Emo alert
My grandmother is dying. I need to write her a letter but I have no idea what to say. I sit down and I just stair at the pretty card and I dont know what to do. There is nothing I can do to make up for the fact that I was (am) a terrable grand daughter. I want to drop out of school and go and be with her. I want to find some way to make up for all the pain she felt in her life. And then I realize that really I just want to make myself feel better. And I feel even guiltier.
It would be clearer (not easier, not better, but plainer) if my parents died (were dying). That would be clear cut devistation. But this is just as much guilt as sorrow as helplessness.
And I need to send her this letter. What started out as a thank you has become so much more... loaded, if nothing else. And yet I am paralized. And she could die before I even write it. Fucking procrastination.