pretty vague

[laszlo]

so...i am vague. the reason is that i was never comfortable talking about myself. my parents always told me how great I was but I never believed it when i was growing up because they would just say it for no apparent reason and it would seem forced and unreal. so, that led me to, subconciously, believe that I wasn't great and that I was too weak to

Comments

[cherdt]

my parents always told me how great I was but I never believed it when i was growing up because they would just say it for no apparent reason and it would seem forced and unreal.

Probably self-conscious about instilling good self-esteem, their efforts backfired because they applied praise randomly. I think that happens a lot.

Remember the first night I met you when you helped me beat nickfarr at chess at, like, 5 A.M.? And your advice was presented in such an absurd way: "Take his bishop. Just take his fucking bishop! He can't fucking touch you, man." Nick was irritated, too--he would have been sure of a win. I could hardly think straight enough to move the pieces on the board

[laszlo]

the thing is the real me is a product of these outrageous moments. the old me (pre-college) is never brought up. I don't know if i even like the old me.

more on that

[laszlo]

at this point i don't think I even care about the old me. which explains the lack of introspective qualities certain people have pointed out to me. i'm happy with the person i've created. and that is why it is hard to look back on the past and share it with other people.

it was just surprising to me how many people had pictures of their friends and family tacked to their dorm room walls and how eager they were to place a photo album in my hands. They had stories and were proud of them. It was nice to experience but I never felt like myself when I expressed my life in this way.

And I think people noticed that

[vitalicvision]

I'm not ready to comment yet, but I will. Thank you for posting.