That "social interactivity" essay

[leback]

[ETA: This entry was originally f-locked; I've made it public by request, but I'd like people to keep in mind that I didn't originally intend it for public consumption, and heed well the caveat that I'm writing here about personal reactions, not trying to make broad pronouncements on how others should read or judge the essay to which I've linked.

Comments

[ex_serenejo]

Thank you. You've said everything I was looking for words for.

[leback]

You're welcome, and thank you!

(Also, if this is the locked post you'd attempted to link to over in Lynn's journal, it is now unlocked, FWIW.)

[wordweaverlynn]

Could you possibly unlock this so I could link to it? Or repost the whole thing as a response on my LJ?

"No" is, as always, an OK answer.

[leback]

Unlocked, though with a bit of trepidation -- I feel a bit as though I'm offering myself up to the Internet Wolves here. :-)

[firecat]

The guy lost me when he wrote "Everyone is on the Short Bus of Social Interaction to some degree or another." It's one thing to say "I hold extremely high ideals for social behavior, and no one measures up to my ideals." It's another thing to essentially say that everyone is retarded. The latter does not take responsibility for your own attitudes. (Exactly what you were complaining about.) Besides, it makes no sense.

I think it's interesting that the author says "don't make excuses" for your social faux pas but he claims that you do need to make excuses for, say, refusing the offer of a drink. I agree with Miss Manners that you don't have to give reasons for refusing something.

I agree with you about the sitting in a corner. The only time I am responsible for managing the stories that other people make up about me is when I want something from those people that I'm not getting. If I'm contented sitting in a corner, then there's no reason for me not to.

[leback]

I forgot about that "Everyone is on the Short Bus..." thing. It bugs me too, in part because it tends to obscure the possibility that the rules are much better-suited to some people's needs and abilities than to others'. I'm with you on much of the rest (including your comments on your own journal), too.

[saluqi]

At the opposite extreme, it could just as easily be written as "The system sucks, but here's how you might cope inside it, if you want to try to do so."

That was pretty much my reaction. I have been known to take a very directive tone when ranting in my journal, but it is only venting and even venting has it's limits (shortbus, euw).

If I were going to go to the trouble of setting out information like that it would be along the lines of "when you do X, these are the likely social benefits and costs".

[leback]

Blah, missed the notification for this comment, I think.

I get the sense that your phrasing is more or less what the author had in mind (taking this mostly from his comments in wordweaverlynn's journal), but that he was counting on his audience to read between the lines in order to understand that. I guess that's the danger of writing things online, in general - it's easy for them to wind up distributed to a much wider audience than one has envisioned, and any initial carelessness then comes back to haunt one... Maybe there's another rule of social interaction to be had in that: "21) If you say obnoxious things, or say sensible things obnoxiously, on the assumption that you're speaking to a limited audience that will not hold them against you, there is always a chance that people outside your intended audience will encounter your statements and think ill of you for them." Or something like that. :-)

[19_crows]

About rule 15, and whether sitting in a corner exudes hostility - you're right that other people project their own interpretations, some of which will be wrong. But he's trying to describe how the world actually works, not how things would be in the best of all possible worlds. So, it's unfair, but word to the wise, that's how people are probably going to react to you if you sit in a corner at a party.

Since I read it as "the system sucks, but here's how to cope", it seems like good advice.

[leback]

You may well be right that the authorial intent was in a "the system sucks, but..." vein. I think it takes a generous reading to get there from the words he actually used, but as he's noted elsewhere, he was writing this for a relatively small audience of people he knew, and his intent may have been entirely clear within that setting. And like I said, I do agree that it's probably a pretty handy survival guide for people who want that