Perhaps a member of "The Elitist Club"?
So, as some of you may know, I'm a member of the staff in the Danish doll-forum Resin Garden. We're a small group (the staff)
Recently a friend wrote this about my friends and I (and perhaps others that I do not socialize with on a daily basis. No names are mentioned, so I can't be sure exactly who's being targeted) on Den of Angels (international ABJD forum)
I'm not mentioning any names. I don't think it's neccessary for alot of people who's not within the hobby to know her name, but as she mentioned this shortly on LJ herself, I feel I am in my right to mention it too.
This is what she wrote
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I've DEFINITELY experienced elitism in real life communities.
We have only one forum here in Denmark for ABJD's, and in there. The mods and some outsiders are considered "the top of pop", which is of course a given status you can't make yourself.
BUT these people also act upon it and think themself of more elite and do talk trash about some people and their dolls. They mostly keep in their group for meet-ups, only doing a little interaction with the others.
It doesn't really have to do with what brands the dolls are, but if they're not well thought through and.. "styled" properly after their own oppinion, they are "lower".
What I hate most about, is that these people that are being talked about have no clue, as to what is going on around them. It really is third-grade behavior to talk bad about someone behind their back.
This is just what I see and know. Since I'm friends with people from each side. The elite and the "lower". And just because someone doesn't like a person I'm talking to, I'm not just gonna stop. I let people have their oppinion, and keep mine aswell.
But yea.. I think it's a kind of stupid perception on others, that just because they're young or inexperienced in a hobby, they're lower class and not worth the effort.
I know I sucked hugh a$$ when I first started in this hobby.
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Afterwards it was seen by one of the staffmembers and she contacted this friend and asked for an explanation. Afterwards this friend deleted her post with the reason: removed due to too much drama (however her post is still around to be read as it was quoted in a direct reply.
....
I cannot go into detail about my friend's explanation, but I need to get this out, since it hurt me greatly!
I'll take it in parts and try and give an answer.
I've DEFINITELY experienced elitism in real life communities.
We have only one forum here in Denmark for ABJD's, and in there. The mods and some outsiders are considered "the top of pop", which is of course a given status you can't make yourself.
True, as she says that not something you create yourself. However I believe the status has also been achieved because of knowledge and skills. I often joke and call myself elitist since I've been accused of being so many times, but there's a big difference between joking and actually acting like one.
BUT these people also act upon it and think themself of more elite and do talk trash about some people and their dolls.
I do not let this "fame" go to my head, I'm my own worst critic when it comes to anything I do. If I talk about a dollowner or a doll, I'm pretty sure that I'm not the first, neither the only one (we're talking outside this allegid "elitist club") Noone can pretend they have never talked about a doll/person, and I mean NOONE! Sometimes an owner says or does something that I find silly or impossible to understand. When that happens I need to talk about it, to laugh about it or to discuss it (sometimes my friends explain it, and I end up understanding the actions of the person) This does not keep to the doll hobby. If one of my friends does something I find odd, silly or stupid, I usually discuss it with another friend, either to try to understand or maybe to figure out whether or not it is something I should take up with the person in question.
They mostly keep in their group for meet-ups, only doing a little interaction with the others.
Right... I'm pretty sure I interact plenty at meet-ups, if I don't it's usually because there's a major age gap or because people are very quiet.
It doesn't say so, but I feel that my friends and I are being accused of freezing people out at meet-ups. We usually try our best to talk with everyone, and as an example, I always try to do rounds of questions where everyone answers the same question getting bigger diskussions started.
It doesn't really have to do with what brands the dolls are, but if they're not well thought through and.. "styled" properly after their own oppinion, they are "lower".
I'm not sure why you're taking the moral highground on this? I remember quite well how you've talked about others. And as previously stated; noone can claim that they've never talked about someone else.
As for styled, that's a personal opinion, and in this instant I do not comment or, as you call it "talk trash" However, if something looks amusing to me, I might talk about with friends, but never ever as something I'd tell the owner. People are sensitive, and even though it's pretty human to talk about people, you do not go up to them and tell them you hate their doll!? If that was the case I'd have to tell some of my close friends this as there are one or two of their dolls that I'm not highly fond of stylewise. And that wouldn't do any good. Tastes are different, and whether or not I dislike a dolls styling is really not to any use what-so-ever for that person. Really it's none of my business ^__^
I do not consider a doll lower in any way, I remember quite vividly how horrid my first doll looked, and so I can only say that with practice comes skills and more ideas.
What I hate most about, is that these people that are being talked about have no clue, as to what is going on around them. It really is third-grade behavior to talk bad about someone behind their back.
But would you ever talk bad about a person and then you'd tell them next time you'd see them?! I can't believe this is coming from you of all people, who've talked about people in both the doll hobby and the j-fashion community. Who've surely experienced the negative side of being a well-known name in the community.
Other than that, I'm pretty sure there's plenty of people who's privately badmouthing me and talking trash about what I do. Can I stop it? No, and they have every right if they feel wronged, and that's how the world works. But I hope to god that the same person who's talking about me doesn't come up and spit in my face.
This is just what I see and know. Since I'm friends with people from each side. The elite and the "lower". And just because someone doesn't like a person I'm talking to, I'm not just gonna stop. I let people have their oppinion, and keep mine aswell.
But I don't remember ever hearing you defend anyone. And has anyone really asked or expected you to cut a connection with a frind because of their "status"!? Personally when I do talk about someone, I usually try to throw in excuses for them, or defend them by saying for example "they're probably nothing like that in reality" etc.
But yea.. I think it's a kind of stupid perception on others, that just because they're young or inexperienced in a hobby, they're lower class and not worth the effort.
Everyone is worth the effort, but it's not always you find the energy and will to muster this. People who continue to work against me or my friends does get sorted out after a while, since they got their chances and blew them.
I know I sucked hugh a$$ when I first started in this hobby.
Everyone sucks ass in the beginning, in one way or many. That's how it works most of the time
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From what I understand, the core of this is that my friends and I are elitists, and if that is actually what you think of me, then I ask how dare you accuse me? If this is what you really feel, then I can't understand why I wasn't accused of any of this directly, that you didn't make me sit down and tell me that I "overstepped alot of bounderies" that I've been disrespective to your friends.
I'm not saying I'm perfect, not in a long shot, and I'm pretty sure that both I, and everyone else have once, or will one day, say things about someone that's not nice in the least, things that'd hurt if the person in question heard this. But these things are said in private, these things are said to get some aggression out, to prevent that next time someone does something, I don't blow up in their face and hurt them.
I say things in private because no matter what, there's nothing worse than hurting someone! What I say is something I do not expect to be brought to the one I'm talking about.
It's like verbalizing your thoughts. Someone pisses you off, and you think something really mean, but you don't tell them, because right now what you think is silly emotions, and not worth the hurt it will cause.
As for throwing this in the giant drama thread that's up and running at Resin Garden; I'm sorry, but it just felt like a part of all the rest in the diskussion. I needed to get it out, but I will look at what I said, and correct the statements that's incorrect.
So what now?
Perhaps I've completely misunderstood everything that was written, but if that is the case, you seriously need to re-read your words as they have been very destructive.
But if I have understood correctly then:
Is this something irrepairable? No. Friends get mad at eachother, but they tend to make up and carry on. I don't consider you a horrible person. We all have flaws, and I do know plenty of my own. But I do think you made a huge mistake, and I needed to get this out.
But I do feel betrayed, and this suddenly means I have to guard everything I say around you, and that's something to worry about.
Comments are being screened if anyone needs to comment without anyone else reading it.
Recently a friend wrote this about my friends and I (and perhaps others that I do not socialize with on a daily basis. No names are mentioned, so I can't be sure exactly who's being targeted) on Den of Angels (international ABJD forum)
I'm not mentioning any names. I don't think it's neccessary for alot of people who's not within the hobby to know her name, but as she mentioned this shortly on LJ herself, I feel I am in my right to mention it too.
This is what she wrote
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've DEFINITELY experienced elitism in real life communities.
We have only one forum here in Denmark for ABJD's, and in there. The mods and some outsiders are considered "the top of pop", which is of course a given status you can't make yourself.
BUT these people also act upon it and think themself of more elite and do talk trash about some people and their dolls. They mostly keep in their group for meet-ups, only doing a little interaction with the others.
It doesn't really have to do with what brands the dolls are, but if they're not well thought through and.. "styled" properly after their own oppinion, they are "lower".
What I hate most about, is that these people that are being talked about have no clue, as to what is going on around them. It really is third-grade behavior to talk bad about someone behind their back.
This is just what I see and know. Since I'm friends with people from each side. The elite and the "lower". And just because someone doesn't like a person I'm talking to, I'm not just gonna stop. I let people have their oppinion, and keep mine aswell.
But yea.. I think it's a kind of stupid perception on others, that just because they're young or inexperienced in a hobby, they're lower class and not worth the effort.
I know I sucked hugh a$$ when I first started in this hobby.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Afterwards it was seen by one of the staffmembers and she contacted this friend and asked for an explanation. Afterwards this friend deleted her post with the reason: removed due to too much drama (however her post is still around to be read as it was quoted in a direct reply.
....
I cannot go into detail about my friend's explanation, but I need to get this out, since it hurt me greatly!
I'll take it in parts and try and give an answer.
I've DEFINITELY experienced elitism in real life communities.
We have only one forum here in Denmark for ABJD's, and in there. The mods and some outsiders are considered "the top of pop", which is of course a given status you can't make yourself.
True, as she says that not something you create yourself. However I believe the status has also been achieved because of knowledge and skills. I often joke and call myself elitist since I've been accused of being so many times, but there's a big difference between joking and actually acting like one.
BUT these people also act upon it and think themself of more elite and do talk trash about some people and their dolls.
I do not let this "fame" go to my head, I'm my own worst critic when it comes to anything I do. If I talk about a dollowner or a doll, I'm pretty sure that I'm not the first, neither the only one (we're talking outside this allegid "elitist club") Noone can pretend they have never talked about a doll/person, and I mean NOONE! Sometimes an owner says or does something that I find silly or impossible to understand. When that happens I need to talk about it, to laugh about it or to discuss it (sometimes my friends explain it, and I end up understanding the actions of the person) This does not keep to the doll hobby. If one of my friends does something I find odd, silly or stupid, I usually discuss it with another friend, either to try to understand or maybe to figure out whether or not it is something I should take up with the person in question.
They mostly keep in their group for meet-ups, only doing a little interaction with the others.
Right... I'm pretty sure I interact plenty at meet-ups, if I don't it's usually because there's a major age gap or because people are very quiet.
It doesn't say so, but I feel that my friends and I are being accused of freezing people out at meet-ups. We usually try our best to talk with everyone, and as an example, I always try to do rounds of questions where everyone answers the same question getting bigger diskussions started.
It doesn't really have to do with what brands the dolls are, but if they're not well thought through and.. "styled" properly after their own oppinion, they are "lower".
I'm not sure why you're taking the moral highground on this? I remember quite well how you've talked about others. And as previously stated; noone can claim that they've never talked about someone else.
As for styled, that's a personal opinion, and in this instant I do not comment or, as you call it "talk trash" However, if something looks amusing to me, I might talk about with friends, but never ever as something I'd tell the owner. People are sensitive, and even though it's pretty human to talk about people, you do not go up to them and tell them you hate their doll!? If that was the case I'd have to tell some of my close friends this as there are one or two of their dolls that I'm not highly fond of stylewise. And that wouldn't do any good. Tastes are different, and whether or not I dislike a dolls styling is really not to any use what-so-ever for that person. Really it's none of my business ^__^
I do not consider a doll lower in any way, I remember quite vividly how horrid my first doll looked, and so I can only say that with practice comes skills and more ideas.
What I hate most about, is that these people that are being talked about have no clue, as to what is going on around them. It really is third-grade behavior to talk bad about someone behind their back.
But would you ever talk bad about a person and then you'd tell them next time you'd see them?! I can't believe this is coming from you of all people, who've talked about people in both the doll hobby and the j-fashion community. Who've surely experienced the negative side of being a well-known name in the community.
Other than that, I'm pretty sure there's plenty of people who's privately badmouthing me and talking trash about what I do. Can I stop it? No, and they have every right if they feel wronged, and that's how the world works. But I hope to god that the same person who's talking about me doesn't come up and spit in my face.
This is just what I see and know. Since I'm friends with people from each side. The elite and the "lower". And just because someone doesn't like a person I'm talking to, I'm not just gonna stop. I let people have their oppinion, and keep mine aswell.
But I don't remember ever hearing you defend anyone. And has anyone really asked or expected you to cut a connection with a frind because of their "status"!? Personally when I do talk about someone, I usually try to throw in excuses for them, or defend them by saying for example "they're probably nothing like that in reality" etc.
But yea.. I think it's a kind of stupid perception on others, that just because they're young or inexperienced in a hobby, they're lower class and not worth the effort.
Everyone is worth the effort, but it's not always you find the energy and will to muster this. People who continue to work against me or my friends does get sorted out after a while, since they got their chances and blew them.
I know I sucked hugh a$$ when I first started in this hobby.
Everyone sucks ass in the beginning, in one way or many. That's how it works most of the time
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From what I understand, the core of this is that my friends and I are elitists, and if that is actually what you think of me, then I ask how dare you accuse me? If this is what you really feel, then I can't understand why I wasn't accused of any of this directly, that you didn't make me sit down and tell me that I "overstepped alot of bounderies" that I've been disrespective to your friends.
I'm not saying I'm perfect, not in a long shot, and I'm pretty sure that both I, and everyone else have once, or will one day, say things about someone that's not nice in the least, things that'd hurt if the person in question heard this. But these things are said in private, these things are said to get some aggression out, to prevent that next time someone does something, I don't blow up in their face and hurt them.
I say things in private because no matter what, there's nothing worse than hurting someone! What I say is something I do not expect to be brought to the one I'm talking about.
It's like verbalizing your thoughts. Someone pisses you off, and you think something really mean, but you don't tell them, because right now what you think is silly emotions, and not worth the hurt it will cause.
As for throwing this in the giant drama thread that's up and running at Resin Garden; I'm sorry, but it just felt like a part of all the rest in the diskussion. I needed to get it out, but I will look at what I said, and correct the statements that's incorrect.
So what now?
Perhaps I've completely misunderstood everything that was written, but if that is the case, you seriously need to re-read your words as they have been very destructive.
But if I have understood correctly then:
Is this something irrepairable? No. Friends get mad at eachother, but they tend to make up and carry on. I don't consider you a horrible person. We all have flaws, and I do know plenty of my own. But I do think you made a huge mistake, and I needed to get this out.
But I do feel betrayed, and this suddenly means I have to guard everything I say around you, and that's something to worry about.
Comments are being screened if anyone needs to comment without anyone else reading it.