Twisted Hearts
Title: Twisted Hearts
Rating: R
Genre: au!au
Disclaimer: Ennis and Jack belong to Annie Proulx. No disrespect intended.
Summary: Under cut
*This is a story told from Ennis's POV. He's an eighteen year old drug addict that winds up in a sober living facility. Jack is the residential counselor/adviser. As Jack helps Ennis with his sobriety, Ennis replaces his old addiction for a new one-Jack. Jack, a recovering addict himself, finds himself spiraling back into addiction, except this time his drug of choice is Ennis. Their love for one another becomes possessive, twisted, but pure and forgiving. Can they find a normal balance? What is "normal" anyway...
*Note* I know this subject matter may be difficult for sensitive readers, (which is why I put the summary under cut) but I assure you I love Ennis and Jack, and I do not get carried away with drug use and there is certainly no death in this story. I do like happy endings...even if it's a little twisted.
Links to previous chapters can be found here:lavender-snow.livejournal.com/
Chapter 7
“Tell me…tell me you don’t feel that.”
Jack stepped back and just stared at me. His eyes were full of fear and something else I didn't understand. The intensity of his gaze sent shivers up and down my spine. After what felt like an eternity, he slowly approached me. My heart was pounding out of my chest.
"Ennis..," he choked out. "Why'd you do that...why?" Specks of blue began to slowly replace the gray in his eyes. That's when I knew it was safe to reply.
I moved closer until the tips of our naked toes touched. "You feel it, Jack...I know you do."
Jack cupped the side of my face. He caressed my cheek then reached for my ear and tugged on it gently. His fingers traveled up and through my hair. “Ennis…what difference does it matter what I feel? We…we can’t…I can’t-“
“You can’t what?” I nuzzled my head into his palm. “It’s okay, Jack…”
Jack removed his hand from me and dropped it listlessly to his side. “You don’t want someone like me…I’m…I’m broken, Ennis.” His gaze fell to the ground.
I felt my eyes get real watery. “I am, too, Jack…I am, too.”
Jack backed away from me. “Ennis, you’re just a baby…”
Fire ignited every one of my senses. “I am not a baby! I’ve been on my own since I was born, Jack. I’ve had no one! Not a soul. So don’t you ever, EVER call me a fucking baby again!”
“Ennis…”
I ignored him, stormed over to the tree stump and shoved my damp feet back into my sneakers. I suddenly felt his hand on my shoulder and I whipped my head around. “What?!” I snarled.
Jack pulled me into a fierce hug. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry…”
There was no way I could ever be mad at Jack…no matter what.
******
The next couple weeks went by painfully slow. Jack and I tried to maintain the whole patient-counselor relationship bullshit, but I was dying inside. It was just impossible to be near him. Everything he did, everything he said, made my lonely heart yearn for him that much more.
The week of my eighteenth birthday, Jack and Dr. Lambertus went to Boston for some stupid conference. I wasn’t sure how I’d manage without Jack by my side, but somehow, I pulled through. It was probably a good thing for me, actually. Without Jack, I was forced to interact with the others. I even made a point to apologize to Ryan for acting like such an asshole the first time we formally met.
Keeping busy wasn’t that hard, seeing as though the day after Jack left, we were all assigned “jobs” around the facility. I was nominated to help in the kitchen with the cooking and cleaning. Since my mother’s idea of a home cooked meal was a bowl of cold SpaghettiOs, I learned to cook for myself at a very young age. It turned out to be something I actually enjoyed doing. I was just thankful I didn’t get stuck having to work in the laundry room…
******
I awoke the next morning happy for a change. Jack was supposed to have come home late last night, which meant he’d be back in group session today. I could hardly wait to see him.
After my shit, shower and shave, I went to café, had a quick breakfast and then eagerly entered the group session room. Everyone started to pile in behind me just a few minutes later. Ryan slumped into the chair beside me and asked, “Think Jack will be back today?”
“I hope so,” I replied and watched Amy, and only Amy, walk into the room. I kept staring at the doorway, waiting for my angel to appear as Amy began the class.
“Okay, let’s get started,” she said.
“Where’s Jack?” I blurted out a little too anxiously.
“He won’t be joining us today. He’s a little under the weather. No worries, he’ll most likely be rejoining us by the end of the week.”
Under the weather? My Jack is sick?
“Today we’re going to discuss the physical side effects of long-term drug addiction. I’m sure most of you are familiar with-“
“Amy, I’ll be right back. I have to…go to the bathroom,” I interrupted, rising from my seat. I wasn’t sure if we needed permission to leave, like we did in school, but I figured I should say something just in case.
“That’s fine,” she replied quickly, returning to the discussion.
I bolted out the door and ran toward Jack’s place. When I reached the end of the hallway, Shelly was walking out of his apartment and I heard her say, “I’ll be right back, Jack.”
Not wanting Shelly to see me, I quickly looked around for a place to hide. I thought I was shit out of luck, until I spotted an unmarked door on the left side of the hallway. I quickly ran to it, praying it was unlocked. It was, so I entered. It turned out to be, what looked like, an old examination room. I pressed my ear against the door, and waited until I heard the signature swishing sound that Shelly’s scrub pants made when her thighs rubbed together as she walked. Hoping the coast was clear, I popped my head out and looked up and down the hallway. With no one in sight, I snuck into Jack’s apartment, hid behind the couch and held my breath. The adrenaline rush was quite arousing.
Shelly reentered the room just moments later. I held my knees to my chest as I strained to hear what was being said in Jack’s bedroom.
“Here you go, Jack. Just let me know if you need anything else, alright?” I heard Shelly say.
“Thank you, Shell,” Jack replied. He sounded weak and tired.
I waited a couple minutes after Shelly left the apartment before coming out from behind the couch. The first thing I did before going into Jack’s bedroom was lock the door.
I quietly entered the dimly lit room. Jack was lying on his side with his back to me, facing the wall. The TV was on, but the sound was muted. I approached the bed, took a deep breath and slid in beside him.
Jack’s head spun around. His eyes were as wide as saucers. “Jesus, Ennis! What are you doing? How’d you get in here?” He was visibly shaken.
“The door was open…”
Jack turned his entire body in my direction. He looked pale and sad. “Ennis, you can’t stay here,” he gasped. “What if Shelly comes back?”
“I locked the door.”
Jack sighed. “That’s not the point…”
I traced a single line down Jack’s face with my index finger. “Are you sick, Jack? What’s wrong?”
Jack collapsed onto his back and stared at the ceiling. “Ennis, you have to leave.”
There was no way I was leaving my Jack when he needed me most, no matter what he said. “What’s wrong, Jack? Are you sick?” I asked again.
“I’m not sick…I’m just…I just really depressed, okay? You have to go now, Ennis.”
Depressed? My heart ached for him. “Is it…is it because of me?” I whimpered.
Jack turned his head and looked into my worried eyes. “No, Ennis…it’s not because of you…I suffer from depression…I get like this sometimes. I’ll be fine.”
Something inside me said, stay, Ennis…he needs you. I snuggled into him, wrapped my arm around his chest and buried my face in the curve of his neck. His scent was intoxicating.
“Ennis,” he breathed.
“Jack…just hold me…I’ve missed you so much.”
Jack removed my arm from his chest, turned and faced me again. Struggling to breath, he swallowed and said, “Ennis…I’m not well. I-“
“I know, Jack. I know. You need me though. I’m here. You just need someone…to need you the way I do…that’s all. You’re not broken.”
His eyebrows came together, and I watched the color completely drain from his face. I could see he was at war with his own mind. I felt terrible. I wasn’t trying to complicate things, I really wasn’t. I was just trying to make him understand that he didn’t have to go it alone…and that I loved him, flaws and all.
“You’ve got it all figured out, huh?” he whispered.
“Yeah,” I whispered back, and just like that, Jack’s arms surrounded me, and he urgently pulled me into his chest. He gently grabbed a handful of my hair from the back of my head, securing me as close as possible to his body. I nestled my face into his tiny chest hairs, kissed his flesh and breathed in all that Jack was.
He continued to adjust my body just the way he wanted it. I understood what he needed, words were not necessary. I felt so safe and protected. Jack’s entire body began to tremble as he nudged the top of my head, encouraging me to look up. I raised my chin. Our eyes connected for a fleeting moment, and like two magnets, our lips drew close and then collided. I was in heaven.
“Ennis,” he sighed against my lips and delicately introduced his tongue inside my quivering mouth. His hands caressed my neck then slowly slid up to my flushed cheeks. At first I was real nervous, but Jack was so gentle, and so tender, that all my insecurities quickly melted away. Butterflies danced in my stomach as I explored his mouth for the first time. He tasted like mouthwash and something else that must have been just Jack. I mimicked the way he nipped at my bottom lip and sucked on the tip of my tongue. I had never been so aroused in my entire life. I wanted Jack so bad…I wanted him inside me. But more than just the physical pleasure, I wanted to feel the closeness, the bond…the love. I could sense Jack wasn’t going to allow this go any further, and that was okay because we had all the time in the world.
Our lips slowly parted. Jack’s eyes were twinkling back at me, my heart melted. He kissed the tip of my nose and wrapped his arms around my body. I closed my eyes, smiling against his chest. All our pain, all our sorrow, all our loneliness had slipped away...it was better than any drug either one of us had ever tried.
Tbc
Rating: R
Genre: au!au
Disclaimer: Ennis and Jack belong to Annie Proulx. No disrespect intended.
Summary: Under cut
*This is a story told from Ennis's POV. He's an eighteen year old drug addict that winds up in a sober living facility. Jack is the residential counselor/adviser. As Jack helps Ennis with his sobriety, Ennis replaces his old addiction for a new one-Jack. Jack, a recovering addict himself, finds himself spiraling back into addiction, except this time his drug of choice is Ennis. Their love for one another becomes possessive, twisted, but pure and forgiving. Can they find a normal balance? What is "normal" anyway...
*Note* I know this subject matter may be difficult for sensitive readers, (which is why I put the summary under cut) but I assure you I love Ennis and Jack, and I do not get carried away with drug use and there is certainly no death in this story. I do like happy endings...even if it's a little twisted.
Links to previous chapters can be found here:lavender-snow.livejournal.com/
Chapter 7
“Tell me…tell me you don’t feel that.”
Jack stepped back and just stared at me. His eyes were full of fear and something else I didn't understand. The intensity of his gaze sent shivers up and down my spine. After what felt like an eternity, he slowly approached me. My heart was pounding out of my chest.
"Ennis..," he choked out. "Why'd you do that...why?" Specks of blue began to slowly replace the gray in his eyes. That's when I knew it was safe to reply.
I moved closer until the tips of our naked toes touched. "You feel it, Jack...I know you do."
Jack cupped the side of my face. He caressed my cheek then reached for my ear and tugged on it gently. His fingers traveled up and through my hair. “Ennis…what difference does it matter what I feel? We…we can’t…I can’t-“
“You can’t what?” I nuzzled my head into his palm. “It’s okay, Jack…”
Jack removed his hand from me and dropped it listlessly to his side. “You don’t want someone like me…I’m…I’m broken, Ennis.” His gaze fell to the ground.
I felt my eyes get real watery. “I am, too, Jack…I am, too.”
Jack backed away from me. “Ennis, you’re just a baby…”
Fire ignited every one of my senses. “I am not a baby! I’ve been on my own since I was born, Jack. I’ve had no one! Not a soul. So don’t you ever, EVER call me a fucking baby again!”
“Ennis…”
I ignored him, stormed over to the tree stump and shoved my damp feet back into my sneakers. I suddenly felt his hand on my shoulder and I whipped my head around. “What?!” I snarled.
Jack pulled me into a fierce hug. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry…”
There was no way I could ever be mad at Jack…no matter what.
******
The next couple weeks went by painfully slow. Jack and I tried to maintain the whole patient-counselor relationship bullshit, but I was dying inside. It was just impossible to be near him. Everything he did, everything he said, made my lonely heart yearn for him that much more.
The week of my eighteenth birthday, Jack and Dr. Lambertus went to Boston for some stupid conference. I wasn’t sure how I’d manage without Jack by my side, but somehow, I pulled through. It was probably a good thing for me, actually. Without Jack, I was forced to interact with the others. I even made a point to apologize to Ryan for acting like such an asshole the first time we formally met.
Keeping busy wasn’t that hard, seeing as though the day after Jack left, we were all assigned “jobs” around the facility. I was nominated to help in the kitchen with the cooking and cleaning. Since my mother’s idea of a home cooked meal was a bowl of cold SpaghettiOs, I learned to cook for myself at a very young age. It turned out to be something I actually enjoyed doing. I was just thankful I didn’t get stuck having to work in the laundry room…
******
I awoke the next morning happy for a change. Jack was supposed to have come home late last night, which meant he’d be back in group session today. I could hardly wait to see him.
After my shit, shower and shave, I went to café, had a quick breakfast and then eagerly entered the group session room. Everyone started to pile in behind me just a few minutes later. Ryan slumped into the chair beside me and asked, “Think Jack will be back today?”
“I hope so,” I replied and watched Amy, and only Amy, walk into the room. I kept staring at the doorway, waiting for my angel to appear as Amy began the class.
“Okay, let’s get started,” she said.
“Where’s Jack?” I blurted out a little too anxiously.
“He won’t be joining us today. He’s a little under the weather. No worries, he’ll most likely be rejoining us by the end of the week.”
Under the weather? My Jack is sick?
“Today we’re going to discuss the physical side effects of long-term drug addiction. I’m sure most of you are familiar with-“
“Amy, I’ll be right back. I have to…go to the bathroom,” I interrupted, rising from my seat. I wasn’t sure if we needed permission to leave, like we did in school, but I figured I should say something just in case.
“That’s fine,” she replied quickly, returning to the discussion.
I bolted out the door and ran toward Jack’s place. When I reached the end of the hallway, Shelly was walking out of his apartment and I heard her say, “I’ll be right back, Jack.”
Not wanting Shelly to see me, I quickly looked around for a place to hide. I thought I was shit out of luck, until I spotted an unmarked door on the left side of the hallway. I quickly ran to it, praying it was unlocked. It was, so I entered. It turned out to be, what looked like, an old examination room. I pressed my ear against the door, and waited until I heard the signature swishing sound that Shelly’s scrub pants made when her thighs rubbed together as she walked. Hoping the coast was clear, I popped my head out and looked up and down the hallway. With no one in sight, I snuck into Jack’s apartment, hid behind the couch and held my breath. The adrenaline rush was quite arousing.
Shelly reentered the room just moments later. I held my knees to my chest as I strained to hear what was being said in Jack’s bedroom.
“Here you go, Jack. Just let me know if you need anything else, alright?” I heard Shelly say.
“Thank you, Shell,” Jack replied. He sounded weak and tired.
I waited a couple minutes after Shelly left the apartment before coming out from behind the couch. The first thing I did before going into Jack’s bedroom was lock the door.
I quietly entered the dimly lit room. Jack was lying on his side with his back to me, facing the wall. The TV was on, but the sound was muted. I approached the bed, took a deep breath and slid in beside him.
Jack’s head spun around. His eyes were as wide as saucers. “Jesus, Ennis! What are you doing? How’d you get in here?” He was visibly shaken.
“The door was open…”
Jack turned his entire body in my direction. He looked pale and sad. “Ennis, you can’t stay here,” he gasped. “What if Shelly comes back?”
“I locked the door.”
Jack sighed. “That’s not the point…”
I traced a single line down Jack’s face with my index finger. “Are you sick, Jack? What’s wrong?”
Jack collapsed onto his back and stared at the ceiling. “Ennis, you have to leave.”
There was no way I was leaving my Jack when he needed me most, no matter what he said. “What’s wrong, Jack? Are you sick?” I asked again.
“I’m not sick…I’m just…I just really depressed, okay? You have to go now, Ennis.”
Depressed? My heart ached for him. “Is it…is it because of me?” I whimpered.
Jack turned his head and looked into my worried eyes. “No, Ennis…it’s not because of you…I suffer from depression…I get like this sometimes. I’ll be fine.”
Something inside me said, stay, Ennis…he needs you. I snuggled into him, wrapped my arm around his chest and buried my face in the curve of his neck. His scent was intoxicating.
“Ennis,” he breathed.
“Jack…just hold me…I’ve missed you so much.”
Jack removed my arm from his chest, turned and faced me again. Struggling to breath, he swallowed and said, “Ennis…I’m not well. I-“
“I know, Jack. I know. You need me though. I’m here. You just need someone…to need you the way I do…that’s all. You’re not broken.”
His eyebrows came together, and I watched the color completely drain from his face. I could see he was at war with his own mind. I felt terrible. I wasn’t trying to complicate things, I really wasn’t. I was just trying to make him understand that he didn’t have to go it alone…and that I loved him, flaws and all.
“You’ve got it all figured out, huh?” he whispered.
“Yeah,” I whispered back, and just like that, Jack’s arms surrounded me, and he urgently pulled me into his chest. He gently grabbed a handful of my hair from the back of my head, securing me as close as possible to his body. I nestled my face into his tiny chest hairs, kissed his flesh and breathed in all that Jack was.
He continued to adjust my body just the way he wanted it. I understood what he needed, words were not necessary. I felt so safe and protected. Jack’s entire body began to tremble as he nudged the top of my head, encouraging me to look up. I raised my chin. Our eyes connected for a fleeting moment, and like two magnets, our lips drew close and then collided. I was in heaven.
“Ennis,” he sighed against my lips and delicately introduced his tongue inside my quivering mouth. His hands caressed my neck then slowly slid up to my flushed cheeks. At first I was real nervous, but Jack was so gentle, and so tender, that all my insecurities quickly melted away. Butterflies danced in my stomach as I explored his mouth for the first time. He tasted like mouthwash and something else that must have been just Jack. I mimicked the way he nipped at my bottom lip and sucked on the tip of my tongue. I had never been so aroused in my entire life. I wanted Jack so bad…I wanted him inside me. But more than just the physical pleasure, I wanted to feel the closeness, the bond…the love. I could sense Jack wasn’t going to allow this go any further, and that was okay because we had all the time in the world.
Our lips slowly parted. Jack’s eyes were twinkling back at me, my heart melted. He kissed the tip of my nose and wrapped his arms around my body. I closed my eyes, smiling against his chest. All our pain, all our sorrow, all our loneliness had slipped away...it was better than any drug either one of us had ever tried.
Tbc