Why is it so acceptable to dislike (be prejudiced against?) childless people?

[learnsslowly]

I promised someone I would write something about "what it's like to be childless".
Here it is.

Comments

[heliopausa]

What an idiot mother-of-four was! I think I'd've just snarled something sarcastic along the lines of "Yeah, that nasty, nasty Mother Teresa" or Corrie Ten Boom, or the Virgin Queen, or Louis Armstrong, or Douglas Bader or whoever, depending on who are the people she'd've been likely to hold in respect.
I hope (and I think it's pretty likely, actually) that your other colleagues only didn't challenge her because they already knew she was a lost cause as far as reason goes. And as for her feeling apologetic and guilty, well, I hope more than that - I hope her daughters bite her head off! the very first time she even dares to suggest they are less valuable to her because they haven't produced descendants.

[learnsslowly]

Thank you for your supportive comment. I was rather worried about posting it, but had promised, so...

I hope you are right as far as the lost cause goes. Actually, and I hadn't thought of it until I read your comment, it's not unlikely that she had previously said something about me along the same lines without my knowing it. They may under those circumstances have decided that saying something would either focus her ire on me, creating more discomfort for all, or result in her chalking up some kind of grudge against them, which she would later act on. That said, hers is an attitude I have come across several times, so probably not that unusual.
As for the biting-the- head-off. I hope if they did/ have/ would do, that they all stuck together on it. They only had one mother - she had daughterS to play off against each other.

[jenn_calaelen]

wow! What a horrible thing for people to say! It sounds like a very bad way to discriminate against people on no evidence - and I certainly feel sorry for her daughters (and hope they don't/didn't inherit her views or get pressured into having children if they didn't want to) .

I'm interested that I've not come across this in person - I'm in my early thirties, don't have children and never will (because of various physical health problems) and what I've come across a lot is people asking/encouraging/etc me to have children (even when I explain the reasons that I am not going to).

[learnsslowly]

Thank you for commenting. I hope you never do have to face this form of discrimination. That actually motivates me to write a bit more soon - I've now got something positive to focus on - doing what I can to reduce this form of discrimination before you reach the age that you are seen as a non-mother rather than potential mother by the prejudiced and have to put up with it too! I think there was a change in some people's attitude towards me starting from about 35. I've come across the asking/ encouraging to the point of pressure too, although I'm in my late forties, so that seems to have happened less frequently over the last year or so

[jenn_calaelen]

Good luck with working to reduce it - it is certainly a form of discrimination that does not get talked about (and certainly should).

[lilachigh]

Goodness, I find it hard to believe that such stupidity exists, but then stupidity comes in all shaped and sizes. I never had children, which is a sadness in some ways, but I have a posse of nieces, great nieces and great nephews. Not the same thing, people say in a condescending fashion. These are sometimes the same people who are in floods of tears down the telephone because their offspring haven't contacted them for months, won't let them see their grandchildren, have moved to other side of world, etc etc

[learnsslowly]

As to the trust thing, I can only assume from the context that she meant it as a general comment on honesty, integrity and whether the person would do what they said they would. To balance that out, I know I was valued particularly as a child- minder (I would say baby-sitter, this was an occasional non- paid event but delightful child 2 decided at 6 that he preferred not to be called a baby.) by one couple of friends, who appreciated that when I was in sole charge of their (delightful) children, they knew that my absolute priority would be the safety and well-being of their children

Her problem, not yours

[sprog_63]

What a ridiculous comment (mother-of 4's, not yours

Re: Her problem, not yours

[learnsslowly]

Thank you very, very much for your comment. One of the things that worried me post about posting this was the potential reactions of people with children. I was nearly half- expecting, "I don't believe anyone would behave like that so you must be lying" from someone. I think your team are very lucky to have you care enough to point out the non- inclusive conversation. Not, you understand that I mind conversations happening about experiences that will never be accessible to me, but I also know, all too well, how such a conversation could have gone.

As for the defensiveness - that wasn't an isolated incident in my life, or indeed that particular work place, and now I've got started, I may write some more about various things that I've observed.