[Fanfiction] - Kaname/Zero - Yearning (Repost)
Title: Yearning (4/5
Fandom: Vampire Knight
Characters/Pairing: Kaname x Zero, Zero x Kaname
Rating: M
Warnings: Slash, angst, violence, biting, light BDSM themes
Notes: AU, but could technically probably slot in to canon just after the end of season 1 of the anime. I also feel I should mention that Kaname's past, which is alluded too, is from my imagination, though influenced by both Sagakure and Blackened Wing. I hope they don't mind me drawing influence from their work :)
Disclaimer: If I owned several insanely attractive vampires would I be on LJ posting fanfiction?
Summary: Zero and Kaname both yearn for different things, but as the bloody ties that bind them draw them closer together, can they keep from destroying one other?
Author's Notes: This and the next chapter were initially intended to be one chapter, but the length got a little out of control on me, so it's in two parts. The ending is a bit of a cliffhanger, so I apologise. I'm not really that sorry. XD Oh, and on an extremely random note, I stumbled over this quote and found myself reminded of my two favourite vampire boys:
“Then comes Desire, with its many maladies, and Lust that makes one love all that one loathes, and Shame, with its ashen face and secret smile.” - Oscar Wilde
Kaname bit into the cake. It crumpled into his mouth, the blend of cinnamon and sugar melting on his tongue. He sighed gently, closing his eyes and tilting his head back on the edge of the couch, his silky hair loose and tangled. There was no moon tonight, the stars bereft of their loving ruler, lonely and cold. The fire bathed the room in a soft bronze luminescence, colouring his porcelain skin and weaving strands of copper through his hair. His shirt was partially unbuttoned, slipping open to reveal the contours of his torso, the fabric silky against his bare skin. Small pleasures in a stark and sanguinary world. Here, tucked away in his ivory tower, he could for a few brief moments let his battered silver armour fall away and luxuriate in the firelight and the scent of roses redolent in the air.
A few errant grains of icing sugar still clung to his skin and he raised a finger to his mouth absently, licking away the saccharine remnants. His thoughts skittered too and fro, for once refusing to quiet even here in his haven of solitude and silence. Infuriating questions flickered at the edge of his consciousness, the answers elusive as ever, taunting and tormenting him. Strange, that one so obstinate and unyielding could be so pliant in his arms. He tossed his head, as if he could somehow shake the provocative thoughts from his skull. They plagued him, filling his waking hours and dancing through his dreams. Odd, that one so bitter could taste so sweet.
They had tumbled back into their old routine, an endless cycle of avoidance and denial. Zero could barely look at him, glancing away from his level gaze, pale cheeks flushing becomingly. He could never tell whether the dangerous glint in those brilliant amethyst eyes was rage, frustration or something far more deadly. All his pieces, all his pawns and his bishops, his knights and his rooks, they were all moving inexorably towards the climax of his game. Perfectly poised, unaware that even as they defied him they danced to his tune. Sweet little marionettes, painted faces and wooden limbs. Yet he found himself distracted. Year after year of blood-drenched drive, year after year of icy determination, year after year of being as implacable as ice…and now, as this symphony moved towards its crescendo, he found himself drawn all too often to the creature who could yet be the downfall of what he had worked for.
He sighed again and the shadows fled from his melancholy to fret and flutter in the corners of the room. Too many threads. One slip of the needle and he would stain the pure white fabric with his lifeblood. The creeping despair that had gnawed at his heels for so long seemed to be closing, hunting him down as a wolf stalks its beleaguered prey, knowing the end is near. He was so tired. He’d been driven so long by his hate, he found himself longing disconcertingly often for something more, something pure, something gentle. Folly, all of it. Idle thoughts and fantasies, serving only to tempt and distract. He’d lived long enough to know the dangers of yearning.
Zero caressed the barrel of the Bloody Rose gently, soothing himself with the feel of the cool metal beneath his fingers. He knew every nick and crevice of the gun like he knew his own body. Every bump, every scratch, every imperfection with its own tiny story. He raised a trembling hand to his forehead, pushing his hair back from his eyes. Damn you, Kaname, he thought furiously. What have you done to me? Even sleep denied him solace, as he fell into a twilight world of bloody sensuality and macabre fantasy, to wake tangled in his sheets and gasping for air, the phantom sweetness of Kaname’s blood lingering in the air. An addict, sprawled on red silk sheets in his own private den of opulence and hellish longing.
He disgusted himself. He looked into the mirror and saw everything he despised, saw a vicious, bloodthirsty animal staring back at him, brimming with vile desires. He couldn’t keep the thoughts at bay. At night, moonlight splashed across the floor like pools of molten silver, he would lie still and remember. Remember the intoxicating feeling of a lithe, supple body moulded to his, the erotic perfection as blood flooded his mouth, velvety and rich. Remember the perfect desperation as lips had crashed together, fingers fumbling on buttons, heated skin on skin…
‘No!’ he snarled aloud, the soft exclamation echoing in the silent corridor. What profane sorcery had Kaname worked on him? What cruel games was the pureblood playing? What had the infuriating being of darkness done, to reduce him to this grovelling, needy creature, a slave to these unholy lusts? He was through the door before he even realised he was moving. It bounced off the wall with a crash, but he didn’t notice. All he could focus on was the need to demand answers, to tear them out of the pureblood if necessary, to wreak havoc with that beautiful body until Kaname confessed to his trickery.
Kaname glanced up as the door burst open, coming face to face with a whirlwind of silvery hair and bewitching amethyst eyes turned to purple ice by rage. He’d sensed Zero outside the door, but he hadn’t expected the hunter to announce himself with quite that degree of…vigour.
‘What the hell have you done to me?’ Zero hissed, poised in the middle of the room, the tension radiating off him. He had one hand curled under his blazer, nestling against what Kaname knew was his gun, the other clenched into a fist at his side. From the faint waft of blood, his fingernails had gouged deep into his palms. He was incandescent in the flickering light, a brilliant beacon of fire and passion and heat.
‘I’ve done nothing,’ Kaname said evenly. Zero could feel the monster within him raging against the bars. It demanded he set it loose, let it assuage the anger burning within him with blood. Reclining on the sofa as Kaname was, Zero had a perfect view of the pureblood’s elegant neck as he lay there, sprawled like a figure in a Renaissance painting, loose limbed and elegant. He could almost taste the blood pulsing beneath the skin, singing a siren song of temptation. A taste…he felt as though he was caught in a maelstrom, drawn inexorably to everything he’d never wanted. He took an unsteady step forward, not sure whether he wanted to flee or lunge forward and sink his fangs into that succulent throat.
‘Like hell you haven’t,’ he spat. He reached up to shove his hair back from his face and realised he was bleeding. He could feel the warmth of his blood in streaks across his forehead and registered for the first time the slight sting in his palms. Was it his imagination, or did a sudden intensity flash over Kaname’s face? He wondered, then, about the pureblood in front of him. Living off a paltry imitation of the ecstasy coursing through his own veins. ‘You…you’ve made me…’ he shook his head fiercely, grappling with the words. They tangled on his tongue, trying to trip him into a clumsy confession. He couldn’t…the lucidity of anger twisted, meshing with a thousand different emotions in a blur of pain and longing. He couldn’t think, couldn’t find clarity with the incorrigible creature of his dreams before him.
‘Made you what?’ Kaname asked softly, perfectly controlled. Something inside Zero screamed at him to shatter that control, to rip through every inch of that diamond encrusted armour to see what sins and sentiments lay beneath it. To…he shuddered at the force of his own black desires. What was happening to him? What bestial bondage was he embroiled in, ripped apart by need and hate, unable to find even a fragment of himself to cling too? Kaname rose sinuously to his feet, one hand resting on the arm of the couch in an almost courtly gesture. ‘Made you what?’ he repeated, still speaking quietly. Made me want you, Zero thought furiously, made me want you more than anything. It was torment. He didn’t even like Kaname, so how was it he couldn’t catch even a glimpse of him without remembering the exquisite taste of him? The feel of his skin as it gave way before his fangs?
Kaname sighed, taking a step forward, eyes blazing suddenly with a strange intensity. ‘Tell me, Zero,’ he said icily. ‘Tell me how you expect to protect Yuki while you wallow in your own self-indulgent misery. Do you think fighting your true nature makes you strong? It makes you weak. You insist on fighting a battle you will never win, and while you do so you waste your strength. I told you to be her shield, Zero, and what are you doing? Allowing yourself to be eaten up by your own selfishness.’ Zero jerked as if he’d been shot.
‘That’s not true!’ he bit out. He had to fight it. He wouldn’t let himself descend to that level, wouldn’t let himself become one of the things he hated. He wouldn’t betray his parents like that. Dead in pools of their own blood, eyes wide and unseeing, torn apart by the rage of one of the animals they had hunted. He wouldn’t surrender. Wouldn’t give in. How could he protect Yuki if he allowed himself to plummet into the depths of the monstrous darkness within him?
Kaname stepped towards him again. The fire seemed to surge in the grate, casting a hazy illumination over the pureblood’s face. He looked more inhuman than ever, draped in the soft bronze glow of the fire, lips parted to expose the barest hint of a fang.
‘Isn’t it?’ Kaname asked, still speaking cordially. ‘You’re starving. If blood was spilled in a fight, how do you think you’d react? What do you think you’d do? Could you defend anyone, wracked by hunger? What if it was Yuki’s blood? Could you resist it then? Could you save her?’
‘Stop it,’ Zero ground out. He could see it so clearly. Her fragile body, crumbling to the ground, blood flowing out to pool around her like reams of red silk. His hands, gentle on her wounded form, holding her, cradling her…bloodshot eyes, fangs dipping down, tasting…her ebullience lost forever to his lust, a sweet wild flower plucked away and left to wilt in pieces. ‘No!’ he yelled, the picture shaking him to his core. ‘I’d never…’ Kaname laughed harshly.
‘Wouldn’t you? You’ve almost done it before. Could you live with that? If your self-indulgence cost Yuki her life?’ Zero shook his head, his fingers curled around the Bloody Rose. He could feel his reason slipping away, feel the unbridled emotion rising to choke him as Kaname ripped open his soul and laid bare his every insecurity. Kaname smiled suddenly, and it chilled Zero to the marrow. There was something utterly alien in that smile; a sort of brutality a human mind could never contemplate. ‘Can you imagine,’ he asked conversationally, ‘what I would do to you if you cost her her life?’ Zero stared at him, stunned for a second by the vicious promise in his words. He forgot, sometimes, how dangerous Kaname could be. He couldn’t fathom the pureblood. He remembered the night he’d first gone to Kaname for blood, remembered the shock as he’d realised the other vampire enjoyed his aggression, craved his dominance. He remembered Kaname’s tears the last time they’d met, the salt wetness on his cheeks, the vulnerability in his eyes. Who was he? Which of the bewildering, tantalising facets revealed the true face of this demon?
‘I…I would never hurt Yuki. Never.’ Kaname laughed mockingly.
‘How can you say that, knowing your bloodlust as well as you do? You and I both know you are a slave to the hunger burning inside you.’ He took another step towards Zero, close enough now that Zero could have reached out and laid his hands on the pureblood’s torso. ‘You’re a fool, Zero Kiryu. You have the power to protect her within your grasp and you refuse to embrace it. Look at yourself! Look in the mirror, Zero! You can barely keep yourself from lunging and taking me right here! You can barely think, let alone defend her. You can smell it, can’t you? My blood. It’s all you can think about. It’s all you want. And while you deny yourself, your hunger will consume you.’ Zero flinched, trying to convince himself that Kaname was lying. Taunting him. But the hollow ache in his chest belied his denial. The arrows that pierced deepest were those dipped in the caustic venom of truth.
‘I…I…this is your fault!’ he yelled, every drop of pain, of despair, of anger suddenly surging to the surface. He just wanted to make it stop. To blame Kaname, to blame anyone, to do anything to stop this agonising pain inside his heart. ‘You…your blood…what have you done to me? What the hell have you done? I can’t…can’t…’ he gagged on the words again.
‘I’ve done nothing,’ Kaname said again, still infuriatingly calm. ‘You’ve done this to yourself. I wonder,’ he paused thoughtfully for a moment, ‘I wonder what your parent would think, if they saw you now.’ Something in Zero snapped. He registered, somewhat incredulously, that his hands were around Kaname’s throat, then they crashed into the couch and the part of him still operating rationally suffocated under the weight of his rage. His parents, their warmth and laughter. His parents, cold and dead on the floor. His parents, murdered by a creature just like him.
‘Shut up!’ Kaname forced himself to remain passive as the hunter surged towards him in a blur of passion and silver fire. He could have flicked the other boy aside like a troublesome insect, but he did not. Fingers closed around his throat and he dug his fingernails into his palms to keep himself from lashing out. He knew he was in no danger, but that couldn’t prevent the sudden quickening of fear deep inside him. Fear undershot by a perverse kind of excitement. He felt a twinge of guilt for his cruelty. He’d goaded Zero, he knew that, tormented him with a sadistic precision he himself found repugnant. But he donned this mask, as plain and black as his heart, for her, though he felt somehow dirty for torturing the hunter. It was the truth, but he knew better than any how deeply the truth cut. How much it hurt, to see the bones of honesty when all the pretence and posturing had rotted away.
He hit the couch hard, his head thudding into the wooden arm, one arm pinned under his back. The breath whooshed from his body as Zero crashed down on top of him, hands still biting deep into his throat. He saw stars for a moment, gasping for air. He registered that Zero had released him with one hand a moment before the hunter’s fist collided hard with his jaw. He bit down hard on the inside of his mouth to control his instincts. Every part of him screamed to throw the hunter off, to tear through his skin like tissue paper and teach him a lesson for this unforgivable impudence. The hunter’s blows were not as strong as they should have been, but pure rage was driving his fist. Zero punched him again and he felt his lip split, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth. He looked up at the other vampire and found him frozen in a portrait of perfect wrath, flushed with exertion, eyes shining ruby, fangs bared. A predator that had just scented the blood of its prey.
Zero stared at the blood, an entrancing trickle of crimson on white skin turned to bronze in the firelight. The violence had only fuelled the beast within him, and now, with Kaname pinned under him like a trapped butterfly, velvety wings fluttering frantically in his grasp, he found himself under a strange ensorcellment. He leant down slowly, revelling in the faint widening of Kaname’s eyes.
‘And what…’ he whispered with deceptive tenderness, ‘would your parents think of you if they could see you now?’ Kaname stiffened, but before the pureblood could move to throw him off Zero wrapped one hand in those silky brown locks, wrenching Kaname’s head back, and sank his fangs viciously into the throat exposed beneath him.
Kaname bit back a yell as Zero bit him shockingly hard. He raised his free hand but Zero caught his wrist and slammed it into the arm of the couch, keeping him pinned. The fear rose up again, the taste of all the memories he tried to keep locked away filling his mouth. He suspected Zero had cracked his wrist, and the bite wound on his throat was a special kind of agony, but the physical pain paled in comparison to the wounds Zero had just torn open on his heart. What would his parents think? His proud, beautiful, loving parents, what would they think of their cherished son if they saw him like this? Sprawled under a vampire he should have destroyed long ago, allowing his sacrosanct blood to feed the bewitching, deadly creature above him? Caught up in the tainted shackles of his own twisted longings? What would they think, if they saw the sick pleasure shining in his eyes as it battled with fear in this intoxicating game of power?
Zero’s hand tightened in his hair and he gasped unintentionally, fighting back memories of silver chains and merciless fangs. His split lip had healed, but he could feel the trail of blood from his mouth to his throat. Every inch of Zero’s body was pressed against his, the hunter’s body moulded against his own in an embrace that made a mockery of love. He could hear the hunter’s ragged breathing, deafeningly loud in the silent room. He could sense the desperation in the other vampire, the anger that was turning quickly to despair, the ecstasy that came with slaking his thirst as it overrode all other concerns.
‘Zero,’ he said warningly, as he registered the beginnings of dizziness. The hunter bit down harder, forcing him back against the chair. ‘Zero!’ he repeated, feeling the first prickling of genuine fear. He played Russian Roulette with a silver-kissed pistol whenever they were together, and it was the sheer danger that made it both exhilarating and an unacceptable risk. Perhaps it was his own particularly delicious form of suicide. A way to feel something again. ‘Zero!’ He tensed, ready to toss the hunter away from him, but as if sensing his intentions Zero jerked his fangs loose with more force than necessary, staring down at Kaname with eyes still gleaming red. Kaname winced as blood spurted from the fresh tears on his throat. It hurt. Badly.
He stared at Zero for a few long moments, trying to read the emotions behind the frantic ruby eyes. Without warning, the hunter swooped down and dragged his tongue over the trail of blood remaining from Kaname’s split lip. Kaname jerked as the hunter left a trail of heat on his cool skin. ‘Zero,’ he breathed against the hunter’s lips, not sure whether it was a warning or an entreaty. Zero hesitated for a moment, then slammed his lips into Kaname’s with a brutality that assured the pureblood his vampire nature had well and truly broken free of its fetters.
Fandom: Vampire Knight
Characters/Pairing: Kaname x Zero, Zero x Kaname
Rating: M
Warnings: Slash, angst, violence, biting, light BDSM themes
Notes: AU, but could technically probably slot in to canon just after the end of season 1 of the anime. I also feel I should mention that Kaname's past, which is alluded too, is from my imagination, though influenced by both Sagakure and Blackened Wing. I hope they don't mind me drawing influence from their work :)
Disclaimer: If I owned several insanely attractive vampires would I be on LJ posting fanfiction?
Summary: Zero and Kaname both yearn for different things, but as the bloody ties that bind them draw them closer together, can they keep from destroying one other?
Author's Notes: This and the next chapter were initially intended to be one chapter, but the length got a little out of control on me, so it's in two parts. The ending is a bit of a cliffhanger, so I apologise. I'm not really that sorry. XD Oh, and on an extremely random note, I stumbled over this quote and found myself reminded of my two favourite vampire boys:
“Then comes Desire, with its many maladies, and Lust that makes one love all that one loathes, and Shame, with its ashen face and secret smile.” - Oscar Wilde
Kaname bit into the cake. It crumpled into his mouth, the blend of cinnamon and sugar melting on his tongue. He sighed gently, closing his eyes and tilting his head back on the edge of the couch, his silky hair loose and tangled. There was no moon tonight, the stars bereft of their loving ruler, lonely and cold. The fire bathed the room in a soft bronze luminescence, colouring his porcelain skin and weaving strands of copper through his hair. His shirt was partially unbuttoned, slipping open to reveal the contours of his torso, the fabric silky against his bare skin. Small pleasures in a stark and sanguinary world. Here, tucked away in his ivory tower, he could for a few brief moments let his battered silver armour fall away and luxuriate in the firelight and the scent of roses redolent in the air.
A few errant grains of icing sugar still clung to his skin and he raised a finger to his mouth absently, licking away the saccharine remnants. His thoughts skittered too and fro, for once refusing to quiet even here in his haven of solitude and silence. Infuriating questions flickered at the edge of his consciousness, the answers elusive as ever, taunting and tormenting him. Strange, that one so obstinate and unyielding could be so pliant in his arms. He tossed his head, as if he could somehow shake the provocative thoughts from his skull. They plagued him, filling his waking hours and dancing through his dreams. Odd, that one so bitter could taste so sweet.
They had tumbled back into their old routine, an endless cycle of avoidance and denial. Zero could barely look at him, glancing away from his level gaze, pale cheeks flushing becomingly. He could never tell whether the dangerous glint in those brilliant amethyst eyes was rage, frustration or something far more deadly. All his pieces, all his pawns and his bishops, his knights and his rooks, they were all moving inexorably towards the climax of his game. Perfectly poised, unaware that even as they defied him they danced to his tune. Sweet little marionettes, painted faces and wooden limbs. Yet he found himself distracted. Year after year of blood-drenched drive, year after year of icy determination, year after year of being as implacable as ice…and now, as this symphony moved towards its crescendo, he found himself drawn all too often to the creature who could yet be the downfall of what he had worked for.
He sighed again and the shadows fled from his melancholy to fret and flutter in the corners of the room. Too many threads. One slip of the needle and he would stain the pure white fabric with his lifeblood. The creeping despair that had gnawed at his heels for so long seemed to be closing, hunting him down as a wolf stalks its beleaguered prey, knowing the end is near. He was so tired. He’d been driven so long by his hate, he found himself longing disconcertingly often for something more, something pure, something gentle. Folly, all of it. Idle thoughts and fantasies, serving only to tempt and distract. He’d lived long enough to know the dangers of yearning.
Zero caressed the barrel of the Bloody Rose gently, soothing himself with the feel of the cool metal beneath his fingers. He knew every nick and crevice of the gun like he knew his own body. Every bump, every scratch, every imperfection with its own tiny story. He raised a trembling hand to his forehead, pushing his hair back from his eyes. Damn you, Kaname, he thought furiously. What have you done to me? Even sleep denied him solace, as he fell into a twilight world of bloody sensuality and macabre fantasy, to wake tangled in his sheets and gasping for air, the phantom sweetness of Kaname’s blood lingering in the air. An addict, sprawled on red silk sheets in his own private den of opulence and hellish longing.
He disgusted himself. He looked into the mirror and saw everything he despised, saw a vicious, bloodthirsty animal staring back at him, brimming with vile desires. He couldn’t keep the thoughts at bay. At night, moonlight splashed across the floor like pools of molten silver, he would lie still and remember. Remember the intoxicating feeling of a lithe, supple body moulded to his, the erotic perfection as blood flooded his mouth, velvety and rich. Remember the perfect desperation as lips had crashed together, fingers fumbling on buttons, heated skin on skin…
‘No!’ he snarled aloud, the soft exclamation echoing in the silent corridor. What profane sorcery had Kaname worked on him? What cruel games was the pureblood playing? What had the infuriating being of darkness done, to reduce him to this grovelling, needy creature, a slave to these unholy lusts? He was through the door before he even realised he was moving. It bounced off the wall with a crash, but he didn’t notice. All he could focus on was the need to demand answers, to tear them out of the pureblood if necessary, to wreak havoc with that beautiful body until Kaname confessed to his trickery.
Kaname glanced up as the door burst open, coming face to face with a whirlwind of silvery hair and bewitching amethyst eyes turned to purple ice by rage. He’d sensed Zero outside the door, but he hadn’t expected the hunter to announce himself with quite that degree of…vigour.
‘What the hell have you done to me?’ Zero hissed, poised in the middle of the room, the tension radiating off him. He had one hand curled under his blazer, nestling against what Kaname knew was his gun, the other clenched into a fist at his side. From the faint waft of blood, his fingernails had gouged deep into his palms. He was incandescent in the flickering light, a brilliant beacon of fire and passion and heat.
‘I’ve done nothing,’ Kaname said evenly. Zero could feel the monster within him raging against the bars. It demanded he set it loose, let it assuage the anger burning within him with blood. Reclining on the sofa as Kaname was, Zero had a perfect view of the pureblood’s elegant neck as he lay there, sprawled like a figure in a Renaissance painting, loose limbed and elegant. He could almost taste the blood pulsing beneath the skin, singing a siren song of temptation. A taste…he felt as though he was caught in a maelstrom, drawn inexorably to everything he’d never wanted. He took an unsteady step forward, not sure whether he wanted to flee or lunge forward and sink his fangs into that succulent throat.
‘Like hell you haven’t,’ he spat. He reached up to shove his hair back from his face and realised he was bleeding. He could feel the warmth of his blood in streaks across his forehead and registered for the first time the slight sting in his palms. Was it his imagination, or did a sudden intensity flash over Kaname’s face? He wondered, then, about the pureblood in front of him. Living off a paltry imitation of the ecstasy coursing through his own veins. ‘You…you’ve made me…’ he shook his head fiercely, grappling with the words. They tangled on his tongue, trying to trip him into a clumsy confession. He couldn’t…the lucidity of anger twisted, meshing with a thousand different emotions in a blur of pain and longing. He couldn’t think, couldn’t find clarity with the incorrigible creature of his dreams before him.
‘Made you what?’ Kaname asked softly, perfectly controlled. Something inside Zero screamed at him to shatter that control, to rip through every inch of that diamond encrusted armour to see what sins and sentiments lay beneath it. To…he shuddered at the force of his own black desires. What was happening to him? What bestial bondage was he embroiled in, ripped apart by need and hate, unable to find even a fragment of himself to cling too? Kaname rose sinuously to his feet, one hand resting on the arm of the couch in an almost courtly gesture. ‘Made you what?’ he repeated, still speaking quietly. Made me want you, Zero thought furiously, made me want you more than anything. It was torment. He didn’t even like Kaname, so how was it he couldn’t catch even a glimpse of him without remembering the exquisite taste of him? The feel of his skin as it gave way before his fangs?
Kaname sighed, taking a step forward, eyes blazing suddenly with a strange intensity. ‘Tell me, Zero,’ he said icily. ‘Tell me how you expect to protect Yuki while you wallow in your own self-indulgent misery. Do you think fighting your true nature makes you strong? It makes you weak. You insist on fighting a battle you will never win, and while you do so you waste your strength. I told you to be her shield, Zero, and what are you doing? Allowing yourself to be eaten up by your own selfishness.’ Zero jerked as if he’d been shot.
‘That’s not true!’ he bit out. He had to fight it. He wouldn’t let himself descend to that level, wouldn’t let himself become one of the things he hated. He wouldn’t betray his parents like that. Dead in pools of their own blood, eyes wide and unseeing, torn apart by the rage of one of the animals they had hunted. He wouldn’t surrender. Wouldn’t give in. How could he protect Yuki if he allowed himself to plummet into the depths of the monstrous darkness within him?
Kaname stepped towards him again. The fire seemed to surge in the grate, casting a hazy illumination over the pureblood’s face. He looked more inhuman than ever, draped in the soft bronze glow of the fire, lips parted to expose the barest hint of a fang.
‘Isn’t it?’ Kaname asked, still speaking cordially. ‘You’re starving. If blood was spilled in a fight, how do you think you’d react? What do you think you’d do? Could you defend anyone, wracked by hunger? What if it was Yuki’s blood? Could you resist it then? Could you save her?’
‘Stop it,’ Zero ground out. He could see it so clearly. Her fragile body, crumbling to the ground, blood flowing out to pool around her like reams of red silk. His hands, gentle on her wounded form, holding her, cradling her…bloodshot eyes, fangs dipping down, tasting…her ebullience lost forever to his lust, a sweet wild flower plucked away and left to wilt in pieces. ‘No!’ he yelled, the picture shaking him to his core. ‘I’d never…’ Kaname laughed harshly.
‘Wouldn’t you? You’ve almost done it before. Could you live with that? If your self-indulgence cost Yuki her life?’ Zero shook his head, his fingers curled around the Bloody Rose. He could feel his reason slipping away, feel the unbridled emotion rising to choke him as Kaname ripped open his soul and laid bare his every insecurity. Kaname smiled suddenly, and it chilled Zero to the marrow. There was something utterly alien in that smile; a sort of brutality a human mind could never contemplate. ‘Can you imagine,’ he asked conversationally, ‘what I would do to you if you cost her her life?’ Zero stared at him, stunned for a second by the vicious promise in his words. He forgot, sometimes, how dangerous Kaname could be. He couldn’t fathom the pureblood. He remembered the night he’d first gone to Kaname for blood, remembered the shock as he’d realised the other vampire enjoyed his aggression, craved his dominance. He remembered Kaname’s tears the last time they’d met, the salt wetness on his cheeks, the vulnerability in his eyes. Who was he? Which of the bewildering, tantalising facets revealed the true face of this demon?
‘I…I would never hurt Yuki. Never.’ Kaname laughed mockingly.
‘How can you say that, knowing your bloodlust as well as you do? You and I both know you are a slave to the hunger burning inside you.’ He took another step towards Zero, close enough now that Zero could have reached out and laid his hands on the pureblood’s torso. ‘You’re a fool, Zero Kiryu. You have the power to protect her within your grasp and you refuse to embrace it. Look at yourself! Look in the mirror, Zero! You can barely keep yourself from lunging and taking me right here! You can barely think, let alone defend her. You can smell it, can’t you? My blood. It’s all you can think about. It’s all you want. And while you deny yourself, your hunger will consume you.’ Zero flinched, trying to convince himself that Kaname was lying. Taunting him. But the hollow ache in his chest belied his denial. The arrows that pierced deepest were those dipped in the caustic venom of truth.
‘I…I…this is your fault!’ he yelled, every drop of pain, of despair, of anger suddenly surging to the surface. He just wanted to make it stop. To blame Kaname, to blame anyone, to do anything to stop this agonising pain inside his heart. ‘You…your blood…what have you done to me? What the hell have you done? I can’t…can’t…’ he gagged on the words again.
‘I’ve done nothing,’ Kaname said again, still infuriatingly calm. ‘You’ve done this to yourself. I wonder,’ he paused thoughtfully for a moment, ‘I wonder what your parent would think, if they saw you now.’ Something in Zero snapped. He registered, somewhat incredulously, that his hands were around Kaname’s throat, then they crashed into the couch and the part of him still operating rationally suffocated under the weight of his rage. His parents, their warmth and laughter. His parents, cold and dead on the floor. His parents, murdered by a creature just like him.
‘Shut up!’ Kaname forced himself to remain passive as the hunter surged towards him in a blur of passion and silver fire. He could have flicked the other boy aside like a troublesome insect, but he did not. Fingers closed around his throat and he dug his fingernails into his palms to keep himself from lashing out. He knew he was in no danger, but that couldn’t prevent the sudden quickening of fear deep inside him. Fear undershot by a perverse kind of excitement. He felt a twinge of guilt for his cruelty. He’d goaded Zero, he knew that, tormented him with a sadistic precision he himself found repugnant. But he donned this mask, as plain and black as his heart, for her, though he felt somehow dirty for torturing the hunter. It was the truth, but he knew better than any how deeply the truth cut. How much it hurt, to see the bones of honesty when all the pretence and posturing had rotted away.
He hit the couch hard, his head thudding into the wooden arm, one arm pinned under his back. The breath whooshed from his body as Zero crashed down on top of him, hands still biting deep into his throat. He saw stars for a moment, gasping for air. He registered that Zero had released him with one hand a moment before the hunter’s fist collided hard with his jaw. He bit down hard on the inside of his mouth to control his instincts. Every part of him screamed to throw the hunter off, to tear through his skin like tissue paper and teach him a lesson for this unforgivable impudence. The hunter’s blows were not as strong as they should have been, but pure rage was driving his fist. Zero punched him again and he felt his lip split, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth. He looked up at the other vampire and found him frozen in a portrait of perfect wrath, flushed with exertion, eyes shining ruby, fangs bared. A predator that had just scented the blood of its prey.
Zero stared at the blood, an entrancing trickle of crimson on white skin turned to bronze in the firelight. The violence had only fuelled the beast within him, and now, with Kaname pinned under him like a trapped butterfly, velvety wings fluttering frantically in his grasp, he found himself under a strange ensorcellment. He leant down slowly, revelling in the faint widening of Kaname’s eyes.
‘And what…’ he whispered with deceptive tenderness, ‘would your parents think of you if they could see you now?’ Kaname stiffened, but before the pureblood could move to throw him off Zero wrapped one hand in those silky brown locks, wrenching Kaname’s head back, and sank his fangs viciously into the throat exposed beneath him.
Kaname bit back a yell as Zero bit him shockingly hard. He raised his free hand but Zero caught his wrist and slammed it into the arm of the couch, keeping him pinned. The fear rose up again, the taste of all the memories he tried to keep locked away filling his mouth. He suspected Zero had cracked his wrist, and the bite wound on his throat was a special kind of agony, but the physical pain paled in comparison to the wounds Zero had just torn open on his heart. What would his parents think? His proud, beautiful, loving parents, what would they think of their cherished son if they saw him like this? Sprawled under a vampire he should have destroyed long ago, allowing his sacrosanct blood to feed the bewitching, deadly creature above him? Caught up in the tainted shackles of his own twisted longings? What would they think, if they saw the sick pleasure shining in his eyes as it battled with fear in this intoxicating game of power?
Zero’s hand tightened in his hair and he gasped unintentionally, fighting back memories of silver chains and merciless fangs. His split lip had healed, but he could feel the trail of blood from his mouth to his throat. Every inch of Zero’s body was pressed against his, the hunter’s body moulded against his own in an embrace that made a mockery of love. He could hear the hunter’s ragged breathing, deafeningly loud in the silent room. He could sense the desperation in the other vampire, the anger that was turning quickly to despair, the ecstasy that came with slaking his thirst as it overrode all other concerns.
‘Zero,’ he said warningly, as he registered the beginnings of dizziness. The hunter bit down harder, forcing him back against the chair. ‘Zero!’ he repeated, feeling the first prickling of genuine fear. He played Russian Roulette with a silver-kissed pistol whenever they were together, and it was the sheer danger that made it both exhilarating and an unacceptable risk. Perhaps it was his own particularly delicious form of suicide. A way to feel something again. ‘Zero!’ He tensed, ready to toss the hunter away from him, but as if sensing his intentions Zero jerked his fangs loose with more force than necessary, staring down at Kaname with eyes still gleaming red. Kaname winced as blood spurted from the fresh tears on his throat. It hurt. Badly.
He stared at Zero for a few long moments, trying to read the emotions behind the frantic ruby eyes. Without warning, the hunter swooped down and dragged his tongue over the trail of blood remaining from Kaname’s split lip. Kaname jerked as the hunter left a trail of heat on his cool skin. ‘Zero,’ he breathed against the hunter’s lips, not sure whether it was a warning or an entreaty. Zero hesitated for a moment, then slammed his lips into Kaname’s with a brutality that assured the pureblood his vampire nature had well and truly broken free of its fetters.