Comments | lavifag: New One Chapter One

lavifag

New One Chapter One

Aug 20, 2009 19:02

Warnings: None exept if you haven't met Tiki yet ( Read more... )

Comments 7

televisions August 20 2009, 23:14:28 UTC

Fff, not fond of Lavi.

lavifag August 20 2009, 23:31:23 UTC

Lavi isn't even fond of Lavi.

I HOWEVER. >w>

televisions August 20 2009, 23:33:35 UTC

lavifag is trufax.

lavifag August 20 2009, 23:37:44 UTC

>//w//>

<333333

But I think my idea is win. There should be someone like that in there.

rhyssafireheart August 21 2009, 02:06:37 UTC

Well, there isn't much to go on with this brief intro, but you really need a proofreader and/or beta. There are several verb tense errors and just awkward wording that could be easily fixed ( ... )

lavifag August 21 2009, 17:14:24 UTC

1. Thanks and I figured no one would actually care if I went into detail anyway.

2. Yes someone actually did say that so I will work on that in the next chapter.

As for Lavi talking to her for no reason I don't really have an answer.

3. I didn't know I was spelling that wrong no one ever told me so thank you.

4. Alright thanks for that. I thought something was wrong with that.

5. Thanks. Yes they are and not all of them are mary-sues. I prefer them to because you don't have to really worry about ooc.

6. Someone might get a fatal injury.

lavifag August 21 2009, 19:52:06 UTC

Also I have another question what did you think of Luna's weapon?