still awake at 6:15am...

Aug 02, 2004 06:06

here i am... once again... still awake... and still bored. so here's a bit more of my vampy rambling/poetry/lyrics type stuff... enjoy!


(anything in italics is echoed…in ALL CAPS is screaming-think LP/Adema… all other text is spoken)

Hunger Pain (lyrics)

I’m so hungry…
I’ve never been so hungry in my life…
The pain’s not in my stomach…
It's hurting my head…
IS THIS WHAT STARVING FEELS LIKE!?

My skin is trying to jump off of me…
Trying to escape from these empty bones…
At any moment my eyes are gonna liquidate and run out of my head…
My ears will start bleeding…
My jaw's gonna turn to glass…and shatter…
As the next beat of my heart tries to force this cold and meaningless fluid through my aching veins…
The pulsing muscle in my chest isn’t pumping blood anymore…
Just mildly red-tinted water…
Icy…cold…water…

I CAN FEEL A SOLID LUMP OF ICE IN MY HEAD…
Leaning against the front of my skull where there should be a layer of fluid surrounding my brain…*laugh* What brain?!
I tilt my head back…
Slowly rolling it from one shoulder to the other…
Working the icy stiffness out of my neck…
And the nearly nine cubic inch block tumbles and slides to the back of my seemingly empty cranium…
It rests there…just above my brainstem…
Sending chills down my neck and back and across my shoulders…

A normal person in this kind of pain would cry…
But how can you cry when every ounce of liquid in your body IS LITTERED WITH CHIPS OF ICE!?

THE BLOOD IN MY BODY MOVES LIKE JELLY…at room temperature…
Not quite to the toxic sludge level of oozing…yet…but it’s getting worse…
As the liquid-gel cools, it hardens…
Just a little at a time…
Getting thicker…and slower…AND HARDER TO PUMP WITH EACH LABORED BEAT OF MY HEART!

A wave of heat envelops me…
Starting at the back of my neck where that block of ice was before…
The block’s been reduced to a cool puddle…
Gently sloshing back and forth in the space between my ears…
Meanwhile, the rest of my body screams in panic and shock at the drastic change (the
change…)
Between the fluid that occupies my blood vessels…and the previous icy sludge…
This replacement feels more like coffee that’s been sitting on its own for awhile…
Not scalding…not steaming…just warm enough that you can feel it as it flows down into your digestive system and heats your core…
Compared to the icy chunks and rapidly cooling jelly that was there a moment ago, this new sensation feels like the hot fudge on an ice-cream sundae…
What had been straight-out-of-a-very-cold-fridge-strawberry-preserves is now more like Kool-Aid-that’s-been-in-the-hot-summer-sun-all-afternoon…

…Dizzy spell…losing my grip on the mic…shaking…
I fall to the floor of the stage…my head spinning-almost literally…
As my universe shifts and slides…my head tries to follow…
Careening back and forth on my limp and useless neck from shoulder to shoulder to chest, AND THEN BACK AGAIN!

I can never function in normal society…with my fellow humanoids…
During the time when my family and friends…and victims…are all at work, school, and other daily routines that occupy their lives, I walk around LIKE A ZOMBIE!
Unable to focus on anything for more than five minutes at a time because the sun zaps my energy…
CURS-ED SUN! IF YOU WEREN’T RESPONSIBLE FOR SUPPORTING ALL THE LIFE HERE ON EARTH, I’D WISH YOU OUT OF THE SKY!
But the sun’s down now…so my brain is fully functional and active…
Telling me to wake up…
1:30 AM… Everyone around me is sleeping…and I’m awake…and alone…

IT’S BEEN OVER A YEAR…since I’ve actually latched on to a human body with my fangs and fed on them…
I’m just an energy vampire though…I don’t draw blood…
Just the energy in their blood… Still, like the conventional, blood-drinking vampires, I like to bite my victims…
Like those other vampires, my gums itch…feeling as if they’ll shrink down to nothing and turn my face inside out as my fangs extend…
Reaching out for the energy that radiates off the humans I pass…

IT’S NOT JUST AN ADDICTION…like some people think…
It’s not like when someone tries to quit smoking…
The first period of time is the worst and it gets easier and easier as you go longer and longer without lighting up…
With feeding it’s the exact opposite…the longer you go, the worse it gets and the more you want to bite any passing stranger who isn’t completely revolting…
Even those who would usually be revolting don’t seem so bad now.
I’ve been distance feeding…
I sit back and draw the energy out of them without even touching my victims…
But it only helps for about FIVE SECONDS…
Then the pains come back even STRONGER - THAN - BEFORE…

This lack of feeding leaves me weak…sluggish…
Making my nights more and more unbearable…
My mind is awake and alert…but my body just wants to collapse…
Give into that darkness that’s building itself in the core of my being…
Give into that haunting pain…and just…die…
BUT MY MIND WON’T HAVE IT!
My mind won’t let me rest…in any way really…not just sleep or death…
I have no comfort…I know no peace…
Except what little I can manage to steal from a dream…
Usually a dream about feeding on someone with exceptionally rich energy…
BUT THEN I WAKE UP…to the irritating beep of my alarm clock…
And realize…that my subconscious has teased me yet again…
With another unbelievably realistic scenario in which I finally satisfied this horrid - crippling - hunger…
I wake…at 6:15 AM…
I roll over…and mindlessly grope for the “snooze” button…
I WAKE…after less than two hours of actual sleep-which I can’t even remember…
I only know I’ve slept because I just woke up…
But now that damned ball of light we call the sun is creeping over the horizon…
Drawing the curtains of sleep over my brain…
Exhausted from its struggle against my body the night before…
I WAKE…*long pause* but my brain is asleep now…
So now it’s off to my daily life…work…school…people…
With a sleeping brain…and a tired body…
And a tormenting hunger that plagues every molecule of my body…
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