14/06- Reintroduction to Myself
Dear Reader,
I pegged my clit today.
I wasn't planning on it, but I got angry with it and I felt it was necessary to calm down again. You see, I don't have a one hundred percent favourable relationship with my lower extremities, and sometimes arguments can only be resolved with a little bit of pain.
I suppose I am a masochist, really. I think the technical word is a 'switch', because with pain I am happy to be either the inflictor or the inflicted, but the fact that I like it at all makes me a masochist. It's not really that I like it, actually, but rather that sensation itself is it's own reward, and new sensations make fore more exciting orgasms. Pain is unusual among physical sensations for me, becuase it is always new, even if it gained from an act I have repeated many times. Nothing else has ever been like that for me. I often wonder why that is, but I ahve never been curious enough to look it up.
Once a month or so, I sit down on the end of my bed and I use my shaving mirror (it has a stand) to take a good look at everything down there. I remain- even after 28 years- utterly fascinated and completely horrified with my genitals, which I know are unusual and yet which I consider to be so much a part of me. I have, for lack of a better word, a vagina, although it is only a few centimeters deep and my labia are not correctly formed. My clitoris is big. Maybe not abnormally so, but it appears prominant in my opinion, and it annoys me. It also refuses to be neat and tidy like a normal one would be, meaning that if I wear tight underwear it can rub, which makes me very uncomfortable- and often quite aroused. Being aroused in public is not something I enjoy, but my job sometiems requires me to wear cycling shorts. I looked into having surgery once to correct the problem (and many others), but I simply cannot imagine someone taking a knife to any part of my body. I supose I love myself too much to risk the scars, while at the same time I do not love myself enough to make myself happy with my body. I also cannot decide if I should have my vagina deepened to more resemble a woman's, or if I need to have a phalioplasty to make me look more like a man. Outwardly, I know people view me as male. I have a deep voice, and a flat chest. If I didn't shave it all, I would also have quite alot of chest hair.
But I digress.
I was getting changed after work, and like I said I decided it was time to take a look at things in detail. I spent most of today talking to a completely vapid woman about her cardio routine, and while she was the dullest person I have spoken to in a month she had the most fantastic looking ass I have ever seen. I was probubly turned on when I was speaking to her, but by the time I got to the bed (and the mirror) I was just rather sticky and with that unpleasant aching feeling that comes from arousel with no orgasm. I don't masturbate while I am examining myself, but I did consider it today which is rather what annoyed me in the first place. I do this examination to look at what is there, not to be distracted by a few stray sensations, and every time my fingers brushed past the stupid thing, it was reminding me that it wanted attention. Eventually I put the mirror away and tried to actually masturbate, which didn't really work. Eventually, I ended up pinching it- not all that hard- and that reminded me of the idea of using a peg.
As I said, I have used pegs in the past, mainly with the supervision of others at nightclubs or in private. I don't own any fancy equipment for it, but I do have some good old fashioned clothes pegs and necessity is the parent of invention. I went to get one from the kitchen, found one I liked the look of (how silly, to actually spend time looking through a bag of clothes pegs like that!) and then spent some time working it to make sure that the spring was not too tight. I enjoy pain, but I am not a fan of injuries.
I decided that it would be best to do the deed in the shower, and I needed one anyway. Warm water is good for me, I think, because I like to spend most of my time in it if I can. After washing, I took some time to get ahold of my clit (slippery when wet, bless it) and got the peg on it right at the base. This took two tries: I had to let it go after the first attempt, becuase it was too far up the shaft and wasn't stable enough. The first pinch probubly helped, becuase it got the blood flowing south and got things largened up a bit, and easier to get hold of. Playing with it under the water helped too, and as I said- on the second go I managed to get the peg in place. I spent some time holding the shower head over it too once the peg was on, just for the feel of it. It is a wonderful sensation, to have warm water bouncing off pinched flesh, and even more so when it has that undertone of sharp pain. I decided to leave it on while I had dinner. I probubly should have planned better, becuase it's hard to complety dry yourself whith a pegged clit. I had to wander around naked waiting for that part of me to dry, and after that I decided to stay naked while I ate dinner. Sitting down took some stamina, as the motion pushed on the peg which in turn pulled on my clit rather hard. By the time I finished eating I could look down at the tip and see that it was quite purple, and I could feel it throbbing nicely with evry move.
I rarely use vibrators when I masturbate. I own several, but unlike 99% of the population I really do use them as neck massagers. I did debate getting one and using it to toy with my clit while it was trapped, but by then I was more interested in having an orgasm, rather than prolonging the torture any more. I decided to lie down on the sofa for it, and took some moisturiser with me as lubricant. I lay on the sofa with my legs apart so I could touch the whole area freely, from the base of my vaginal opening to the top of my labia above my clit. I took some time to touch myself fully before stroking the head of my clit. I touched myself there until the pain was enough to make me shake, and then I undid the peg. I nearly came from that on it's own- the releif was very intense- but even so it took me a few more minutes to actually reach orgasm.
Afterwards, I lay on the sofa to recover, with one fingertip inside myself. I often put my fingers in there after orgasm, to feel the muscles as they tighten and relax. I have had sex with several women in the past, and I am fascinated by how different their internal muscles are to mine. I have often wondered what it would be like to have a penis rathe than what I have now, but if I did then that would make me a man, which I am not. Sometimes I imagine that my clitoris is the only cock I really need- it is certainly demanding enough- and tonight it is even big enough, given how swollen it is after the pegging. Sometimes I use a clit pump on it, and then leave the cylinder in place so I can use it to penetrate others. I can still feel it sliding between my labia at the moment, with that lovely bruised sensation that comes with this kind of abuse. I would imagine that I will be able to feel it tomorrow, too..
Right now I am still naked on the sofa, with my laptop on my stomach so I can watch the wrestling while I type. I was planning to get up and do some exercises before going to bed, but I feel very comfortable and content now, so I wil probubly just bed down here tonight. Depending on how bruised I am, I may even masturbate again before I go to sleep.
Yours,
Damien
I pegged my clit today.
I wasn't planning on it, but I got angry with it and I felt it was necessary to calm down again. You see, I don't have a one hundred percent favourable relationship with my lower extremities, and sometimes arguments can only be resolved with a little bit of pain.
I suppose I am a masochist, really. I think the technical word is a 'switch', because with pain I am happy to be either the inflictor or the inflicted, but the fact that I like it at all makes me a masochist. It's not really that I like it, actually, but rather that sensation itself is it's own reward, and new sensations make fore more exciting orgasms. Pain is unusual among physical sensations for me, becuase it is always new, even if it gained from an act I have repeated many times. Nothing else has ever been like that for me. I often wonder why that is, but I ahve never been curious enough to look it up.
Once a month or so, I sit down on the end of my bed and I use my shaving mirror (it has a stand) to take a good look at everything down there. I remain- even after 28 years- utterly fascinated and completely horrified with my genitals, which I know are unusual and yet which I consider to be so much a part of me. I have, for lack of a better word, a vagina, although it is only a few centimeters deep and my labia are not correctly formed. My clitoris is big. Maybe not abnormally so, but it appears prominant in my opinion, and it annoys me. It also refuses to be neat and tidy like a normal one would be, meaning that if I wear tight underwear it can rub, which makes me very uncomfortable- and often quite aroused. Being aroused in public is not something I enjoy, but my job sometiems requires me to wear cycling shorts. I looked into having surgery once to correct the problem (and many others), but I simply cannot imagine someone taking a knife to any part of my body. I supose I love myself too much to risk the scars, while at the same time I do not love myself enough to make myself happy with my body. I also cannot decide if I should have my vagina deepened to more resemble a woman's, or if I need to have a phalioplasty to make me look more like a man. Outwardly, I know people view me as male. I have a deep voice, and a flat chest. If I didn't shave it all, I would also have quite alot of chest hair.
But I digress.
I was getting changed after work, and like I said I decided it was time to take a look at things in detail. I spent most of today talking to a completely vapid woman about her cardio routine, and while she was the dullest person I have spoken to in a month she had the most fantastic looking ass I have ever seen. I was probubly turned on when I was speaking to her, but by the time I got to the bed (and the mirror) I was just rather sticky and with that unpleasant aching feeling that comes from arousel with no orgasm. I don't masturbate while I am examining myself, but I did consider it today which is rather what annoyed me in the first place. I do this examination to look at what is there, not to be distracted by a few stray sensations, and every time my fingers brushed past the stupid thing, it was reminding me that it wanted attention. Eventually I put the mirror away and tried to actually masturbate, which didn't really work. Eventually, I ended up pinching it- not all that hard- and that reminded me of the idea of using a peg.
As I said, I have used pegs in the past, mainly with the supervision of others at nightclubs or in private. I don't own any fancy equipment for it, but I do have some good old fashioned clothes pegs and necessity is the parent of invention. I went to get one from the kitchen, found one I liked the look of (how silly, to actually spend time looking through a bag of clothes pegs like that!) and then spent some time working it to make sure that the spring was not too tight. I enjoy pain, but I am not a fan of injuries.
I decided that it would be best to do the deed in the shower, and I needed one anyway. Warm water is good for me, I think, because I like to spend most of my time in it if I can. After washing, I took some time to get ahold of my clit (slippery when wet, bless it) and got the peg on it right at the base. This took two tries: I had to let it go after the first attempt, becuase it was too far up the shaft and wasn't stable enough. The first pinch probubly helped, becuase it got the blood flowing south and got things largened up a bit, and easier to get hold of. Playing with it under the water helped too, and as I said- on the second go I managed to get the peg in place. I spent some time holding the shower head over it too once the peg was on, just for the feel of it. It is a wonderful sensation, to have warm water bouncing off pinched flesh, and even more so when it has that undertone of sharp pain. I decided to leave it on while I had dinner. I probubly should have planned better, becuase it's hard to complety dry yourself whith a pegged clit. I had to wander around naked waiting for that part of me to dry, and after that I decided to stay naked while I ate dinner. Sitting down took some stamina, as the motion pushed on the peg which in turn pulled on my clit rather hard. By the time I finished eating I could look down at the tip and see that it was quite purple, and I could feel it throbbing nicely with evry move.
I rarely use vibrators when I masturbate. I own several, but unlike 99% of the population I really do use them as neck massagers. I did debate getting one and using it to toy with my clit while it was trapped, but by then I was more interested in having an orgasm, rather than prolonging the torture any more. I decided to lie down on the sofa for it, and took some moisturiser with me as lubricant. I lay on the sofa with my legs apart so I could touch the whole area freely, from the base of my vaginal opening to the top of my labia above my clit. I took some time to touch myself fully before stroking the head of my clit. I touched myself there until the pain was enough to make me shake, and then I undid the peg. I nearly came from that on it's own- the releif was very intense- but even so it took me a few more minutes to actually reach orgasm.
Afterwards, I lay on the sofa to recover, with one fingertip inside myself. I often put my fingers in there after orgasm, to feel the muscles as they tighten and relax. I have had sex with several women in the past, and I am fascinated by how different their internal muscles are to mine. I have often wondered what it would be like to have a penis rathe than what I have now, but if I did then that would make me a man, which I am not. Sometimes I imagine that my clitoris is the only cock I really need- it is certainly demanding enough- and tonight it is even big enough, given how swollen it is after the pegging. Sometimes I use a clit pump on it, and then leave the cylinder in place so I can use it to penetrate others. I can still feel it sliding between my labia at the moment, with that lovely bruised sensation that comes with this kind of abuse. I would imagine that I will be able to feel it tomorrow, too..
Right now I am still naked on the sofa, with my laptop on my stomach so I can watch the wrestling while I type. I was planning to get up and do some exercises before going to bed, but I feel very comfortable and content now, so I wil probubly just bed down here tonight. Depending on how bruised I am, I may even masturbate again before I go to sleep.
Yours,
Damien