calm my tears and kill these fears
Title: calm my tears and kill these fears
Author: late_dawns19
Pairing: jb/jr
Rating: pg
Warnings: none
Summary: jaebum doesn't let anyone see him cry. jinyoung is an exception.
The knot in between Jaebum's shoulders is so tight it's giving him a headache. He’s been stressed lately, wound up so tight he feels like he’s going to break in half at any moment. He feels miserable and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Jaebum’s tired and all he really wants is a break. He’s overworked, constantly tired and his body aches. He’s tired of having to mask his feelings for the sake of his members. He feels guilty for feeling like this; he is the leader; he’s the one who is supposed to console and comfort everyone else. He’s supposed to be the pillar of strength that everyone looks up to.
He snaps out of his thoughts and realizes he’s standing in front of the paneled door to Jinyoung’s room, his body having brought him here without his consent. Of course he’s in front of Jinyoung’s room. It’s always been Jinyoung. He’s the only one Jaebum will ever feel completely comfortable breaking down in front of. He’s the one that knows all of Jaebum’s darkest thoughts, been there through the sleepless nights, through the homesickness, through the doubt. Jinyoung knows Jaebum better than he knows himself. Jaebum sighs heavily and pulls the door open.
“Jinyoungah,” he says softly as he settles down on the bed, folding his legs under himself neatly, not taking up too much space. “Hmm?” comes Jinyoung’s reply without looking up from his book. After about a minute of silence Jinyoung looks up.
“Hyung? What is it? Are you okay?” A whimper escapes from Jaebum’s lips and Jinyoung furrows his eyebrows in worry. He wraps a hand around Jaebum’s bicep and squeezes reassuringly. That’s all it takes, that one point of contact and Jaebum just cracks. He’s sobbing loud and ugly and right in front of Jinyoung’s face.
He vaguely hears Jinyoung panicking above him before he feels his head being pulled into Jinyoung’s shoulder, his hands running though Jaebum’s hair.
“Oh, Jaebummie it’s okay. You’re okay.” Jinyoung’s never seen Jaebum like this. He’s seen Jaebum worry himself sick. He’s seen Jaebum get a little teary, but he was always quick to shake it off and compose himself before anyone else could see. He’s also seen Jaebum angry. That old anger he learned to conceal. He’s seen him scream and yell and break things and storm out of rooms. Jinyoung’s been exposed to all sides of Jaebum before, except this one.
He’s thankful that the other members aren’t around, they’d have come running by now because Jaebum is still so loud. He squeezes Jaebum closer to him, trying to convey how worried he is and how much he cares through his affection. He places a soft kiss to the top of Jaebum’s head for good measure.
He’s silent for a moment, and Jinyoung hopes he’s starting to calm down. It’s not until Jaebum’s shoulder’s twitch under him that he realizes he’s not breathing properly. Jinyoung pulls Jaebum away, holding him at arm’s length and brings a hand up to his cheek. “Hey, Jaebummie look at me, okay?” and Jaebum lets out a stuttering breath. His eyes are shut tight and tears are still falling down his face and Jinyoung’s heart aches. “Jaebummie, please calm down. Please,” he adds in a small voice, “hyung, you’re scaring me.”
Jaebum tries to calm down, he does, but the tears just won’t stop falling. It’s months of pent up stress pouring out of him at once and he isn’t used to this, he doesn’t know how to stop it. He tries to get his breathing under control, he wants to apologize to Jinyoung for being like this, but before he can do any of that he feels Jinyoung’s lips pressed against his own-breath caught in his throat. He pulls away soon after, eyes flickering between Jaebum’s now opened ones. Jaebum’s acutely aware that his breathing has returned to normal, but he’s mostly focusing on the tingling feeling on his lips and the hot flush spreading over his face.
“I, uh… I didn’t know what else to do.” Jinyoung says. He’s scanning Jaebum’s face for any sign of anger. His hand drops from Jaebum’s shoulder, allowing Jaebum to run off if he wants to. The last thing he wants is to make things awkward between them. So he moves on and pretends nothing just happened. “Are you okay now, hyung? Tell me what’s wrong?” he questions.
Jaebum blinks a few times, eyes still watery as he takes in a shaky breath and clears his throat. “Sorry,” he says and his voice is wrecked but Jinyoung is just glad Jaebum’s still in front of him, still so close. “Jinyoungie, I’m sorry,” And Jaebum unloads everything onto Jinyoung, exposing his thoughts and allowing himself to be even more vulnerable.
“Hyung, it’s alright for you to be upset every now and then too, you know,” Jinyoung notes as he dabs the remaining tears away with his fingertips. “You’re allowed to be sad. You don’t always have to play the leader.”
Jaebum grabs Jinyoung’s hand from his cheek and holds it in his own. He sniffles once and looks up to meet Jinyoung’s eyes.
“Thank you.”
He leans forward and kisses Jinyoung.
It lasts longer than before and as Jaebum slings his arm around Jinyoung’s neck, Jinyoung opens up under him and Jaebum revels in the warmth of his mouth. It’s familiar, somehow. Jinyoung is solid and warm and smells like home. Jinyoung’s always been there when Jaebum needed him most, always right beside him. They pull away gently, not allowing too much space to come between them.
Jinyoung lets out a soft noise, a little sigh, and smiles at Jaebum. He smiles back and Jinyoung thinks he still looks handsome with his red nose and puffy eyes. He lies down and nestles into the pillows, probably exhausted from crying his eyes out. Jinyoung looks down and realizes their hands are still tangled together and he pretends not to notice the blush rising up his neck. He knows he has something special with Jaebum, something in between friendship and a little more, and that’s fine with Jinyoung.
He’ll take any love he can get from his Jaebum-hyung.
He leans back against the wall and picks up his book again, thumb idly stroking the back of Jaebum’s hand. He waits until Jaebum’s breathing has evened out before the “I love you,” tumbles out of his mouth.
He manages to convince himself that he was just imagining things when the corners of Jaebum’s mouth curve upwards.
Author: late_dawns19
Pairing: jb/jr
Rating: pg
Warnings: none
Summary: jaebum doesn't let anyone see him cry. jinyoung is an exception.
The knot in between Jaebum's shoulders is so tight it's giving him a headache. He’s been stressed lately, wound up so tight he feels like he’s going to break in half at any moment. He feels miserable and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Jaebum’s tired and all he really wants is a break. He’s overworked, constantly tired and his body aches. He’s tired of having to mask his feelings for the sake of his members. He feels guilty for feeling like this; he is the leader; he’s the one who is supposed to console and comfort everyone else. He’s supposed to be the pillar of strength that everyone looks up to.
He snaps out of his thoughts and realizes he’s standing in front of the paneled door to Jinyoung’s room, his body having brought him here without his consent. Of course he’s in front of Jinyoung’s room. It’s always been Jinyoung. He’s the only one Jaebum will ever feel completely comfortable breaking down in front of. He’s the one that knows all of Jaebum’s darkest thoughts, been there through the sleepless nights, through the homesickness, through the doubt. Jinyoung knows Jaebum better than he knows himself. Jaebum sighs heavily and pulls the door open.
“Jinyoungah,” he says softly as he settles down on the bed, folding his legs under himself neatly, not taking up too much space. “Hmm?” comes Jinyoung’s reply without looking up from his book. After about a minute of silence Jinyoung looks up.
“Hyung? What is it? Are you okay?” A whimper escapes from Jaebum’s lips and Jinyoung furrows his eyebrows in worry. He wraps a hand around Jaebum’s bicep and squeezes reassuringly. That’s all it takes, that one point of contact and Jaebum just cracks. He’s sobbing loud and ugly and right in front of Jinyoung’s face.
He vaguely hears Jinyoung panicking above him before he feels his head being pulled into Jinyoung’s shoulder, his hands running though Jaebum’s hair.
“Oh, Jaebummie it’s okay. You’re okay.” Jinyoung’s never seen Jaebum like this. He’s seen Jaebum worry himself sick. He’s seen Jaebum get a little teary, but he was always quick to shake it off and compose himself before anyone else could see. He’s also seen Jaebum angry. That old anger he learned to conceal. He’s seen him scream and yell and break things and storm out of rooms. Jinyoung’s been exposed to all sides of Jaebum before, except this one.
He’s thankful that the other members aren’t around, they’d have come running by now because Jaebum is still so loud. He squeezes Jaebum closer to him, trying to convey how worried he is and how much he cares through his affection. He places a soft kiss to the top of Jaebum’s head for good measure.
He’s silent for a moment, and Jinyoung hopes he’s starting to calm down. It’s not until Jaebum’s shoulder’s twitch under him that he realizes he’s not breathing properly. Jinyoung pulls Jaebum away, holding him at arm’s length and brings a hand up to his cheek. “Hey, Jaebummie look at me, okay?” and Jaebum lets out a stuttering breath. His eyes are shut tight and tears are still falling down his face and Jinyoung’s heart aches. “Jaebummie, please calm down. Please,” he adds in a small voice, “hyung, you’re scaring me.”
Jaebum tries to calm down, he does, but the tears just won’t stop falling. It’s months of pent up stress pouring out of him at once and he isn’t used to this, he doesn’t know how to stop it. He tries to get his breathing under control, he wants to apologize to Jinyoung for being like this, but before he can do any of that he feels Jinyoung’s lips pressed against his own-breath caught in his throat. He pulls away soon after, eyes flickering between Jaebum’s now opened ones. Jaebum’s acutely aware that his breathing has returned to normal, but he’s mostly focusing on the tingling feeling on his lips and the hot flush spreading over his face.
“I, uh… I didn’t know what else to do.” Jinyoung says. He’s scanning Jaebum’s face for any sign of anger. His hand drops from Jaebum’s shoulder, allowing Jaebum to run off if he wants to. The last thing he wants is to make things awkward between them. So he moves on and pretends nothing just happened. “Are you okay now, hyung? Tell me what’s wrong?” he questions.
Jaebum blinks a few times, eyes still watery as he takes in a shaky breath and clears his throat. “Sorry,” he says and his voice is wrecked but Jinyoung is just glad Jaebum’s still in front of him, still so close. “Jinyoungie, I’m sorry,” And Jaebum unloads everything onto Jinyoung, exposing his thoughts and allowing himself to be even more vulnerable.
“Hyung, it’s alright for you to be upset every now and then too, you know,” Jinyoung notes as he dabs the remaining tears away with his fingertips. “You’re allowed to be sad. You don’t always have to play the leader.”
Jaebum grabs Jinyoung’s hand from his cheek and holds it in his own. He sniffles once and looks up to meet Jinyoung’s eyes.
“Thank you.”
He leans forward and kisses Jinyoung.
It lasts longer than before and as Jaebum slings his arm around Jinyoung’s neck, Jinyoung opens up under him and Jaebum revels in the warmth of his mouth. It’s familiar, somehow. Jinyoung is solid and warm and smells like home. Jinyoung’s always been there when Jaebum needed him most, always right beside him. They pull away gently, not allowing too much space to come between them.
Jinyoung lets out a soft noise, a little sigh, and smiles at Jaebum. He smiles back and Jinyoung thinks he still looks handsome with his red nose and puffy eyes. He lies down and nestles into the pillows, probably exhausted from crying his eyes out. Jinyoung looks down and realizes their hands are still tangled together and he pretends not to notice the blush rising up his neck. He knows he has something special with Jaebum, something in between friendship and a little more, and that’s fine with Jinyoung.
He’ll take any love he can get from his Jaebum-hyung.
He leans back against the wall and picks up his book again, thumb idly stroking the back of Jaebum’s hand. He waits until Jaebum’s breathing has evened out before the “I love you,” tumbles out of his mouth.
He manages to convince himself that he was just imagining things when the corners of Jaebum’s mouth curve upwards.