Teaching the cat to talk
Someone once told me that Siamese cats are the most linguisticly gifted of all domestic felines. They have around 500 distinct sounds and half of them mean "fuck you". There is some truth to this. So...
Soooooo....yeah, I decided to see if I could teach Watt to say a human word. Lots of cats can get "out" which, in cat, means "open the door". Watt's got that one. He's got "no", as well as distinct sounds for things he wants (food, water, treat, specific people, and clean the damn box woman). He's got specific welcome home noises as well as oddly conversational ones. He'll sometimes go on for minutes at a time in what sounds like his idea of what humans must sound like.
Yeah, yeah, I know...everybody think's their cat's brilliant. Watt, unfortunately (?) is.
The word of choice was "window". He lovez lovez lovez lovez having an open window to sit in. Lovezez it! Asking for the window to be opened involves lots of noises, streeeeeetching, rolling, and other attempts at cuteness. I figured if he wants the window that bad he can learn to ask for it. After all, I've got him trained to jump up on command (kinda), get down when I tell him to, come when he's called and hunt when I say "killit".
I've been working with him on "window" for a while now, since about march when things started warming up enough for me to want the window open. I won't go into the details of the degrading things I made him do, the grovelling he had to endure, or the frustration. It's enough to say that by the end of the summer he could belt out "WIE NOW!" (give him some slack, he's a cat) with enough consistancy for it to be close enough. Now he'll sit by the window and ask. Pretty cool, huh?
Living with an intelligent cat is like living with a precocious 2 year old. He's got the power of language and little, if any, grasp of self-control. No, that's not fair. Watt has learned to let me sleep and that the alarm means it's wake up time. No alarm, no wake up unless it's getting to be too late in the morning for him to stand. Otherwise the rest of his life revolves around his id. He wants what he wants and he wants it NOW (he's got that for a word too. It's the closest I can expect a cat to get to "please"). When we're in a vehicle now he'll ask for window and the window opens. When we're home and he asks it's opened for him. Like a child who is learning how to express their needs using words, it's a good thing to reinforce it. Well, cats think a wee bit differently. I discovered that window doesn't necessarily mean "window" in Watts head. I'm pretty sure the word means, "Gimme the most wonderful thing in the world PLEEEEEEZE!" because last night he was saying WIN NOW while looking at a gecko. Last time I checked a gecko is not a window.
I probably ought to give up the exercise in trying to figure out what goes on in Watts head. My therapist already has enough to deal with as it is. One of these days I'll try and get either a video or a recording of Watt saying his big word. He's a typical cat in that it's difficult to get him to do things when I've got a camera rolling. I still wish I'd been coherant enough to take pictures when he tried to make coffee for me (severe case of tonsilitis at the time). Ah well...we amuse each other. Next time I'll think twice about what I teach him.
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