[fic] The One You Wanted
Title: The One You Wanted
Characters: Fugaku, Kushina
Pairings: Fugaku/Kushina
Genre: Humour/Romance
Rating: K+
Summary: AU crack. Five ways Fugaku and Kushina never met.
1. Masquerade
She really wishes she knew who her partner was. By midnight, she's worked her way through most of the men she knows and discarded all of them. Dark-haired and silent so not Chouza, Inoichi or Minato. Shikaku, perhaps? No, he would have found an excuse to sit down after ten minutes or so. She studies his hair again and decides that he's not Shibi either. The Hyuuga twins are out as well because she spotted them earlier and their hair is far longer than her partner's anyway.
The big reveal comes finally and she stares at the impassive face of Uchiha Fugaku. It doesn't remain that way for long though as she promptly stomps on his feet. Hard.
"You are the worst dancer ever!" she informs him loudly before storming off.
His cousin Mikoto glides up to him then, practically radiating amusement despite her politely neutral expression.
"Kushina has quite a temper, doesn't she?" she comments.
"Hn."
He watches her go, pretending he doesn't notice Mikoto's concerned look.
2. Kidnapped!
He draws himself up to his full height in an attempt to intimidate his captor.
The red-haired pirate pokes him in the chest with one finger, clearly unimpressed. Her crew is watching them, amused.
He knows that he will never live this one down when he is rescued.
The commander of the Science Police, Uchiha Fugaku, caught by a pirate whose bounty couldn't even buy a house in the poorest part of Bistak. He'll be the laughing stock of the force for weeks.
--------------------------------------------------
Kushina is crowing mentally. The police commander! His ransom will feed them for weeks, maybe even months if they're lucky.
He's annoying though. Trying to threaten her? Just because she was small fry at the moment didn't mean anything. After all, she'd caught him, hadn't she?
-------------------------------------------------
She's not sure why it feels odd to think of him leaving. He'd been a solid, glowering presence on their vessel for weeks and her crew certainly will be happy to hand him over.
Oh well, she's getting what she wanted at least.
3. In the Tower
He stares. And then stares some more. And then promptly considers the merits of banging his head against the wall repeatedly. This is not happening to him.
Yes, he'd been unfortunate enough to end up being cursed by the evil wizard Orochimaru and been consequently locked up in a tower for his own safety but the man was known for his odd tendencies and he certainly wasn't the only prince to fall victim so there was some consolation in that.
However, waking up to this...
The red-headed woman looks at him, disappointed.
"That's all the thanks I get? Not even a kiss? Maybe I should have tried Prince Minato instead, at least he's supposed to have manners," she demands.
There are many possible responses to this. Some of them might even be right. Unfortunately, Fugaku's ability to say the wrong thing is infamous in his family.
"I do not recall asking to be saved."
She glares at him.
"Why, interested in staying here the rest of your life, your Highness?"
Then she does something very unexpected. She crosses the room and yanks him down to her level, kissing him roughly. He's too stunned to respond and she stops after twenty seconds or so.
"Well, coming, your Highness?"
He follows her mutely.
4. Fraternisation
She watches the man warily. You don't survive long as a hunter if you don't have good instincts and hers are screaming 'danger'.
He's not doing anything particularly suspicious but she knows that doesn't mean anything.
She looks away, studying the bar intently, and when she glances back, he's suddenly sitting opposite her. He looks her up and down, clearly unimpressed.
"I have an offer for you," he says.
She blinks. That had not been what she'd expected. Her silence is taken as a sign that she's interested and he continues.
"The Akatsuki are moving," he says, dark eyes intense. "And they seek the jinchuuriki."
"So? Why should I care?"
Jiraiya had hinted but there hadn't been time to stop and listen. Old regrets stir in her before she shoves them back down.
"You should know that already. I can offer sanctuary to you and yours."
"Not interested."
She leaves then and he doesn't stop her.
-----------------------------------------
Five minutes out of the bar, she's attacked by a dark-haired man. He seems to favour fire-based spells which would normally put her at an advantage except he's fast. Very fast.
As she dodges another fireball, a voice rings out.
"Stop."
It's the man from the bar again. He engages in a staring contest with her attacker briefly before the attacker disappears.
He turns to her and looks vaguely expectant.
She thinks quickly. It could be a trap, of course, but there are better and easy ways so...
"What's your name?"
His lips twitch upward into a smile.
"Uchiha Fugaku."
"I'm Uzumaki Kushina."
He nods and they walk into the darkness together.
5. Date
They look at each other uncomfortably.
"So..."
She pokes at her food.
"Mikoto set you up as well?"
He nods and the awkward silence resumes.
"Let's just go."
His raised eyebrow makes her flush and explain herself.
"It's obvious this isn't going to work."
"Maybe not. But she won't be happy if we don't try."
She stares. That's the most words she's heard him say at once. Ever.
"We could go for a walk," she offers eventually.
He nods and they leave.
------------------------------------------
They end up in the park near the pond somehow.
Some ducks waddle up to him; bread appears out of his pockets and into their bills. There is no in-between stage because that would require her to believe that Uchiha Fugaku feeds birds willingly and her world isn't quite ready for that concept. (It was shaken enough by getting two sentences out of him earlier.)
After a while, he glances at her.
Her mobile rings at that point though and she answers it.
"Uzumaki Kushina speaking."
She listens briefly before showing her surprise at something.
"She did what?"
A long pause as her expression changes from shock to resignation.
"I understand. I'll be there soon."
She hangs up and turns to him.
"I'm sorry but my mother needs me to go pick up my younger sister now," she says apologetically.
"Here."
He hands a piece of paper to her.
A number's written on it along with two words. Call me.
She's smiling as she leaves.
Characters: Fugaku, Kushina
Pairings: Fugaku/Kushina
Genre: Humour/Romance
Rating: K+
Summary: AU crack. Five ways Fugaku and Kushina never met.
1. Masquerade
She really wishes she knew who her partner was. By midnight, she's worked her way through most of the men she knows and discarded all of them. Dark-haired and silent so not Chouza, Inoichi or Minato. Shikaku, perhaps? No, he would have found an excuse to sit down after ten minutes or so. She studies his hair again and decides that he's not Shibi either. The Hyuuga twins are out as well because she spotted them earlier and their hair is far longer than her partner's anyway.
The big reveal comes finally and she stares at the impassive face of Uchiha Fugaku. It doesn't remain that way for long though as she promptly stomps on his feet. Hard.
"You are the worst dancer ever!" she informs him loudly before storming off.
His cousin Mikoto glides up to him then, practically radiating amusement despite her politely neutral expression.
"Kushina has quite a temper, doesn't she?" she comments.
"Hn."
He watches her go, pretending he doesn't notice Mikoto's concerned look.
2. Kidnapped!
He draws himself up to his full height in an attempt to intimidate his captor.
The red-haired pirate pokes him in the chest with one finger, clearly unimpressed. Her crew is watching them, amused.
He knows that he will never live this one down when he is rescued.
The commander of the Science Police, Uchiha Fugaku, caught by a pirate whose bounty couldn't even buy a house in the poorest part of Bistak. He'll be the laughing stock of the force for weeks.
--------------------------------------------------
Kushina is crowing mentally. The police commander! His ransom will feed them for weeks, maybe even months if they're lucky.
He's annoying though. Trying to threaten her? Just because she was small fry at the moment didn't mean anything. After all, she'd caught him, hadn't she?
-------------------------------------------------
She's not sure why it feels odd to think of him leaving. He'd been a solid, glowering presence on their vessel for weeks and her crew certainly will be happy to hand him over.
Oh well, she's getting what she wanted at least.
3. In the Tower
He stares. And then stares some more. And then promptly considers the merits of banging his head against the wall repeatedly. This is not happening to him.
Yes, he'd been unfortunate enough to end up being cursed by the evil wizard Orochimaru and been consequently locked up in a tower for his own safety but the man was known for his odd tendencies and he certainly wasn't the only prince to fall victim so there was some consolation in that.
However, waking up to this...
The red-headed woman looks at him, disappointed.
"That's all the thanks I get? Not even a kiss? Maybe I should have tried Prince Minato instead, at least he's supposed to have manners," she demands.
There are many possible responses to this. Some of them might even be right. Unfortunately, Fugaku's ability to say the wrong thing is infamous in his family.
"I do not recall asking to be saved."
She glares at him.
"Why, interested in staying here the rest of your life, your Highness?"
Then she does something very unexpected. She crosses the room and yanks him down to her level, kissing him roughly. He's too stunned to respond and she stops after twenty seconds or so.
"Well, coming, your Highness?"
He follows her mutely.
4. Fraternisation
She watches the man warily. You don't survive long as a hunter if you don't have good instincts and hers are screaming 'danger'.
He's not doing anything particularly suspicious but she knows that doesn't mean anything.
She looks away, studying the bar intently, and when she glances back, he's suddenly sitting opposite her. He looks her up and down, clearly unimpressed.
"I have an offer for you," he says.
She blinks. That had not been what she'd expected. Her silence is taken as a sign that she's interested and he continues.
"The Akatsuki are moving," he says, dark eyes intense. "And they seek the jinchuuriki."
"So? Why should I care?"
Jiraiya had hinted but there hadn't been time to stop and listen. Old regrets stir in her before she shoves them back down.
"You should know that already. I can offer sanctuary to you and yours."
"Not interested."
She leaves then and he doesn't stop her.
-----------------------------------------
Five minutes out of the bar, she's attacked by a dark-haired man. He seems to favour fire-based spells which would normally put her at an advantage except he's fast. Very fast.
As she dodges another fireball, a voice rings out.
"Stop."
It's the man from the bar again. He engages in a staring contest with her attacker briefly before the attacker disappears.
He turns to her and looks vaguely expectant.
She thinks quickly. It could be a trap, of course, but there are better and easy ways so...
"What's your name?"
His lips twitch upward into a smile.
"Uchiha Fugaku."
"I'm Uzumaki Kushina."
He nods and they walk into the darkness together.
5. Date
They look at each other uncomfortably.
"So..."
She pokes at her food.
"Mikoto set you up as well?"
He nods and the awkward silence resumes.
"Let's just go."
His raised eyebrow makes her flush and explain herself.
"It's obvious this isn't going to work."
"Maybe not. But she won't be happy if we don't try."
She stares. That's the most words she's heard him say at once. Ever.
"We could go for a walk," she offers eventually.
He nods and they leave.
------------------------------------------
They end up in the park near the pond somehow.
Some ducks waddle up to him; bread appears out of his pockets and into their bills. There is no in-between stage because that would require her to believe that Uchiha Fugaku feeds birds willingly and her world isn't quite ready for that concept. (It was shaken enough by getting two sentences out of him earlier.)
After a while, he glances at her.
Her mobile rings at that point though and she answers it.
"Uzumaki Kushina speaking."
She listens briefly before showing her surprise at something.
"She did what?"
A long pause as her expression changes from shock to resignation.
"I understand. I'll be there soon."
She hangs up and turns to him.
"I'm sorry but my mother needs me to go pick up my younger sister now," she says apologetically.
"Here."
He hands a piece of paper to her.
A number's written on it along with two words. Call me.
She's smiling as she leaves.