The downward spiral
Things seem to have spiraled out of control since my last entry, and I'm taking this opportunity to make a formal apology, though I doubt that anyone involved will read it. If you are or were not involved you need no explanation, for it does not concern you. Those if concerns will or should understand exactly what I'm speaking about...so here it goes.
S.I.T.,
Layla McManus
To the individuals concerned, I offer my most humble and ernest apologies. Things that may have been said to you concerning things I have said, may or may not have been presented to you in the correct light, yet I still apologize. I apologize for any wrong or hurt I have done you, and any wrong or hurt others may have done by misinforming you. I cannot make these other parties apologize, for they do not believe they have done wrong...or if they do, they feel as though they stand something to gain by offering you falsehoods. Yet we all know they stand to gain nothing.
I take full responsibility and blame for all that has been done to bring about this unhappy result. I never meant to hurt anyone or make them feel unwelcome in my home or theirs, but you must understand there are many things at work that are far beyond my control, yet I am willing to take responsibility for these things as well if need be.
I have done wrong to everyone, including myself, for allowing these malicious falsehoods to spread, and not taking control of the situation. I cannot change the past, and I cannot take back these terrible things which others have spread. I was foolish for ever believing I could trust certain people with my personal feelings or beliefs where others were concerned, for these individuals have a knack for twisting things to suit their own purposes. I should have brought my questions to those who I knew could truly answer them...yet if truth be told, I felt I could not ask them for fear of causing some unforeseen disaster. I see now that I was wrong, and once again I apologize.
I know that by now you most likely want nothing to do with me, but I pray that you will at least take my humble apology. I ask no favors of you, for I feel at this point that I deserve none, all I can hope to ask for is forgiveness. I no longer expect your friendship or love, or to ever be welcome in your presence again, for like favors I feel that I no longer deserve them. If you wish to prove me wrong, I will not resist, just as I will not resist your scorn or ridicule, but I do not expect anyone to prove me wrong. In fact, I expect nothing from any of you anymore, for I know that nothing is all I have now.
I'm sorry. Please forgive me? I love you all and wish you nothing but the best, whatever path life takes you down, regardless of if I am with you or not.
Sincerely,
Amanda