Fanfic: Dead Like Me, Better Off Ted
Untitled Drabble
Fandom: Dead Like Me
Rating: R for strong language (like on the show)
Characters: ensemble
Word Count: 248
Spoilers: takes place sometime in season 1 after Daisy’s arrival
Prompt: Laundry
Notes: written for a challenge at fullerverse
Disclaimer: I do not own the show, its characters, just borrowing them for fun.
“I was an actress.”
“Meaning?”
“We have people to do chores for us.”
“Mason?”
“I don’t.”
“Shocking.”
“What does that mean?”
“Roxie?”
“Seriously Georgie, what does she mean?”
“My uniforms are dry-cleaned.”
“You never wear anything else?”
“… I do own a washing machine and no, you can’t use it. I’m not a fucking Laundromat.”
“Rube?”
“There’s a Laundromat on every corner.”
“I hate these places, they creep me out.”
“It’s a rite of passage, Peanut. You’re on your own.”
And here’s how I found myself returning home again. Whoever that dude who said “You can’t go home again” was, I bet he never had to do his own laundry.
When I was alive, I used to rant about how living with a neurotic mother was a pain in the ass. But I must admit that finding spotless fresh-ironed clothes in a pile on my bed was pretty cool.
***
“Reggie!”
“What, mom?” Reggie was reading on her bed. With a loud sigh, she turned to face her mother.
“Are these yours?” Joy was brandishing a pair of socks. Light blue, with darker spots.
“No.” Reggie said in an exasperated tone.
“Then whose are they?”
“I don’t know.”
Joy left the room, mumbling to herself.
“Wait… Mom!”
“What?”
“I think they’re mine. I… I just bought them last week.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes!” Reggie said, grabbing the socks. The room fell silent. The daughter staring at the socks. The mother staring at the daughter. And then:
“Mom?”
“What?”
“Go away.”
Fic title: Benny
Fandom: Better off Ted
Rating: PG, whatever rating the show usually is
Characters: Veronica, Ted, Phil&Lem
Prompt: bunnies
Word Count: 690
Summary: Veronica has a new project for Ted. It involves bunnies.
Notes: It’s mostly dialogue, I wanted it to sound like a real episode. Written for amathela for the whedonland fic-fest!
Disclaimer: I do not own the show, its characters, just borrowing them for fun.
Animals. We want them to be our friends. Especially the fluffy ones. And as their friend, it is our duty to help the animals accomplish their destiny. Like winning races. Or saving this old lady from a fire. Or finding their place in the food chain. Yum.
Veridian Dynamics. Humans & Animals. Friends til the end.
SCENE BEGINS
[The lab. Ted and Veronica come in.]
“Hey guys, what’s the- aaaaaah what is that?”
“Come on, Ted, you know Bill. He’s a valued employee here at Veridian Dynamics. What is it that you do again?”
“I’m a lab technician. And my name isn’t Bill.”
“Sorry, William.” [Veronica rolls her eyes at Ted.]
“Actually it’s Fredrick.”
“Mmm, so close.”
“Not really-“
“Thank you Bill that’d be all. This means you can, and must, leave.” [He finally leaves.]
“Actually Veronica I was referring to the big hairy thing next to Phil’s coffee mug. Is that a giant bunny?”
“It is! It’s the new project I was telling you about.”
“Okay, before I even ask why we need to grow a giant rabbit in the lab, I need to tell you I can’t work on this project.”
“Why?”
“I have a sort of… phobia.”
“Is it because they have these hoppy legs and twitchy little noses? Because frankly, Ted, I don’t like these either.”
“No, they just remind me of Billy.”
“The lab technician? Does his nose twitch?”
“Nooo. That was the name of Rose’s bunny. He died last year. We were at the vet’s because Billy had injured his paw and he seemed to be okay and then that little kid with a skateboard asked to pet him and minutes later he just… died.”
“The kid?”
“No, the bunny. That was one weird kid though. Didn’t have any pet with him…”
“I’m sorry, Ted, I completely lost interest in your story. What was the point of it?”
“Rose cried for days when her bunny died and this big fella there reminds me of it.”
“Sounds to me like it’s her childhood trauma, not yours. Man up, Ted!” [Veronica awkwardly punches him in the shoulder.]
“What was that?”
“A team building tool we learned at Veridian’s Upper Management Retreat. Don’t you feel already better and less eager to inappropriately share your feelings?”
“No.”
“Really?” [Phil and Lem enter the lab.]
“Oh hey Ted! Veronica.”
“Veronica. Ted.” [Lem adjusts his glasses.]
“Why do you always have to say it in a way that undermines my own greetings?”
“I just said their names.”
“It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it.”
“Guys? Guys!”
“Oh hey Ted!”
“Ted.” [Phil glares at Lem.]
“Are you here about Benny?”
“Benny?”
“Yes, Benny the Bunny.”
“I thought you guys had stopped naming your subjects.”
“Well…”
“Okay let me stop you right here. Phil, Lem, please explain the project to Ted.”
“Market research shows that small children love fluffy animals.”
“Especially dogs.”
“Yes, especially dogs. But dogs need to be trained and walked and they cost a lot of money in food…”
“And what’s another animal children like? Bunnies!”
“So we thought, what if we combined the qualities of these two?”
“And you thought a giant rabbit was the answer?”
“Well we tried to induce rabbit/dog reproduction but the dog ate the bunny.”
“Poor Barney. Rest in peace.”
“Think about it Ted! A dog that doesn’t need meat and doesn’t bark! The dream of every middleclass citizen with small children!”
“To be honest, it looks scary.”
“Yeaaaah… that’s what our preliminary panel said. Also, the carrot rate is skyrocketing right now. And that’s why we need you Ted.”
“To do what exactly?”
“Find a use for this giant rabbit. Sadly it can’t be weaponized. Too bad it’s not a pumpkin.”
“Have you thought of selling its meat?”
“Interesting. I like the way you think. Rabbit meat. Rabbit eaten by people. Maybe even in a stew. I want your first draft on my desk by tomorrow morning.”
[as Ted watches Veronica leaving the lab, a voice behind him cries out] “Oh no! I have rabbit poo in my coffee.” [He sighs and raises his eyebrows at the camera.]
END SCENE
Love HIMYM? Love games? Making graphics, writing? himymland is the place for you!
Fandom: Dead Like Me
Rating: R for strong language (like on the show)
Characters: ensemble
Word Count: 248
Spoilers: takes place sometime in season 1 after Daisy’s arrival
Prompt: Laundry
Notes: written for a challenge at fullerverse
Disclaimer: I do not own the show, its characters, just borrowing them for fun.
“I was an actress.”
“Meaning?”
“We have people to do chores for us.”
“Mason?”
“I don’t.”
“Shocking.”
“What does that mean?”
“Roxie?”
“Seriously Georgie, what does she mean?”
“My uniforms are dry-cleaned.”
“You never wear anything else?”
“… I do own a washing machine and no, you can’t use it. I’m not a fucking Laundromat.”
“Rube?”
“There’s a Laundromat on every corner.”
“I hate these places, they creep me out.”
“It’s a rite of passage, Peanut. You’re on your own.”
And here’s how I found myself returning home again. Whoever that dude who said “You can’t go home again” was, I bet he never had to do his own laundry.
When I was alive, I used to rant about how living with a neurotic mother was a pain in the ass. But I must admit that finding spotless fresh-ironed clothes in a pile on my bed was pretty cool.
***
“Reggie!”
“What, mom?” Reggie was reading on her bed. With a loud sigh, she turned to face her mother.
“Are these yours?” Joy was brandishing a pair of socks. Light blue, with darker spots.
“No.” Reggie said in an exasperated tone.
“Then whose are they?”
“I don’t know.”
Joy left the room, mumbling to herself.
“Wait… Mom!”
“What?”
“I think they’re mine. I… I just bought them last week.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes!” Reggie said, grabbing the socks. The room fell silent. The daughter staring at the socks. The mother staring at the daughter. And then:
“Mom?”
“What?”
“Go away.”
Fic title: Benny
Fandom: Better off Ted
Rating: PG, whatever rating the show usually is
Characters: Veronica, Ted, Phil&Lem
Prompt: bunnies
Word Count: 690
Summary: Veronica has a new project for Ted. It involves bunnies.
Notes: It’s mostly dialogue, I wanted it to sound like a real episode. Written for amathela for the whedonland fic-fest!
Disclaimer: I do not own the show, its characters, just borrowing them for fun.
Animals. We want them to be our friends. Especially the fluffy ones. And as their friend, it is our duty to help the animals accomplish their destiny. Like winning races. Or saving this old lady from a fire. Or finding their place in the food chain. Yum.
Veridian Dynamics. Humans & Animals. Friends til the end.
SCENE BEGINS
[The lab. Ted and Veronica come in.]
“Hey guys, what’s the- aaaaaah what is that?”
“Come on, Ted, you know Bill. He’s a valued employee here at Veridian Dynamics. What is it that you do again?”
“I’m a lab technician. And my name isn’t Bill.”
“Sorry, William.” [Veronica rolls her eyes at Ted.]
“Actually it’s Fredrick.”
“Mmm, so close.”
“Not really-“
“Thank you Bill that’d be all. This means you can, and must, leave.” [He finally leaves.]
“Actually Veronica I was referring to the big hairy thing next to Phil’s coffee mug. Is that a giant bunny?”
“It is! It’s the new project I was telling you about.”
“Okay, before I even ask why we need to grow a giant rabbit in the lab, I need to tell you I can’t work on this project.”
“Why?”
“I have a sort of… phobia.”
“Is it because they have these hoppy legs and twitchy little noses? Because frankly, Ted, I don’t like these either.”
“No, they just remind me of Billy.”
“The lab technician? Does his nose twitch?”
“Nooo. That was the name of Rose’s bunny. He died last year. We were at the vet’s because Billy had injured his paw and he seemed to be okay and then that little kid with a skateboard asked to pet him and minutes later he just… died.”
“The kid?”
“No, the bunny. That was one weird kid though. Didn’t have any pet with him…”
“I’m sorry, Ted, I completely lost interest in your story. What was the point of it?”
“Rose cried for days when her bunny died and this big fella there reminds me of it.”
“Sounds to me like it’s her childhood trauma, not yours. Man up, Ted!” [Veronica awkwardly punches him in the shoulder.]
“What was that?”
“A team building tool we learned at Veridian’s Upper Management Retreat. Don’t you feel already better and less eager to inappropriately share your feelings?”
“No.”
“Really?” [Phil and Lem enter the lab.]
“Oh hey Ted! Veronica.”
“Veronica. Ted.” [Lem adjusts his glasses.]
“Why do you always have to say it in a way that undermines my own greetings?”
“I just said their names.”
“It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it.”
“Guys? Guys!”
“Oh hey Ted!”
“Ted.” [Phil glares at Lem.]
“Are you here about Benny?”
“Benny?”
“Yes, Benny the Bunny.”
“I thought you guys had stopped naming your subjects.”
“Well…”
“Okay let me stop you right here. Phil, Lem, please explain the project to Ted.”
“Market research shows that small children love fluffy animals.”
“Especially dogs.”
“Yes, especially dogs. But dogs need to be trained and walked and they cost a lot of money in food…”
“And what’s another animal children like? Bunnies!”
“So we thought, what if we combined the qualities of these two?”
“And you thought a giant rabbit was the answer?”
“Well we tried to induce rabbit/dog reproduction but the dog ate the bunny.”
“Poor Barney. Rest in peace.”
“Think about it Ted! A dog that doesn’t need meat and doesn’t bark! The dream of every middleclass citizen with small children!”
“To be honest, it looks scary.”
“Yeaaaah… that’s what our preliminary panel said. Also, the carrot rate is skyrocketing right now. And that’s why we need you Ted.”
“To do what exactly?”
“Find a use for this giant rabbit. Sadly it can’t be weaponized. Too bad it’s not a pumpkin.”
“Have you thought of selling its meat?”
“Interesting. I like the way you think. Rabbit meat. Rabbit eaten by people. Maybe even in a stew. I want your first draft on my desk by tomorrow morning.”
[as Ted watches Veronica leaving the lab, a voice behind him cries out] “Oh no! I have rabbit poo in my coffee.” [He sighs and raises his eyebrows at the camera.]
END SCENE
Love HIMYM? Love games? Making graphics, writing? himymland is the place for you!