Bittersweet -- Kobal & Haagenti
Whew. Okay, I did another in the Bittersweet series, because I had the need to write. I'm not sure I like this one as much as the other one, or if it's as good, but I tried my best to make the idea work, so I hope you like it. Here you are. :)
Kobal had to take a moment to stop and lean against a wall, chuckling quietly to himself as he played out the upcoming brawl in his mind. He was still shocked at how easy everything had slid into place, but since when was the Dark Jester going to complain about an ideal setup?
He started off back down the street, to the appointed place; between the Cube and his brother's current feeding carnival. He took a moment to reflect on the setup: Haagenti and Mammon would fight in a duel, to finally settle the problem about Word-infringement. It had been pathetically easy to get Mammon riled up enough to start screaming for Haagenti's head; it helped the Balseraph's courage that Kobal had anonymously delivered a very special kind of poison to the Prince of Greed, which promised to convert his gilded fangs into a Prince-killing weapon.
And that much was true; the venom Mammon had could indeed kill a Prince if enough was injected, but it wouldn't kill Haagenti. It'd only give the Calabite the stomach-ache of his life, since the poison was made from some Haagenti's own soul and Word Forces, taken in secret over the years, designed to consume and rip apart Forces in a feeding frenzy. It'd all be good for a laugh; Mammon would be dead before he knew any better, his brother would be empowered, and he'd also be puking all over the Cube, which would be a base and disgusting sight. Kobal didn't mind. His ennui was getting worse, so why not quell it by trying to go back to the basics?
Turning the last corner, Kobal stopped and grinned. There they were now; Haagenti a tiny and angry figure, his maw gnashing wildly, and Mammon across from him, a towering cobra of gold and gem, his fangs stretched out and dripping with the vile red liquid that Kobal had sent him. Both were seething with anger and ready to go, exactly as planned; Malphas had made sure the right words were said at the proper times to ensure maximum aggression.
A huge throng of Servitors from each Word ringed the two Princes, with plenty of room to spare. Many of Kobal's own Servitors had also come to watch, along with a sizeable number of eager Media demons who wanted to capture the brawl. It really did make Kobal smile; everybody would be having some good old blood-soaked fun for once, and Hell would get shook up a bit.
Yet, in the back of his mind, Kobal had a nagging feeling that something was wrong, or left unaccounted for. He pushed the feeling away, writing it off as the usual raving paranoia, and walked over to his brother.
"Haagenti! Brother and dearest friend. You ready to go place nice with the big shiny toy snake?"
Haagenti snarled as he looked over, and flexed his claws. "You're damn right I'm ready! Bastard thinks he can step on MY Word?! Thinks Greed is bigger than MY stomach? HAH! I'll swallow him WHOLE! I could go for some fat snake sausage. Gehehehehehe."
Haagenti snorted and grinned malevolently, and Kobal winked at his brother, patting him on the back with a knowing smile.
"Go git' him, tiger. Looks like dinner is on the table."
Kobal smacked Haagenti on his back horn, and watched the tiny Calabite rush out into the empty street, going at amazing speeds for such stumpy legs. Mammon rattled his giant jeweled tail and began to slither out, his fangs bared as he rushed at his opponent with equally blinding speed.
The two collided near the center of the battleground, Haagenti scoring the first hit, biting the tip of Mammon's tail clean off. The Prince of Greed hissed and thrashed his head, slamming it down onto Haagenti's back; Kobal winced when heard a nasty crunch, but Haagenti laughed and recovered almost immediately, clawing apart the golden snake's armored hide.
Each Prince traded blows like this, neither truly damaging the other yet, when Kobal saw that Mammon was ready to make his move. He reared up, pushed out his fangs, and brought his tail around to lightly smack Haagenti, distracting the Calabite long enough for him to slam his head into Gluttony's head; there was a roar of pain and a spray of red before Mammon yanked his mouth back, spitting up blood and fur. He snickered wildly and retreated a distance, weaving back and forth dangerously.
"Idiot Calabite! Whelpling Prince! You think you have me, but your options are now down to one; surrender and give yourself up to me, or face erasure!"
Haagenti snarled, and then burped loudly, coughing. He shook his head and looked back at Kobal with a worried expression. Kobal frowned. The poison shouldn't be working so fast on Haagenti. He should only start feeling sick near the end of the fight, not seconds after being bitten. Had he miscalculated?
Mammon snickered darkly. "Oh, what's wrong little Prince? Got a stomach ache? Feeling dizzy? The poison your 'brother' gave me works so well, don't you agree?"
Kobal's eyes widened in shock, and he glared at Mammon. What? How did he know? How could he have possibly found out it was him who sent the poison? Mammon only smiled at Kobal, licking his fangs eagerly.
Haagenti pulled himself back up and spat a black wad of goo from his mouth, and bared his teeth. "My brother wouldn't send you nothin' to help, you damned sausage! Get over here so I can start EATIN' YOU!"
Haagenti rushed forward and leapt at Mammon, sinking his fangs into the snake's throat; he fell off when the other Prince flicked his body hard enough to remove the Calabite, sending him crashing into the stone ground. He shivered and coughed, weaving erratically, and the two Princes stared at each other.
Kobal felt his hands get sweaty. Mammon knew. He knew the venom came from him. Worse, Kobal figured out why it was acting so fast; Mammon, being his greedy self, had taken all the venom at once, ignoring the written warnings, perhaps in hope of ending the fight quickly. What Mammon didn't know was that the poison would affect him too eventually; if he had taken all of it, there was a chance it would turn against the Prince and kill him outright, despite being made to not affect him. That would ruin EVERYTHING.
But more importantly, it meant that Haagenti might lose.
Kobal shook his head and resolved to stay back; if Haagenti was able to eat Meserach whole as a mere Wordbound, he'd have no trouble murdering a Minor Prince, even with a potent poison in his blood. No need to risk ruining the joke.
Haagenti wasn't doing so well, though. He was struggling just to stay on his feet as he ran around the Balseraph, nipping at his scales and tearing off chunks, even as the Balseraph weaved in and kept delivering poisoned bites.
Then came relief in the form of a finishing blow from Haagenti; Mammon had slipped in a puddle of blood, slid to the ground, and had not rose back up quickly enough. Haagenti took the chance to leap onto the snake, and in a desperate burst of hungry energy, he started to devour Mammon, ripping out huge chunks as he clawed his way into the Prince's chest. Mammon bellowed, writhed, thrashed, and then went still. Haagenti kept trying to eat Mammon, but he stumbled off and began to vomit blood and consumed flesh over the street in a thick wave.
It had ended as Kobal hoped, but he had a lingering sense of unease as he watched Haagenti slowly stumble towards him, blood dribbling from his mouth; the Calabite wore an easy grin, but he walked drunkenly, his eyes unfocused. Kobal put up a smile and began to approach his victorious brother.
"Haagenti! The raging bull comes out the winner! Look at you, you dirty little devil! You should have worn a bib!"
Kobal grinned as Haagenti laughed, and the Prince of Gluttony shook his head, coughing.
"Yeah, well, he gave me trouble, but I-"
Haagenti stopped talking to let out a shout; Mammon had risen, a gaping wound in his chest, and had launched himself at the unaware Calabite, prepared to attack one final time. Or so it seemed.
Kobal allowed himself a small smile when Mammon tackled him instead, and the Impudite found himself holding open the Balseraph's bloody maw, trying to stop him from delivering a fatal bite.
"BASTARD! TRICKSTER! I'LL TEAR YOUR THROAT OUT! I'LL KILL YOU! YOU SENT THE POISON! YOU TRICKED ME! YOU-"
Mammon was suddenly pulled back, Haagenti wrapped around his head. The Calabite looked up at Kobal and shouted "GET BACK! DON'T LET HIM BITE YOU!"
Kobal did back away, his eyes wide. What was Haagenti doing?
The answer came when Haagenti forced himself into Mammon's mouth, and he began to bite the Balseraph again, locking the both of them together like a twisted oroborous of flesh and fang, each Prince dying in the other's grasp. Haagenti kept screaming for Kobal to get away, and it occurred to the Prince of Dark Humor that his brother was saving him.
Sacrificing himself for him.
Indecision gripped Kobal. If he acted now, he could save Haagenti. He would risk his own life, but he could blast the snake apart and free his brother, and then heal him-
But what other foes might move in at such a moment of weakness? He would open himself to attack. But Haagenti's life was on the line, and Kobal had to move forward. But he stopped again.
Kobal found himself starting to laugh. Wasn't this funny? Wasn't this utterly hilarious? Haagenti was killing himself to kill Mammon, one of Hell's weakest Princes! The Prince Killer, killed by a greasy snake, in a foolish act of selflessness to save his brother; the very one who had delivered to poison in the first place!!
Kobal's Word overwhelmed him, and he sank to his knees, laughing at the sheer lunacy of the situation. He watched helplessly as Haagenti screamed, being swallowed whole by Mammon, even as the Balseraph began to sink to the ground in his own death throes, his body ripped apart from the inside.
Kobal had to act, now. It was his last chance.
But he couldn't. It was just too damn FUNNY to pass up. The crowd was screaming or roaring with laughter along with Kobal, and the Impudite reached out to Haagenti, his face contorted with lung-searing laughter. He laughed as Haagenti stared back at him, and he laughed harder when the Calabite sighed one last time and his head slumped to the side, dead.
Kobal rolled on the ground, now laughing the hardest, because Haagenti had seen the look in his eyes; Haagenti knew that Kobal wanted to save him, but he had simply stood back and laughed, and Haagenti had accepted that.
The crowd was silent now, and everyone watched the grotesque scene before them; Haagenti and Mammon slowly dissolving away into the Symphony, becoming a drifting cloud of shimmering Forces, as Kobal rolled around on the ground in the blood and gore, laughing so hard that tears streamed from his face, one hand outstretched towards the sky where Haagenti's soul drifted away.
The crowd began to slowly disperse, one by one, leaving the insane Prince alone to laugh in the bloody street. Even when there was only two figures left, Kobal was still laughing, pounding the ground so hard that the pavement broke like eggshells.
The first figure advanced, dressed in fine clothes of red and white. He kept his hands behind his back, and arched a single perfect eyebrow at the hysterical Prince, before he shrugged and move on without comment; his interest in this game was over, and there were other things to attend to.
As the second figure approached, Kobal's laughter began to finally die down, until it was just a series of snorts and giggles. The figure, a small old man who leaned on a large scythe and clutched an improbably huge book to his frail frame, tsked at the Prince of Dark Humor.
"A worthless fate, and equally worthless existence. Almost as worthless as yours."
Kobal looked up at the old man, grinning, his eyes feverish. The old man shook his head and sighed.
"You are truly without merit, Dark Humor. Perhaps you should just dissappear into the darkness, and never come back."
With that, the old man walked away slowly, his steps unsteady, leaving Kobal alone on the dark street. The Impudite lay in the blood, arms and legs spread wide, and he stared up at the black sky. Eventually, he got up, and walked away, slower than even the old man had, his face blank.
************
Kobal was nearly absent from all sight for the next three months, and he answered no invocation, took no visitors, and even denied his Dukes access to his chambers; Irony, Satire, and Mockery all took time to rib one another and others about why, speculating that Kobal was in trouble now that Haagenti was dead; the fight and the resulting carnage had made its way across all of Hell, with various reactions to the events. Most people were frankly relieved that Haagenti was dead, and nobody cared that Mammon had died.
And still Kobal did not come out. At one point, Kobal's fourth Duke and secretary had even told a visiting Lucifer that Kobal wished to not be disturbed, even by him; the First Fallen had only blinked, quirked an eyebrow, and then shrugged before he turned and left, leaving the trembling Lilim to sink into a corner and promptly empty her stomach onto the floor.
Eventually, one demon was foolish enough to open the doors to Kobal's office, on a dare from other demons. The idiot swung the doors open, gasped, and fell back. The four Dukes rushed forward, and asked the small demon what he saw. He only pointed dumbly at the open doors, and then fainted.
The four Dukes peered in, and immediately regretted doing so; upon Kobal's desk was a shimmering black orb of crystal, which each Duke recognized as the very Heart of Dark Humor.
It was tied with a neat little red bow, and attached to it was a note that said 'DO NOT OPEN TILL X-MAS', along with a happy smiley face drawn on the bottom.
None of the Dukes bothered closing the door, and they only looked at each other, and cringed.
It was later said that the explosion that came a second later was so powerful, that it flung debris all the way into the Marches, and off of Asmodeus' Hall of Loyalty.
Asmodeus, when later asked for comment, claimed he was not amused by the stunt, before sentencing the demon to an eternity of filing papers in the section with the very sharp paper that cut fingers like knives, and without a single band-aid in sight.
************
Kobal stood before the collected Seraphim Council, his head held up high. Each Archangel regarded him with some mixture of pity or hate, save Yves, who observed Kobal with an uncommonly serious expression. Dominic slammed down his gavel, and demanded quiet from the assembled angels. He looked down at Kobal, who wore potent shackles on his hands, and spoke in even tones.
"Kobal, Impudite Prince of Dark Humor, one of the first Fallen, and former Angel of Laughter, this Council recognizes that you have come to Heaven seeking to repent. You sought out Yves to bring you here for judgment, and we will give you proper trial for your crimes; you understand that you may be sentenced to death, or found unworthy of salvation?"
Kobal only nodded once. The somber look on his face unnerved Dominic, who had expected a half-hearted attempt at a joke, at the very least.
"Before we begin procedure, I am told by Destiny that you wish to speak your reason for consenting to this trial, so that all may understand why you stand here now. Will you speak?"
Kobal nodded again, and stepped forward. He sighed to himself and looked up; shielded from the Light of Heaven, Kobal could stare unscathed into the infinite sky of gold and white above him, clouds drifting past the shimmering spires.
"I came back, because I found an answer to a question that had been asked of me a long time ago."
The Council murmured, and many angels looked at one another in confusion. Dominic knocked his gavel once, and waited for silence.
"A question? We do not understand what you mean, Taker."
Dominic blinked his six ruby eyes when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, and turned to see Yves looking at him.
"Destiny?"
"Dominic, take your seat. I wish to ask a few questions. It will help you and the others to understand."
Dominic blinked again, and only hesitated a moment more before he deferred to Yves and sat down in his seat, watching the ancient soul take his place at the podium; Yves lowered it so it was level with the standing Kobal. The Archangel of Destiny looked at the expressionless Prince.
"Kobal."
"Yes, Destiny."
"You said you were asked a question."
"I was."
"By whom?"
"God."
Yves raised a hand right before the Council broke out into another round of speculative chatter, and the simple gesture kept the entire assembly dead quiet. A second passed, and the Archangel lowered his hand, keeping his eyes on the Impudite.
"This question that was asked of you; was this a mission?"
"It was."
"Was it the mission God gave to you before the Fall?"
"Yes."
"What did God wish for you to do?"
"To discover the answer to the question."
At first, there had been nothing in Kobal's tone; now something had crept into it, something that only Yves could sense at first.
"What provoked you to fulfill your mission, even as a Prince?"
"I found the answer to the question."
"When?
"When Haagenti gave his life to save mine."
"I see. Did the answer come right away?"
"No."
"When did you realize you had the answer?"
"A few days later, while I sat and thought in my tower. When I realized I could have saved him from dying. That I had wanted to save him."
"You mean Haagenti?"
"My... my brother, yes."
"Why didn't you save him, Kobal? Surely there was worth in keeping a pawn alive?"
"He wasn't a pawn anymore."
The Council looked at one another, and many angels began to listen with greater intent.
"What was he, Kobal?"
"He was my brother. And I failed to save him, when he gave himself up to save me. Instead, I laughed at him. And after he died, I knew I had the answer, and I came to you."
Yves sighed and took off his glasses. He spent a moment cleaning them, and he put them back on. By now, everybody had heard the shift of tone in Kobal's voice, and they could begin to see it in his face. When Yves spoke again, he sounded very old, but still kindly. There was a sad hope in his voice.
"Kobal?"
"Yes?"
"What was the question?"
Kobal's lips tightened. He recalled it. He recalled standing in the very room he was in now, empty of all but him and the Metatron, countless millenia ago, in a time that has once seemed endless. He remembered God asking him, the young Angel of Laughter, if he could find the answer to a question, a question that God did not yet have a true answer to; but God thought that Kobal could find the answer one day. So Kobal had sworn to find the answer, no matter the cost. He remembered the question, and he repeated it, still holding his head high.
"What can change the nature of a man?"
Yves nodded his head, as if recalling something long forgotten.
"You know the answer?"
"Yes."
"What is the answer?"
It took a moment for Kobal to will up the strength to speak. It had seemed so meaningless before. He saw Haagenti's face in his mind again, recalling the confusing pain of realizing that the Calabite had cared for Kobal, on a fundamental level he didn't think possible; Haagenti gave his life willingly to save the Impudite he called brother, a foolish act that should have been laughed at, mocked, held in contempt for such weakness. But it had gnawed on Kobal's conscience that he had wanted to save Haagenti then regardless, out of a similar caring that Kobal never knew he felt until that moment.
But he hadn't saved him. He had stood back and laughed, like he always did, and it was the most painful laughter he ever felt, as it was mixed with a feeling that he could not shake, a feeling that overwhelmed him, a feeling that was an answer to an old question that was still in his mind after all that time, no matter how much darkness he had tried to bury on top of it.
Kobal kept his head high, but he couldn't stop the tears from running down his face, as he spoke the answer that had changed his own nature.
"Regret."
Kobal had to take a moment to stop and lean against a wall, chuckling quietly to himself as he played out the upcoming brawl in his mind. He was still shocked at how easy everything had slid into place, but since when was the Dark Jester going to complain about an ideal setup?
He started off back down the street, to the appointed place; between the Cube and his brother's current feeding carnival. He took a moment to reflect on the setup: Haagenti and Mammon would fight in a duel, to finally settle the problem about Word-infringement. It had been pathetically easy to get Mammon riled up enough to start screaming for Haagenti's head; it helped the Balseraph's courage that Kobal had anonymously delivered a very special kind of poison to the Prince of Greed, which promised to convert his gilded fangs into a Prince-killing weapon.
And that much was true; the venom Mammon had could indeed kill a Prince if enough was injected, but it wouldn't kill Haagenti. It'd only give the Calabite the stomach-ache of his life, since the poison was made from some Haagenti's own soul and Word Forces, taken in secret over the years, designed to consume and rip apart Forces in a feeding frenzy. It'd all be good for a laugh; Mammon would be dead before he knew any better, his brother would be empowered, and he'd also be puking all over the Cube, which would be a base and disgusting sight. Kobal didn't mind. His ennui was getting worse, so why not quell it by trying to go back to the basics?
Turning the last corner, Kobal stopped and grinned. There they were now; Haagenti a tiny and angry figure, his maw gnashing wildly, and Mammon across from him, a towering cobra of gold and gem, his fangs stretched out and dripping with the vile red liquid that Kobal had sent him. Both were seething with anger and ready to go, exactly as planned; Malphas had made sure the right words were said at the proper times to ensure maximum aggression.
A huge throng of Servitors from each Word ringed the two Princes, with plenty of room to spare. Many of Kobal's own Servitors had also come to watch, along with a sizeable number of eager Media demons who wanted to capture the brawl. It really did make Kobal smile; everybody would be having some good old blood-soaked fun for once, and Hell would get shook up a bit.
Yet, in the back of his mind, Kobal had a nagging feeling that something was wrong, or left unaccounted for. He pushed the feeling away, writing it off as the usual raving paranoia, and walked over to his brother.
"Haagenti! Brother and dearest friend. You ready to go place nice with the big shiny toy snake?"
Haagenti snarled as he looked over, and flexed his claws. "You're damn right I'm ready! Bastard thinks he can step on MY Word?! Thinks Greed is bigger than MY stomach? HAH! I'll swallow him WHOLE! I could go for some fat snake sausage. Gehehehehehe."
Haagenti snorted and grinned malevolently, and Kobal winked at his brother, patting him on the back with a knowing smile.
"Go git' him, tiger. Looks like dinner is on the table."
Kobal smacked Haagenti on his back horn, and watched the tiny Calabite rush out into the empty street, going at amazing speeds for such stumpy legs. Mammon rattled his giant jeweled tail and began to slither out, his fangs bared as he rushed at his opponent with equally blinding speed.
The two collided near the center of the battleground, Haagenti scoring the first hit, biting the tip of Mammon's tail clean off. The Prince of Greed hissed and thrashed his head, slamming it down onto Haagenti's back; Kobal winced when heard a nasty crunch, but Haagenti laughed and recovered almost immediately, clawing apart the golden snake's armored hide.
Each Prince traded blows like this, neither truly damaging the other yet, when Kobal saw that Mammon was ready to make his move. He reared up, pushed out his fangs, and brought his tail around to lightly smack Haagenti, distracting the Calabite long enough for him to slam his head into Gluttony's head; there was a roar of pain and a spray of red before Mammon yanked his mouth back, spitting up blood and fur. He snickered wildly and retreated a distance, weaving back and forth dangerously.
"Idiot Calabite! Whelpling Prince! You think you have me, but your options are now down to one; surrender and give yourself up to me, or face erasure!"
Haagenti snarled, and then burped loudly, coughing. He shook his head and looked back at Kobal with a worried expression. Kobal frowned. The poison shouldn't be working so fast on Haagenti. He should only start feeling sick near the end of the fight, not seconds after being bitten. Had he miscalculated?
Mammon snickered darkly. "Oh, what's wrong little Prince? Got a stomach ache? Feeling dizzy? The poison your 'brother' gave me works so well, don't you agree?"
Kobal's eyes widened in shock, and he glared at Mammon. What? How did he know? How could he have possibly found out it was him who sent the poison? Mammon only smiled at Kobal, licking his fangs eagerly.
Haagenti pulled himself back up and spat a black wad of goo from his mouth, and bared his teeth. "My brother wouldn't send you nothin' to help, you damned sausage! Get over here so I can start EATIN' YOU!"
Haagenti rushed forward and leapt at Mammon, sinking his fangs into the snake's throat; he fell off when the other Prince flicked his body hard enough to remove the Calabite, sending him crashing into the stone ground. He shivered and coughed, weaving erratically, and the two Princes stared at each other.
Kobal felt his hands get sweaty. Mammon knew. He knew the venom came from him. Worse, Kobal figured out why it was acting so fast; Mammon, being his greedy self, had taken all the venom at once, ignoring the written warnings, perhaps in hope of ending the fight quickly. What Mammon didn't know was that the poison would affect him too eventually; if he had taken all of it, there was a chance it would turn against the Prince and kill him outright, despite being made to not affect him. That would ruin EVERYTHING.
But more importantly, it meant that Haagenti might lose.
Kobal shook his head and resolved to stay back; if Haagenti was able to eat Meserach whole as a mere Wordbound, he'd have no trouble murdering a Minor Prince, even with a potent poison in his blood. No need to risk ruining the joke.
Haagenti wasn't doing so well, though. He was struggling just to stay on his feet as he ran around the Balseraph, nipping at his scales and tearing off chunks, even as the Balseraph weaved in and kept delivering poisoned bites.
Then came relief in the form of a finishing blow from Haagenti; Mammon had slipped in a puddle of blood, slid to the ground, and had not rose back up quickly enough. Haagenti took the chance to leap onto the snake, and in a desperate burst of hungry energy, he started to devour Mammon, ripping out huge chunks as he clawed his way into the Prince's chest. Mammon bellowed, writhed, thrashed, and then went still. Haagenti kept trying to eat Mammon, but he stumbled off and began to vomit blood and consumed flesh over the street in a thick wave.
It had ended as Kobal hoped, but he had a lingering sense of unease as he watched Haagenti slowly stumble towards him, blood dribbling from his mouth; the Calabite wore an easy grin, but he walked drunkenly, his eyes unfocused. Kobal put up a smile and began to approach his victorious brother.
"Haagenti! The raging bull comes out the winner! Look at you, you dirty little devil! You should have worn a bib!"
Kobal grinned as Haagenti laughed, and the Prince of Gluttony shook his head, coughing.
"Yeah, well, he gave me trouble, but I-"
Haagenti stopped talking to let out a shout; Mammon had risen, a gaping wound in his chest, and had launched himself at the unaware Calabite, prepared to attack one final time. Or so it seemed.
Kobal allowed himself a small smile when Mammon tackled him instead, and the Impudite found himself holding open the Balseraph's bloody maw, trying to stop him from delivering a fatal bite.
"BASTARD! TRICKSTER! I'LL TEAR YOUR THROAT OUT! I'LL KILL YOU! YOU SENT THE POISON! YOU TRICKED ME! YOU-"
Mammon was suddenly pulled back, Haagenti wrapped around his head. The Calabite looked up at Kobal and shouted "GET BACK! DON'T LET HIM BITE YOU!"
Kobal did back away, his eyes wide. What was Haagenti doing?
The answer came when Haagenti forced himself into Mammon's mouth, and he began to bite the Balseraph again, locking the both of them together like a twisted oroborous of flesh and fang, each Prince dying in the other's grasp. Haagenti kept screaming for Kobal to get away, and it occurred to the Prince of Dark Humor that his brother was saving him.
Sacrificing himself for him.
Indecision gripped Kobal. If he acted now, he could save Haagenti. He would risk his own life, but he could blast the snake apart and free his brother, and then heal him-
But what other foes might move in at such a moment of weakness? He would open himself to attack. But Haagenti's life was on the line, and Kobal had to move forward. But he stopped again.
Kobal found himself starting to laugh. Wasn't this funny? Wasn't this utterly hilarious? Haagenti was killing himself to kill Mammon, one of Hell's weakest Princes! The Prince Killer, killed by a greasy snake, in a foolish act of selflessness to save his brother; the very one who had delivered to poison in the first place!!
Kobal's Word overwhelmed him, and he sank to his knees, laughing at the sheer lunacy of the situation. He watched helplessly as Haagenti screamed, being swallowed whole by Mammon, even as the Balseraph began to sink to the ground in his own death throes, his body ripped apart from the inside.
Kobal had to act, now. It was his last chance.
But he couldn't. It was just too damn FUNNY to pass up. The crowd was screaming or roaring with laughter along with Kobal, and the Impudite reached out to Haagenti, his face contorted with lung-searing laughter. He laughed as Haagenti stared back at him, and he laughed harder when the Calabite sighed one last time and his head slumped to the side, dead.
Kobal rolled on the ground, now laughing the hardest, because Haagenti had seen the look in his eyes; Haagenti knew that Kobal wanted to save him, but he had simply stood back and laughed, and Haagenti had accepted that.
The crowd was silent now, and everyone watched the grotesque scene before them; Haagenti and Mammon slowly dissolving away into the Symphony, becoming a drifting cloud of shimmering Forces, as Kobal rolled around on the ground in the blood and gore, laughing so hard that tears streamed from his face, one hand outstretched towards the sky where Haagenti's soul drifted away.
The crowd began to slowly disperse, one by one, leaving the insane Prince alone to laugh in the bloody street. Even when there was only two figures left, Kobal was still laughing, pounding the ground so hard that the pavement broke like eggshells.
The first figure advanced, dressed in fine clothes of red and white. He kept his hands behind his back, and arched a single perfect eyebrow at the hysterical Prince, before he shrugged and move on without comment; his interest in this game was over, and there were other things to attend to.
As the second figure approached, Kobal's laughter began to finally die down, until it was just a series of snorts and giggles. The figure, a small old man who leaned on a large scythe and clutched an improbably huge book to his frail frame, tsked at the Prince of Dark Humor.
"A worthless fate, and equally worthless existence. Almost as worthless as yours."
Kobal looked up at the old man, grinning, his eyes feverish. The old man shook his head and sighed.
"You are truly without merit, Dark Humor. Perhaps you should just dissappear into the darkness, and never come back."
With that, the old man walked away slowly, his steps unsteady, leaving Kobal alone on the dark street. The Impudite lay in the blood, arms and legs spread wide, and he stared up at the black sky. Eventually, he got up, and walked away, slower than even the old man had, his face blank.
************
Kobal was nearly absent from all sight for the next three months, and he answered no invocation, took no visitors, and even denied his Dukes access to his chambers; Irony, Satire, and Mockery all took time to rib one another and others about why, speculating that Kobal was in trouble now that Haagenti was dead; the fight and the resulting carnage had made its way across all of Hell, with various reactions to the events. Most people were frankly relieved that Haagenti was dead, and nobody cared that Mammon had died.
And still Kobal did not come out. At one point, Kobal's fourth Duke and secretary had even told a visiting Lucifer that Kobal wished to not be disturbed, even by him; the First Fallen had only blinked, quirked an eyebrow, and then shrugged before he turned and left, leaving the trembling Lilim to sink into a corner and promptly empty her stomach onto the floor.
Eventually, one demon was foolish enough to open the doors to Kobal's office, on a dare from other demons. The idiot swung the doors open, gasped, and fell back. The four Dukes rushed forward, and asked the small demon what he saw. He only pointed dumbly at the open doors, and then fainted.
The four Dukes peered in, and immediately regretted doing so; upon Kobal's desk was a shimmering black orb of crystal, which each Duke recognized as the very Heart of Dark Humor.
It was tied with a neat little red bow, and attached to it was a note that said 'DO NOT OPEN TILL X-MAS', along with a happy smiley face drawn on the bottom.
None of the Dukes bothered closing the door, and they only looked at each other, and cringed.
It was later said that the explosion that came a second later was so powerful, that it flung debris all the way into the Marches, and off of Asmodeus' Hall of Loyalty.
Asmodeus, when later asked for comment, claimed he was not amused by the stunt, before sentencing the demon to an eternity of filing papers in the section with the very sharp paper that cut fingers like knives, and without a single band-aid in sight.
************
Kobal stood before the collected Seraphim Council, his head held up high. Each Archangel regarded him with some mixture of pity or hate, save Yves, who observed Kobal with an uncommonly serious expression. Dominic slammed down his gavel, and demanded quiet from the assembled angels. He looked down at Kobal, who wore potent shackles on his hands, and spoke in even tones.
"Kobal, Impudite Prince of Dark Humor, one of the first Fallen, and former Angel of Laughter, this Council recognizes that you have come to Heaven seeking to repent. You sought out Yves to bring you here for judgment, and we will give you proper trial for your crimes; you understand that you may be sentenced to death, or found unworthy of salvation?"
Kobal only nodded once. The somber look on his face unnerved Dominic, who had expected a half-hearted attempt at a joke, at the very least.
"Before we begin procedure, I am told by Destiny that you wish to speak your reason for consenting to this trial, so that all may understand why you stand here now. Will you speak?"
Kobal nodded again, and stepped forward. He sighed to himself and looked up; shielded from the Light of Heaven, Kobal could stare unscathed into the infinite sky of gold and white above him, clouds drifting past the shimmering spires.
"I came back, because I found an answer to a question that had been asked of me a long time ago."
The Council murmured, and many angels looked at one another in confusion. Dominic knocked his gavel once, and waited for silence.
"A question? We do not understand what you mean, Taker."
Dominic blinked his six ruby eyes when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, and turned to see Yves looking at him.
"Destiny?"
"Dominic, take your seat. I wish to ask a few questions. It will help you and the others to understand."
Dominic blinked again, and only hesitated a moment more before he deferred to Yves and sat down in his seat, watching the ancient soul take his place at the podium; Yves lowered it so it was level with the standing Kobal. The Archangel of Destiny looked at the expressionless Prince.
"Kobal."
"Yes, Destiny."
"You said you were asked a question."
"I was."
"By whom?"
"God."
Yves raised a hand right before the Council broke out into another round of speculative chatter, and the simple gesture kept the entire assembly dead quiet. A second passed, and the Archangel lowered his hand, keeping his eyes on the Impudite.
"This question that was asked of you; was this a mission?"
"It was."
"Was it the mission God gave to you before the Fall?"
"Yes."
"What did God wish for you to do?"
"To discover the answer to the question."
At first, there had been nothing in Kobal's tone; now something had crept into it, something that only Yves could sense at first.
"What provoked you to fulfill your mission, even as a Prince?"
"I found the answer to the question."
"When?
"When Haagenti gave his life to save mine."
"I see. Did the answer come right away?"
"No."
"When did you realize you had the answer?"
"A few days later, while I sat and thought in my tower. When I realized I could have saved him from dying. That I had wanted to save him."
"You mean Haagenti?"
"My... my brother, yes."
"Why didn't you save him, Kobal? Surely there was worth in keeping a pawn alive?"
"He wasn't a pawn anymore."
The Council looked at one another, and many angels began to listen with greater intent.
"What was he, Kobal?"
"He was my brother. And I failed to save him, when he gave himself up to save me. Instead, I laughed at him. And after he died, I knew I had the answer, and I came to you."
Yves sighed and took off his glasses. He spent a moment cleaning them, and he put them back on. By now, everybody had heard the shift of tone in Kobal's voice, and they could begin to see it in his face. When Yves spoke again, he sounded very old, but still kindly. There was a sad hope in his voice.
"Kobal?"
"Yes?"
"What was the question?"
Kobal's lips tightened. He recalled it. He recalled standing in the very room he was in now, empty of all but him and the Metatron, countless millenia ago, in a time that has once seemed endless. He remembered God asking him, the young Angel of Laughter, if he could find the answer to a question, a question that God did not yet have a true answer to; but God thought that Kobal could find the answer one day. So Kobal had sworn to find the answer, no matter the cost. He remembered the question, and he repeated it, still holding his head high.
"What can change the nature of a man?"
Yves nodded his head, as if recalling something long forgotten.
"You know the answer?"
"Yes."
"What is the answer?"
It took a moment for Kobal to will up the strength to speak. It had seemed so meaningless before. He saw Haagenti's face in his mind again, recalling the confusing pain of realizing that the Calabite had cared for Kobal, on a fundamental level he didn't think possible; Haagenti gave his life willingly to save the Impudite he called brother, a foolish act that should have been laughed at, mocked, held in contempt for such weakness. But it had gnawed on Kobal's conscience that he had wanted to save Haagenti then regardless, out of a similar caring that Kobal never knew he felt until that moment.
But he hadn't saved him. He had stood back and laughed, like he always did, and it was the most painful laughter he ever felt, as it was mixed with a feeling that he could not shake, a feeling that overwhelmed him, a feeling that was an answer to an old question that was still in his mind after all that time, no matter how much darkness he had tried to bury on top of it.
Kobal kept his head high, but he couldn't stop the tears from running down his face, as he spoke the answer that had changed his own nature.
"Regret."