8th Spell [Accidental Voice] (After all of the rescues)

[lastdragonlord]

[The first sort of sound to filter through the PCD is a horrified, male scream. There, that ought to get everyone's attention, right? Followed by a muted, sniffling sound that transitions slowly into heaving sobs that eventually translate into words.]

Oh n-no, oh no. No, no, no, no. Sorry - 'm so sorry. Don't want to, didn't...

[His mutterings

Comments

[bunny_flower]

Merlin-san ?

[lastdragonlord]

[There's a very long pause that stretches on to the point of suggesting that perhaps he won't answer at all, before...]

U-unohana. [He sounds perfectly miserable.]

[bunny_flower]

How are you feeling ?

[lastdragonlord]

U-um. L-like I just had my personality hijacked, I s-suppose.

[hyuugahime]

Merlin-kun !

[lastdragonlord]

Hi-hinata - I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

[hyuugahime]

Merlin-kun, where are you ? Are you alright ?

[lastdragonlord]

I'm f-fine. Don't worry about me. [Not telling you where he is, though he hasn't exactly gone anywhere else.]

[Offline] If that's okay.

[dark_thespian]

[Welcome back Merlin. Allen kneels by him to offer him a shoulder to lean on or grab.] It's not your fault.

[Offline] Totally fine!

[lastdragonlord]

[Merlin shies away from him, gasping for breath and struggling to calm himself; it's nothing personal, Allen, he just doesn't want to do anything to you as well.]

That's not -

[Breathe in, breathe out, blink away some clinging moisture at the corners of his eyes.]

I hurt people. I kept them away - like, like things! How could I - I never wanted to...

[Offline] \o/

[dark_thespian]

[He knows and he remains right where he was.]

Merlin, [His tone is as gentle as his feelings of concern and understanding.]

The Animus did something that made us feel everyone else's feelings. Those weren't your feelings. [He pauses, reaching out to brush his tears away.] Or mine. Or Lavi's. I doubt anyone blames you.

[Offline]

[lastdragonlord]

[The touch startles him slightly, if only because so few people in Camelot are so willing to do so, but it's something he leans into almost without thought, because he's never been one of those people.

He chews a bit on his bottom lip, thoughtfully.]

Then who's...? [Come now, Merlin, it should be obvious. Who else was in the room when everything suddenly changed? It's not something that he wants to dwell on.]

voice;

[visionofblood]

Merlin..? They didn't kill you, did they?

voice;

[lastdragonlord]

[Here Izuna, have a slightly hysterical laugh.]

I almost wish they had...

Re: voice;

[visionofblood]

Really? It depressed you this badly..? I thought you had more fortitude than that.

When you're done cursing your existence, Arthur misses you and would like a visit. I'll even play gracious host and offer tea for the trouble.

voice;

[lastdragonlord]

I hurt people Izuna. If I use my powers like that then how is the king wrong?

[He actually flinches violently at the invitation. He'd forgotten for a moment that the crow had taken Arthur's name and had thought that, perhaps, somehow, Izuna had been speaking of... but then that was impossible, wasn't it?]

I don't... I don't curse my existence. But I did terrible things and I deserve retribution for them.

[Voice]

[chaserprongs]

Well, someone's back to normal.

[No, he does not sound happy. Sirius' condition is not what he wants it to be, Merlin.]

[Voice]

[lastdragonlord]

[Merlin sounds about a half a step away from crying again as he speaks.]

I'm so s-sorr-ry, James, I can't.. [A hiccup.] -gin to tel--- [And then his words lose all form completely.]

[Voice]

[chaserprongs]

You beat the crap out of Padfoot.

[Who is his best friend and practically his brother. He sounds bothered by the fact that Merlin is crying, but he's severely upset that Sirius is injured because of him. Again.]

[Voice]

[lastdragonlord]

I kn-know and I c-c-can't... [More unintelligible noises. He's trying to get a hold of himself, James, but it's also very clear that you're disappointed in him and he can't deal with that.

Finally, his side goes mostly quiet for a moment, followed by slow, measured, even breaths.]

I understand if you h-hate me, James.