Comments | lckngrwv_writes: Under the Rain chapter three

lckngrwv_writes

Under the Rain chapter three

Jan 20, 2006 20:03

(fanfiction. Harry Potter and Co. belong to JKR)
Warning: this has not been beta-read. Read at your own risk.
( Greetings, Salutations, and Revelations )

Comments 2

review anonymous January 21 2006, 14:30:02 UTC

I'm avidly following your story.It is very sad so far and rather suspensful.Naturally,as a reader I would certainly like more per chapter, but you are the author and as such I'm grateful that you have even given this much of yourself. I love Severus so much and I do hope you won't hurt him too severely. I hope your own hurt will get better I will be thinking of you. Love barb squeaker19450@yahoo.com

karelia January 22 2006, 09:23:40 UTC

Don't worry about what anyone wants from your writing. Write for yourself, and your own happiness about your writing is what's important!!!
I've found a few minor things with regard to spelling and punctuation, if you're interested:

"The last thing he needed was the meddling influence of a couple [of] old bats in his life." Insert 'of'
"...she never would have stood this sort of bullying[,] when she was younger.” No comma. Also, I think there should be a comma rather than period at the end of it, seeing it’s followed by ’ Minerva voiced her concern...
‘I’ve made sure of that[.]” Abigail muttered.’ Replace period with comma.
"The small room glowed with noontime sunlight, lighting on[quiet] [quite] unexpectedly turned to Severus Snape. 'Quite' would be the correct spelling here ( ... )