(no subject)
last night was an explosion of happyness. but more extreme let down. I feel pretty used, and it makes me sad. I thought that I was keeping it under control, but this being friends things first after a week of amazingness is killing me. Last night, well, more this morning when my head was more clear, made me feel a little bit hopelessly in love. Luckily I know that about myself, I throw around the feeling of love. So I guess I better description would probably be lust, or a crush, or just pissed off. He is amazing though, I think that when I say him, I mean the guy from three weeks ago; the one who liked me, and wasn't afraid to follow that.
I think...I dont know what to think. I guess my delema is that I have no idea of his feelings right now. Last we left it, when we were just ending 'things' was that he still liked me, but just needed a bit of time. I think that my main pain now is coming from thinking that that has changed; that perhaps now he thinks of me as only as a friend, and I am still thinking of him as my investment boyfriend...the one I have to wait for.
Three friends of mine who I respect quite a bit have told me to abandon this endevour, not because its hopeless, but because he isn't worth it. My favorite line was "avoid him like the plague."
Oh my gad though, after my other little endevour, his lips are so amazing. I don't think that I can carry on with my other friend. After last night.
Damn it.
best be done with this since its 8:30, and for being up this early I should be doing homework.