five times arashi members could have lived without their bandmates and ...
Title: Five times Arashi members could have lived without their bandmates and one time it wasn't so bad
Rating: PG-13 for Nino's idea of great poetry
Pairings: ohmiya, arashi orgy
Summary: Sometimes it's just sheer habit that keeps you from killing people.
Disclaimer: not mine.
...idek, I was just in one of those moods today. :( nobody was miraculously coming up with retarded Arashi antics! :((( Also, if Sho doesn't wear Threadless-style t-shirts, he should.
1: we sing to the praise of a subject both compact and glorious, pert and victorious (love IS pain)
"I'm going to tell," said a small, despairing voice. "I'm going tell your mom you're making up weird poems about me again. I'm going to tell my mom. And she'll say. She'll say, Satoshi, we can never have Nino over for dinner again. Though it breaks my heart, I will never own him at Tekkan again."
"'The cleft of peaches, firm and sweet'," suggested Jun.
"Why can't you write poems about Jun's butt," said the voice, hopeless.
"Jun doesn't have a butt," said Nino.
"Do so," said Jun.
"Do not," said Nino, "I don't call three inches between the sides of a pair of jeans a butt."
The voice, which appeared to be coming from the depths of a couch in the break room, said, even more piteously, "What about Sho-chan's butt."
"Sho-kun's ass," said Jun, who ought to have known, "deserves to be sculpted in marble, not immortalized in poetry."
"What rhymes with maximus?" demanded Nino.
"Platypus?" said Aiba.
"...If that's your idea of sexy, Aoki-san deserves you." Jun said.
"Aiba has a nice butt," said the voice. "Write poems about his butt. Shoooo-kunnn. Make them stoooopppppp."
"'We've seen many a fabulous butt before / But Ohno's is the ass we all adore'," murmured Sho, not looking up from his newspaper.
"You guys all suck," said the small, sad voice.
2: Sleep: not just for the weak any more!
Okay okay okay so so maybe he could have lived without the fifth coffee but there was so much to do oh God so much to do and then he had to do more he hadn't cleaned his apartment in in like, five days and he could sense the dirt. Creeping closer. Creep, creep, creep. All the colors in the room were muted and reeling a little in his vision, which was pretty weird because he was looking at costumes and a muted costume was an oxo- oxen - oxymoron in JE. Like. Like his bandmates. Morons. Matsumoto Jun if you sit down you will never get up again. Better to keep moving. Oh hey! It was an Ohno, floating around the edges of his vision. He really. He really really liked Ohno but not when he was on twenty-eight hours of wakefulness. And counting. Connnstant vigilance. Especially since. Since he couldn't see another one of them. Yellow. Tiny. Ferret. Um. the name was coming. Um. Nino, that was it. It was so so weird how you forgot shit like that when you .... oh there was Nino. It was always best to keep him in sight. Nino was glaring at him. Like he cared. Nino could glare all day! He would never glare as well as Jun.
He heard, as if from a long way off, but very close, as if it was just behind him, "Did Aiba find out when he last slept?"
Ha ha, he'd cunningly thrown Aiba off the track! Mighty hunter only not so much. Nobody would ever get him to admit it. They couldn't make him sit down until he was ready, and he would be ready when everything was done. So. So there.
"He called Shun."
....well, there was that. Hell. He was. He was definitely going to get. Going to get Shun for this. Perhaps if if he looked really really super-busy they wouldn't --he should turn around and. And flee. Not flee. Retreat. Leave. The dust was laughing at him. Wow, Sho was really hot in that gray shirt with the winged heart on it. It was picked out in silver and red. The way his arms were crossed made his shoulders flex half out of it. Jun approved.
"Matsujun," said Sho and it was funny how Jun could hear him through the ringing in his ears. "We have had this discussion before."
....Goddammit, these bitches could make him lie down on Ohno's lap but they wouldn't make him admit he... was ..ti.....red...............
3: Please don't die of a busted lung, we would have to redo all the fucking choreography.
Aiba sneezed. Mattsun's head came up from behind a book, and he peered suspiciously at Aiba from over the top of his glasses. Aiba pretended not to see him, rather desperately. If the Princess decided he was getting a cold, it would be the nasty Chinese teas and mysteriously disappearing packs of cigarettes for a week, at least. He sneezed again. Jun's eyes narrowed.
"My gosh," said Aiba, loudly, "look at all this nasty tree pollen! I'd better go get an anti-histamine!"
He started to get up, but there was a red t-shirt blocking his way. The t-shirt was on Sho-chan. It said, WONDERS NEVER CEASE and had an elephant floating in a hot air balloon on it. Sho-chan was also wearing a dark gray fuzzy sweater. Aiba looked at Sho's belt buckle (from Jun, shaped like a crown) as Sho-chan dropped a heavy hand on his shoulder. "Aiba-chan," said Sho-chan, very nicely, "If you bothered to read a fucking paper sometimes, you would know that the tree pollen count is low this week."
"It could be," said Aiba hopelessly. "It could be extra-strong tree pollen that only I'm allergic to. It could be kangaroo dander."
Jun-chan laid his book aside and began to rummage meaningfully in his bag.
"It's not a cold!" wailed Aiba.
"If it was pollen, Matsujun would be a zombie," said Nino, from Ohno's lap. "A red-eyed, shuffling, horrible, frizzy-haired thing from beyond the grave."
"And he'd say Braaaaiiiins, braaaaaaaaaiiiins, coooffeeeeeee, brraaaaaiiiins," contributed Ohno.
"Har de har har," said Jun.
"Just think of all the money you'll save this week not buying cigarettes," said Nino.
"Just think of all the money you'll spend buying your own," said Aiba.
4: Re: your brains
Sho was trying to study. If he did not study, he would fail his classes. If he failed his classes, he would not graduate in four years. If he did not graduate in four years, he would have to quit Johnny's. If he had to quit Johnny's, there would be nobody to take care of the four idiots he inexplicably spent most of his time around. If there was nobody around to take care of the four idiots he inexplicably spent most of his time around, they would ... well, maybe not die, but Jun would never eat an entire meal again, and Aiba would end up in the hospital, and Nino would .... would .... Sho didn't even want to think about it, and Ohno would wander off and be discovered a month later painting in the wilds of, of, of Montana. Or else he and Nino would have to be bailed out of jail.
So it was very important that he studied. He had been studying for five hours straight while he was waiting for his turn to record, and he had just finished recording with visions of formulae dancing in front of his eyes, and now he was studying again while he waited for them to find out if they had to redo anything.
At least, he was trying to. Aiba and Jun were actually behaving themselves, almost. Except for Aiba wedging his head on Sho's lap between him and the laptop on the table, as if he was a cat. And Jun painting his nails and filling the air with the smell of polish. If he was perfectly honest, so were Ohno and Nino, for a certain value of 'behaving themselves'. They were tangled up on the couch opposite and Nino was fiddling with Ohno's hands as they carried on an idle conversation about food.
Food. When was the last time they'd eaten? Had Jun eaten anything besides half a carrot and a diet flavored water? Did Aiba have enough vegetables? Had he eaten? Sho had a vague memory of someone feeding him bits of energy bar. It was probably Nino.
"-- Sugar cookies," said Ohno suddenly. "Like, in the shapes of people you know."
"I'd eat Leader," said Nino.
"Only if I didn't get to him first," said Jun, and Sho stared blindly at the laptop, wondering what he had done to deserve these people.
5: it's depressing to be predictable
"Nino, stop that," said Jun, walking by.
"I wasn't even doing anything!" howled Nino.
"Yet," said Sho. He settled his head more comfortably on Aiba and continued reading his stupid, boring economics journal.
Aiba said, "Don't be mad because Ohno has a practice with Chinen-kun's group."
Nino sat and sulked. Nobody wanted to play with him. He was going to go pull the worst prank in the history of ever. He was going to make HSJ the guinea pigs for the biggest Ni no Arashi known to man. He was going to tell them that making Chinen take it for the team was a group bonding experience. He was going to make out with Ohno in front of an entire room of journalists. He was going to leap on Jun from above and dry-hump him on stage. He was ....
Ohno came in and the entire room shifted a little toward him. He looked around vaguely. "Do you think these jeans fit right?" said Ohno.
Nino brightened. "Come over and let me feel," he said.
"Look," said Jun. "You mean look."
"I mean feel," said Nino.
...and one time it wasn't so bad.
The bus was a little over-warm and smelt of stage makeup and sweat and five different colognes but that was okay. Everybody was too tired to care. Nino was leaning on Ohno who was half in Jun's lap and Sho had draped his arm over the back of the seat and Nino had taken it with the hand that wasn't on Ohno's thigh. Aiba was half-asleep on Sho, his lighter hair mingling with Sho's darker hair in the half-light of the city streets.
For a minute, just for a minute, Jun felt like it was like knowing each other perfectly, like being onstage and the instant where everything fell together; the boundaries between 'self' and 'group' were muted and fading. It wouldn't last, he knew, and it was more precious because of it. This one moment, when he was both 'Jun' and 'Arashi', a single voice making up one part of a larger one.
Rating: PG-13 for Nino's idea of great poetry
Pairings: ohmiya, arashi orgy
Summary: Sometimes it's just sheer habit that keeps you from killing people.
Disclaimer: not mine.
...idek, I was just in one of those moods today. :( nobody was miraculously coming up with retarded Arashi antics! :((( Also, if Sho doesn't wear Threadless-style t-shirts, he should.
1: we sing to the praise of a subject both compact and glorious, pert and victorious (love IS pain)
"I'm going to tell," said a small, despairing voice. "I'm going tell your mom you're making up weird poems about me again. I'm going to tell my mom. And she'll say. She'll say, Satoshi, we can never have Nino over for dinner again. Though it breaks my heart, I will never own him at Tekkan again."
"'The cleft of peaches, firm and sweet'," suggested Jun.
"Why can't you write poems about Jun's butt," said the voice, hopeless.
"Jun doesn't have a butt," said Nino.
"Do so," said Jun.
"Do not," said Nino, "I don't call three inches between the sides of a pair of jeans a butt."
The voice, which appeared to be coming from the depths of a couch in the break room, said, even more piteously, "What about Sho-chan's butt."
"Sho-kun's ass," said Jun, who ought to have known, "deserves to be sculpted in marble, not immortalized in poetry."
"What rhymes with maximus?" demanded Nino.
"Platypus?" said Aiba.
"...If that's your idea of sexy, Aoki-san deserves you." Jun said.
"Aiba has a nice butt," said the voice. "Write poems about his butt. Shoooo-kunnn. Make them stoooopppppp."
"'We've seen many a fabulous butt before / But Ohno's is the ass we all adore'," murmured Sho, not looking up from his newspaper.
"You guys all suck," said the small, sad voice.
2: Sleep: not just for the weak any more!
Okay okay okay so so maybe he could have lived without the fifth coffee but there was so much to do oh God so much to do and then he had to do more he hadn't cleaned his apartment in in like, five days and he could sense the dirt. Creeping closer. Creep, creep, creep. All the colors in the room were muted and reeling a little in his vision, which was pretty weird because he was looking at costumes and a muted costume was an oxo- oxen - oxymoron in JE. Like. Like his bandmates. Morons. Matsumoto Jun if you sit down you will never get up again. Better to keep moving. Oh hey! It was an Ohno, floating around the edges of his vision. He really. He really really liked Ohno but not when he was on twenty-eight hours of wakefulness. And counting. Connnstant vigilance. Especially since. Since he couldn't see another one of them. Yellow. Tiny. Ferret. Um. the name was coming. Um. Nino, that was it. It was so so weird how you forgot shit like that when you .... oh there was Nino. It was always best to keep him in sight. Nino was glaring at him. Like he cared. Nino could glare all day! He would never glare as well as Jun.
He heard, as if from a long way off, but very close, as if it was just behind him, "Did Aiba find out when he last slept?"
Ha ha, he'd cunningly thrown Aiba off the track! Mighty hunter only not so much. Nobody would ever get him to admit it. They couldn't make him sit down until he was ready, and he would be ready when everything was done. So. So there.
"He called Shun."
....well, there was that. Hell. He was. He was definitely going to get. Going to get Shun for this. Perhaps if if he looked really really super-busy they wouldn't --he should turn around and. And flee. Not flee. Retreat. Leave. The dust was laughing at him. Wow, Sho was really hot in that gray shirt with the winged heart on it. It was picked out in silver and red. The way his arms were crossed made his shoulders flex half out of it. Jun approved.
"Matsujun," said Sho and it was funny how Jun could hear him through the ringing in his ears. "We have had this discussion before."
....Goddammit, these bitches could make him lie down on Ohno's lap but they wouldn't make him admit he... was ..ti.....red...............
3: Please don't die of a busted lung, we would have to redo all the fucking choreography.
Aiba sneezed. Mattsun's head came up from behind a book, and he peered suspiciously at Aiba from over the top of his glasses. Aiba pretended not to see him, rather desperately. If the Princess decided he was getting a cold, it would be the nasty Chinese teas and mysteriously disappearing packs of cigarettes for a week, at least. He sneezed again. Jun's eyes narrowed.
"My gosh," said Aiba, loudly, "look at all this nasty tree pollen! I'd better go get an anti-histamine!"
He started to get up, but there was a red t-shirt blocking his way. The t-shirt was on Sho-chan. It said, WONDERS NEVER CEASE and had an elephant floating in a hot air balloon on it. Sho-chan was also wearing a dark gray fuzzy sweater. Aiba looked at Sho's belt buckle (from Jun, shaped like a crown) as Sho-chan dropped a heavy hand on his shoulder. "Aiba-chan," said Sho-chan, very nicely, "If you bothered to read a fucking paper sometimes, you would know that the tree pollen count is low this week."
"It could be," said Aiba hopelessly. "It could be extra-strong tree pollen that only I'm allergic to. It could be kangaroo dander."
Jun-chan laid his book aside and began to rummage meaningfully in his bag.
"It's not a cold!" wailed Aiba.
"If it was pollen, Matsujun would be a zombie," said Nino, from Ohno's lap. "A red-eyed, shuffling, horrible, frizzy-haired thing from beyond the grave."
"And he'd say Braaaaiiiins, braaaaaaaaaiiiins, coooffeeeeeee, brraaaaaiiiins," contributed Ohno.
"Har de har har," said Jun.
"Just think of all the money you'll save this week not buying cigarettes," said Nino.
"Just think of all the money you'll spend buying your own," said Aiba.
4: Re: your brains
Sho was trying to study. If he did not study, he would fail his classes. If he failed his classes, he would not graduate in four years. If he did not graduate in four years, he would have to quit Johnny's. If he had to quit Johnny's, there would be nobody to take care of the four idiots he inexplicably spent most of his time around. If there was nobody around to take care of the four idiots he inexplicably spent most of his time around, they would ... well, maybe not die, but Jun would never eat an entire meal again, and Aiba would end up in the hospital, and Nino would .... would .... Sho didn't even want to think about it, and Ohno would wander off and be discovered a month later painting in the wilds of, of, of Montana. Or else he and Nino would have to be bailed out of jail.
So it was very important that he studied. He had been studying for five hours straight while he was waiting for his turn to record, and he had just finished recording with visions of formulae dancing in front of his eyes, and now he was studying again while he waited for them to find out if they had to redo anything.
At least, he was trying to. Aiba and Jun were actually behaving themselves, almost. Except for Aiba wedging his head on Sho's lap between him and the laptop on the table, as if he was a cat. And Jun painting his nails and filling the air with the smell of polish. If he was perfectly honest, so were Ohno and Nino, for a certain value of 'behaving themselves'. They were tangled up on the couch opposite and Nino was fiddling with Ohno's hands as they carried on an idle conversation about food.
Food. When was the last time they'd eaten? Had Jun eaten anything besides half a carrot and a diet flavored water? Did Aiba have enough vegetables? Had he eaten? Sho had a vague memory of someone feeding him bits of energy bar. It was probably Nino.
"-- Sugar cookies," said Ohno suddenly. "Like, in the shapes of people you know."
"I'd eat Leader," said Nino.
"Only if I didn't get to him first," said Jun, and Sho stared blindly at the laptop, wondering what he had done to deserve these people.
5: it's depressing to be predictable
"Nino, stop that," said Jun, walking by.
"I wasn't even doing anything!" howled Nino.
"Yet," said Sho. He settled his head more comfortably on Aiba and continued reading his stupid, boring economics journal.
Aiba said, "Don't be mad because Ohno has a practice with Chinen-kun's group."
Nino sat and sulked. Nobody wanted to play with him. He was going to go pull the worst prank in the history of ever. He was going to make HSJ the guinea pigs for the biggest Ni no Arashi known to man. He was going to tell them that making Chinen take it for the team was a group bonding experience. He was going to make out with Ohno in front of an entire room of journalists. He was going to leap on Jun from above and dry-hump him on stage. He was ....
Ohno came in and the entire room shifted a little toward him. He looked around vaguely. "Do you think these jeans fit right?" said Ohno.
Nino brightened. "Come over and let me feel," he said.
"Look," said Jun. "You mean look."
"I mean feel," said Nino.
...and one time it wasn't so bad.
The bus was a little over-warm and smelt of stage makeup and sweat and five different colognes but that was okay. Everybody was too tired to care. Nino was leaning on Ohno who was half in Jun's lap and Sho had draped his arm over the back of the seat and Nino had taken it with the hand that wasn't on Ohno's thigh. Aiba was half-asleep on Sho, his lighter hair mingling with Sho's darker hair in the half-light of the city streets.
For a minute, just for a minute, Jun felt like it was like knowing each other perfectly, like being onstage and the instant where everything fell together; the boundaries between 'self' and 'group' were muted and fading. It wouldn't last, he knew, and it was more precious because of it. This one moment, when he was both 'Jun' and 'Arashi', a single voice making up one part of a larger one.