(no subject)
I
deleted my twitter.
I kind of regret it now, because I have a lot to write but yeah. Can't even see it anymore.
Yesterday, I suddenly felt very down and gloomy and started crying without a reason, getting mad and hating myself so badly. So much that I cried out of nowhere, and then I deleted my twitter and shit because I didn't want to connect to everyone or something. Strange because
1) I'm not the type to act recklessly when I'm depressed, I go through the 'will I regret this?' thing with EVERYTHING I do so I've never done anything extreme. unless when I'm mad haha.
2) I'm... actually a happy person. I don't like being unhappy, and I kind of swore to myself that I'll cheer myself up no matter what but.
It just came out. Out of nowhere, and as usual, it drifted off and then I realised that my dreams were never going to come true no matter what I did and I started bursting into tears, hating on whatever came onto my mind. I was so absorbed in self-pity and self-loathe, to the point that I took out the 30 day meme, filled it in with short messages where I pretty much apologised to everyone for having to deal someone with me, thanking Super Junior for making my life worth it, and hated on myself. I currently DO know when I sent it to, since it's, uh, a special day? But I'm not going to write it down just in case I forget it :p~
TL;DR - depressed!me is scary. ;______;
but I think it was because I was constantly hiding my anger and discontent by constantly putting a happy smile and a positive outlook. I don't think I should do it again because I think I might have been very very short-tempered to my mother nowadays. I mean, I suppose being genuinely expressive is fine at some times?