that was unpleasant. but it's done.
There was good stuff and bad stuff about yesterday, and I'm splitting them into two posts, since one involves content-note stuff.
Bad stuff first.
to reiterate the content note: lots of talking about lady parts and associated things follows.
so, after my conversation with my doctor last year relating to the (relative) inadvisability of combo BC pills + migraine, I thought about it a lot and decided that I was going to go with the IUD. I've been very, very good about my BC (especially since I started on escitalopram and I take them at the same time), but there's a nice thought to not having to worry about it, plus saving $400 a year in BC costs (and that's after my insurance lolsob) and of course the aforementioned inadvisability. At the time I went on BC almost 10 years ago, I hadn't yet correlated "horrific headaches at specific, predictable events," i.e. "every fucking time the air pressure shifts", with "migraines." Despite the fact that I am theoretically pretty smart and decently educated, and would get headaches sufficient that functioning was extremely challenging, and they would sometimes last for days, and often make me straight-up nauseous or dizzy. Clearly, no migraines here, nope. right.
ANYWAY, so I made this decision, and then waffled and procrastinated because I was being an anxiety bundle about the process of actually getting it inserted. After talking with my doctor about why I had chosen hormonal birth control in the first place (we'll summarize as: paladin and I weren't dating yet, and HE noticed the difference in my PMS when I went on BC), we picked Mirena instead of copper IUD, because my cramps used to be really bad before BC and I did not particularly want something that would make them worse.
Which is a roundabout way of saying that yesterday I went to get my Mirena, and ow.
I am generally Not Good with OB/GYN visits anyway; I make sad squeaky ouchie-noises evne with the small speculum, and this factor is a substantial contributor to the fact that when I go to the doctor for OB/GYN stuff, my blood pressure is always very high. (wheeeee fun times with anxiety.) How high, you might ask? Well! Last week, when I went for my regular physical/GYN checkup, my blood pressure before was 120/90. After, when I was coming down from shaky panic, 118/75.
Yesterday? 138/96. Nurse looked at me and was like "this is really high" and I was like "yes, I am currently very anxious." she said "what are you anxious about?" and I consider it an act of heroic self-restraint that I did not respond with are you fucking kidding me WHAT THE FUCK, and instead managed to mildly and politely say "well, I am anxious in general, and particularly so around doctor's appointments and GYN things." I. Are you kidding me. ???? IT CANNOT BE UNUSUAL FOR SOMEONE TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT THIS I SWEAR TO GOD. Gosh, no, nothing to see here, I just hate GYN appointments and I know this one is going to be particularly uncomfortable NO I WOULD NEVER BE ANXIOUS IN THIS SITUATION.
(For the record: I know that my blood pressure is not, absent GYN stuff, a Cause For Concern because when I go to the eye doctor, it is Well Within Acceptable Parameters, that being about the only medical professional that does not freak me the hell out for one reason or another, though I've mostly gotten dentistry wrangled down to "high but not Cause for Concern.")
....anyway, I embarrassed myself thoroughly by making all manner of sad yelpy noises and squeaking, and that was an extraordinarily unhappy-making half hour of ow fuck I do not actually want this I've changed my mind FUCK MY LIFE. After, I was shaking so violently I had to sit quietly for fifteen minutes just to be able to walk mostly in a straight line. I pre-planned for this anxiety/adrenaline meltdown and didn't have to drive, but hhhhhhhhh. Anyway. Came home, had more painkillers, engaged in some social activity to be further yammered about in the next post, and went to bed; today I had a couple occasions of mild cramping, but nothing I'd even take ibuprofen for, so that's pretty good. I am on the lookout for Worrying Things like suddenly severe cramps or fever but do not appear to have any of those.
....at least I don't have to deal with this garbage for another 5 years, unless I decide to have kids. But if there is one thing I came away from this with, it is that I am now even more leery of the concepts of pregnancy and childbirth than I was before.
I've posted this at http://lassarina.dreamwidth.org/1171300.html and you may comment there or here. On Dreamwidth, this entry has
comments.
Bad stuff first.
to reiterate the content note: lots of talking about lady parts and associated things follows.
so, after my conversation with my doctor last year relating to the (relative) inadvisability of combo BC pills + migraine, I thought about it a lot and decided that I was going to go with the IUD. I've been very, very good about my BC (especially since I started on escitalopram and I take them at the same time), but there's a nice thought to not having to worry about it, plus saving $400 a year in BC costs (and that's after my insurance lolsob) and of course the aforementioned inadvisability. At the time I went on BC almost 10 years ago, I hadn't yet correlated "horrific headaches at specific, predictable events," i.e. "every fucking time the air pressure shifts", with "migraines." Despite the fact that I am theoretically pretty smart and decently educated, and would get headaches sufficient that functioning was extremely challenging, and they would sometimes last for days, and often make me straight-up nauseous or dizzy. Clearly, no migraines here, nope. right.
ANYWAY, so I made this decision, and then waffled and procrastinated because I was being an anxiety bundle about the process of actually getting it inserted. After talking with my doctor about why I had chosen hormonal birth control in the first place (we'll summarize as: paladin and I weren't dating yet, and HE noticed the difference in my PMS when I went on BC), we picked Mirena instead of copper IUD, because my cramps used to be really bad before BC and I did not particularly want something that would make them worse.
Which is a roundabout way of saying that yesterday I went to get my Mirena, and ow.
I am generally Not Good with OB/GYN visits anyway; I make sad squeaky ouchie-noises evne with the small speculum, and this factor is a substantial contributor to the fact that when I go to the doctor for OB/GYN stuff, my blood pressure is always very high. (wheeeee fun times with anxiety.) How high, you might ask? Well! Last week, when I went for my regular physical/GYN checkup, my blood pressure before was 120/90. After, when I was coming down from shaky panic, 118/75.
Yesterday? 138/96. Nurse looked at me and was like "this is really high" and I was like "yes, I am currently very anxious." she said "what are you anxious about?" and I consider it an act of heroic self-restraint that I did not respond with are you fucking kidding me WHAT THE FUCK, and instead managed to mildly and politely say "well, I am anxious in general, and particularly so around doctor's appointments and GYN things." I. Are you kidding me. ???? IT CANNOT BE UNUSUAL FOR SOMEONE TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT THIS I SWEAR TO GOD. Gosh, no, nothing to see here, I just hate GYN appointments and I know this one is going to be particularly uncomfortable NO I WOULD NEVER BE ANXIOUS IN THIS SITUATION.
(For the record: I know that my blood pressure is not, absent GYN stuff, a Cause For Concern because when I go to the eye doctor, it is Well Within Acceptable Parameters, that being about the only medical professional that does not freak me the hell out for one reason or another, though I've mostly gotten dentistry wrangled down to "high but not Cause for Concern.")
....anyway, I embarrassed myself thoroughly by making all manner of sad yelpy noises and squeaking, and that was an extraordinarily unhappy-making half hour of ow fuck I do not actually want this I've changed my mind FUCK MY LIFE. After, I was shaking so violently I had to sit quietly for fifteen minutes just to be able to walk mostly in a straight line. I pre-planned for this anxiety/adrenaline meltdown and didn't have to drive, but hhhhhhhhh. Anyway. Came home, had more painkillers, engaged in some social activity to be further yammered about in the next post, and went to bed; today I had a couple occasions of mild cramping, but nothing I'd even take ibuprofen for, so that's pretty good. I am on the lookout for Worrying Things like suddenly severe cramps or fever but do not appear to have any of those.
....at least I don't have to deal with this garbage for another 5 years, unless I decide to have kids. But if there is one thing I came away from this with, it is that I am now even more leery of the concepts of pregnancy and childbirth than I was before.
I've posted this at http://lassarina.dreamwidth.org/1171300.html and you may comment there or here. On Dreamwidth, this entry has
comments.