(no subject)
Talk about something you did that made you feel ashamed of yourself afterwards.
You're kidding, right? I mean, really, asking me about something I did that made me feel ashamed of myself? I don't do shame. Besides, I have nothing to be ashamed of. I'm pretty much perfect.
In my own way, I begged him to stay. To stay with me, to stay in my bed, just to stay. More than feeling shame, I felt disgust. Disgust at him, myself... I lowered myself to begging him. I offered to wear the pigtails and the glasses again, to pretend to be her just to keep him with me.
I still remember all the reasons I wanted him. All the things he did, the things he refused to do that I wanted him to. The way I had to actually coerce him into bed the first time, the way he fell so quickly. He was so pretty when he was falling and even prettier when he realized there would be no one there to catch him, and I was the only one he had. I'm not ashamed of being with him and I'm not ashamed of wanting him like I did.
But I am ashamed that I begged him to stay.
He wasn't worth that. And neither was I.
You're kidding, right? I mean, really, asking me about something I did that made me feel ashamed of myself? I don't do shame. Besides, I have nothing to be ashamed of. I'm pretty much perfect.
In my own way, I begged him to stay. To stay with me, to stay in my bed, just to stay. More than feeling shame, I felt disgust. Disgust at him, myself... I lowered myself to begging him. I offered to wear the pigtails and the glasses again, to pretend to be her just to keep him with me.
I still remember all the reasons I wanted him. All the things he did, the things he refused to do that I wanted him to. The way I had to actually coerce him into bed the first time, the way he fell so quickly. He was so pretty when he was falling and even prettier when he realized there would be no one there to catch him, and I was the only one he had. I'm not ashamed of being with him and I'm not ashamed of wanting him like I did.
But I am ashamed that I begged him to stay.
He wasn't worth that. And neither was I.