My mother's mother is someone who I technically loved, but really almost hated. My father, in one of the few favors he did to me in my life, told me to feel what I felt and to not let anyone else color my perception. He said if I was glad she was gone, relieved, whatever it was, I should just feel it and not judge myself and not open myself up to judgment from others. That helped immensely. I don't know if this is similar to your situation, but maybe the idea will help even if the situation is very different.
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My mother's mother is someone who I technically loved, but really almost hated. My father, in one of the few favors he did to me in my life, told me to feel what I felt and to not let anyone else color my perception. He said if I was glad she was gone, relieved, whatever it was, I should just feel it and not judge myself and not open myself up to judgment from others. That helped immensely. I don't know if this is similar to your situation, but maybe the idea will help even if the situation is very different.
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