FIC: The Contest Prize Disruption (The Big Bang Theory/Dollhouse)
Fic title: The Contest Prize Disruption
Fandoms: The Big Bang Theory/Dollhouse
Rating: PG
Pairing/Characters: mainly Sheldon/Penny, the rest of the BBT gang, Echo, Topher, Adele
Word Count: 1,971
Summary: Sheldon wins a special contest. Penny doesn’t like the prize.
Notes: Written for xmaidelx for the fic fest at whedonland. It’s mostly dialogue, I wanted it to sound like a real episode. I’m not really a Sheldon/Penny shipper (I don’t ship anything for that show) so I hope I’m doing this right!
Disclaimer: I do not own the show, its characters, just borrowing them for fun.
[The boys are sitting in Leonard & Sheldon’s living-room, all frenetically typing on their laptop.]
Sheldon: “Yes! Yes! Aaaaand that’s how it’s done.” [He raises his arms victoriously. The other boys look at him, disappointed.]
Raj: “That is so not fair, I never get to win anything!” [He sits back in the couch, crossing his arms.]
Leonard: “What about that astrophysics scholarship?”
Raj: “It didn’t come with a cool prize!”
Howard: “Do you think you might errr, share the prize with us Sheldon?”
Sheldon: (shocked) “Absolutely not!”
Leonard: “Because that’s gross, even coming from you, Howard. We’re talking about a living person here!”
Sheldon: “And in any case, this person is my own perfect match in everything. Well, not in intelligence. But as close as possible. Or, as average minds like yours would put it, she’s my soulmate. So she won’t be interested in someone who only has a Master’s degree. Believe me.
[Penny comes in.]
Penny: “Hey guys! How’s it going?”
Sheldon: “Thank you for asking, Penny. Extremely well!”
Penny: “Really? What happened?” (lower, to Leonard) “Please tell me it has nothing to do with his digestive tract.”
Leonard: “No, not this time. We all entered a contest on the internet and he won.”
Penny: “Ooooh. Show me, show me!” [she leans over to look at Leonard’s screen and reads out loud] “Are you smarter than Topher? (excited) Oh oh oh, is it like ‘are you smarter than a fifth grader’? I love that show!”
Sheldon: (offended)“No. It most definitely is not.”
Penny: “Ok, then tell me.”
Leonard: “This guy Topher, he’s a genius.” [Sheldon scoffs.] “He used to have this very famous website on neuroscience and then poof! It disappeared. And then last week there was this mysterious announcement about his coming back on every possible social networking site ever. It’s been a trending topic on Twitter for days!”
Penny: “On what now?”
Leonard: “Nevermind. Turns out he was launching a contest with a series of very difficult scientific questions at 4pm today and the first one to get them all right was to win a prize!”
Howard: “And of course, Sheldon won.” [Raj whispers something in his ear.] “Raj wants us to know that he only had five questions left.”
Penny: “Well hurray for Sheldon! What was the prize? An encyclopedia? The complete box set of Battlestar Galactica? Your weight in breakfast cereals?”
Sheldon: “No. Original or Re-imagined Series? And how would that be of any help? You know I require different types of cereals.”
Penny: “Original.”
Sheldon: “Then no.”
Penny: “Re-imagined?”
Sheldon: “No. And for the record, I already own both. Several times.”
Penny: (exasperated) “Then why did you ask?”
Sheldon: “Because your question required further details. And be glad I didn’t ask if it was blu-ray or DVD.”
Penny: “You know what? I don’t have time for this right now and I don’t care.”
[She starts to leave.]
Penny: “And Starbuck is a stupid name.”
[The four boys gasp. Penny slams the door shut behind her.]
[meanwhile, in a underground building]
“Phase 1 of the recruitment process is a go, boss.”
“Good work, Topher.”
“I still don’t understand why we need to hire a theoretical physicist.”
“Who said anything about hiring?”
***
TWO DAYS LATER
[Penny knocks on Sheldon&Leonard’s door.]
Penny: “Come on, Sheldon, I know you’re there! I’m sorry about what I said about Starbuck. I think she… he? I think Starbuck’s awesome.
[The door opens to reveal a very attractive woman. She has dark long hair, wears glasses and a tank top with a chemical formula on it].
Woman: “Personally I find the female incarnation of the character much more appealing and memorable. Hi, I’m Zoe. And you are Penny.”
Penny: (speechless for a moment) “Yeah. And you are?”
Zoe: “Zoe. Z-O-E. Sheldon told me you were a bit slow but he didn’t tell me you were bordering on A.D.D.”
Penny: “Sheldon? You know Sheldon? Oooooh you’re his other sister!”
Zoe: (tiny laugh, a bit scary) “He told me you said funny things. No, I’m his girlfriend.”
Penny: “His what now?”
***
[Zoe lets Penny in. Sheldon is in the kitchen, pouring two glasses of water.]
Sheldon: “Hello Penny. Apologies accepted.”
Penny: “What?”
Sheldon: “I heard you through the door.”
Penny: “Oh, right.” [She shakes her head.] “Nevermind that, you have a girlfriend now?”
Sheldon: “Yes. She was the prize.”
Penny: “They gave you a robot?” [She pokes Zoe.]
Zoe: “Hey! I do not enjoy unsolicited human contact. And I’m not a robot. Humankind hasn’t developed this kind of technology. (a pause) Yet.”
Sheldon: “Topher has a partnership with this very high-tech elite matchmaking agency, Love Solutions. The fees are usually prohibitive and winning the contest was for me the only way in. Until I make my great breakthrough in heterotic string theory of course. So I gave them information about my interests, my intellect and what I’m looking for in a companion.”
Zoe: “They ran their sophisticated algorithm-“
Sheldon: “Zoe? We discussed this.”
Zoe: “I mean, their computer did the math,” [Sheldon nods] “and they found me!” [She goes to stand next to Sheldon and smiles.]
Penny: “Wow.” [She sits down in the middle of the couch.]
Zoe: “Nuh-uh. That’s my spot.” [With a look of disbelief on her face, Penny moves to the right side of the couch.]
[The other guys come in, in the middle of a conversation.]
Leonard: “I’m just saying, why did they have Miles and Hurley have this talk about time travel if everything can change after all?”
Raj: “To throw us off the trail. Damon and Carlton have been doing that from the beginning.”
Howard: “And you sir, are just a bitter Juliet fan.”
Raj: “That’s so-” [He notices Penny and Zoe] “-eeeeek.”
Leonard: “Hi Penny. Sheldon. Zoe.”
[Sheldon and Zoe are cooking in the kitchen. Or making a scientific experiment. It’s unclear.]
Penny: “Did you guys know about Sheldon’s girlfriend?”
Leonard: “Well yes. But we’re still trying to adjust to the notion.”
Penny: “Do you know a lot about her? I can’t help but finding this whole situation a bit… shady.”
Howard: “Oh no, it’s all legit. Believe me, how many times I tried to hack into the Love Solutions system…”
Penny: “Yeaaaaah, I believe you.”
Leonard: “We only know her name is Zoe and-”
Howard: “That she’s basically Sheldon with long hair and a big bosom.” [Raj whispers something in his ear.] “And glasses.”
Penny: “But she sure seems to know a lot about us!”
Leonard: “We were there when he ‘briefed her about the persons he interacts with’. I was presented as ‘Roommate. Useful.’”
Howard: “He told us to not say anything that could be interpreted as sexual innuendo in my presence. Truth is, she’s the hottest woman I’ve ever met-” [Raj whispers into his ear.] “Except for Summer Glau.” [Leonard coughs.] “Present company excluded of course.” [He winks at Penny. She shivers.] “But she’s also the scariest.” [Raj whispers into his ear again.] “Except for Summer- No!” [Raj does the robot] “Yes we know.”
Leonard: “She is a bit mean. And she bears an uncanny resemblance to Faith from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”
Howard: “Oh yeaaaah I can see it.” [Raj nods.]
Penny: “Which one is-” [Something explodes in the kitchen and there’s smoke everywhere. Everyone runs outside, except for Penny, who opens the windows and Sheldon, who stands still and looks blank.]
Sheldon: “I don’t understand. I had never failed before.” [Penny grabs him by his Iron Man t-shirt, forcing him to go outside.] “It’s not toxic you know.”
Penny: “Yeah but who wants to hang out in an apartment full of smoke?”
Leonard: “I say we go hang out at the comic book store for a couple of hours. All in favor?”
[Howard, Raj and Zoe raise their hands.]
Leonard: “Motion approved.”
Sheldon: “But it’s not Wednesday. Wednesday is Comic Book Store day.”
Penny: “You can stay here and hang out with me?”
Sheldon: “Is this sarcasm?”
Penny: “Noooo. This is being a good neighbour. And friend.”
Zoe: “And I’ll take this opportunity to observe your friends in their natural habitat. And maybe stop by for my treatment.”
[They leave, leaving Sheldon and Penny in the hall.]
Sheldon: “Bless her, she’s allergic to dogs.”
Penny: “And?”
Sheldon: “See, I’m allergic to cats. This way when we have children there’s a probability they’ll be allergic to both, preventing us to keep any of these useless high-maintenance animals as pets.”
Penny: “Right.”
[Penny goes to open the door to her apartment.]
Penny: “Coming in?”
***
[Penny closes the door behind them.]
Penny “Sheldon, sweetie, we need to talk. Sit down.”
[Sheldon looks around.]
Sheldon: “Your place looks different. The furniture is not in the same place anymore.”
Penny: “Yes, It gives me more room for my morning exercises.”
Sheldon: “I need to re-evaluate the optimal sitting position in this room.”
Penny: “Oh just sit down!”
[Sheldon sits down next to her.]
Penny: “What do you see in this woman?”
Sheldon: “I don’t see how it’s relevant to you.”
Penny: “Try me.”
Sheldon: “Well, she is everything I’m looking for in a companion. She shares my interests. She’s almost as smart as I am. (pause) And she looks a bit like Faith from Buffy The Vampire Slayer.”
Penny: “I meant to ask, which one is that already? Is that the one with the sparkly vampires?”
Sheldon: (gasps) “OUT. NOW.”
Penny: “This is my apartment.”
Sheldon: “Then I’ll go to mine.” [He gets on his feet.]
Penny: “Your place is all… smoky.”
Sheldon: “Then I’ll make some kind of dramatic gesture.” [He looks around, sees a jewellery box on the coffee table, half-opens the lid and then let it go, making it slam like a mini-door.] “There.” [He sits down again.]
Penny: “Okay, no more vampire talk. It just seems that she’s… too perfect to be true.”
Sheldon: “I know what you’re thinking. We’ve been through this. She is not a robot. You don’t think I checked?”
Penny: “I don’t even want to know what that means. Okay, let’s appeal to your logic. You know how nature had its way of making things diverse?”
Sheldon: “Yes.”
Penny: “Well you and this girl… you’re really the same. It’s like these magnets. You know how the sides with the same charge repel each other?” [Sheldon is surprised.] “Yes I do know a couple of science thingies. What I mean to say is you should be with someone a bit different, someone you could even disagree with sometimes but it would be okay because you’ll always be able to make up.” [She puts a hand on his shoulder.]
Sheldon: “Let me get this straight. Someone not like Zoe. (pause) Someone like you?”
Penny: (giggles) “Nooo God, not me.” [She stops laughing and looks up.] “Maybe?”
[He quickly gets to his feet.]
Sheldon: “Wow Penny, what is that?”
Penny: “I don’t know! I’m confused! At first I thought I was you know, protecting you, as a friend, from this girl who came out of nowhere. And now I have these… feelings?”
[She buries her head in her hands.]
Sheldon: Penny, are you familiar with the concept of ‘dibs’?”
Penny: “What does it have to do with anything?”
Sheldon: “Leonard explained it to me. When in a group of friends a man calls ‘dibs’ on a girl, the other friends can’t make any real serious attempt at wooing said girl.”
Penny: “Are you familiar with the concept of ‘I’m a person, not the last Hot Pocket in the freezer?’ ”
Sheldon: “No.” [She looks up and sighs.] “Ah. That was rhetorical, right?”
Penny: “You can leave now. I’m sure the smoke has cleared up now. You can forget about all of this and go and find your Little Miss Perfect.”
Sheldon: “No. I think I’m going to stay here for a little while.”
FIN
Fandoms: The Big Bang Theory/Dollhouse
Rating: PG
Pairing/Characters: mainly Sheldon/Penny, the rest of the BBT gang, Echo, Topher, Adele
Word Count: 1,971
Summary: Sheldon wins a special contest. Penny doesn’t like the prize.
Notes: Written for xmaidelx for the fic fest at whedonland. It’s mostly dialogue, I wanted it to sound like a real episode. I’m not really a Sheldon/Penny shipper (I don’t ship anything for that show) so I hope I’m doing this right!
Disclaimer: I do not own the show, its characters, just borrowing them for fun.
[The boys are sitting in Leonard & Sheldon’s living-room, all frenetically typing on their laptop.]
Sheldon: “Yes! Yes! Aaaaand that’s how it’s done.” [He raises his arms victoriously. The other boys look at him, disappointed.]
Raj: “That is so not fair, I never get to win anything!” [He sits back in the couch, crossing his arms.]
Leonard: “What about that astrophysics scholarship?”
Raj: “It didn’t come with a cool prize!”
Howard: “Do you think you might errr, share the prize with us Sheldon?”
Sheldon: (shocked) “Absolutely not!”
Leonard: “Because that’s gross, even coming from you, Howard. We’re talking about a living person here!”
Sheldon: “And in any case, this person is my own perfect match in everything. Well, not in intelligence. But as close as possible. Or, as average minds like yours would put it, she’s my soulmate. So she won’t be interested in someone who only has a Master’s degree. Believe me.
[Penny comes in.]
Penny: “Hey guys! How’s it going?”
Sheldon: “Thank you for asking, Penny. Extremely well!”
Penny: “Really? What happened?” (lower, to Leonard) “Please tell me it has nothing to do with his digestive tract.”
Leonard: “No, not this time. We all entered a contest on the internet and he won.”
Penny: “Ooooh. Show me, show me!” [she leans over to look at Leonard’s screen and reads out loud] “Are you smarter than Topher? (excited) Oh oh oh, is it like ‘are you smarter than a fifth grader’? I love that show!”
Sheldon: (offended)“No. It most definitely is not.”
Penny: “Ok, then tell me.”
Leonard: “This guy Topher, he’s a genius.” [Sheldon scoffs.] “He used to have this very famous website on neuroscience and then poof! It disappeared. And then last week there was this mysterious announcement about his coming back on every possible social networking site ever. It’s been a trending topic on Twitter for days!”
Penny: “On what now?”
Leonard: “Nevermind. Turns out he was launching a contest with a series of very difficult scientific questions at 4pm today and the first one to get them all right was to win a prize!”
Howard: “And of course, Sheldon won.” [Raj whispers something in his ear.] “Raj wants us to know that he only had five questions left.”
Penny: “Well hurray for Sheldon! What was the prize? An encyclopedia? The complete box set of Battlestar Galactica? Your weight in breakfast cereals?”
Sheldon: “No. Original or Re-imagined Series? And how would that be of any help? You know I require different types of cereals.”
Penny: “Original.”
Sheldon: “Then no.”
Penny: “Re-imagined?”
Sheldon: “No. And for the record, I already own both. Several times.”
Penny: (exasperated) “Then why did you ask?”
Sheldon: “Because your question required further details. And be glad I didn’t ask if it was blu-ray or DVD.”
Penny: “You know what? I don’t have time for this right now and I don’t care.”
[She starts to leave.]
Penny: “And Starbuck is a stupid name.”
[The four boys gasp. Penny slams the door shut behind her.]
[meanwhile, in a underground building]
“Phase 1 of the recruitment process is a go, boss.”
“Good work, Topher.”
“I still don’t understand why we need to hire a theoretical physicist.”
“Who said anything about hiring?”
***
TWO DAYS LATER
[Penny knocks on Sheldon&Leonard’s door.]
Penny: “Come on, Sheldon, I know you’re there! I’m sorry about what I said about Starbuck. I think she… he? I think Starbuck’s awesome.
[The door opens to reveal a very attractive woman. She has dark long hair, wears glasses and a tank top with a chemical formula on it].
Woman: “Personally I find the female incarnation of the character much more appealing and memorable. Hi, I’m Zoe. And you are Penny.”
Penny: (speechless for a moment) “Yeah. And you are?”
Zoe: “Zoe. Z-O-E. Sheldon told me you were a bit slow but he didn’t tell me you were bordering on A.D.D.”
Penny: “Sheldon? You know Sheldon? Oooooh you’re his other sister!”
Zoe: (tiny laugh, a bit scary) “He told me you said funny things. No, I’m his girlfriend.”
Penny: “His what now?”
***
[Zoe lets Penny in. Sheldon is in the kitchen, pouring two glasses of water.]
Sheldon: “Hello Penny. Apologies accepted.”
Penny: “What?”
Sheldon: “I heard you through the door.”
Penny: “Oh, right.” [She shakes her head.] “Nevermind that, you have a girlfriend now?”
Sheldon: “Yes. She was the prize.”
Penny: “They gave you a robot?” [She pokes Zoe.]
Zoe: “Hey! I do not enjoy unsolicited human contact. And I’m not a robot. Humankind hasn’t developed this kind of technology. (a pause) Yet.”
Sheldon: “Topher has a partnership with this very high-tech elite matchmaking agency, Love Solutions. The fees are usually prohibitive and winning the contest was for me the only way in. Until I make my great breakthrough in heterotic string theory of course. So I gave them information about my interests, my intellect and what I’m looking for in a companion.”
Zoe: “They ran their sophisticated algorithm-“
Sheldon: “Zoe? We discussed this.”
Zoe: “I mean, their computer did the math,” [Sheldon nods] “and they found me!” [She goes to stand next to Sheldon and smiles.]
Penny: “Wow.” [She sits down in the middle of the couch.]
Zoe: “Nuh-uh. That’s my spot.” [With a look of disbelief on her face, Penny moves to the right side of the couch.]
[The other guys come in, in the middle of a conversation.]
Leonard: “I’m just saying, why did they have Miles and Hurley have this talk about time travel if everything can change after all?”
Raj: “To throw us off the trail. Damon and Carlton have been doing that from the beginning.”
Howard: “And you sir, are just a bitter Juliet fan.”
Raj: “That’s so-” [He notices Penny and Zoe] “-eeeeek.”
Leonard: “Hi Penny. Sheldon. Zoe.”
[Sheldon and Zoe are cooking in the kitchen. Or making a scientific experiment. It’s unclear.]
Penny: “Did you guys know about Sheldon’s girlfriend?”
Leonard: “Well yes. But we’re still trying to adjust to the notion.”
Penny: “Do you know a lot about her? I can’t help but finding this whole situation a bit… shady.”
Howard: “Oh no, it’s all legit. Believe me, how many times I tried to hack into the Love Solutions system…”
Penny: “Yeaaaaah, I believe you.”
Leonard: “We only know her name is Zoe and-”
Howard: “That she’s basically Sheldon with long hair and a big bosom.” [Raj whispers something in his ear.] “And glasses.”
Penny: “But she sure seems to know a lot about us!”
Leonard: “We were there when he ‘briefed her about the persons he interacts with’. I was presented as ‘Roommate. Useful.’”
Howard: “He told us to not say anything that could be interpreted as sexual innuendo in my presence. Truth is, she’s the hottest woman I’ve ever met-” [Raj whispers into his ear.] “Except for Summer Glau.” [Leonard coughs.] “Present company excluded of course.” [He winks at Penny. She shivers.] “But she’s also the scariest.” [Raj whispers into his ear again.] “Except for Summer- No!” [Raj does the robot] “Yes we know.”
Leonard: “She is a bit mean. And she bears an uncanny resemblance to Faith from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”
Howard: “Oh yeaaaah I can see it.” [Raj nods.]
Penny: “Which one is-” [Something explodes in the kitchen and there’s smoke everywhere. Everyone runs outside, except for Penny, who opens the windows and Sheldon, who stands still and looks blank.]
Sheldon: “I don’t understand. I had never failed before.” [Penny grabs him by his Iron Man t-shirt, forcing him to go outside.] “It’s not toxic you know.”
Penny: “Yeah but who wants to hang out in an apartment full of smoke?”
Leonard: “I say we go hang out at the comic book store for a couple of hours. All in favor?”
[Howard, Raj and Zoe raise their hands.]
Leonard: “Motion approved.”
Sheldon: “But it’s not Wednesday. Wednesday is Comic Book Store day.”
Penny: “You can stay here and hang out with me?”
Sheldon: “Is this sarcasm?”
Penny: “Noooo. This is being a good neighbour. And friend.”
Zoe: “And I’ll take this opportunity to observe your friends in their natural habitat. And maybe stop by for my treatment.”
[They leave, leaving Sheldon and Penny in the hall.]
Sheldon: “Bless her, she’s allergic to dogs.”
Penny: “And?”
Sheldon: “See, I’m allergic to cats. This way when we have children there’s a probability they’ll be allergic to both, preventing us to keep any of these useless high-maintenance animals as pets.”
Penny: “Right.”
[Penny goes to open the door to her apartment.]
Penny: “Coming in?”
***
[Penny closes the door behind them.]
Penny “Sheldon, sweetie, we need to talk. Sit down.”
[Sheldon looks around.]
Sheldon: “Your place looks different. The furniture is not in the same place anymore.”
Penny: “Yes, It gives me more room for my morning exercises.”
Sheldon: “I need to re-evaluate the optimal sitting position in this room.”
Penny: “Oh just sit down!”
[Sheldon sits down next to her.]
Penny: “What do you see in this woman?”
Sheldon: “I don’t see how it’s relevant to you.”
Penny: “Try me.”
Sheldon: “Well, she is everything I’m looking for in a companion. She shares my interests. She’s almost as smart as I am. (pause) And she looks a bit like Faith from Buffy The Vampire Slayer.”
Penny: “I meant to ask, which one is that already? Is that the one with the sparkly vampires?”
Sheldon: (gasps) “OUT. NOW.”
Penny: “This is my apartment.”
Sheldon: “Then I’ll go to mine.” [He gets on his feet.]
Penny: “Your place is all… smoky.”
Sheldon: “Then I’ll make some kind of dramatic gesture.” [He looks around, sees a jewellery box on the coffee table, half-opens the lid and then let it go, making it slam like a mini-door.] “There.” [He sits down again.]
Penny: “Okay, no more vampire talk. It just seems that she’s… too perfect to be true.”
Sheldon: “I know what you’re thinking. We’ve been through this. She is not a robot. You don’t think I checked?”
Penny: “I don’t even want to know what that means. Okay, let’s appeal to your logic. You know how nature had its way of making things diverse?”
Sheldon: “Yes.”
Penny: “Well you and this girl… you’re really the same. It’s like these magnets. You know how the sides with the same charge repel each other?” [Sheldon is surprised.] “Yes I do know a couple of science thingies. What I mean to say is you should be with someone a bit different, someone you could even disagree with sometimes but it would be okay because you’ll always be able to make up.” [She puts a hand on his shoulder.]
Sheldon: “Let me get this straight. Someone not like Zoe. (pause) Someone like you?”
Penny: (giggles) “Nooo God, not me.” [She stops laughing and looks up.] “Maybe?”
[He quickly gets to his feet.]
Sheldon: “Wow Penny, what is that?”
Penny: “I don’t know! I’m confused! At first I thought I was you know, protecting you, as a friend, from this girl who came out of nowhere. And now I have these… feelings?”
[She buries her head in her hands.]
Sheldon: Penny, are you familiar with the concept of ‘dibs’?”
Penny: “What does it have to do with anything?”
Sheldon: “Leonard explained it to me. When in a group of friends a man calls ‘dibs’ on a girl, the other friends can’t make any real serious attempt at wooing said girl.”
Penny: “Are you familiar with the concept of ‘I’m a person, not the last Hot Pocket in the freezer?’ ”
Sheldon: “No.” [She looks up and sighs.] “Ah. That was rhetorical, right?”
Penny: “You can leave now. I’m sure the smoke has cleared up now. You can forget about all of this and go and find your Little Miss Perfect.”
Sheldon: “No. I think I’m going to stay here for a little while.”
FIN