Another attempt at humour
Help Wanted: What really happened in the interior of Cloud City
Darth Vader loomed over the huddled figure of Luke Skywalker.
“There is no escape,” he informed the boy. “Don't make me destroy you. You do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover you power. Join me and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.”
“I'll never join you!” Luke vehemently replied to the offer.
“If you only knew the power of the dark side…”
Vader was preparing himself to reveal to Luke his greatest secret, the secret of Luke’s parentage, when the boy interrupted him, “Unless you can guarantee me something better then an entry-level position.”
This brought the Dark Lord up short.
Deciding not to look a gift eopie in the mouth, Vader decided to plunge ahead, “Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father?”
“He told me you killed him, but then again, he didn’t know where he was half the time.” Luke made two quick drinking motions with his remaining hand.
Vader shook his head remorsefully as the memories of his old master came back. “I remember this one time I had to drag him back to quarters after Mace found him prancing in the fountains, singing …” Vader forced his concentration away from that highly embarrassing moment to the present. “But that is besides the point. No Luke. I am your father.”
“No. No. That's not true! That's impossible!” Luke’s eyes had gone wide as saucers.
Vader stilled completely, not wanting to shock the boy any further due to his precarious position on the antenna. A sudden movement on his part could startle Luke, causing him to fall. So he stood there as the implications of his parentage slowly filtered into Luke’s consciousness.
“I can’t believe I’ve wasted all these years with the Rebellion!” whined Luke.
Vader missed his boy’s next few words as his audio sensors were still trying to recover from the high pitch of Luke’s whine.
“So if I do join you, what can I expect?”
Vader smiled behind his mask. “We will rule the galaxy as father and son. With our combined powers, we will overthrow that old fool, Palpatine, and…”
“No, no, no,” Luke cut him off. “It’s all well and good, this ruling the galaxy thing, but I want to know what kind of benefits I’ll have if I do join you.”
Vader sighed. How dense is the boy if he doesn’t already know this? “You’ll be the second most powerful man in the galaxy, son. You will command the respect of every citizen you meet, you’ll-“
“That’s not what I meant,” interrupted Luke.
Vader decided he was getting rather tired of this habit his son had.
“Then what do you mean, boy,” Vader let some of his exasperation leak into his voice.
Luke was totally oblivious to his father’s annoyance as he settled into a more comfortable position on the antenna. “What I want to know is what kind of employment benefits I’ll be getting if I join you.”
“Employment… benefits…” Had he heard his son correctly?
“Well, yeah. The Rebel operation might be a bit ragtag, but they do have some nice incentives for signing up. There’s the free room and board, all my travel expenses are covered, and a halfway decent life insurance policy. If I do join you, you’d better be prepared to at least meet this.”
Vader was stunned. Did not the boy understand what Vader was offering?
“I’ll be wanting dental and vision coverage too,” the boy continued blithely on. “Rebel leadership promised it to us five months ago, but haven’t carried through yet.”
Vader nodded, deciding to play along. “Of course.”
“A decent health plan would be nice, considering…” Luke waved his stump of an arm at his father. The Dark Lord had the decency to hang his head in shame at the sight.
“Anything else you’ll be wanting?”
“No, no, not at this time. I’m assuming that a retirement plan is a given, so we’ll hash out those details later.” Luke carefully brought his feet under him as he stood up. “When can I start?”
Vader leaned forward, reaching out with his hand to aid his son in getting back onto the gangway. “Today, if you like. We can draw up the necessary paperwork back on my ship.”
“Wonderful,” Luke beamed at his father, slowly moving forward.
Unfortunately, the effects of the blood loss from his injury hit him before he could grasp his father’s hand.
Vader could only watch on in dismay as his son’s body plunged into the depths of Cloud City.