Hott damn.
Rambles and such! Good rambles. I guess... Read! It's a new update from me!!
Well ok, haven't updated in a while. I suppose things are 'better', if better is back to where I was last year but not as bad. I've tended to become less love oriented and more sex driven, whether that's bad or not.. *pimp-slaps her virginess and stupid relationships* I have come to the realization, with the help of a few people, that Nick was not made for me and he never did really care about me as much as I thought. And here I was crying and brooding long after he had already moved on. How pathetic. Maybe that's why my love hopes are going bye-bye for a while. Well, it's still there but it's going to take a lot of digging to get to. I just want a good steady relationship with trust, honesty, and care for one another. And sex. Definitely sex. Unfortunately, I'm a shy loser and I'm not good at communications under certain situations. But I'm working on it and I've been recently able to step up and do some things I normally wouldn't do. Which is good.
I've been having the best orgasms of my life (for anyone who cares to read) and lately I've been indulging in fantasies. With who you ask? I'm not telling... Silly goossse!! And for the people reading this you really don't know what I'm talking about, because I don't tell you everything. Nyah! *sticks out tongue* I want a companion, I've been so afraid and alone and I need to be hugged and held. And fucked. And really.... yeah. Mixed feelings really. A part of me wants to love so bad, but I don't expect anyone to love me. I mean, I thought I was loved and it was just lies. Psshh. So really if I do find love it will have to run so deep that there's no mistake and no confusion and the feeling will be mutual. That will happen.... never. Something so deep I feel like will never hit me. And the only reason I'm not trying to kill myself anymore is because of the meds. Which I am thankful for because they do help so much. Last year I thought I was going to go insane. It's better now, but the loneliness never goes away.
Recently I've been opening up more and I've been trying to be bolder with conversing with people, since that is my weak area. I've had my eyes open and I've been making more contacts lately. But I'm not going to tell you. Because I don't need to tell you everything. Especially not on Livejournal. Being that it's public and all. *cough*
So basically I'm going slow, but I'm getting there. Maybe? Hopefully.
Well ok, haven't updated in a while. I suppose things are 'better', if better is back to where I was last year but not as bad. I've tended to become less love oriented and more sex driven, whether that's bad or not.. *pimp-slaps her virginess and stupid relationships* I have come to the realization, with the help of a few people, that Nick was not made for me and he never did really care about me as much as I thought. And here I was crying and brooding long after he had already moved on. How pathetic. Maybe that's why my love hopes are going bye-bye for a while. Well, it's still there but it's going to take a lot of digging to get to. I just want a good steady relationship with trust, honesty, and care for one another. And sex. Definitely sex. Unfortunately, I'm a shy loser and I'm not good at communications under certain situations. But I'm working on it and I've been recently able to step up and do some things I normally wouldn't do. Which is good.
I've been having the best orgasms of my life (for anyone who cares to read) and lately I've been indulging in fantasies. With who you ask? I'm not telling... Silly goossse!! And for the people reading this you really don't know what I'm talking about, because I don't tell you everything. Nyah! *sticks out tongue* I want a companion, I've been so afraid and alone and I need to be hugged and held. And fucked. And really.... yeah. Mixed feelings really. A part of me wants to love so bad, but I don't expect anyone to love me. I mean, I thought I was loved and it was just lies. Psshh. So really if I do find love it will have to run so deep that there's no mistake and no confusion and the feeling will be mutual. That will happen.... never. Something so deep I feel like will never hit me. And the only reason I'm not trying to kill myself anymore is because of the meds. Which I am thankful for because they do help so much. Last year I thought I was going to go insane. It's better now, but the loneliness never goes away.
Recently I've been opening up more and I've been trying to be bolder with conversing with people, since that is my weak area. I've had my eyes open and I've been making more contacts lately. But I'm not going to tell you. Because I don't need to tell you everything. Especially not on Livejournal. Being that it's public and all. *cough*
So basically I'm going slow, but I'm getting there. Maybe? Hopefully.