend,” she mumbled.
Rachel flipped the sun visor down and looked at Janet’s reflection in the small mirror. “Excuse me?”
Janet shifted in her seat and wrapped her arms around her torso, not meeting Rachel’s eyes. “I don’t want to go, tomorrow. I just . . . I want to stay here. Please.”
Rachel took a deep breath and Bethany reached for her hand as soon as she was buckled up. She didn’t need this right now. She needed Janet to do as she was told. “You have to. You can’t be without a legal guardian, which is me. And I’m going to Gotham for the weekend, so you’re going, too.” The idea was clearly unappetising, as evidenced by Janet’s scrunched face and disgusted sigh. “You don’t have to go see Jack. Stay in your room at Bruce’s, for all I care, but I can’t leave you here by yourself. The courts would put you in foster care for real,” she said over Janet’s half-formed protest.
The girl settled back with a scowl. “Fine,” she muttered. “Jack doesn’t want to see me, anyway. He wants to see you and Ava.”
“Daddy wants to see me,” Susie said. She looked unsure. “Doesn’t he?”
“Yes, he wants to see all of us,” Rachel reassured her as Janet rolled her eyes.
“Janet can help me,” Bethany broke in gently. “I have to move some stuff around the house.” Rachel looked at her mother and opened her mouth to protest, but Bethany simply raised her eyebrows at the road and Rachel kept quiet. She didn’t know how to deal with Janet’s periodic outbursts, and if Bethany did, Rachel wasn’t going to object.
Tom and Helna were waiting outside the synagogue when they pulled up. Rachel was expecting the rabbi and his wife, along with everyone else, to be curious and ask her questions about Jack, expected them to want to hold Ava, but other than asking after her and the baby’s health, there was none of the intruding curiosity that she’d been subjected to in town --- just honest inquiries after her and Ava’s health, and a welcoming warmth as introductions were made. When Rachel mentioned it just before the services started, Ava curled up and asleep in her baby sling, Helna just smiled and placed her fingers on her lips as she and Tom twisted the knotted cords of his prayer shawl around and between their linked hands. Obviously the Fines had spread the word to not be nosy, and given the nosy nature of all the Jews that Rachel had ever met, she was surprised that Tom and Helna had managed to keep a lid on things.
The rabbi started out speaking briefly about Jewish issues, what the Jewish people were currently experiencing. His gaze moved over the congregation, and he seemed to be making eye contact with as many people as possible. Rachel listened politely, but it was nothing that she could take on a personal level, and she didn’t understand the Hebrew terms the man used. Then he struck a chord.
“In contrast to Christianity,” he said, “which thinks in terms of nouns, Judaism speaks with verbs. With us, action is the big thing. We don’t speak of God’s nature, but of His will, His deeds. Action is what drives us; without it, we stagnate. We see God as dynamic, always in action, always moving. This is how He shows us His face. He is the great protector of humanity, even though at times it seems like He’s forsaken us. We see Him reflected in the faces of our peacekeepers,” and here he looked at Tom, “who risk their lives on a daily basis to keep the rest of us safe. We see Him reflected in those of us who give everything to keep our families protected. The deeds we accomplish in that pursuit are not always the holiest, and God sees that, but He also sees our efforts. He sees our action, our momentum, our drive to make our personal worlds more secure, our fight to keep what we find the most precious. Without that drive, we fall into apathy; we allow our families, our homes, our societies to crumble. Our ways are not always Godlike, but our drive is.”
Rachel stared at the rabbi, her mouth half open as he continued without once looking right at her. He moved on to a different topic, and then there was some singing, some standing and sitting, and the Torah was brought around for everyone to touch. There was more singing, and then the service was over. Tom and Helna had to lead Rachel out into the large dining area, where a post-sermon snack was laid out.
“Are you all right?” Tom asked.
Rachel had been dabbing at her eyes as surreptitiously as she could. The rabbi hadn’t named names, hadn’t pointed any fingers, but she knew that he couldn’t have been talking about anyone other than Jack. “I’m fine,” she whispered. She turned quickly as Susie ran past, shrieking. Three other children followed her. All of them were laughing. She looked around and saw Bethany dishing up two plates and Janet following her every movement. She almost looked like she was about the hyperventilate, but kept shaking her head every time Bethany said something and gestured to the door.
“Rabbi’s a good man,” Tom went on as he gave Rachel a half-hug. He kept his arm draped over her shoulder as he greeted a small group of men.
“You told him that I was coming tonight.”
“Might have mentioned it.”
“He was talking about Jack.”
Tom yawned a bit and bent down to pick Mitzi up as she rushed him, tossing her in the air. “Self-sacrifice in order to protect your family is a very noble, holy thing to do.” He tossed Mitzi again, laughing as she shrieked with glee.
“Sleeping with another woman is hardly self-sacrificing.”
“Not one bit.” Toss, shriek, laugh. “And no one should think or tell you that he was right to do that. He did what he thought he had to do in order to keep you safe; he thought wrong on some of it, but he was dealing with the situation as well as he knew how. Which . . . wasn’t very well at all.”
Rachel slid her arms beneath Ava and brought the just-waking baby up to her shoulder, cuddling her gently as she started to tear up. “Can I trust him, Tom? To not see her again?”
Tom finally set Mitzi down and she toddled dizzily off toward Helna, giggling. He looked at Rachel for a long moment before replying. “. . . Veronica disgusts Jack. I talked with him a lot in the hospital. He wanted a release from the stress he was under, and the only methods he knows of to cope with that amount of stress are violence and sex. He didn’t want to risk getting too rough with you, and Veronica was able to get him a lot of information about the two who took you.” He placed both hands on Rachel’s shoulders and leaned down a bit to look her firmly in the eye. “That does not make him right to have slept with her, but he didn’t think he had anyone he could really confide in. But he wasn’t right. And he’s not going to see her again.”
“So, what, he did an ignoble thing for a noble purpose?” Rachel bit out. “I’m supposed to forgive and forget that he had an affair, just because he thought he had no other choice?”
“No,” Tom said firmly as he shook his head. “You’re supposed to be angry, and hurt, and betrayed, and then you’re supposed to talk with --- with --- him about it, and both of you are supposed to decide what to do next.”
“Rachel, what’s wrong?” Bethany asked as she came up to them.
Rachel settled Ava back into the sling, moving her so that the baby was sitting up more, and took the plate her mother handed her as she shook her head. “I just . . . I just have to talk with Jack about something. Susie, don’t climb on that! Look, Mom, it’s all right.”
Bethany nodded as she took Rachel at face-value. “Are you and Helna still going out?”
“I wanna go,” Susie said as she skidded to a halt in front of Rachel.
“Ah, yes,” Rachel said. “No, you can’t go this time, Susie. They won’t let you in; you’re too young.”
“We’ll roast marshmallows,” Bethany told the girl.
“Are we still going to see Daddy tomorrow?”
“Are you ready?” Helna asked as she walked up, handing Mitzi back to Tom.
“Of course you’re seeing Daddy tomorrow,” Bethany said before Rachel could reply. “He’s going to be so excited to see you. Go on, Rachel, I’ll take the girls home.” Susie broke away long enough to give Rachel a hug and a kiss, and then Helna was ushering her into the car.
“They won’t let Ava in,” Rachel said.
Helna looked up from buckling the baby in and laughed. “She’s not going to be traumatised by porn and sex toys at this age. She’ll be fine. Even lactating mothers need to get off.”
“What if she needs to eat while we’re there?”
“Sit in the corner and charge ‘em a dollar a minute to watch you feed her.” Rachel started and stared at Helna, who laughed as she started the car and pulled out. “Seriously, you can feed her in the sling and no one will notice.”
“I suppose you did the same thing with Mitzi?” Rachel asked sarcastically.
“Of course I did. I fed my baby whenever she was hungry, wherever she was hungry.” Rachel got a sideways glance and a grin. “Give it up; you’re not winning this one.”
“I already have plenty of toys at home.”
“Lalalala, can’t hear you,” Helna sang. “I want a new one, anyway, and I need you to buy it for me. I’ll pay you back on Monday.”
Rachel rolled her eyes and sighed. “Why can’t you buy it?”
“Because it’s the Shabbat,” Helna said simply. “From sundown on Friday until sundown on Saturday. Can’t buy things, shouldn’t be using technology, nothing but quiet, reflective reverence of God.” She pulled into the parking lot and smiled at Rachel. “Come on, sweety. You know you need some time to relax.”
“Going to a sex shop is hardly my idea of relaxing,” Rachel protested as she got out and turned to get Ava. She was awake, but looking around quietly. Rachel was trying not to laugh, though. When Helna opened the door for her with a flourish, Rachel did laugh as she walked in, trying to be as nonchalant as possible as she adjusted Ava. “I feel like the first time I ever went into one of these places,” she confessed.
“Really? What happened?” Helna grabbed a basket and made a beeline for the edible body paint as Rachel followed her. “Oooh, mango . . .”
Rachel cleared her throat and idly glanced over the selection. “I was sixteen, and some friends of mine dared me to go inside the one by our high school. It was a couple blocks away. So I walked in, trying to pretend that I’d been in a dozen shops before, that it wasn’t new and that I was scared that I’d get caught and kicked out. I made one round --- I was supposed to stay inside for five minutes --- I made one round before the guy at the counter asked me for my ID. I told him that I’d left it at home, but I was definitely eighteen. Turns out he knew my mother.”
Helna laughed as she moved on to the gag gift rack. “Did he tell her?”
“Oh, most definitely. He took me into the office and called her at work, and she had to come down and get me. I was terrified.” It was hilarious twenty-four years after the fact, though.
“Ooh, look at this vibrator.” Helna gave the display model an experimental squeeze and pursed her lips, considering, then grabbed at a couple more. “Were you grounded?”
“No, she bought me a vibrator, which was just as embarrassing.”
That made Helna burst out laughing. “Your mom really bought you a vibrator?”
Rachel nodded. “Yeah. Made me stand outside and she brought me several models to look at and see if I might like. My friends were still there, too. It was humiliating.” She snorted. “Although it did get a lot of use. I’d been making do with my removable shower head and our hot tub jets.”
“I’ve never thought of using hot tub jets; I was always a do-it-myself sort of girl, especially since my mother was very anti-masturbation. She kept threatening to time my showers to make sure I wasn’t doing it while I bathed.” She had finally found a girth that she liked, and held it up. “Yep, this is about right.”
“For what?” Rachel asked.
“Tom.” Helna gave her an odd look when Rachel blinked and raised her eyebrows, then laughed. “Oh, nonono. Uh, Tom’s size. That’s what I meant. No, Tom won’t let me do that. Doesn’t mind being the giver, but won’t be the taker.” She seemed slightly put out.
Clearly, Jack’s attempts to corrupt the Fines had been successful. Rachel was having a hard time trying to wrap her mind around the concept of sweet, short, plump little Helna enjoying anal sex, or even finding it appropriate. “Uh, did Jack . . . ?”
Helna laughed. “Oh, heavens, no. Jack had nothing to do with it. Rabbi Maimonides once said, in answer to a question about anal sex, that ‘A man’s wife is permitted him.’ As long as no seed is spilled in vain and a certain amount of propriety is kept, a man can have his wife whenever, however he pleases, and his main goal has to be her pleasure.” Then Helna sighed. “I just wish he’d be a little more enthusiastic about oral. He loves it, but won’t reciprocate, you know?”
Rachel shook her head as she sized up a few vibrator models. “No, actually. I usually can’t get Jack away from me, there. I’ve torn some hair out a few times, trying to get him to come up so we can actually have sex. I mean, he’s fabulous at oral sex, but he’s a little too enthusiastic over it sometimes. Jack,” she finally said, holding one up.
Helna blinked at the size, then cleared her throat. “Uhm. Jack? Really?”
Rachel laughed as her friend tried to be polite. “Go ahead; it’s funny, I know. Yes, really.”
“. . . Well. That, uhm, explains a lot, if you believe in the cause-and-effect of penis size . . .”
“I’ve mentioned that. He didn’t think it was funny. But he does know how to use it.” Rachel set the smaller-than-average vibrator back and waggled her fingers over a few more. “It was kind of a surprise for me, actually. I’d had sex with two men between Harvey and Jack, and only once or twice. Both of them were in the same percentile as Jack, but, uhm, on the other side of average, shall we say?” Helna was giggling at this point. “Harvey, now . . . This is, to my recollection, an accurate representation of Harvey.” She waved the vibrator at Helna, who was visibly disturbed.
“That?”
Rachel looked at the vibrator and nodded. “This. If we didn’t get in at least a half-hour of serious foreplay and didn’t use enough lube, I’d be sore for days afterward.” She sighed and looked down at Ava, who had found her thumb and was sucking on it. “Oh, Christ, and I married that man who set him up to be murdered. I can’t be sane.”
“Certainly not to take that with any amount of regularity,” was Helna’s reply. Then she took the large vibrator out of Rachel’s hands and compared it to the smaller one, laughing. “Though really, no wonder the Joker wanted him out of the way. Over-compensating, much?” She started sword-fighting with the vibrators and then handed the smaller one to Rachel, which made Rachel dissolve into giggles as she continued the fight. A couple of customers had stopped and were staring, and when Rachel stopped sparring, Helna glanced at them and jerked her thumb at Rachel. “A dollar a minute to watch her feed the baby.”
“Helna!” Rachel hissed, doubly mortified when one of the men took out his wallet. “She’s lying!” she told him sharply, slapping at her friend. “Stop that, you skank!”
“Don’t tell me you couldn’t use the money,” Helna protested as Rachel dragged her to another section. She grabbed a popper and aimed it at Rachel, yanking on the cord.
“Hey!” Rachel hollered as she was covered with penis-shaped confetti. Ava jumped sharply at the sudden pop, her eyes going wide. “You’re disturbing the baby! You didn’t buy that!”
“Sorry! I’ll pay for it!” Helna called up to the front.
“You are going to get us kicked out,” Rachel snapped.
“You have a penis on your nose,” was all that Helna said before she went back to laughing. She put on a beer hat whose straws were shaped like penises at the end and modelled it for Rachel, who was leaning against a rack in order to catch her breath.
“You’re awful,” she gasped.
Helna brought the two straws together and examined them. “If you put the straws together, it’s like fitting Jack in your mouth.”
That made Rachel almost howl with laughter. She should have been offended that Helna was making fun of her husband, but it felt good to laugh at him. “I rarely give him blowjobs,” she confessed breathlessly.
Helna stared at her like she‘d grown a second head, the penis-straws bumping her on the chin. “What? How can you not give him blowjobs?”
Rachel shrugged. “I’m just . . . I don’t like it. The first boyfriend I slept with, he’d demand that I do it, and he’d keep my head down until he was finished. We broke up after the third time he did it, but . . . I just haven’t liked giving blowjobs since then. Sometimes I’ll do it for him, but . . . Not often, and not all the way.”
“Does he know?” Helna asked. She was concerned, her eyebrows puckering as she frowned.
“If we’re going to have a serious discussion about my aversion to fellatio,” Rachel told her, “you have to take that hat off.” Helna rolled her eyes up in surprise, then took the hat off and set it on the shelf. She looked at Rachel expectantly. “He knows the guy was too pushy about it. If I’d told him he’d forced me to give him head, Jack would have found him and killed him. He, uhm, wasn’t very stable, mentally, when the subject came up. Not like he is now. Or, was. And we just never brought it up again. Jack can be surprisingly considerate.” She lifted Ava up and brought her to her shoulder when the newborn started making small squeaks. Rachel’s voice rose an octave or so. “Hey, baby, what’s going on? Those aren’t hungry noises. Are you tired of laying down?”
“She’s smiling,” Helna said.
Rachel tipped Ava a bit, just to see her face. She wasn’t. “Were you smiling, baby girl? Huh? Were you smiling?” She twisted at the waist, and the movement prompted a curling of the lips from Ava. “Oh, my, you are smiling! Your first smiles! We told Daddy that you were smiling when you tooted before, just to make him feel better. Now you can really smile at him, can’t you? He’ll say you’re awfully smart for a baby. I bet he wasn’t as smart as you are. He just thinks he was. But we know better, don’t we?”
“And . . .” There was a shutter noise. “Got it!” Helna held up her cell phone, showing the picture of Rachel and Ava smiling at each other. “He’ll love this. Do you feel better?” she asked as she took the basket up to the register.
“Yes.” Rachel was surprised that she meant it, but she did feel a lot better. She pulled out her card to pay for Helna’s loot. “Feed the cats while we’re gone?”
“Glad to,” Helna promised with a smile.