Day... something of 31.
Read at own risk. The cut tag was properly typed at first but the rats liked it better this way, and since they *are* my pets, I thought I would leave it.
Well the first one is sort of inspired by but not directed at libs_rock. While not liking animals is all fine and dandy, what bugs me is people who have an irrational dislike of animals with no reason for it - I'm talking about the kind of people who would see me out and about socialising one of the baby rats and ask "Aw, what's that, a mouse?" and as soon as I said "No, s/he's a baby rat" they would recoil making "Urgh, a rat!" faces, despite having found them cute before. Or the people who insist on calling the bats "birdies" because if they call them bats their kids will be afraid. WTF why?
More work related pet hates - people who skim their hands over other people's heads pretending that it's a bat touching them. No, this wasn't funny the first time I witnessed it, and it has got no funnier in the 5 thousand or so times I've seen it since then. When it's people doing it to their friends who don't mind, it's just dumb. When they do it to their friends who are frightened, that's mean and assholish (plus it usually turns people from "a bit nervous but in control" to "screaming hysterically if a bat comes within a metre of them"). People who do it to strangers are lucky not to get punched.
- people who come in to see the bats despite being terrified of bats/the dark/flying things/their own shadows. It's ok to be afraid or just plain not like something, but if that's the case just... don't come in. It's not compulsory, anyone who judges you for not wanting to come through isn't worth your time, and you just make the experience infinitely more stressful for the animals, the staff, and the other visitors when you spend the entire time kicking off. Also why are you always so loud? Seriously? Your voice, it does not sound lovely or beautiful (funnily enough we never get Richard Armitage or Benedict Cumberbatch coming in to yell and scream). There are other ways to get attention. Plus, experience suggests that if you have the capability to scream you're probably not that frightened, so no you won't be getting any sympathy (Genuinely terrified people who are literally unable to move and totally silent with tears streaming down your face, we will be nice to you - if still baffled about why you came in)
- people who ignore you or assume they know how to do your job better than you do... when I tell you to move, that means move, not fanny about squealing for five minutes, hold the door open when I have explicitly asked you not to, or do anything other than move.
- people not knowing the difference between a monkey and an ape... when I have just spent 5 minutes explaining it
- people saying to their kids "ooh, the giraffe/monkey/elephant/lion/hippogriff is coming over to say hello!" Yep, the animals are definitely interested in your super special snowflake kids and it has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with the keeper who is walking up behind you with food.
- "Can I say something on the microphone?" No, no you can't. Again, the irritation is only intensified when you ask me and I am IN THE MIDDLE OF A TALK. There are acceptable reasons to interrupt me (chimps rampaging through the zoo, child falling into the rhino paddock, visitors having a fight, first aid emergency etc.), wanting to say happy birthday to your mum is not one of them.
- Jumping over the standoff barriers. WTF people, the barriers are there for your safety, not to prevent you from getting a good photograph. And yeah, when you dump your toddler over the barriers at lions and laugh about it, I will come over and scream at you (and not be able to stop shaking for 10 minutes afterwards) because yes, the lions are more than capable of grabbing hold of them and ripping them apart.
- People assuming I am a failed zoo keeper (this one is more from colleagues, sadly) and only do my job because I couldn't get an animal position. Nope, I actually wanted to work in education, and have never had any desire to nor attempted to get into keeping. I respect your career choices and trust that you are competent to do your job, please afford me the same courtesy.
Other pet hates:
People who don't indicate. Especially when they then give you the stink eye for crossing over the road they are turning into. Well shit son, if only there was some way for you to indicate your intention to make a turn instead of relying on my substandard psychic powers to tell me where you are going (Inverse of this: people who get pissed off at me for not indicating - yup, that is because I am going straight on, if there is a sign to indicate this, I am as yet unaware of it. Or I am in the outside lane on a 2 lane roundabout (where the Highway Code says I should be at all times) I'm not turning left at this exit, and I don't want to pull into the inside lane. So I am not frelling indicating.)
People who refuse to pass safely. Yep, whether you like it or not, I am entitled to a whole entire lane, just like you are. Want to know why I am riding in the middle of the lane? Because of all the assholes who refuse to either overtake safely or give way when there is an obstruction on their side of the road (protip: If I can smack your wing mirrors as you go past, you're too fucking close)
People who stop in the most inconvenient places to stop and have lengthy chats (in front of doors, in the middle of a busy high street, just around a blind corner on a cycle path) or people who park in disabled bays or no parking zones because they are too lazy and self-centred to take other people's needs into account, people walking in a group who refuse to move over when there are many of them, and only one of you, cyclists on the pavement (no I am not going to get out of your way, get on the bloody road).
Dog walkers who leave dog shit lying everywhere. Dog walkers (and joggers) who are completely oblivious to the world around them (please to walk/run in the section of the path with a picture of a person walking in it, not the picture of a person cycling; and also please do not drag your dog across the path when they have stopped because they are paying attention when you are not and can see someone coming)
I feel like I could go on and on with this one, but I will leave it there. It has been a bit of a rough week - I am extremely short on sleep for no obvious reasons (my brain is just not making with the sleepytimes of late), I am getting ill, and I have had to be nice and polite to everyone despite feeling like poo and misanthropic to the max... so I needed this little bit of catharsis. I feel much better now! :)
So this doesn't sound like I just really hate my job (I don't honest, I actually really like it), here is one of the nice things that happened today. I was just getting ready to do the rhino talk, a school group walked into the house where we have a female and her calf having a bit of a snooze. Just as I was due to start, Mum lifts up her back leg and lets rip with the most enormous fart (we are talking 30 seconds plus in duration), much to the delight of the children (and myself, let's be honest). So of course I had to mention it in the talk (and if anyone complains about my use of the word 'fart' on the mic I will tell them that I am a Penn alum and I will always and forever Fart Proudly). The icing on the cake however, was the little girl who came up to me afterwards and asked me very earnestly "Does that mean the rhino is about to give birth?"
Well the first one is sort of inspired by but not directed at libs_rock. While not liking animals is all fine and dandy, what bugs me is people who have an irrational dislike of animals with no reason for it - I'm talking about the kind of people who would see me out and about socialising one of the baby rats and ask "Aw, what's that, a mouse?" and as soon as I said "No, s/he's a baby rat" they would recoil making "Urgh, a rat!" faces, despite having found them cute before. Or the people who insist on calling the bats "birdies" because if they call them bats their kids will be afraid. WTF why?
More work related pet hates - people who skim their hands over other people's heads pretending that it's a bat touching them. No, this wasn't funny the first time I witnessed it, and it has got no funnier in the 5 thousand or so times I've seen it since then. When it's people doing it to their friends who don't mind, it's just dumb. When they do it to their friends who are frightened, that's mean and assholish (plus it usually turns people from "a bit nervous but in control" to "screaming hysterically if a bat comes within a metre of them"). People who do it to strangers are lucky not to get punched.
- people who come in to see the bats despite being terrified of bats/the dark/flying things/their own shadows. It's ok to be afraid or just plain not like something, but if that's the case just... don't come in. It's not compulsory, anyone who judges you for not wanting to come through isn't worth your time, and you just make the experience infinitely more stressful for the animals, the staff, and the other visitors when you spend the entire time kicking off. Also why are you always so loud? Seriously? Your voice, it does not sound lovely or beautiful (funnily enough we never get Richard Armitage or Benedict Cumberbatch coming in to yell and scream). There are other ways to get attention. Plus, experience suggests that if you have the capability to scream you're probably not that frightened, so no you won't be getting any sympathy (Genuinely terrified people who are literally unable to move and totally silent with tears streaming down your face, we will be nice to you - if still baffled about why you came in)
- people who ignore you or assume they know how to do your job better than you do... when I tell you to move, that means move, not fanny about squealing for five minutes, hold the door open when I have explicitly asked you not to, or do anything other than move.
- people not knowing the difference between a monkey and an ape... when I have just spent 5 minutes explaining it
- people saying to their kids "ooh, the giraffe/monkey/elephant/lion/hippogriff is coming over to say hello!" Yep, the animals are definitely interested in your super special snowflake kids and it has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with the keeper who is walking up behind you with food.
- "Can I say something on the microphone?" No, no you can't. Again, the irritation is only intensified when you ask me and I am IN THE MIDDLE OF A TALK. There are acceptable reasons to interrupt me (chimps rampaging through the zoo, child falling into the rhino paddock, visitors having a fight, first aid emergency etc.), wanting to say happy birthday to your mum is not one of them.
- Jumping over the standoff barriers. WTF people, the barriers are there for your safety, not to prevent you from getting a good photograph. And yeah, when you dump your toddler over the barriers at lions and laugh about it, I will come over and scream at you (and not be able to stop shaking for 10 minutes afterwards) because yes, the lions are more than capable of grabbing hold of them and ripping them apart.
- People assuming I am a failed zoo keeper (this one is more from colleagues, sadly) and only do my job because I couldn't get an animal position. Nope, I actually wanted to work in education, and have never had any desire to nor attempted to get into keeping. I respect your career choices and trust that you are competent to do your job, please afford me the same courtesy.
Other pet hates:
People who don't indicate. Especially when they then give you the stink eye for crossing over the road they are turning into. Well shit son, if only there was some way for you to indicate your intention to make a turn instead of relying on my substandard psychic powers to tell me where you are going (Inverse of this: people who get pissed off at me for not indicating - yup, that is because I am going straight on, if there is a sign to indicate this, I am as yet unaware of it. Or I am in the outside lane on a 2 lane roundabout (where the Highway Code says I should be at all times) I'm not turning left at this exit, and I don't want to pull into the inside lane. So I am not frelling indicating.)
People who refuse to pass safely. Yep, whether you like it or not, I am entitled to a whole entire lane, just like you are. Want to know why I am riding in the middle of the lane? Because of all the assholes who refuse to either overtake safely or give way when there is an obstruction on their side of the road (protip: If I can smack your wing mirrors as you go past, you're too fucking close)
People who stop in the most inconvenient places to stop and have lengthy chats (in front of doors, in the middle of a busy high street, just around a blind corner on a cycle path) or people who park in disabled bays or no parking zones because they are too lazy and self-centred to take other people's needs into account, people walking in a group who refuse to move over when there are many of them, and only one of you, cyclists on the pavement (no I am not going to get out of your way, get on the bloody road).
Dog walkers who leave dog shit lying everywhere. Dog walkers (and joggers) who are completely oblivious to the world around them (please to walk/run in the section of the path with a picture of a person walking in it, not the picture of a person cycling; and also please do not drag your dog across the path when they have stopped because they are paying attention when you are not and can see someone coming)
I feel like I could go on and on with this one, but I will leave it there. It has been a bit of a rough week - I am extremely short on sleep for no obvious reasons (my brain is just not making with the sleepytimes of late), I am getting ill, and I have had to be nice and polite to everyone despite feeling like poo and misanthropic to the max... so I needed this little bit of catharsis. I feel much better now! :)
So this doesn't sound like I just really hate my job (I don't honest, I actually really like it), here is one of the nice things that happened today. I was just getting ready to do the rhino talk, a school group walked into the house where we have a female and her calf having a bit of a snooze. Just as I was due to start, Mum lifts up her back leg and lets rip with the most enormous fart (we are talking 30 seconds plus in duration), much to the delight of the children (and myself, let's be honest). So of course I had to mention it in the talk (and if anyone complains about my use of the word 'fart' on the mic I will tell them that I am a Penn alum and I will always and forever Fart Proudly). The icing on the cake however, was the little girl who came up to me afterwards and asked me very earnestly "Does that mean the rhino is about to give birth?"