(no subject)
In the past few days I've been thinking primarily of Ben and dave...and some school work I suppose.
I'm still dwelling in the darkness and resent I feel towards dave. Seeing him makes me dislike and resent him. I don't know if its because I still have pleasant feelings towards him and that generates the negative ones... I just know that I feel and think bad things about someone who I used to adore and love; and this bothers me. Seeing him used to be the happyness in my day; the highlight, the joy, the sunshine. Now seeing him brings me down; it makes me brood, become moody, and contemplative. Sometimes I get angry at him, sometimes I just want to cry over him, and most of the time if I look further than my initial feelings, I really just want to laugh with him and hug him. To have things be how they used to be. I can't say that I wish we hadn't gone on our date, but I can say that I wished it hadn't led to this pecimism and lack of playfullness. Maybe I'll try my hand at poetry and write a poem about him.
Things are comfortable with Ben right now; I merely wish that we saw more of eachother. I wish that I could get up the courage to talk to him, make overnight plans with him that actually carry though, and then talk to him about things. Its just that the things I want to talk to him about won't really work in a short time period, or during the day. The prefered situation would probably be for both of us to be lightly drunk and laying on top of Evans, or in the control room on templeton; either one would work fine. Its just that time is running short and the theatre is taking all of my time. I just keep commiting more of my time to things at the theatre, why? I guess because its Leslie and I think a light hang with her would be fun. Haha, answered my own question.
Anywho...ich wiss nicht, aber, es egal. nacht.