Bonsai 1/?
Title: Bonsai
Author leetaemint
Rating: PG-15
Pairing/Focus: Taemin-centric Unrequited!TaeKey. ChangTae. Hinted!KeyBer
Summary: Taemin grows a green house in the rooftop of his penthouse, while musing on trivial things that would also bother any other average teenager.
A/N: It deals with pretty sensitive topics. OOC overload. You have been warned.
“You know, perhaps you are thinking things too much” Jiyong chirped off as he saw his junior by five years pour more water than usual on the tiny tree that was in front of him.
“You know I am not” Taemin quietly replied back. “I saw it with my own eyes, hyung. How can I possibly think something I saw with my own eyes too much?”
“Well, I don’t know” Jiyong shrugged as he glared a disapproving look at the shower Taemin was watering the tiny young bonsai with. “Human mind most of the time only remembers what it wants to remember” And yet another frown from him could be seen on his face before he snapped anything else. “Could you please stop watering that poor plant? You are going to drown it!”
“Oh” Taemin sighed as he realized what damage he could be causing to the green bonsai Changmin had gifted him. “I am sorry, JoJo…” and he began patting the branches full of tiny leaves.
Jiyong raised an eyebrow.
“So you named your tree…”
“Well, I once read in a book that it makes them happy to be talked to…and giving them a name is also of some help…” Taemin was focusing on combing the leaves now. “I guess I don’t lose anything by trying, hyung…”
Jiyong burst in laughter after that.
“Oh my god, that’s some good joke I’ve been told” Jiyong’s laugh was high-pitched when it came natural and not forced. Taemin liked the sound of it. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”
“Why is it so funny?” Taemin asked annoyed, glaring Jiyong deadly. “Excuse me, but I am trying to take care of a plant here!”
“I am sorry…it’s just that sometimes you’re unbelievable”
“Well, thanks but-”
“I mean,” Jiyong cleaned off the little teardrop around his eye. “It’s just so funny that you named it after a song of yours…”
“Okay well I do admit it’s just a tad…hilarious…”
“It’s ridiculous, Taemin”
“I know, I know…” Taemin soothed again the branches, taking care that all of them were at the right position. “but I couldn’t come up with a better name…and Kibum hyung said that was one of his favorite songs ever…”
Jiyong rolled his eyes.
“Well, you might as well have named it after your crush, then!” Jiyong said in a playful tone. “Kibum Junior…that sounds well, though…”
“Shut up, hyung”
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, sweetheart!” Jiyong chanted whilst he messed up Taemin’s hair. “Being in love is something natural…”
“I just thought it might be better if I just named it Tree…” Taemin mumbled.
“Nope, I think JoJo is still cuter…as ridiculous it might sound…”
“Kibum hyung really likes that song…”
“Yeah I can imagine…”
Taemin’s stomach made a very audible weird sound. “Where’s Changmin with the food?” Jiyong groaned. “Perhaps he just ran away with the money! That sneaky-”
“Hyung!” Taemin chastised. “He’s a nice, well-mannered gentleman; he won’t run away with my money!”
“How are you even sure?”
“He adores me” Taemin said confidently. “And he knows that if my hunger reaches levels of wrath, he’ll suffer a lot”
“Well! That’s one good way to treat your senior right!” Jiyong snapped. “You don’t have any respect towards us do you”
“You know I love you Jiyongie hyung” Taemin said pouting using the most ridiculous voice he could think of.
Jiyong rolled his eyes at the youngster.
“You better do, kid”
Taemin added some fertilizer to the little tree.
“Speaking of which…” Jiyong ventured to ask. “Why didn't you name your bonsai after something Changmin likes?”
“Huh?” Taemin lifted his head. Looking up to Jiyong.
“I mean, he was the one who gave that thing to you, after all…”
“He also likes JoJo…he said it was a cute song and a cute name for an equally cute being…”
“You know he will always say yes to everything you say, that’s not a valid excuse…” Jiyong reminded.
“I don’t know, hyung…” Taemin shrugged. “I guess I didn't feel like it…JoJo is still cute, after all” and brushing his bonsai again, he added. “Right, JoJo?”
“Stop it, will you?” Jiyong gritted his teeth. “It’s creepy seeing you talking to…that”
Taemin just grabbed the plant pot that contained the little bonsai.
“It’s not just a that! Its name is JoJo, thank you very much! And it has feelings!”
Jiyong smiled, shaking his head to the sides, a grin escaped from his mouth.
“Sometimes I just can’t believe you”
Jiyong turned on his heel and was about to get out of the room. They had been on the greenhouse Taemin had constructed on the rooftop of the penthouse he was sharing with Kibum at the moment.
“Where are you going, hyung?” Taemin asked, suddenly worried that he might have upset his friend.
“I am going to see whether Changmin has come back or not…also to stay a bit away from a crazed man that likes talking to a plant”
“Hey!”
“Laters, Taemin ah!…”
“Wait!”
Jiyong closed the door.
-
Lee Taemin, seventeen years old, dancer, currently a high school student, member of juvenile flower boy band SHINee.
“Hey, hyung! I am glad to see you’re back!” Taemin chanted gleefully as he dashed from the kitchen where he had been preparing himself a sandwich. “Have you eaten ye-”
There they were. He saw them. Kibum was leaning against the table counter near the main door. He was dressed in flashy, neon colours A bright, almost blinding pair of skinny leather leggings wrapped around his perfectly moulded legs; a perfect pair of legs, Taemin must add. Thin, long, slim, toned, flawless. Just like their owner was. Perfect.
A loose white tee, multicoloured worn out stars printed all over it. The v-line neck positioned just right. Not too loose, not too tight. Taemin could catch a glimpse of the white collarbone covered In pale skin; the Adam’s apple that on normal times couldn't be seen, was now darting back and forth, up and down with each movement Kibum made. The neck, strong and manly, sometimes tender and soft, showing off all the blood vessels that were marked all around it.
A jacket made of wool and leather covering the well-defined torso Taemin had always admired from his elder; just like the ones they used during the Ring Ding Dong era, on that JoJo presentation. It was of some kind of yellowish neon green with black fabric; the jacket was covering his arms too, strong and beautiful, a work of art. A work of art that was now furiously moving in all directions as Taemin saw what his elder was doing.
Kibum’s face, well-proportioned, with a flawless jaw line, pale skin, eyebrows arched; eyes closed, long lashes covering the perfect, beautiful eyelids Kibum had. Taemin had sworn a gazillion number of times there wasn’t a part of Kibum’s body that held any flaw. To him the person standing just mere meters away was a thing to be worshipped just for the fact it existed.
It existed. And with his existence there was also hurt. Hurt everywhere. Taemin hurt. It hurt every part of his being. Just by existing it hurt Taemin. But it was not like Kibum’s existence brought a direct hurt along. It was just that Taemin hated, hated, hated, hated Kibum.
He hated Kibum for being the only thing that hurt him. Not because Kibum inflicted any kind of pain consciously, as said before. But because it hurt Taemin so bad that Kibum was out of his reach. Distant, no questions had to be asked.
Yet Taemin still craved for it. He craved Kibum, he craved the hurt. He embraced the faintest of possibilities that perhaps after all Kibum hadn’t been that out of reach to him. He wanted Kibum to wake up one day knowing how much he hurt Taemin and how much the boy worshipped the man.
It hurt.
Mouth agape, wide open for everyone to see. White teeth could be seen underneath those beautifully bowed moist lips. Those lips that could as well be declared universal patrimony for all humanity to acknowledge it; locked with a pair of less pretty ones.
Embracing the much tinier, slim frame of someone else; someone that wasn’t Taemin; Kibum was leaning against the countertop near the entrance. The kiss was long, lingering, sweet, darting to passionate and hot, and Taemin felt himself suffocating. Legs twinned. A moan escaping from her lips as Kibum’s tongue asked for entrance, entrance that was immediately granted. They were making out, and Taemin had soon noticed that. And even though it broke Taemin’s heart, he couldn't look away. Looking away was just not an option.
O for how many nights long Taemin had dreamt of such scenario with Kibum. How much had he longed to see Kibum worked up like he was now. How many times had he spent already just thinking, fantasizing, daydreaming, smiling, longing, craving for something like this to happen.
Just that instead the fragile feminine body that Kibum was holding into, it was Taemin instead. No one will certainly know how much time Taemin had thought about it. No one will ever know. Not even Taemin himself.
And then why do people still insist Kibum hyung is the gay one, Taemin would ask to himself.
Taemin wouldn’t know how much time it passed before the love birds pulled away, trying to catch their breaths. Nor how much time it had passed before they noticed him. Nor how much his heart had to endure before he could feel the cold stream the teardrops that were on their way out from his eyes to the rest of his swollen face.
Not until Kibum spoke out.
“Hey, little chirping duckling” Key spoke softly to Taemin. “I didn't notice you were here! I am sorry!” the elder smiled with glistening eyes. Taemin loved his gentle gaze. “Sorry we made you see all this…”
Taemin froze at the touch of Kibum, who gently patted his shoulder. “No, I just got back from the kitchen; I swear I didn't see anything of what you guys were doing…”
“Good” Amber intervened. “We don’t want to dirty your young mind…you are still too young for this and there are a lot of perverts out there…don’t get yourself fooled, Tae!” Amber mocked in a playful tone.
“Oh, duckling, your eyes are wet…and your face is swollen…” Kibum said worried as he soothed Taemin’s puffy eyes and swollen face with his tender hands. Have you been crying? Who do we have to go beat up?“
Taemin was still stiff. He didn't like it when Kibum called him ‘duckling’. It made him feel ugly, just like that one duckling from the tale. Besides, it was a nickname Changmin had given to him, and Changmin was the only one that could call him like that. But it was mainly for the first reason: that Kibum only thought of him as an ugly, unattractive brat he couldn't possibly be interested in.
“No, it’s just that…” Taemin tried to think quickly of a reason. “The drama I used to fuss over has now ended…and the end was so beautiful yet heartbreaking I had been weeping like this for two hours already…”
“Hey!” Amber said. “I thought I told you too many times already to stop watching those brain-washing shows! Go read a book or something like that; it will be much more useful!”
“I...” Taemin’s mind went blank…”I think you are right…”
-
Interests? Well, you could include dancing, singing, performing on stage, listening to music, going shopping, eating, raising plants, bonsais…
“Hey, chirpy swan chick!” Changmin yelled as he entered the penthouse Taemin was living in. “Guess what? I will be making dinner to you tonight!”
Taemin was out watering JoJo and the new lettuce seeds he had planted. He had been so fond of plants these days. Changmin thought he might have been there, so he rushed to the greenhouse outside and quietly approached the teen that wasn’t facing him. It was easy for the man to quickly wrap his long arms around the thin frame of Taemin’s torso and give him a bear hug.
Taemin wasn’t surprised, at all. He had heard Changmin yell that ridiculous nickname when he entered the house.
“Chirpy swan chick, huh?” Taemin turned to face Changmin. “Since when you’re so fond of hugging just like Yunho hyung hugs? And since when you had a thing for calling me bird names?”
“I just can’t help it” Changmin said, grinning. “I found out Kibum ah stole the one I initially gave to you so I came out with another that is way more original…”
“I see…” Taemin sighed, remembering what he had discussed with Jiyong that other day. Suddenly memories of that evening came rushing back to him, along with the emotions he experienced back then. The anger, the hurt, the disappointment, the longing, that questionable lust… “Well, I hope it doesn’t have a double meaning then. You know how much I hate ambiguous-”
“Oh yes it has!” Changmin interrupted the young man smiling warmly. “It makes the whole thing more exciting”
“I know of a place you could actually cram up all that exciting batsh-” Taemin was about to voice his thoughts concerning the stupid ridiculous names Changmin always came up with him until he remembered it was better to keep his mouth shut if he didn’t want to upset Changmin causing the man to go away. He wasn’t feeling like cooking dinner himself this time around, and he was in desperate need of some company since Kibum was perhaps having dinner with Amber, Jonghyun and Minho were on rehearsal and Jinki had gone on a family trip to Tahiti; Jiyong was busy since Big Bang had just made a comeback and to be honest Taemin didn’t feel like ringing someone up and ask them to have dinner with him. Besides, Changmin was a friend, after all. “Hyung, why can’t you just call me by my name, Taemin?”
“If I called you like that, then what special thing would it have?” Changmin asked smirking as he knew what Taemin was just about to say a moment before. “Everyone calls you Taemin. I don’t want to be like them…unlike most people I like being original”
“Yeah, right” Taemin rolled his eyes annoyed and hungry. “Mind you, I am taking care of JoJo” he said, realizing he and his hyung were tangled in some kind of weird position; Changmin held him lightly yet firmly, his arms wrapped around Taemin’s torso, both facing each other, faces so close. Taemin slapped playfully his elder’s arms and moved a few steps to where the little green tree was.
“JoJo…” Changmin grinned. “I like it…that song was always one of my favorites”
“Yeah, you have said that a million times already” Taemin snapped. “I know you like it, and I am happy you actually liked it since I am not willing to change JoJo’s name in order to please you…”
“What are you talking about?” Changmin asked curious. Oh right, Taemin thought, I had that one conversation with Jiyong, not with Changmin.
“Jiyong says I should have named it after something you liked since it was you who gave me this ridiculously small tree…” Taemin explained. “I decided against it since to me this since this tree looks like some JoJo I might know”
“Come on, you don’t know any person named freaking JoJo” Changmin spat back.
“True. But I might in the future. That’s one of my goals I’ve set up.”
Changmin shook his head in both amusement and disbelief.
“You are just a weird child, Taemin”
“I know, but little things like those are what add life a little bit of flavor” Taemin smiled heartwarmingly as he took care of JoJo and gave a look to the soil where he planted the lettuce seeds at. “Admit it, you adore me…”
“ I don’t-” Changmin was about to start
“Jiyong hyung says so…and if Jiyong hyung says it then it’s true” Taemin glared at Changmin.
“I sure can tell you he is not saying the truth when he swears over his own family grave that he didn’t freak the brains out of Henry at that restaurant in Osaka and then had Yunho hyung cover it up for hi-”
“Okay well not always, but most of the time when he is with friends he tends to say the truth” Taemin retorted back. He smiled, trying to remember again why they ended up discussing the love affairs of their acquaintances. “Okay, well so back to the point…we were discussing my life goals so-”
“Quit blabbering” Changmin suddenly stiffened up. “I know you did not name that bonsai after my favorite song ever because if that so then this thing would be called Ur Man and that is a rather awkward name for a plant”
-
“So why did you exactly name that plant JoJo?”
“Well, who doesn’t love that song?” Taemin tried defending himself. “I mean, it’s adorable and cute and I am pretty sure if we-”
“Stop. I don’t believe a word of what you are saying.” Changmin lowered his gaze to encounter Taemin’s. “I dare to bet you named it after someone…a JoJo, perhaps?”
“You yourself said I don’t know any JoJo, so why-?” Taemin stopped complaining. He knew he had to stay silent if he wanted to keep his secret safe. Only Jiyong, Heechul and Minho knew about Taemin being gay and liking his band mate, and more than half of them weren’t even intended to know in first place but they still managed to find out. However Taemin trusted all three of them, and he had made sure they wouldn’t tell anyone. No one else did know about it. No one else would.
“Oh ho ho…” Changmin chanted. “So my supposition was right; okay then, who is it you dedicate your sighs to? Are they at least worth it?”
Taemin gave in. “Yes” he said smiling brightly. “Every second I think of them, they worth it every single time. They worth so much more actually…”
“Who is it?” Taemin could tell Changmin’s eyes sparkled with curiosity.
“Not telling~” Taemin chanted mockingly. Even after Changmin tried to tickle him, he said once again in a more serious tone. “No hyung, but seriously. I am not telling you who is it.”
Changmin’s humor faded. It was evident he was feeling hurt.
“Why? Don’t you trust me?” he asked defensively.
“It’s…complicated” Taemin tried to explain without giving away more information than he should. “No one really knows them…and honestly speaking I have no intentions on letting anyone else know…sorry hyung”
Changmin blinked and gave Taemin a hurtful yet undecipherable look.
“Okay then” Changmin shrugged. “I am not asking any more questions” Letting go of Taemin’s arms he started walking away from the door. “Take care of JoJo and the lettuce seeds. I will be at the kitchen if you need me”
Taemin could not believe his eyes and ears. Changmin wasn’t leaving after all.
“Thanks, hyung” he mumbled.
…also he likes playing sports, especially tennis; videogames, reading, studying, learning languages, going out with friends, laughing…
Kibum laid on the floor between Minho and Jonghyun; the tree of them we already too tired and worn out to keep practicing.
However Taemin was still moving to the beat of some pop song they had to cover for the showcase that was being held next week.
“He never seems to tire away” Jonghyun groaned. “Just by watching him it makes me want to go sleep, yeah he tires me that much”
Minho eyed Taemin with annoyed eyes.
“He just won’t let the choreographer do her job…he wants to choreograph it himself” he said, fuming. “I bet she would have had some mercy on our poor restless souls and would have made it way easier”
“Yeah” Jonghyun kept on complaining. “The things he wants us to do are just crazy…pardon my language but they are just insane. Batshit crazy…”
“Don’t think I am not hearing you~” Taemin chanted as he kept on performing. “You should all be ashamed of the things you just said”
Kibum looked up at his friends. He had been texting all day long to his girlfriend so he had been oblivious to most of the conversation, but Jonghyun’s last statement and Taemin’s reply he did catch to hear.
“Chirpy duckling is right” he chastised. “We are supposed to be a dancing group...not some boring vocal association, much to hyung’s dismay”
“Hey, thanks for the support…like, really guys I-” Jonghyun was about to reply back but Minho interrupted him.
“Kibum hyung’s right” he opined. “In fact our complete name is Electro Urban Asian Boy Dance Group Shinee, so I guess dancing is more relevant than singing” he eyed the eldest after that. “Sorry about that, hyung”
Kibum laughed out loud.
"EUABDGSHINee?"
“Shut up, Minho. Nobody wants to know the ridiculous name our company just gave us” a snort that came from Jonghyun could be heard.
“Yunho hyung and Changmin hyung are also showcasing that day.” Taemin reminded his band mates. “Super Junior as well…Beast, U-kiss and G-Dragon and the rest of Big Bang too…would you guys like it if we presented a half assed, sloppy cliché dance and have everyone looking down upon us?” Taemin snarled. He looked around and saw all his elders staring at him in awe, mouth agape; a sly smile took over his lips. “That’s right. You don’t want that; none of us wouldn’t want that. Ever. It would be the ultimate catastrophe, remember?” The youngster turned around on his heel and walked back to the spot he had been dancing at before.
“So now that we all agree we don’t want to seem like a bunch of retarded idiots in that showcase, well, we could start by putting this up, if you don’t mind that is.”
Minho tried to search for an excuse just to keep doing nothing around for another while.
“But Jinki hyung is still-” he tried explaining Jinki was still away on a family trip.
“I know where Jinki hyung is, don’t you worry hyung” Taemin replied quickly. “He can catch up later, he’s hard-working. Unlike some other people whose name I don’t want to say but we all know who are they.”
“Shut up” Jonghyun retorted, annoyed.
“Wait.” Kibum voiced to Taemin, who was starting to get tired of his hyung’s dumb questions. “So if we are really going to look like, a bunch of retarded idiots on stage, where does that leave you?” Kibum pointed out, noticing how Taemin referred to the rest of the members but him as idiots. Taemin just grinned secretly and ignored Kibum’s accusing glare.
“Well If you don’t remember, I am also having a stage with Yunho hyung, Qiannie noona and Minji ah that same day, at the same event, so it will exempt me from being labeled as a total half-assed dancer”
Taemin suddenly hated how bitter his reply sounded.
-
“Hey calm down, bro” Minho patted Taemin in the back. “You mad?”
“Just a little…stressed” Taemin admitted, leaning on his elder’s back.
“It’s okay, bro” Minho patted Taemin’s head.
“It is not and you know it”
“But try thinking on the bright side” Minho replied smiling sheepishly. “It could be worse, Taem. It can always be worse”
“Yes…I guess you are right”
“I am” Minho reassured, stroking Taemin’s locks. “At least someone loves you…in fact a lot of people do…even those who only have seen you standing on a stage”
Taemin rolled his eyes trying hard not to laugh at his hyung
“Thanks, hyung. It means a lot to me for you to say that”
“Quit being gay around me” Minho warned as he could feel Taemin’s slender arms surrounding his frame. “They may think I am gay too” he hurried to say before Taemin shushed him.
“Kibum!” Jonghyun barked. “Could you please leave that goddamn phone for good?”
“Just…wait a minute…” Kibum replied absentmindedly as he kept typing furiously on the phone. “It’s Am, and you know she is always coming up with some real fun stuff so I can never not reply back.”
“Stop it.” Minho reprimanded his hyung by a few months. “It’s not time to fool around with your girlfriend”
“Hey! She is not my girl-” Kibum was about to reply back when he was interrupted by a very upset Jonghyun who snatched away his phone brusquely.
“Hey! Give it back!” Kibum cried out, annoyed. But it was too late because Jonghyun was already on his way to make Amber stop bothering the four of them.
“Hello? Amber?...oh no it’s me, Jonghyun…no, not at all…well, sometimes…yes I know he’s an annoying brat but…oh no I just called you to make sure you could do us a favor…yes…please stop sending Kibum texts after texts because you know how affected and sensible he gets whenever he gets a new text from you and well, like, I don’t know…since you see him on an everyday basis I don’t think it might be a big problem but could you please, like, I don’t know, STOP MESSAGING HIM BECAUSE WE ARE TRYING TO WORK HERE AND HE IS JUST LIKE GLUED TO THE SCREEN AND YOU MESSAGING HIM ISN’T OF ANY HELP AT ALL? LIKE, WE ARE PREPARING FOR THIS SHOWCASE AND TAEMIN’S APESHIT CRAZY HE JUST THINKS WE CAN GET THIS DONE BEFORE THE BIG DAY SO YEAH I WOULD VERY MUCH APPRECIATE IT IF YOU JUST….oh…okay I get it Qian- I WASN’T BEING RUDE I WAS JUST STATING TRUE FACTS…okay well….I will apologize…just tell her to stop we are supposed to be working right now…I know…I AM SORRY OKAY? I SHOULDN’T HAVE YELLED AT HER BUT- Oh Amber, how are you?...I am sorry for freaking out...yeah...but seriously do you think it would be possible for you to…okay I get it…For your kindness and comprehension, thanks a lot. Bye, I love you too baby girl...”
All the members stared at Jonghyun in awe, mouth agape. It didn’t take long before Minho cracked up laughing his ass off. Kibum pretty much looked like he was ready to punch Jonghyun's face against a wall for being rude to Amber. Taemin pretty much looked as if he was about to kiss his eldest right there in the spot.
“That was rude! “ Kibum yelled. “I can’t believe you did such thing!”
Jonghyun grinned. “Well at least she won’t keep you occupied so now we can focus on the practice…dude you’ve just got yourself a pretty girlfriend and all that but she sometimes needs to calm down”
“I told you she is not my-!”
“TO HELL WITH IT” Taemin cussed. “I don’t fucking care who you drool over and I couldn’t fucking care less, just practice!”
Both guys felt silent, shocked at Taemin’s sudden outburst.
“And don’t you fucking lie to me saying you aren’t fucking attracted the fuck out of her” Taemin spat again. “I saw you two all over each other’s face the other night!”
Kibum’s jaw dropped and Jonghyun had to push it back so that Kibum’s mouth was closed again. They went to practice nonetheless and although the following hours went smooth the awkward atmosphere eventually took over the place and Taemin felt overwhelmed with it.
Back to the penthouse, Kibum slammed the door shut as he entered the place last, glaring deathly at Taemin who was both taken aback by his hyung’s action and actually had seen it coming eventually.
“Why the crap did you say that?” Kibum yelled.
Taemin blinked twice before daring to reply to Kibum’s question.
“It appears unfair to me for you to lie like that to hyung and Minho so shamelessly” Taemin said slowly, measuring the weight of his own words. “They also love you, and they worry and care about you…hyung, they are interested in knowing about your feelings…” Taemin added, lowering his voice. Kibum did not reply; he was looking away, eyes clenched shut, tearing a bit.
Taemin kept talking.
“They have never been untrue to you, so why aren’t you loyal to them too?” Taemin eyed his elder with hurt-filled orbs. “Don’t you think they would have felt even more hurt if they had found out by other means instead of having me telling them?”
Kibum turned back and gave Taemin a look that was enough to leave the young boy utterly breathless.
“I wasn’t just ready yet” he shrieked.
“Why?” Taemin asked, looking away to avoid Kibum’s eyes, fearing to give away his most treasured secret only by looking at him in the eye. “Why would you lie to Jjong, Jinki and Minho hyung?”
“You just don’t understand, Taemin” Kibum tried hard to not sound angry. “It can’t be…we are not supposed to be together. She’s with-” Kibum breathed heavily. “She is supposed to be with Henry…”
“Henry hyung?” Taemin tilted his head.
“Yes, he is…that’s the image the company wants them to portrait…apparently the fans love to see them together so they have to fake it…” Kibum said with a hurt voice, feeling hopeless and impotent. “That’s why we have to keep us, our relationship, a secret; even to our friends…it will do no good to her career to have a scandal like this…”
Taemin felt tears of both guilt and heartbreak overwhelming him. He brought both hands to cover his mouth and let out a whimper.
“I am so sorry, hyung!” He cried out. “I didn’t know about it, I swear!”
“No, it’s okay” Kibum replied, voice hoarse, still reluctant to look at Taemin. “I mean, you saw what I was doing with her, and still we didn’t tell you about us nor asked you for permission to do it…heck, we didn’t even ask you to keep it a secret…”
“But hyung, I am telling you-”
“You shouldn’t have seen that” Kibum didn’t allow Taemin to keep talking, fearing he would start feeling even more pitiful towards himself if he let the youngster keep talking. “I should have known better…I will be more careful next time”
Hearing the last statement made Taemin suddenly very angry and annoyed. ‘Next time?’ he repeated in his mind. ‘Does he even think of having a second time?’
“Still” he hated how harsh he sounded but it was going to be the only way Kibum could understand. “That doesn’t mean you have to hide it from them; if there is someone you should trust blindly and always take their love for granted it’s them…your band mates”
Kibum blinked twice, thrice; Taemin could see the tears the elder had been trying to hold for such a long time ago slip through his perfect facial features.
“Where does that leave you?” Taemin turned around to face him, no really getting what Kibum had tried to say.
“Huh?”
“I mean, you are always talking about ‘them’ instead of ‘us’…” Kibum frowned. “Why won’t you include yourself in?”
Taemin just looked directly at Kibum in the eye, a very hurt expression within his brown orbs that was way too easy to read for Kibum to dismiss it.
“I am just a kid…what would I know about all this?” he said, walking away.
Kibum reached an arm and held Taemin’s shoulder, forcing Taemin to face him.
“I haven’t even kissed yet..I am still a kid…a very silly, dumb, thoughtless one should I add”
“That’s not true” Kibum ventured to say quickly. “I never- I didn’t mean to offend you…” he said apologizing. “Taemin, you are such a smart, precious young man…and I am very proud of you”
Taemin shrugged off Kibum’s grasp.
“It’s not because you said anything bad…I am just stating true facts. What I just said is the biggest truth of them all”
…he also likes his completely straight band mate, Kim Kibum…oh well; more so, to say he has got a crush on the man would be an understatement…
“You were amazing!” Seohyun chirped happily as ever at the backstage room. “Even Yunho oppa said he wished he possessed Taemin’s amazing dance skills”
Taemin just nodded and smiled shyly. “Thanks, noona”
“Don’t believe him” Changmin said as he randomly appeared out of nowhere, snarky voice evident. “He always says that. Last time he told Kiseop from U-Kiss he wished he had his dancing skills as well, and while I wasn’t present but anyway I was still told he had also said that to Hyunseung from Beast…and god forbid he will say that to Seungri today too, you know, seeing how they were in the same dance crew there in their hometown…”
“Well, that’s good to know, I guess…” Taemin replied, not sure what to say next. He was already thinking of leaving seeing how sparkly Seohyun’s eyes got all of a sudden while she eyed the significantly big bouquet of blue daisies Changmin was holding. “I should leave now, you probably would want to talk to-”
“Oppa, to whom are those pretty flowers for?” Seohyun asked, blinking dreamily.
Changmin raised an eyebrow and looked down at them, then looked at Seohyun, then looked at Taemin, and then he lowered his gaze again and faced the flowers.
“Oh, it’s nothing” he shrugged. “They are just a gift from that stylist noona that kind of has a crush on me or something like that…”
“Noona?” Seohyun blinked, not liking the answer.
“Can you still call people like that? Are there any noonas for you left?” Taemin burst into laughter; having a very unpleased Seohyun walking away and Changmin rolling his eyes at him.
“I swear you are sometimes too obnoxious to endure…” Changmin replied. “For your information, I am not that old either…It’s just that you are too young I even doubt some people have even called you oppa or hyung at all”
“There certainly are people who call me like that” Taemin sneered. “But not as many as you, though…hyung”
“Okay well back to the point…hyung doesn’t really wish he has your skills, the thing he surely wants from you is your age and youth, but who doesn’t, actually…” Changmin then added quickly. “By the way, ugly swan chick” he bribed, smiling widely, giving Taemin his truest smile the youngster had ever seen, eyes mismatched, white big teeth, small lips entailed. “You looked so great dancing out there…so…completely breathtaking…” Changmin sighed as he reminisced the energetic boy who practically set everyone in awe while he owned the stage whenever he danced.
“Stop it, you are supposed to be straight” Jiyong reprimanded the guy as he stepped into the conversation without having been extended an invitation to join it. He raised his chin and cocked his head slightly to the side allowing the stylist to fix his makeup.
“Look who’s talking” Changmin spat annoyed. “The one who’s right now looking like a female hooker” he snapped.
“I am just cute” Jiyong replied. “It’s not my fault men go gay after seeing me. Blame my parents for that…I guess they just made me with too much love”
“Like hell they are going to go gay for you” Changmin hit the other man’s shoulder lightly. “They have seen better though”
“Yes, but I am cute” Jiyong replied nonchalantly with a diva-ish voice. Then, he added “Though I am not that cute, seeing you didn’t go gay for me” he shrugged. “Seunghyun says perhaps living with guys all the time -very gay ones indeed, I should add, ever since you were what? Thirteen and questioning? Whatever, he is pretty sure it made you stop getting all moved by male beauty in any form, seeing them being gay and all that. And I, my friend, am very afraid to say it’s kinda true…”
“Shut up” Changmin whined annoyed. “We don’t need you speculating on whether YunJae was real or not”
“Was it?” Taemin asked, slightly uncomfortable with the path the conversation was taking. Changmin just shrugged.
“It’s not my thing to tell”
“Which means yes they were the gayest thing I have ever witnessed in my whole life and I wouldn’t want to see something like that ever again” Jiyong whispered to Taemin before getting nudged by Changmin.
“But I sure can tell you it’s not happening as of the moment”
“yeah, we noticed” Jiyong cleared his throat. “It’s not like you’re allowed to talk to them either anyway”
“Hyung!” Taemin chastised, fearing the worst, but the damage had already been done.
“We are not some kind of slaves just so you know!” Changmin barked, teeth clenched eyes dangerously dark all of a sudden. “We are not brainwashed either!”
“Ah, Kiseop from U-Kiss is really handsome and charming do you know?” Taemin tried distracting both idols from throwing a fit right there.
“Oh well that’s not what people are saying right now…” Jiyong shrugged.
“Says the sissy hooker who has to double work his ass just to promote people that aren’t even in his group“
“Hey! That’s not true and you know it!”Jiyong burst annoyed.
“True. They are at least your label mates.” Changmin conceded. “It’s a shame the CEO had to use the fame of his most successful boy group to make people notice them”
Jiyong opened his mouth and was about to complain but Changmin kept talking, not minding a very offended-looking Jiyong.
"Oh but don't mind me" he raised both hands. "I am just a slave after al...or a dog, whatever...there's no reason why people should listen to me..."
Taemin gulped down.
"That's not-" Jiyong tried concealing his slip.
"No, I mean, it's true. They all think of me and hyung as a pair of cheap dogs without souls, millions of people can't be wrong after all"
The youngest could see the eyes of his label mate full of hurt and despair. Jiyong tried to amend his mistake.
"No, I mean...I didn't mean that!" He squeaked. "Look, I am so sorry and I know I shouldn't have said that but-"
“Oh I think I am just going to talk to Kiseop sshi, I might as well get his cell phone number if I am lucky enough…”
“You shut up. You are not going anywhere near that guy” Changmin raised his finger menacingly right in front of Taemin’s nose without having to take his angry and upset eyes off Jiyong. “You are too young to date anyone, Taemin ah”
Taemin opened his eyes wide, fearing his secret was now out; he looked quickly around to make sure no one heard anything Changmin just said.
Jiyong cleared his throat, clearly noticing the youngster’s panicked expression.
“Of course he was joking, Taemin ah” he quickly stated, eyeing Changmin while he said it. “Changmin just meant it as a joke, right awkward giraffe Min?”
Changmin quickly casted an apologetic glance at Taemin, regretting what he just said.
“O-of course I meant it as a joke! Taemin ah, please don’t take it as an offense, I am sorry I should have never said that”
“It’s okay” Taemin shrugged it off awkwardly. “I was joking too, you know, I hate it when you two fight so I had to do something drastic about it…”
“Oh…” Jiyong bawled quietly.
“Please don’t do that again…” he turned, facing Changmin first. “Hyung, I know Jiyong just said very awful things about our company but you wouldn’t want him performing onto stage right now with a swollen eye, right?”
“And, Jiyong hyung, please don’t take the things hyung said to heart…you just upset him so you shouldn’t expect any nice treatment after that, however he shouldn’t have called you a hooker”
Both men eyed each other with an undecipherable look in their eyes. Changmin stuck out his tongue at Jiyong before quickly adding:
“I think it’s time for you to go, your stage should be soon now…” Jiyong eyed Taemin questioningly, as if mentally sending the boy telepathic messages asking him if it was okay if he left.
Taemin smiled wearily.
“Go ahead, before you two start arguing again and say things you’ll regret later”
Jiyong smiled, bowed a little after a brief moment of hesitation and then headed after his own group. Not without returning again with a big sly smirk plastered all over his face before.
“I’ll do this one for you, Changmin ah” he said, and even though Taemin had a hard time trying to work out in his mind what the other had said Changmin pretty much got the inner joke hidden within.
“Good luck at turning them gay then”
“Don’t worry” Jiyong posed cutely. “The only person on earth I will ever fail at turning gay is you, but it isn't bothersome to me anymore, seeing you already went gay for someone else”
Taemin gulped hard and could pretty much witness how the tall man choked in his own saliva, his face turning all shades of pink before reaching a heated red in his cheeks and ears.
“S-shut up” The tallest was about to comply with more words but Jiyong had already rushed to his very own group in pursue of some safety.
Taemin caught a glimpse of the youngest of Big Bang, Seungri, who waved friendly at him, he could see Yunho hyung near them and couldn’t help but grin.
“I think he already told Seungri hyung about wanting his skills, hyung”
Changmin casted the two figures that were too far away an amused look before cracking up in laughter. Still, it didn't stop the atmosphere of becoming awkward and Taemin could feel the urge of wanting an explanation for everything that had happened.
“So...why is Jiyong hyung saying he failed at turning you gay?” he immediately regretted asking such thing, as he had to calm down his elder who could have died choking in his own saliva again if it weren't for Taemin.
{C}
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Author leetaemint
Rating: PG-15
Pairing/Focus: Taemin-centric Unrequited!TaeKey. ChangTae. Hinted!KeyBer
Summary: Taemin grows a green house in the rooftop of his penthouse, while musing on trivial things that would also bother any other average teenager.
A/N: It deals with pretty sensitive topics. OOC overload. You have been warned.
“You know, perhaps you are thinking things too much” Jiyong chirped off as he saw his junior by five years pour more water than usual on the tiny tree that was in front of him.
“You know I am not” Taemin quietly replied back. “I saw it with my own eyes, hyung. How can I possibly think something I saw with my own eyes too much?”
“Well, I don’t know” Jiyong shrugged as he glared a disapproving look at the shower Taemin was watering the tiny young bonsai with. “Human mind most of the time only remembers what it wants to remember” And yet another frown from him could be seen on his face before he snapped anything else. “Could you please stop watering that poor plant? You are going to drown it!”
“Oh” Taemin sighed as he realized what damage he could be causing to the green bonsai Changmin had gifted him. “I am sorry, JoJo…” and he began patting the branches full of tiny leaves.
Jiyong raised an eyebrow.
“So you named your tree…”
“Well, I once read in a book that it makes them happy to be talked to…and giving them a name is also of some help…” Taemin was focusing on combing the leaves now. “I guess I don’t lose anything by trying, hyung…”
Jiyong burst in laughter after that.
“Oh my god, that’s some good joke I’ve been told” Jiyong’s laugh was high-pitched when it came natural and not forced. Taemin liked the sound of it. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”
“Why is it so funny?” Taemin asked annoyed, glaring Jiyong deadly. “Excuse me, but I am trying to take care of a plant here!”
“I am sorry…it’s just that sometimes you’re unbelievable”
“Well, thanks but-”
“I mean,” Jiyong cleaned off the little teardrop around his eye. “It’s just so funny that you named it after a song of yours…”
“Okay well I do admit it’s just a tad…hilarious…”
“It’s ridiculous, Taemin”
“I know, I know…” Taemin soothed again the branches, taking care that all of them were at the right position. “but I couldn’t come up with a better name…and Kibum hyung said that was one of his favorite songs ever…”
Jiyong rolled his eyes.
“Well, you might as well have named it after your crush, then!” Jiyong said in a playful tone. “Kibum Junior…that sounds well, though…”
“Shut up, hyung”
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, sweetheart!” Jiyong chanted whilst he messed up Taemin’s hair. “Being in love is something natural…”
“I just thought it might be better if I just named it Tree…” Taemin mumbled.
“Nope, I think JoJo is still cuter…as ridiculous it might sound…”
“Kibum hyung really likes that song…”
“Yeah I can imagine…”
Taemin’s stomach made a very audible weird sound. “Where’s Changmin with the food?” Jiyong groaned. “Perhaps he just ran away with the money! That sneaky-”
“Hyung!” Taemin chastised. “He’s a nice, well-mannered gentleman; he won’t run away with my money!”
“How are you even sure?”
“He adores me” Taemin said confidently. “And he knows that if my hunger reaches levels of wrath, he’ll suffer a lot”
“Well! That’s one good way to treat your senior right!” Jiyong snapped. “You don’t have any respect towards us do you”
“You know I love you Jiyongie hyung” Taemin said pouting using the most ridiculous voice he could think of.
Jiyong rolled his eyes at the youngster.
“You better do, kid”
Taemin added some fertilizer to the little tree.
“Speaking of which…” Jiyong ventured to ask. “Why didn't you name your bonsai after something Changmin likes?”
“Huh?” Taemin lifted his head. Looking up to Jiyong.
“I mean, he was the one who gave that thing to you, after all…”
“He also likes JoJo…he said it was a cute song and a cute name for an equally cute being…”
“You know he will always say yes to everything you say, that’s not a valid excuse…” Jiyong reminded.
“I don’t know, hyung…” Taemin shrugged. “I guess I didn't feel like it…JoJo is still cute, after all” and brushing his bonsai again, he added. “Right, JoJo?”
“Stop it, will you?” Jiyong gritted his teeth. “It’s creepy seeing you talking to…that”
Taemin just grabbed the plant pot that contained the little bonsai.
“It’s not just a that! Its name is JoJo, thank you very much! And it has feelings!”
Jiyong smiled, shaking his head to the sides, a grin escaped from his mouth.
“Sometimes I just can’t believe you”
Jiyong turned on his heel and was about to get out of the room. They had been on the greenhouse Taemin had constructed on the rooftop of the penthouse he was sharing with Kibum at the moment.
“Where are you going, hyung?” Taemin asked, suddenly worried that he might have upset his friend.
“I am going to see whether Changmin has come back or not…also to stay a bit away from a crazed man that likes talking to a plant”
“Hey!”
“Laters, Taemin ah!…”
“Wait!”
Jiyong closed the door.
-
Lee Taemin, seventeen years old, dancer, currently a high school student, member of juvenile flower boy band SHINee.
“Hey, hyung! I am glad to see you’re back!” Taemin chanted gleefully as he dashed from the kitchen where he had been preparing himself a sandwich. “Have you eaten ye-”
There they were. He saw them. Kibum was leaning against the table counter near the main door. He was dressed in flashy, neon colours A bright, almost blinding pair of skinny leather leggings wrapped around his perfectly moulded legs; a perfect pair of legs, Taemin must add. Thin, long, slim, toned, flawless. Just like their owner was. Perfect.
A loose white tee, multicoloured worn out stars printed all over it. The v-line neck positioned just right. Not too loose, not too tight. Taemin could catch a glimpse of the white collarbone covered In pale skin; the Adam’s apple that on normal times couldn't be seen, was now darting back and forth, up and down with each movement Kibum made. The neck, strong and manly, sometimes tender and soft, showing off all the blood vessels that were marked all around it.
A jacket made of wool and leather covering the well-defined torso Taemin had always admired from his elder; just like the ones they used during the Ring Ding Dong era, on that JoJo presentation. It was of some kind of yellowish neon green with black fabric; the jacket was covering his arms too, strong and beautiful, a work of art. A work of art that was now furiously moving in all directions as Taemin saw what his elder was doing.
Kibum’s face, well-proportioned, with a flawless jaw line, pale skin, eyebrows arched; eyes closed, long lashes covering the perfect, beautiful eyelids Kibum had. Taemin had sworn a gazillion number of times there wasn’t a part of Kibum’s body that held any flaw. To him the person standing just mere meters away was a thing to be worshipped just for the fact it existed.
It existed. And with his existence there was also hurt. Hurt everywhere. Taemin hurt. It hurt every part of his being. Just by existing it hurt Taemin. But it was not like Kibum’s existence brought a direct hurt along. It was just that Taemin hated, hated, hated, hated Kibum.
He hated Kibum for being the only thing that hurt him. Not because Kibum inflicted any kind of pain consciously, as said before. But because it hurt Taemin so bad that Kibum was out of his reach. Distant, no questions had to be asked.
Yet Taemin still craved for it. He craved Kibum, he craved the hurt. He embraced the faintest of possibilities that perhaps after all Kibum hadn’t been that out of reach to him. He wanted Kibum to wake up one day knowing how much he hurt Taemin and how much the boy worshipped the man.
It hurt.
Mouth agape, wide open for everyone to see. White teeth could be seen underneath those beautifully bowed moist lips. Those lips that could as well be declared universal patrimony for all humanity to acknowledge it; locked with a pair of less pretty ones.
Embracing the much tinier, slim frame of someone else; someone that wasn’t Taemin; Kibum was leaning against the countertop near the entrance. The kiss was long, lingering, sweet, darting to passionate and hot, and Taemin felt himself suffocating. Legs twinned. A moan escaping from her lips as Kibum’s tongue asked for entrance, entrance that was immediately granted. They were making out, and Taemin had soon noticed that. And even though it broke Taemin’s heart, he couldn't look away. Looking away was just not an option.
O for how many nights long Taemin had dreamt of such scenario with Kibum. How much had he longed to see Kibum worked up like he was now. How many times had he spent already just thinking, fantasizing, daydreaming, smiling, longing, craving for something like this to happen.
Just that instead the fragile feminine body that Kibum was holding into, it was Taemin instead. No one will certainly know how much time Taemin had thought about it. No one will ever know. Not even Taemin himself.
And then why do people still insist Kibum hyung is the gay one, Taemin would ask to himself.
Taemin wouldn’t know how much time it passed before the love birds pulled away, trying to catch their breaths. Nor how much time it had passed before they noticed him. Nor how much his heart had to endure before he could feel the cold stream the teardrops that were on their way out from his eyes to the rest of his swollen face.
Not until Kibum spoke out.
“Hey, little chirping duckling” Key spoke softly to Taemin. “I didn't notice you were here! I am sorry!” the elder smiled with glistening eyes. Taemin loved his gentle gaze. “Sorry we made you see all this…”
Taemin froze at the touch of Kibum, who gently patted his shoulder. “No, I just got back from the kitchen; I swear I didn't see anything of what you guys were doing…”
“Good” Amber intervened. “We don’t want to dirty your young mind…you are still too young for this and there are a lot of perverts out there…don’t get yourself fooled, Tae!” Amber mocked in a playful tone.
“Oh, duckling, your eyes are wet…and your face is swollen…” Kibum said worried as he soothed Taemin’s puffy eyes and swollen face with his tender hands. Have you been crying? Who do we have to go beat up?“
Taemin was still stiff. He didn't like it when Kibum called him ‘duckling’. It made him feel ugly, just like that one duckling from the tale. Besides, it was a nickname Changmin had given to him, and Changmin was the only one that could call him like that. But it was mainly for the first reason: that Kibum only thought of him as an ugly, unattractive brat he couldn't possibly be interested in.
“No, it’s just that…” Taemin tried to think quickly of a reason. “The drama I used to fuss over has now ended…and the end was so beautiful yet heartbreaking I had been weeping like this for two hours already…”
“Hey!” Amber said. “I thought I told you too many times already to stop watching those brain-washing shows! Go read a book or something like that; it will be much more useful!”
“I...” Taemin’s mind went blank…”I think you are right…”
-
Interests? Well, you could include dancing, singing, performing on stage, listening to music, going shopping, eating, raising plants, bonsais…
“Hey, chirpy swan chick!” Changmin yelled as he entered the penthouse Taemin was living in. “Guess what? I will be making dinner to you tonight!”
Taemin was out watering JoJo and the new lettuce seeds he had planted. He had been so fond of plants these days. Changmin thought he might have been there, so he rushed to the greenhouse outside and quietly approached the teen that wasn’t facing him. It was easy for the man to quickly wrap his long arms around the thin frame of Taemin’s torso and give him a bear hug.
Taemin wasn’t surprised, at all. He had heard Changmin yell that ridiculous nickname when he entered the house.
“Chirpy swan chick, huh?” Taemin turned to face Changmin. “Since when you’re so fond of hugging just like Yunho hyung hugs? And since when you had a thing for calling me bird names?”
“I just can’t help it” Changmin said, grinning. “I found out Kibum ah stole the one I initially gave to you so I came out with another that is way more original…”
“I see…” Taemin sighed, remembering what he had discussed with Jiyong that other day. Suddenly memories of that evening came rushing back to him, along with the emotions he experienced back then. The anger, the hurt, the disappointment, the longing, that questionable lust… “Well, I hope it doesn’t have a double meaning then. You know how much I hate ambiguous-”
“Oh yes it has!” Changmin interrupted the young man smiling warmly. “It makes the whole thing more exciting”
“I know of a place you could actually cram up all that exciting batsh-” Taemin was about to voice his thoughts concerning the stupid ridiculous names Changmin always came up with him until he remembered it was better to keep his mouth shut if he didn’t want to upset Changmin causing the man to go away. He wasn’t feeling like cooking dinner himself this time around, and he was in desperate need of some company since Kibum was perhaps having dinner with Amber, Jonghyun and Minho were on rehearsal and Jinki had gone on a family trip to Tahiti; Jiyong was busy since Big Bang had just made a comeback and to be honest Taemin didn’t feel like ringing someone up and ask them to have dinner with him. Besides, Changmin was a friend, after all. “Hyung, why can’t you just call me by my name, Taemin?”
“If I called you like that, then what special thing would it have?” Changmin asked smirking as he knew what Taemin was just about to say a moment before. “Everyone calls you Taemin. I don’t want to be like them…unlike most people I like being original”
“Yeah, right” Taemin rolled his eyes annoyed and hungry. “Mind you, I am taking care of JoJo” he said, realizing he and his hyung were tangled in some kind of weird position; Changmin held him lightly yet firmly, his arms wrapped around Taemin’s torso, both facing each other, faces so close. Taemin slapped playfully his elder’s arms and moved a few steps to where the little green tree was.
“JoJo…” Changmin grinned. “I like it…that song was always one of my favorites”
“Yeah, you have said that a million times already” Taemin snapped. “I know you like it, and I am happy you actually liked it since I am not willing to change JoJo’s name in order to please you…”
“What are you talking about?” Changmin asked curious. Oh right, Taemin thought, I had that one conversation with Jiyong, not with Changmin.
“Jiyong says I should have named it after something you liked since it was you who gave me this ridiculously small tree…” Taemin explained. “I decided against it since to me this since this tree looks like some JoJo I might know”
“Come on, you don’t know any person named freaking JoJo” Changmin spat back.
“True. But I might in the future. That’s one of my goals I’ve set up.”
Changmin shook his head in both amusement and disbelief.
“You are just a weird child, Taemin”
“I know, but little things like those are what add life a little bit of flavor” Taemin smiled heartwarmingly as he took care of JoJo and gave a look to the soil where he planted the lettuce seeds at. “Admit it, you adore me…”
“ I don’t-” Changmin was about to start
“Jiyong hyung says so…and if Jiyong hyung says it then it’s true” Taemin glared at Changmin.
“I sure can tell you he is not saying the truth when he swears over his own family grave that he didn’t freak the brains out of Henry at that restaurant in Osaka and then had Yunho hyung cover it up for hi-”
“Okay well not always, but most of the time when he is with friends he tends to say the truth” Taemin retorted back. He smiled, trying to remember again why they ended up discussing the love affairs of their acquaintances. “Okay, well so back to the point…we were discussing my life goals so-”
“Quit blabbering” Changmin suddenly stiffened up. “I know you did not name that bonsai after my favorite song ever because if that so then this thing would be called Ur Man and that is a rather awkward name for a plant”
-
“So why did you exactly name that plant JoJo?”
“Well, who doesn’t love that song?” Taemin tried defending himself. “I mean, it’s adorable and cute and I am pretty sure if we-”
“Stop. I don’t believe a word of what you are saying.” Changmin lowered his gaze to encounter Taemin’s. “I dare to bet you named it after someone…a JoJo, perhaps?”
“You yourself said I don’t know any JoJo, so why-?” Taemin stopped complaining. He knew he had to stay silent if he wanted to keep his secret safe. Only Jiyong, Heechul and Minho knew about Taemin being gay and liking his band mate, and more than half of them weren’t even intended to know in first place but they still managed to find out. However Taemin trusted all three of them, and he had made sure they wouldn’t tell anyone. No one else did know about it. No one else would.
“Oh ho ho…” Changmin chanted. “So my supposition was right; okay then, who is it you dedicate your sighs to? Are they at least worth it?”
Taemin gave in. “Yes” he said smiling brightly. “Every second I think of them, they worth it every single time. They worth so much more actually…”
“Who is it?” Taemin could tell Changmin’s eyes sparkled with curiosity.
“Not telling~” Taemin chanted mockingly. Even after Changmin tried to tickle him, he said once again in a more serious tone. “No hyung, but seriously. I am not telling you who is it.”
Changmin’s humor faded. It was evident he was feeling hurt.
“Why? Don’t you trust me?” he asked defensively.
“It’s…complicated” Taemin tried to explain without giving away more information than he should. “No one really knows them…and honestly speaking I have no intentions on letting anyone else know…sorry hyung”
Changmin blinked and gave Taemin a hurtful yet undecipherable look.
“Okay then” Changmin shrugged. “I am not asking any more questions” Letting go of Taemin’s arms he started walking away from the door. “Take care of JoJo and the lettuce seeds. I will be at the kitchen if you need me”
Taemin could not believe his eyes and ears. Changmin wasn’t leaving after all.
“Thanks, hyung” he mumbled.
…also he likes playing sports, especially tennis; videogames, reading, studying, learning languages, going out with friends, laughing…
Kibum laid on the floor between Minho and Jonghyun; the tree of them we already too tired and worn out to keep practicing.
However Taemin was still moving to the beat of some pop song they had to cover for the showcase that was being held next week.
“He never seems to tire away” Jonghyun groaned. “Just by watching him it makes me want to go sleep, yeah he tires me that much”
Minho eyed Taemin with annoyed eyes.
“He just won’t let the choreographer do her job…he wants to choreograph it himself” he said, fuming. “I bet she would have had some mercy on our poor restless souls and would have made it way easier”
“Yeah” Jonghyun kept on complaining. “The things he wants us to do are just crazy…pardon my language but they are just insane. Batshit crazy…”
“Don’t think I am not hearing you~” Taemin chanted as he kept on performing. “You should all be ashamed of the things you just said”
Kibum looked up at his friends. He had been texting all day long to his girlfriend so he had been oblivious to most of the conversation, but Jonghyun’s last statement and Taemin’s reply he did catch to hear.
“Chirpy duckling is right” he chastised. “We are supposed to be a dancing group...not some boring vocal association, much to hyung’s dismay”
“Hey, thanks for the support…like, really guys I-” Jonghyun was about to reply back but Minho interrupted him.
“Kibum hyung’s right” he opined. “In fact our complete name is Electro Urban Asian Boy Dance Group Shinee, so I guess dancing is more relevant than singing” he eyed the eldest after that. “Sorry about that, hyung”
Kibum laughed out loud.
"EUABDGSHINee?"
“Shut up, Minho. Nobody wants to know the ridiculous name our company just gave us” a snort that came from Jonghyun could be heard.
“Yunho hyung and Changmin hyung are also showcasing that day.” Taemin reminded his band mates. “Super Junior as well…Beast, U-kiss and G-Dragon and the rest of Big Bang too…would you guys like it if we presented a half assed, sloppy cliché dance and have everyone looking down upon us?” Taemin snarled. He looked around and saw all his elders staring at him in awe, mouth agape; a sly smile took over his lips. “That’s right. You don’t want that; none of us wouldn’t want that. Ever. It would be the ultimate catastrophe, remember?” The youngster turned around on his heel and walked back to the spot he had been dancing at before.
“So now that we all agree we don’t want to seem like a bunch of retarded idiots in that showcase, well, we could start by putting this up, if you don’t mind that is.”
Minho tried to search for an excuse just to keep doing nothing around for another while.
“But Jinki hyung is still-” he tried explaining Jinki was still away on a family trip.
“I know where Jinki hyung is, don’t you worry hyung” Taemin replied quickly. “He can catch up later, he’s hard-working. Unlike some other people whose name I don’t want to say but we all know who are they.”
“Shut up” Jonghyun retorted, annoyed.
“Wait.” Kibum voiced to Taemin, who was starting to get tired of his hyung’s dumb questions. “So if we are really going to look like, a bunch of retarded idiots on stage, where does that leave you?” Kibum pointed out, noticing how Taemin referred to the rest of the members but him as idiots. Taemin just grinned secretly and ignored Kibum’s accusing glare.
“Well If you don’t remember, I am also having a stage with Yunho hyung, Qiannie noona and Minji ah that same day, at the same event, so it will exempt me from being labeled as a total half-assed dancer”
Taemin suddenly hated how bitter his reply sounded.
-
“Hey calm down, bro” Minho patted Taemin in the back. “You mad?”
“Just a little…stressed” Taemin admitted, leaning on his elder’s back.
“It’s okay, bro” Minho patted Taemin’s head.
“It is not and you know it”
“But try thinking on the bright side” Minho replied smiling sheepishly. “It could be worse, Taem. It can always be worse”
“Yes…I guess you are right”
“I am” Minho reassured, stroking Taemin’s locks. “At least someone loves you…in fact a lot of people do…even those who only have seen you standing on a stage”
Taemin rolled his eyes trying hard not to laugh at his hyung
“Thanks, hyung. It means a lot to me for you to say that”
“Quit being gay around me” Minho warned as he could feel Taemin’s slender arms surrounding his frame. “They may think I am gay too” he hurried to say before Taemin shushed him.
“Kibum!” Jonghyun barked. “Could you please leave that goddamn phone for good?”
“Just…wait a minute…” Kibum replied absentmindedly as he kept typing furiously on the phone. “It’s Am, and you know she is always coming up with some real fun stuff so I can never not reply back.”
“Stop it.” Minho reprimanded his hyung by a few months. “It’s not time to fool around with your girlfriend”
“Hey! She is not my girl-” Kibum was about to reply back when he was interrupted by a very upset Jonghyun who snatched away his phone brusquely.
“Hey! Give it back!” Kibum cried out, annoyed. But it was too late because Jonghyun was already on his way to make Amber stop bothering the four of them.
“Hello? Amber?...oh no it’s me, Jonghyun…no, not at all…well, sometimes…yes I know he’s an annoying brat but…oh no I just called you to make sure you could do us a favor…yes…please stop sending Kibum texts after texts because you know how affected and sensible he gets whenever he gets a new text from you and well, like, I don’t know…since you see him on an everyday basis I don’t think it might be a big problem but could you please, like, I don’t know, STOP MESSAGING HIM BECAUSE WE ARE TRYING TO WORK HERE AND HE IS JUST LIKE GLUED TO THE SCREEN AND YOU MESSAGING HIM ISN’T OF ANY HELP AT ALL? LIKE, WE ARE PREPARING FOR THIS SHOWCASE AND TAEMIN’S APESHIT CRAZY HE JUST THINKS WE CAN GET THIS DONE BEFORE THE BIG DAY SO YEAH I WOULD VERY MUCH APPRECIATE IT IF YOU JUST….oh…okay I get it Qian- I WASN’T BEING RUDE I WAS JUST STATING TRUE FACTS…okay well….I will apologize…just tell her to stop we are supposed to be working right now…I know…I AM SORRY OKAY? I SHOULDN’T HAVE YELLED AT HER BUT- Oh Amber, how are you?...I am sorry for freaking out...yeah...but seriously do you think it would be possible for you to…okay I get it…For your kindness and comprehension, thanks a lot. Bye, I love you too baby girl...”
All the members stared at Jonghyun in awe, mouth agape. It didn’t take long before Minho cracked up laughing his ass off. Kibum pretty much looked like he was ready to punch Jonghyun's face against a wall for being rude to Amber. Taemin pretty much looked as if he was about to kiss his eldest right there in the spot.
“That was rude! “ Kibum yelled. “I can’t believe you did such thing!”
Jonghyun grinned. “Well at least she won’t keep you occupied so now we can focus on the practice…dude you’ve just got yourself a pretty girlfriend and all that but she sometimes needs to calm down”
“I told you she is not my-!”
“TO HELL WITH IT” Taemin cussed. “I don’t fucking care who you drool over and I couldn’t fucking care less, just practice!”
Both guys felt silent, shocked at Taemin’s sudden outburst.
“And don’t you fucking lie to me saying you aren’t fucking attracted the fuck out of her” Taemin spat again. “I saw you two all over each other’s face the other night!”
Kibum’s jaw dropped and Jonghyun had to push it back so that Kibum’s mouth was closed again. They went to practice nonetheless and although the following hours went smooth the awkward atmosphere eventually took over the place and Taemin felt overwhelmed with it.
Back to the penthouse, Kibum slammed the door shut as he entered the place last, glaring deathly at Taemin who was both taken aback by his hyung’s action and actually had seen it coming eventually.
“Why the crap did you say that?” Kibum yelled.
Taemin blinked twice before daring to reply to Kibum’s question.
“It appears unfair to me for you to lie like that to hyung and Minho so shamelessly” Taemin said slowly, measuring the weight of his own words. “They also love you, and they worry and care about you…hyung, they are interested in knowing about your feelings…” Taemin added, lowering his voice. Kibum did not reply; he was looking away, eyes clenched shut, tearing a bit.
Taemin kept talking.
“They have never been untrue to you, so why aren’t you loyal to them too?” Taemin eyed his elder with hurt-filled orbs. “Don’t you think they would have felt even more hurt if they had found out by other means instead of having me telling them?”
Kibum turned back and gave Taemin a look that was enough to leave the young boy utterly breathless.
“I wasn’t just ready yet” he shrieked.
“Why?” Taemin asked, looking away to avoid Kibum’s eyes, fearing to give away his most treasured secret only by looking at him in the eye. “Why would you lie to Jjong, Jinki and Minho hyung?”
“You just don’t understand, Taemin” Kibum tried hard to not sound angry. “It can’t be…we are not supposed to be together. She’s with-” Kibum breathed heavily. “She is supposed to be with Henry…”
“Henry hyung?” Taemin tilted his head.
“Yes, he is…that’s the image the company wants them to portrait…apparently the fans love to see them together so they have to fake it…” Kibum said with a hurt voice, feeling hopeless and impotent. “That’s why we have to keep us, our relationship, a secret; even to our friends…it will do no good to her career to have a scandal like this…”
Taemin felt tears of both guilt and heartbreak overwhelming him. He brought both hands to cover his mouth and let out a whimper.
“I am so sorry, hyung!” He cried out. “I didn’t know about it, I swear!”
“No, it’s okay” Kibum replied, voice hoarse, still reluctant to look at Taemin. “I mean, you saw what I was doing with her, and still we didn’t tell you about us nor asked you for permission to do it…heck, we didn’t even ask you to keep it a secret…”
“But hyung, I am telling you-”
“You shouldn’t have seen that” Kibum didn’t allow Taemin to keep talking, fearing he would start feeling even more pitiful towards himself if he let the youngster keep talking. “I should have known better…I will be more careful next time”
Hearing the last statement made Taemin suddenly very angry and annoyed. ‘Next time?’ he repeated in his mind. ‘Does he even think of having a second time?’
“Still” he hated how harsh he sounded but it was going to be the only way Kibum could understand. “That doesn’t mean you have to hide it from them; if there is someone you should trust blindly and always take their love for granted it’s them…your band mates”
Kibum blinked twice, thrice; Taemin could see the tears the elder had been trying to hold for such a long time ago slip through his perfect facial features.
“Where does that leave you?” Taemin turned around to face him, no really getting what Kibum had tried to say.
“Huh?”
“I mean, you are always talking about ‘them’ instead of ‘us’…” Kibum frowned. “Why won’t you include yourself in?”
Taemin just looked directly at Kibum in the eye, a very hurt expression within his brown orbs that was way too easy to read for Kibum to dismiss it.
“I am just a kid…what would I know about all this?” he said, walking away.
Kibum reached an arm and held Taemin’s shoulder, forcing Taemin to face him.
“I haven’t even kissed yet..I am still a kid…a very silly, dumb, thoughtless one should I add”
“That’s not true” Kibum ventured to say quickly. “I never- I didn’t mean to offend you…” he said apologizing. “Taemin, you are such a smart, precious young man…and I am very proud of you”
Taemin shrugged off Kibum’s grasp.
“It’s not because you said anything bad…I am just stating true facts. What I just said is the biggest truth of them all”
…he also likes his completely straight band mate, Kim Kibum…oh well; more so, to say he has got a crush on the man would be an understatement…
“You were amazing!” Seohyun chirped happily as ever at the backstage room. “Even Yunho oppa said he wished he possessed Taemin’s amazing dance skills”
Taemin just nodded and smiled shyly. “Thanks, noona”
“Don’t believe him” Changmin said as he randomly appeared out of nowhere, snarky voice evident. “He always says that. Last time he told Kiseop from U-Kiss he wished he had his dancing skills as well, and while I wasn’t present but anyway I was still told he had also said that to Hyunseung from Beast…and god forbid he will say that to Seungri today too, you know, seeing how they were in the same dance crew there in their hometown…”
“Well, that’s good to know, I guess…” Taemin replied, not sure what to say next. He was already thinking of leaving seeing how sparkly Seohyun’s eyes got all of a sudden while she eyed the significantly big bouquet of blue daisies Changmin was holding. “I should leave now, you probably would want to talk to-”
“Oppa, to whom are those pretty flowers for?” Seohyun asked, blinking dreamily.
Changmin raised an eyebrow and looked down at them, then looked at Seohyun, then looked at Taemin, and then he lowered his gaze again and faced the flowers.
“Oh, it’s nothing” he shrugged. “They are just a gift from that stylist noona that kind of has a crush on me or something like that…”
“Noona?” Seohyun blinked, not liking the answer.
“Can you still call people like that? Are there any noonas for you left?” Taemin burst into laughter; having a very unpleased Seohyun walking away and Changmin rolling his eyes at him.
“I swear you are sometimes too obnoxious to endure…” Changmin replied. “For your information, I am not that old either…It’s just that you are too young I even doubt some people have even called you oppa or hyung at all”
“There certainly are people who call me like that” Taemin sneered. “But not as many as you, though…hyung”
“Okay well back to the point…hyung doesn’t really wish he has your skills, the thing he surely wants from you is your age and youth, but who doesn’t, actually…” Changmin then added quickly. “By the way, ugly swan chick” he bribed, smiling widely, giving Taemin his truest smile the youngster had ever seen, eyes mismatched, white big teeth, small lips entailed. “You looked so great dancing out there…so…completely breathtaking…” Changmin sighed as he reminisced the energetic boy who practically set everyone in awe while he owned the stage whenever he danced.
“Stop it, you are supposed to be straight” Jiyong reprimanded the guy as he stepped into the conversation without having been extended an invitation to join it. He raised his chin and cocked his head slightly to the side allowing the stylist to fix his makeup.
“Look who’s talking” Changmin spat annoyed. “The one who’s right now looking like a female hooker” he snapped.
“I am just cute” Jiyong replied. “It’s not my fault men go gay after seeing me. Blame my parents for that…I guess they just made me with too much love”
“Like hell they are going to go gay for you” Changmin hit the other man’s shoulder lightly. “They have seen better though”
“Yes, but I am cute” Jiyong replied nonchalantly with a diva-ish voice. Then, he added “Though I am not that cute, seeing you didn’t go gay for me” he shrugged. “Seunghyun says perhaps living with guys all the time -very gay ones indeed, I should add, ever since you were what? Thirteen and questioning? Whatever, he is pretty sure it made you stop getting all moved by male beauty in any form, seeing them being gay and all that. And I, my friend, am very afraid to say it’s kinda true…”
“Shut up” Changmin whined annoyed. “We don’t need you speculating on whether YunJae was real or not”
“Was it?” Taemin asked, slightly uncomfortable with the path the conversation was taking. Changmin just shrugged.
“It’s not my thing to tell”
“Which means yes they were the gayest thing I have ever witnessed in my whole life and I wouldn’t want to see something like that ever again” Jiyong whispered to Taemin before getting nudged by Changmin.
“But I sure can tell you it’s not happening as of the moment”
“yeah, we noticed” Jiyong cleared his throat. “It’s not like you’re allowed to talk to them either anyway”
“Hyung!” Taemin chastised, fearing the worst, but the damage had already been done.
“We are not some kind of slaves just so you know!” Changmin barked, teeth clenched eyes dangerously dark all of a sudden. “We are not brainwashed either!”
“Ah, Kiseop from U-Kiss is really handsome and charming do you know?” Taemin tried distracting both idols from throwing a fit right there.
“Oh well that’s not what people are saying right now…” Jiyong shrugged.
“Says the sissy hooker who has to double work his ass just to promote people that aren’t even in his group“
“Hey! That’s not true and you know it!”Jiyong burst annoyed.
“True. They are at least your label mates.” Changmin conceded. “It’s a shame the CEO had to use the fame of his most successful boy group to make people notice them”
Jiyong opened his mouth and was about to complain but Changmin kept talking, not minding a very offended-looking Jiyong.
"Oh but don't mind me" he raised both hands. "I am just a slave after al...or a dog, whatever...there's no reason why people should listen to me..."
Taemin gulped down.
"That's not-" Jiyong tried concealing his slip.
"No, I mean, it's true. They all think of me and hyung as a pair of cheap dogs without souls, millions of people can't be wrong after all"
The youngest could see the eyes of his label mate full of hurt and despair. Jiyong tried to amend his mistake.
"No, I mean...I didn't mean that!" He squeaked. "Look, I am so sorry and I know I shouldn't have said that but-"
“Oh I think I am just going to talk to Kiseop sshi, I might as well get his cell phone number if I am lucky enough…”
“You shut up. You are not going anywhere near that guy” Changmin raised his finger menacingly right in front of Taemin’s nose without having to take his angry and upset eyes off Jiyong. “You are too young to date anyone, Taemin ah”
Taemin opened his eyes wide, fearing his secret was now out; he looked quickly around to make sure no one heard anything Changmin just said.
Jiyong cleared his throat, clearly noticing the youngster’s panicked expression.
“Of course he was joking, Taemin ah” he quickly stated, eyeing Changmin while he said it. “Changmin just meant it as a joke, right awkward giraffe Min?”
Changmin quickly casted an apologetic glance at Taemin, regretting what he just said.
“O-of course I meant it as a joke! Taemin ah, please don’t take it as an offense, I am sorry I should have never said that”
“It’s okay” Taemin shrugged it off awkwardly. “I was joking too, you know, I hate it when you two fight so I had to do something drastic about it…”
“Oh…” Jiyong bawled quietly.
“Please don’t do that again…” he turned, facing Changmin first. “Hyung, I know Jiyong just said very awful things about our company but you wouldn’t want him performing onto stage right now with a swollen eye, right?”
“And, Jiyong hyung, please don’t take the things hyung said to heart…you just upset him so you shouldn’t expect any nice treatment after that, however he shouldn’t have called you a hooker”
Both men eyed each other with an undecipherable look in their eyes. Changmin stuck out his tongue at Jiyong before quickly adding:
“I think it’s time for you to go, your stage should be soon now…” Jiyong eyed Taemin questioningly, as if mentally sending the boy telepathic messages asking him if it was okay if he left.
Taemin smiled wearily.
“Go ahead, before you two start arguing again and say things you’ll regret later”
Jiyong smiled, bowed a little after a brief moment of hesitation and then headed after his own group. Not without returning again with a big sly smirk plastered all over his face before.
“I’ll do this one for you, Changmin ah” he said, and even though Taemin had a hard time trying to work out in his mind what the other had said Changmin pretty much got the inner joke hidden within.
“Good luck at turning them gay then”
“Don’t worry” Jiyong posed cutely. “The only person on earth I will ever fail at turning gay is you, but it isn't bothersome to me anymore, seeing you already went gay for someone else”
Taemin gulped hard and could pretty much witness how the tall man choked in his own saliva, his face turning all shades of pink before reaching a heated red in his cheeks and ears.
“S-shut up” The tallest was about to comply with more words but Jiyong had already rushed to his very own group in pursue of some safety.
Taemin caught a glimpse of the youngest of Big Bang, Seungri, who waved friendly at him, he could see Yunho hyung near them and couldn’t help but grin.
“I think he already told Seungri hyung about wanting his skills, hyung”
Changmin casted the two figures that were too far away an amused look before cracking up in laughter. Still, it didn't stop the atmosphere of becoming awkward and Taemin could feel the urge of wanting an explanation for everything that had happened.
“So...why is Jiyong hyung saying he failed at turning you gay?” he immediately regretted asking such thing, as he had to calm down his elder who could have died choking in his own saliva again if it weren't for Taemin.
{C}
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