Twisted Hearts
Title: Twisted Hearts
Rating: R
Genre: au!au
Disclaimer: Ennis and Jack belong to Annie Proulx. No disrespect intended.
Summary: Under cut
*This is a story told from Ennis's POV. He's an eighteen year old drug addict that winds up in a sober living facility. Jack is the residential counselor/adviser. As Jack helps Ennis with his sobriety, Ennis replaces his old addiction for a new one-Jack. Jack, a recovering addict himself, finds himself spiraling back into addiction, except this time his drug of choice is Ennis. Their love for one another becomes possessive, twisted, but pure and forgiving. Can they find a normal balance? What is "normal" anyway...
*Note* I know this subject matter may be difficult for sensitive readers, (which is why I put the summary under cut) but I assure you I love Ennis and Jack, and I do not get carried away with drug use and there is certainly no death in this story. I do like happy endings...even if it's a little twisted.
Links to previous chapters can be found here: lavender-snow.livejournal.com/
Chapter 5
The next morning I went to the café to meet Jack. He was sitting alone in the courtyard. He looked so beautiful as the morning sun shone upon his face.
“Hey,” I said, sitting beside him. I could smell his cologne. I knew it was kind of a weird move to sit next to Jack, instead of across from him, but I wanted to be near him. I wanted to touch him. Jack turned to me and smiled. The outside of our thighs pressed together. I felt warm again.
“How'd you sleep?” he asked.
“I didn’t,” I replied.
Jack glanced over his shoulder and waved to a couple of my roommates. I cringed. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to be alone with Jack and only Jack. I lowered my head as the two men approached our table and sat down across from us.
“Ennis, you know Ryan and Chris, right?” Jack asked.
“Yeah," I replied, slightly annoyed. Ryan was the guy I thought looked to be around Jack’s age. He had green eyes and dirty blond hair like mine, but his was real short, almost shaved. He was a good looking guy, and definitely someone I wanted to keep away from my Jack. Chris on the other hand, wasn’t much of a threat to me at all. He was an older man. He had black hair, brown eyes, and was really skinny. He also had a lot of wrinkles, which was probably from all the cigarettes he smoked.
Jack got the conversation started. He tried his best to coax me out of my shell, but I just didn't feel like talking. I tried though, only because I promised Jack I would.
"Jack, you think later this afternoon you could show me around the gym?" Ryan asked.
I narrowed my gaze to the green-eyed enemy. Show him around? Its a damn gym...what's there to show? This obviously did not sit well with me. I felt my face get real hot.
"Sure," Jack replied.
I moved closer to Jack, continuing to shoot daggers in Ryan's direction. I know I made the entire situation really uncomfortable, but I didn’t care. I wanted Ryan to know that Jack was off limits. He was mine. Ryan cleared his throat and looked away. Confusion was written all over his face. All conversation came to a screeching halt.
Jack brought his lips inches from my ear. “Ennis, stop. Just stop,” he whispered. "Why don't you head over to the gym? I'll meet ya there in a few minutes, okay?"
I folded my arms across my chest, refusing to budge from Jack's side. No way in hell was I leaving him alone with these guys.
Ryan and Chris got the message and rose from the table simultaneously.
"Well, I…I’ve got to get goin," Ryan said awkwardly.
"Yeah, me too,” Chris said, following Ryan’s lead. “See you guys later."
Jack waited until they were both inside before turning to me and said, "Ennis, what was that all about?"
I could tell from the tone of his voice he wasn't really that mad at me, in fact, I kinda got the feeling Jack liked me pining for him."Nothin, Jack...just…that Ryan guy…he pissed me off."
Jack smiled. His shoulder brushed mine. "He did, huh? Why's that? All he wanted was for me to show him around the gym."
"Come on, Jack. Gyms are all the same. He just wanted to be alone with you." I started chewing on my thumbnail.
"Ennis, cut it out. I do have other patients here besides you, you know. I can't give you all my attention."
"Why not?" I asked naturally.
Jack smiled, squinting his eyes from the sun. "Stop it. You know why."
I rubbed my thigh to Jack's. "I know, Jack...I just...I like you bein around me…and only me."
"I know you do. I know. We've got to work on that, though. You have to start interacting with other people, Ennis."
I nodded through a long sigh.
Jack took the last sip from his coffee cup and wiped his mouth. "Come on. Let's go work out."
“Alright, but I have to stop at Shelly’s first for my medication.”
***
Jack was stretching his legs as I walked into the locker room. He was wearing a red t-shirt and pair of black track pants that made loud swooshing noises as he moved.
"Here," he said, handing me a plain white t-shirt and a pair of green Adidas shorts.
"Thanks, Jack.”
"No problem. Hey, I'll meet you out there, okay? I've got to talk to Amy real quick," he said, fumbling with his iPod.
"Yeah, alright."
As soon as Jack left the room, I grabbed his gym bag. I looked over my shoulder just to be sure I was still alone. I knew I shouldn’t have been going through his things, but curiosity got the best of me.
I quickly unzipped the bag. There really wasn't anything exciting inside, just a change of clothes, shampoo, deodorant, and a hairbrush. I couldn't resist taking out his underwear and smelling them again. They smelled like they had just come out of the dryer, and I'll admit, I was a little disappointed...
Jack insisted on starting with cardio, so we ran on the treadmill for fifteen minutes at a very fast pace. Jack tried talking to me as we ran, but I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t used to this kind of physical activity.
We then hit the weight room. Jack showed me a few exercises that concentrated on my shoulders and pecs. I asked him to spot me a couple times, even though I really didn't the need help.
Halfway through our workout, Jack took off his shirt. I nearly fainted-seriously. He was in such incredible shape. The dark swirls of hair that slowly disappeared below his track pants had me mesmerized. I felt like I was going to come my pants, so I made myself look away.
We finished our workout an hour later and returned to the locker room. I actually felt pretty good. I took a long drink from the water fountain and began to undress for my shower. I did remember not to wear Jack's underwear, thank God.
I stripped down in front of Jack; slowly peeling my damp, sweaty underpants off my ass.
Even though I had always been on the thin side, I was still quite muscular. My shoulders were broad, my arms were defined, and my stomach was flat and tight, complimented with a layer of naturally bronzed skin.
I purposely used the shower that didn’t have a curtain, so Jack could watch the water cascade down my oversexed body. I looked at my crotch. My penis was half hard. It looked big and inviting. I wanted Jack to see what I had to offer now that I wasn't all fucked up and going through withdrawals like I was the first time he saw me naked.
“Jack? Do you have any shampoo?” I asked, luring him in my direction.
“Yeah, hold on,” he said. I watched him rummage through his bag. He approached me. I could tell he was trying not to look between my legs, but I knew he wanted to.
“Here.” He handed me the bottle, and his eyes dropped below my waist. Mission accomplished. Jack swallowed hard. I watched his Adam's apple shimmy up and down.
“Are you gonna shower?” I asked, squirting some shampoo into my palm.
“Huh?” he replied. I couldn’t help but laugh to myself. Jack was turned on, flustered, and nervous. I loved it.
“Shower?” I repeated.
“Oh. No…I forgot to bring a change of clothes. I’ll just take one in my apartment,” he replied. Liar...
Jack returned to the bench, put his shirt back on and zipped up his bag. I quickly rinsed the last of the suds from my hair and turned the water off. “Jack? I’m sorry to be a pain, but do you have a towel I can borrow?”
“Yeah.” Jack walked back in my direction, holding the towel below his waist. He reluctantly handed it to me, and that's when I noticed his track pants shamelessly jutting out at the crotch area.
“Shit,” he said in a small voice. His face turned bright red, and he quickly pulled his shirt down over his erection.
Before he could walk away, I seized his hand and brought it to my semi-erect penis. I don’t know what came over me. My urges were beyond my control.
“Jesus Christ, Ennis!” he shouted, yanking his hand away from my body. “What the hell are you doing?!”
I felt the blood drain from my face. What had I done? How could I be so stupid?
“I…I…I don’t know! I’m sorry, Jack…I just...I just thought…Well, you’re hard, so I thought…”
Jack gasped, running his fingers through his thick hair. “Ennis, I’m a guy. I get boners all day long.”
“Yeah, but you got one because of me,” I interrupted. I really don’t know what came over me. I had never felt this way about anyone before. I was hopeless…completely hopeless.
“Ennis…it doesn’t matter how I got it. You had no right doing that. What if someone had walked in here, huh? I could be thrown in fuckin jail!”
Jack stormed away from me. I quickly wrapped the towel around my waist and followed him. “Jack…I’m sorry…I’m a fuckin mess…I’m real sorry.”
“Look, Ennis.” He slung his bag over his shoulder. “That was totally inappropriate of me, and I’m truly sorry for the mixed messages here, but the fact of the matter is, you are my patient, and my job is to help you get back on your feet, nothing more, okay?”
My heart broke in two. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry, Jack…I’ll leave you alone. I won’t bother you anymore.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, grabbed my clothes, and ran into one of the bathroom stalls. I waited until I heard Jack leave the locker room before letting uncontrollable sobs escape from my lungs.
*****
I tried to skip group session, but Amy up came to my room and told me it was mandatory that I go. I sat all the way in the back. I couldn’t look at Jack, or I knew I’d start crying again.
I skipped lunch then went to see Dr. Lambertus for counseling. I didn’t say a word. I just sat there as tears rolled down my cheeks. He tried to get me talk, but I couldn’t. I could barely breathe. He let me leave early.
I stayed in my bed the rest of the day, curled up in a tight ball, facing the window. I knew Jack wasn’t going to be bringing me dinner. I had blown that bond with him, I ruined it. As sad as I was, I really wasn’t that surprised. Nothing had ever gone right in my life, never, so why the hell did I think this was going to turn out any differently?
I looked at the clock. It was seven thirty. I had been in the same position for hours. I didn’t give a shit anymore. I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there and get high. That’s exactly what I wanted to do. Fuck everything and everyone.
“Ennis?” I suddenly heard Jack say. It was music to my ears, but as soon as I turned around and saw the expression on his face, I knew this wasn’t going to be the type of visit I had in mind…
I sat up and looked into Jack’s worried eyes. “Ennis, come with me,” he said, extending his hand.
I was confused as hell. “What, what did I do now?” I asked. Jack took my wrist and pulled me from the bed. I reluctantly followed him down the flight of stairs. He was eerily quiet.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Ennis,” he finally said. “Your mother is here with your clothes…she wants to see you.”
I stopped dead in my tracks. “No…I don’t want to see her, Jack…I can’t.” I felt tears prick my eyes again.
“She really wants to see you, Ennis. She's refusing to leave until you do,” Jack wrapped his right arm around my back and held me close to his chest. At first, I didn’t understand his gesture, but then it dawned on me…my mother must have been in rare form, because Jack’s embrace was one of protection and understanding. I looked up into his gentle eyes. His face was soft, yet concerned. “I’ll go in with you,” he reassured.
I took a deep breath before entering the room. “Ennis!” my mother exclaimed, stumbling in my direction. She wrapped her arms around me and began to sway. She reeked of alcohol, cigarettes, and embarrassment. She was filthy. I could tell she hadn’t showered in days. I was completely horrified, but not at all surprised.
“How are you, sweetie?” she asked, putting on a show for Jack. My mother never asked ‘how I was’ and she certainly never called me ‘sweetie’.
“Go home, Mom,” I said trembling.
She hiccuped and brushed the hair away from her forehead. She was so drunk I wasn’t even sure how the hell she was still standing. “That’s no way to talk to your mother,” she said through a disturbing laugh.
I took a small step behind Jack, using him as my protection. “It’s okay,” he whispered.
“You’re fuckin drunk! Go home!” I shouted. Having Jack-my light, my angel, in the same room with my dark demon for a mother was surreal. A shadow of darkness fell upon me. My entire body went numb.
“I’m not drunk. Now stop embarrassin me here in front of your little boyfriend.”
“Christ, Ma, just go!”
“Ennis,” Jack said quietly.
“Make her leave, Jack! Make her leave!”
My mother smirked. She loved to hurt me, always.
“I think its best you went home, now,” Jack said calmly. “Do you have a ride?”
“Yeah, I have a ride,” she replied, looking Jack up and down like he was the bad guy. “When’s he getting out of this joint, anyhow?” she asked.
“Not for a while. Not until he’s better,” Jack replied.
My mother flashed Jack an evil grin. “Hope this place is gonna be around for a long time then, because my son is one twisted fuck.”
I lunged forward. Jack held me back. “It’s because of you, Mom, that I’m like this! I’m nothing…I’m nowhere…,” I sobbed, crumbling to the floor.
Jack enveloped his arms around me. “Shh…It’s alright, it’s alright,” he breathed. I could feel his entire body start to shake. He suddenly shot up from the ground and got right in my mother’s face. “What the hell is the matter with you?! Look at your son! Look at him! He needs you! He needs his mother!”
“Don’t tell me what he needs,” she hissed.
My eyes were so swollen I could hardly see. Everything was a complete blur.
“Get the fuck out of my facility before I call the cops,” Jack said through clenched teeth, nostrils flaring.
My mother’s eyes grew wide as she took two steps back.
Amy came barging through the door. “Is everything okay in here?” she asked.
“Yeah, Ennis’s mother was just leaving. Would you mind showing her out?” Jack asked between breaths.
Amy nodded slowly. “Follow me,” she said.
Twisting the knife a little more, my mother looked at Jack with a demented grin spread across her lips. “Good luck with my son, he’s a real winner.”
Jack slammed the door behind her as she left the room.
“I hate her, Jack…I hate her,” I cried.
Jack crouched down beside me, rubbing my back. “I know,” he whispered. “You’re gonna get through this, you will. I’ll make sure of that. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you, Ennis.”
******
An hour after the shit show with my mother, I calmed down some, Jack fed me, and helped me to bed. I wanted him to stay, but that obviously wasn’t going to happen.
I dozed off for a little while. When I awoke, I looked at the clock. It was only eleven thirty. We were not allowed downstairs after ten. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to fall back to sleep. I felt so alone and empty. I was scared to death. My chest started feel real heavy. I felt like I was suffocating. I needed Jack.
I ran downstairs through the dimly lit hallway to Jack's apartment.
“Jack,” I whimpered, knocking on his door. I prayed he was alone.
He opened the door. “Ennis? What are you doing here?”
I tried to push my way inside, but he stopped me. “Are you alone?” I choked out.
Jack sighed. “Yes, Ennis. What’s the matter?”
“I can’t sleep, Jack. I’m a mess. Can I stay here with you?” I knew how pathetic I looked and sounded, but I was desperate…
Jack rested his head on the door frame. “Ennis, I know you’ve had a really tough day today, but…you know you can’t stay here.”
“But, Jack…I need you.”
Jack gazed into my weeping eyes. “Ennis, go back to bed. We’ll talk about this in the morning, okay?”
I heard what he said, but his eyes told me something different. He didn’t really want to turn me away, I know he didn’t.
“I’m sorry, Ennis….," he said as a single tear escaped from the corner of his eye. He closed the door, leaving me in the dark hallway.
“Jack…Jack…please…I’m so lonely,” I cried out. Defeated, I fell to the floor and curled up into the fetal position.
Jack's door suddenly flung open. “Come here,” he said tenderly, gathering me into his arms. “What am I gonna do with you, huh? What am I gonna do?” he said barely audible.
I kissed his chest, lifted my head, and brought my lips just a breath away from his. “Don’t give up on me, Jack…you’re all I’ve got.”
Tbc
Rating: R
Genre: au!au
Disclaimer: Ennis and Jack belong to Annie Proulx. No disrespect intended.
Summary: Under cut
*This is a story told from Ennis's POV. He's an eighteen year old drug addict that winds up in a sober living facility. Jack is the residential counselor/adviser. As Jack helps Ennis with his sobriety, Ennis replaces his old addiction for a new one-Jack. Jack, a recovering addict himself, finds himself spiraling back into addiction, except this time his drug of choice is Ennis. Their love for one another becomes possessive, twisted, but pure and forgiving. Can they find a normal balance? What is "normal" anyway...
*Note* I know this subject matter may be difficult for sensitive readers, (which is why I put the summary under cut) but I assure you I love Ennis and Jack, and I do not get carried away with drug use and there is certainly no death in this story. I do like happy endings...even if it's a little twisted.
Links to previous chapters can be found here: lavender-snow.livejournal.com/
Chapter 5
The next morning I went to the café to meet Jack. He was sitting alone in the courtyard. He looked so beautiful as the morning sun shone upon his face.
“Hey,” I said, sitting beside him. I could smell his cologne. I knew it was kind of a weird move to sit next to Jack, instead of across from him, but I wanted to be near him. I wanted to touch him. Jack turned to me and smiled. The outside of our thighs pressed together. I felt warm again.
“How'd you sleep?” he asked.
“I didn’t,” I replied.
Jack glanced over his shoulder and waved to a couple of my roommates. I cringed. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to be alone with Jack and only Jack. I lowered my head as the two men approached our table and sat down across from us.
“Ennis, you know Ryan and Chris, right?” Jack asked.
“Yeah," I replied, slightly annoyed. Ryan was the guy I thought looked to be around Jack’s age. He had green eyes and dirty blond hair like mine, but his was real short, almost shaved. He was a good looking guy, and definitely someone I wanted to keep away from my Jack. Chris on the other hand, wasn’t much of a threat to me at all. He was an older man. He had black hair, brown eyes, and was really skinny. He also had a lot of wrinkles, which was probably from all the cigarettes he smoked.
Jack got the conversation started. He tried his best to coax me out of my shell, but I just didn't feel like talking. I tried though, only because I promised Jack I would.
"Jack, you think later this afternoon you could show me around the gym?" Ryan asked.
I narrowed my gaze to the green-eyed enemy. Show him around? Its a damn gym...what's there to show? This obviously did not sit well with me. I felt my face get real hot.
"Sure," Jack replied.
I moved closer to Jack, continuing to shoot daggers in Ryan's direction. I know I made the entire situation really uncomfortable, but I didn’t care. I wanted Ryan to know that Jack was off limits. He was mine. Ryan cleared his throat and looked away. Confusion was written all over his face. All conversation came to a screeching halt.
Jack brought his lips inches from my ear. “Ennis, stop. Just stop,” he whispered. "Why don't you head over to the gym? I'll meet ya there in a few minutes, okay?"
I folded my arms across my chest, refusing to budge from Jack's side. No way in hell was I leaving him alone with these guys.
Ryan and Chris got the message and rose from the table simultaneously.
"Well, I…I’ve got to get goin," Ryan said awkwardly.
"Yeah, me too,” Chris said, following Ryan’s lead. “See you guys later."
Jack waited until they were both inside before turning to me and said, "Ennis, what was that all about?"
I could tell from the tone of his voice he wasn't really that mad at me, in fact, I kinda got the feeling Jack liked me pining for him."Nothin, Jack...just…that Ryan guy…he pissed me off."
Jack smiled. His shoulder brushed mine. "He did, huh? Why's that? All he wanted was for me to show him around the gym."
"Come on, Jack. Gyms are all the same. He just wanted to be alone with you." I started chewing on my thumbnail.
"Ennis, cut it out. I do have other patients here besides you, you know. I can't give you all my attention."
"Why not?" I asked naturally.
Jack smiled, squinting his eyes from the sun. "Stop it. You know why."
I rubbed my thigh to Jack's. "I know, Jack...I just...I like you bein around me…and only me."
"I know you do. I know. We've got to work on that, though. You have to start interacting with other people, Ennis."
I nodded through a long sigh.
Jack took the last sip from his coffee cup and wiped his mouth. "Come on. Let's go work out."
“Alright, but I have to stop at Shelly’s first for my medication.”
***
Jack was stretching his legs as I walked into the locker room. He was wearing a red t-shirt and pair of black track pants that made loud swooshing noises as he moved.
"Here," he said, handing me a plain white t-shirt and a pair of green Adidas shorts.
"Thanks, Jack.”
"No problem. Hey, I'll meet you out there, okay? I've got to talk to Amy real quick," he said, fumbling with his iPod.
"Yeah, alright."
As soon as Jack left the room, I grabbed his gym bag. I looked over my shoulder just to be sure I was still alone. I knew I shouldn’t have been going through his things, but curiosity got the best of me.
I quickly unzipped the bag. There really wasn't anything exciting inside, just a change of clothes, shampoo, deodorant, and a hairbrush. I couldn't resist taking out his underwear and smelling them again. They smelled like they had just come out of the dryer, and I'll admit, I was a little disappointed...
Jack insisted on starting with cardio, so we ran on the treadmill for fifteen minutes at a very fast pace. Jack tried talking to me as we ran, but I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t used to this kind of physical activity.
We then hit the weight room. Jack showed me a few exercises that concentrated on my shoulders and pecs. I asked him to spot me a couple times, even though I really didn't the need help.
Halfway through our workout, Jack took off his shirt. I nearly fainted-seriously. He was in such incredible shape. The dark swirls of hair that slowly disappeared below his track pants had me mesmerized. I felt like I was going to come my pants, so I made myself look away.
We finished our workout an hour later and returned to the locker room. I actually felt pretty good. I took a long drink from the water fountain and began to undress for my shower. I did remember not to wear Jack's underwear, thank God.
I stripped down in front of Jack; slowly peeling my damp, sweaty underpants off my ass.
Even though I had always been on the thin side, I was still quite muscular. My shoulders were broad, my arms were defined, and my stomach was flat and tight, complimented with a layer of naturally bronzed skin.
I purposely used the shower that didn’t have a curtain, so Jack could watch the water cascade down my oversexed body. I looked at my crotch. My penis was half hard. It looked big and inviting. I wanted Jack to see what I had to offer now that I wasn't all fucked up and going through withdrawals like I was the first time he saw me naked.
“Jack? Do you have any shampoo?” I asked, luring him in my direction.
“Yeah, hold on,” he said. I watched him rummage through his bag. He approached me. I could tell he was trying not to look between my legs, but I knew he wanted to.
“Here.” He handed me the bottle, and his eyes dropped below my waist. Mission accomplished. Jack swallowed hard. I watched his Adam's apple shimmy up and down.
“Are you gonna shower?” I asked, squirting some shampoo into my palm.
“Huh?” he replied. I couldn’t help but laugh to myself. Jack was turned on, flustered, and nervous. I loved it.
“Shower?” I repeated.
“Oh. No…I forgot to bring a change of clothes. I’ll just take one in my apartment,” he replied. Liar...
Jack returned to the bench, put his shirt back on and zipped up his bag. I quickly rinsed the last of the suds from my hair and turned the water off. “Jack? I’m sorry to be a pain, but do you have a towel I can borrow?”
“Yeah.” Jack walked back in my direction, holding the towel below his waist. He reluctantly handed it to me, and that's when I noticed his track pants shamelessly jutting out at the crotch area.
“Shit,” he said in a small voice. His face turned bright red, and he quickly pulled his shirt down over his erection.
Before he could walk away, I seized his hand and brought it to my semi-erect penis. I don’t know what came over me. My urges were beyond my control.
“Jesus Christ, Ennis!” he shouted, yanking his hand away from my body. “What the hell are you doing?!”
I felt the blood drain from my face. What had I done? How could I be so stupid?
“I…I…I don’t know! I’m sorry, Jack…I just...I just thought…Well, you’re hard, so I thought…”
Jack gasped, running his fingers through his thick hair. “Ennis, I’m a guy. I get boners all day long.”
“Yeah, but you got one because of me,” I interrupted. I really don’t know what came over me. I had never felt this way about anyone before. I was hopeless…completely hopeless.
“Ennis…it doesn’t matter how I got it. You had no right doing that. What if someone had walked in here, huh? I could be thrown in fuckin jail!”
Jack stormed away from me. I quickly wrapped the towel around my waist and followed him. “Jack…I’m sorry…I’m a fuckin mess…I’m real sorry.”
“Look, Ennis.” He slung his bag over his shoulder. “That was totally inappropriate of me, and I’m truly sorry for the mixed messages here, but the fact of the matter is, you are my patient, and my job is to help you get back on your feet, nothing more, okay?”
My heart broke in two. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry, Jack…I’ll leave you alone. I won’t bother you anymore.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, grabbed my clothes, and ran into one of the bathroom stalls. I waited until I heard Jack leave the locker room before letting uncontrollable sobs escape from my lungs.
*****
I tried to skip group session, but Amy up came to my room and told me it was mandatory that I go. I sat all the way in the back. I couldn’t look at Jack, or I knew I’d start crying again.
I skipped lunch then went to see Dr. Lambertus for counseling. I didn’t say a word. I just sat there as tears rolled down my cheeks. He tried to get me talk, but I couldn’t. I could barely breathe. He let me leave early.
I stayed in my bed the rest of the day, curled up in a tight ball, facing the window. I knew Jack wasn’t going to be bringing me dinner. I had blown that bond with him, I ruined it. As sad as I was, I really wasn’t that surprised. Nothing had ever gone right in my life, never, so why the hell did I think this was going to turn out any differently?
I looked at the clock. It was seven thirty. I had been in the same position for hours. I didn’t give a shit anymore. I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there and get high. That’s exactly what I wanted to do. Fuck everything and everyone.
“Ennis?” I suddenly heard Jack say. It was music to my ears, but as soon as I turned around and saw the expression on his face, I knew this wasn’t going to be the type of visit I had in mind…
I sat up and looked into Jack’s worried eyes. “Ennis, come with me,” he said, extending his hand.
I was confused as hell. “What, what did I do now?” I asked. Jack took my wrist and pulled me from the bed. I reluctantly followed him down the flight of stairs. He was eerily quiet.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Ennis,” he finally said. “Your mother is here with your clothes…she wants to see you.”
I stopped dead in my tracks. “No…I don’t want to see her, Jack…I can’t.” I felt tears prick my eyes again.
“She really wants to see you, Ennis. She's refusing to leave until you do,” Jack wrapped his right arm around my back and held me close to his chest. At first, I didn’t understand his gesture, but then it dawned on me…my mother must have been in rare form, because Jack’s embrace was one of protection and understanding. I looked up into his gentle eyes. His face was soft, yet concerned. “I’ll go in with you,” he reassured.
I took a deep breath before entering the room. “Ennis!” my mother exclaimed, stumbling in my direction. She wrapped her arms around me and began to sway. She reeked of alcohol, cigarettes, and embarrassment. She was filthy. I could tell she hadn’t showered in days. I was completely horrified, but not at all surprised.
“How are you, sweetie?” she asked, putting on a show for Jack. My mother never asked ‘how I was’ and she certainly never called me ‘sweetie’.
“Go home, Mom,” I said trembling.
She hiccuped and brushed the hair away from her forehead. She was so drunk I wasn’t even sure how the hell she was still standing. “That’s no way to talk to your mother,” she said through a disturbing laugh.
I took a small step behind Jack, using him as my protection. “It’s okay,” he whispered.
“You’re fuckin drunk! Go home!” I shouted. Having Jack-my light, my angel, in the same room with my dark demon for a mother was surreal. A shadow of darkness fell upon me. My entire body went numb.
“I’m not drunk. Now stop embarrassin me here in front of your little boyfriend.”
“Christ, Ma, just go!”
“Ennis,” Jack said quietly.
“Make her leave, Jack! Make her leave!”
My mother smirked. She loved to hurt me, always.
“I think its best you went home, now,” Jack said calmly. “Do you have a ride?”
“Yeah, I have a ride,” she replied, looking Jack up and down like he was the bad guy. “When’s he getting out of this joint, anyhow?” she asked.
“Not for a while. Not until he’s better,” Jack replied.
My mother flashed Jack an evil grin. “Hope this place is gonna be around for a long time then, because my son is one twisted fuck.”
I lunged forward. Jack held me back. “It’s because of you, Mom, that I’m like this! I’m nothing…I’m nowhere…,” I sobbed, crumbling to the floor.
Jack enveloped his arms around me. “Shh…It’s alright, it’s alright,” he breathed. I could feel his entire body start to shake. He suddenly shot up from the ground and got right in my mother’s face. “What the hell is the matter with you?! Look at your son! Look at him! He needs you! He needs his mother!”
“Don’t tell me what he needs,” she hissed.
My eyes were so swollen I could hardly see. Everything was a complete blur.
“Get the fuck out of my facility before I call the cops,” Jack said through clenched teeth, nostrils flaring.
My mother’s eyes grew wide as she took two steps back.
Amy came barging through the door. “Is everything okay in here?” she asked.
“Yeah, Ennis’s mother was just leaving. Would you mind showing her out?” Jack asked between breaths.
Amy nodded slowly. “Follow me,” she said.
Twisting the knife a little more, my mother looked at Jack with a demented grin spread across her lips. “Good luck with my son, he’s a real winner.”
Jack slammed the door behind her as she left the room.
“I hate her, Jack…I hate her,” I cried.
Jack crouched down beside me, rubbing my back. “I know,” he whispered. “You’re gonna get through this, you will. I’ll make sure of that. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you, Ennis.”
******
An hour after the shit show with my mother, I calmed down some, Jack fed me, and helped me to bed. I wanted him to stay, but that obviously wasn’t going to happen.
I dozed off for a little while. When I awoke, I looked at the clock. It was only eleven thirty. We were not allowed downstairs after ten. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to fall back to sleep. I felt so alone and empty. I was scared to death. My chest started feel real heavy. I felt like I was suffocating. I needed Jack.
I ran downstairs through the dimly lit hallway to Jack's apartment.
“Jack,” I whimpered, knocking on his door. I prayed he was alone.
He opened the door. “Ennis? What are you doing here?”
I tried to push my way inside, but he stopped me. “Are you alone?” I choked out.
Jack sighed. “Yes, Ennis. What’s the matter?”
“I can’t sleep, Jack. I’m a mess. Can I stay here with you?” I knew how pathetic I looked and sounded, but I was desperate…
Jack rested his head on the door frame. “Ennis, I know you’ve had a really tough day today, but…you know you can’t stay here.”
“But, Jack…I need you.”
Jack gazed into my weeping eyes. “Ennis, go back to bed. We’ll talk about this in the morning, okay?”
I heard what he said, but his eyes told me something different. He didn’t really want to turn me away, I know he didn’t.
“I’m sorry, Ennis….," he said as a single tear escaped from the corner of his eye. He closed the door, leaving me in the dark hallway.
“Jack…Jack…please…I’m so lonely,” I cried out. Defeated, I fell to the floor and curled up into the fetal position.
Jack's door suddenly flung open. “Come here,” he said tenderly, gathering me into his arms. “What am I gonna do with you, huh? What am I gonna do?” he said barely audible.
I kissed his chest, lifted my head, and brought my lips just a breath away from his. “Don’t give up on me, Jack…you’re all I’ve got.”
Tbc