15 August 1982 - as Piper Poke (Tokyo)
I need to go to sleep.
But I'm so upset I can't sleep. I'm not even in the hotel room, I've been pacing around the hotel lobby for ages. I'M JUST SO ANGRY. I don't know how HARD IT IS TO SAY, oh BY THE WAY I'm PREGGERS. I managed. It's not THAT hard. I told Nicole. It's not that HARD TO OWL.
I'm so tired.
I just can't believe it, but I guess that's how it's going to be forever.
No one is ever going to love me. No one is ever going to want to marry me. I'm going to be ALONE FOREVER. With my baby.
I don't even know. I'm just SO ANGRY AND HURT.
But I guess it's not my place, I'm just the stupid girl who got pregnant with Kevin Perkins's baby who is going to be alone forever, SO I MIGHT AS WELL GET USED IT. GODS. I don't even know anyone I would have in the delivery room right now and I don't want to do this alone.
I didn't realize until now maybe how alone this feels. When the baby and I go home, it'll be me and the baby, it won't be me the baby and someone else. I know Kevin will be around but he's a Cursebreaker and I know what this is and I know what this isn't. It's basically going to be the baby and I and that's it.
I might not know what I'm doing but people don't have to act like I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I'm a HEALER. I can shove fingers back into sockets without thinking, I'm SMART. I'm CAPABLE. So why do I feel like
I'm so tired of this, I don't want to be pregnant any more but I'm not ready to have my baby. And this baby is kicking me in the ribs and it HURTS SO BAD and I just want them to stop. Please baby stop, it hurts.
I think I'm having a boy but I'm afraid to find out. It just feels like a boy, maybe that's stupid.
I'm ready to go home when this is over. I've had fun, I'm GLAD that I did this. I'm just ready for it to be not so hot.
Howard Wintringham just walked through her with someone that sounds Australian. I think English National is finding ways to get over their loss.
And now it's nearly breakfast time. Brock should be asleep for a while after that potion I gave him. I feel bad that he couldn't sleep last night, but I guess now it's my turn. I'm going to go get a shower and plan on taking a nap later.
I can't believe our time in Japan is nearly over. It's been something.