Bonsai - 3
Title: Bonsai
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Unrequited!TaeKey.
Warnings: It deals with pretty sensitive topics amongst fandoms. OOC overload. You have been warned.
Summary: Taemin grows a green house in the rooftop of the apartment he shares with Kibum.
A/N: Tha last two parts are events of the past, just so you know
Taemin had been staring through the glass walls of his greenhouse for a very long time already, and his mind was so far away he barely noticed when the door slid open to let the slender body in, even when it squeaked.
He felt the smooth and tender pair of arms he had learnt to love through the years hold his tiny frame and he let himself be buried within the warmth they brought to his mind and body, a hot breath sending eventual chills to his spine.
His lips drew themselves into a thin smile and he couldn’t help but think perhaps God did listen to his prays after all.
He didn’t, and Taemin had known it all along; he just liked being delusional.
“Did I miss something while I was away, duckling?”
Taemin’s heart gave a jump, and he was sure it was now bumping loudly inside his throat; he feared he might spit blood if he dared replying, but did it nonetheless.
“Not really, nothing exciting happens here, that’s why we moved in, remember?”
Kibum smiled, sighing into Taemin’s ears. The youngest wondered if it had been intentional, because if so, then Kibum was succeeding in making him want to puke butterflies.
“You smell good, duckling” Kibum whispered. “Are you going on a date tonight?”
“N-no, not really…Minho hyung just invited me to go bowling…”
Kibum fell silent.
“So is he the lucky one you’re going on a date with?” the eldest tried joking.
“No, hyung…you know it isn’t like that”
Taemin clenched his lips in an ultimate attempt to not let the cat out of the bag and tell Kibum he was actually going on a date with a boy Minho had tried to set him up with, and to which Changmin had strongly opposed to. Kibum could feel the body wrapped underneath him tense up, he wondered what was it that made Taemin so sad, even when he tried smiling honestly, all Kibum could see in Taemin’s eyes were sadness and a little hint of bitterness. ”Please don’t let the sadness rot you” he pleaded lowly while kissing the youngster’s hair. “Don’t let it consume you” he pleaded again.
“I don’t want to lose you” he did it again, pressing a third soft kiss behind Taemin’s ear, and the young boy shivered. Taemin wondered whether he could really hide his attraction too well or Kibum was just too oblivious to it.
-
Shim Taeho turned out to be a nice, well-mannered young boy; even younger than Taemin, which quite surprised him. He was a pianist, and a vocalist, but wasn’t really interested in pursuing a more serious career.
“I wish to be a fashion designer, Taemin ssi” he confessed. “I want people to wear clothes that make them feel beautiful, that’s why”
Taeho was lovely, Taemin admitted. But he reminded him a lot of Kibum, and was reluctant of dropping the ‘ssi’ for a more friendly treatment, which were the two reasons that made Taemin refute Taeho.
“It’s okay, Taemin ssi…”
“I hope you don’t feel bad about it, because seriously Tae ah it’s not because I dislike you, but-”
“But you like someone else, right?”
Taemin’s jaw dropped and he swore he could have fainted right there in the spot. But Taeho was fortunately faster than him.
“It’s okay, Taemin ssi” he smiled. “I won’t tell anyone…Minho hyung told me everything, so I wasn’t really expecting anything to develop any further between us”
“I am sorry, Taeho ssi”
“It’s not like I liked you after all” Taeho giggled. “Sorry about that, but my friends, well…they insisted a lot about me going on a date with SHINee’s Taemin so I finally gave in and accepted the offer, it’s not that I originally liked you either…sorry”
Taemin seriously didn’t like the boy in a romantic way but still he kissed his cheek furiously.
“Thanks a lot, Taeho ah” he smiled “If you happen to need anything or anyone, you know you can always come to me”.
“Don’t worry hyung” Taeho was blushing slightly. “Just try to live happily”
“Don’t worry, I will”
Forty seven minutes later Taemin was being driven back home; he received a text from Taeho.
“Does he at least know?” it read.
“Don’t think so”
“Is he gay too?”
“Not really”
“Then why bother? Doesn’t it hurt you that he won’t love you back?”
“You’ve never been in love before, right?”
“Not at all”
“Thought so; because otherwise you wouldn’t have asked me that”
“Is love really that blind?”
Taemin sighed.
“You would be surprised if you knew how stupid a man in love can be”
“^^|||”
-
“Taemin! Taemin!!” Kibum slammed the door frantically, too excited to care. Too immersed within his own amusement he had bumped into a lot of things and people on his way up his apartment; he had also bumped on countless things on his way to his flat mate’s room, but either he didn’t care or he didn’t notice the amount of things that fell on the ground as he walked by.
Taemin had been napping, and was surprised by the loud slam. Rubbing his still sleeping eyes he was greeted by the sight of his crush about to jump into his bed; he didn’t know if he should be happy or worried.
But Kibum stopped on his tracks as he realized Taemin had been sleeping; it somehow made him feel guilty for waking the boy up. Taemin had been awake these past three days unpacking the stuff from their past home, and he had also cleaned up and ordered their brand new apartment, whilst Kibum had been over the moon with his crush.
“Oh my God I am sorry for waking you up I shouldn’t have done that you have been so busy these days and I haven’t been of any help okay I should go no right please go sleep again I will tell you tomorrow morning to be honest I should go sleep now shouldn’t I oh my God I am so embarrassed please forgive me because it’s just that-”
“It’s okay hyung!” Taemin said with half-lidded eyes, a sweet smile plastered all over. “Stop ranting and just tell me!”
Kibum stared into Taemin’s eyes euphorically. He tried suppressing it but he eventually gave in and a childish grin appeared drawn into his lips, he squealed and Taemin could have sworn his hyung could have fainted right there.
But Kibum didn’t, instead he started bouncing around the bed with Taemin held into his arms, resembling one of their hormonal fan girls, Taemin thought.
“Taeminnie yah…have you ever been in love?” He shrieked, voice gleaming. The youngest blushed.
“Well…sort of…”
“Nonsense” Kibum interrupted. “You are way too young for this kind of things, what are you even saying?”
“I am already sixteen years old, hyung” Taemin tried to laugh it off, even if the comment hurt him more than it should.
“Still young”
“You are only two years older, what does that make you?”
Kibum clenched his lips shut.
“Touché”
“I know, right”
The elder snuggled closer to Taemin, resting his head on the youngster’s chest.
“Love is so beautiful, Taemin ah…I hope someday you’ll fall for a person that it’s truly worth it”
“Believe me, I already have” Taemin giggled. “Hyung, have you already got your heart stolen?”
“Yeah” the said sighed sweetly. “Kind of…except that I didn’t have it stolen…more like already too eager of giving it to them…”
“How are they?” Taemin stroked his elder’s soft locks; he liked Kibum’s dark auburn hair, so soft, so tender, with that characteristic scent he couldn’t quite recognize.
“The greatest person ever alive…kind, smiling, cheerful, talented, their heart is made of the purest gold ever” he ranted. “Gosh they are just so perfect…why am I this lucky? I am nothing next to them”
“I am so happy to know you have finally found the right person”
“I just love her. I can never get enough of her…I am in love, Taemin. And it’s the greatest feeling I have ever experienced in my whole lifetime”
“Don’t say that” Taemin was now drifting off. Kibum looked up at him, questioningly.
“Huh?”
“They noticed you were even more perfect, that’s why they approached you first. Don’t say you are nothing next to her, that’s all a lie, hyung; you shine on your own, you daze people off, yeah you are that perfect; you so deserve only the best. So that chick better meet my standards or else…in fact we all should feel thankful for even knowing you…”
Kibum stared at Taemin with a disbelieving look on his gorgeous black orbs, a small smirk placed on his pink plump lips.
“You got to be kidding me”
Taemin rolled his eyes, slightly annoyed; heart racing, his insides were screaming in utter heartbreak, yelling, ‘I wish I was’, but he couldn’t just say that. Only monsters like their kin, and Taemin was one; he liked his kin in gender, he was repulsive enough to admit that to himself, but not repulsive (which could also be used as a synonym of brave) enough to admit it to others. That was forever going to be a secret he would keep with his life even if given the chance.
He was sure he would die with the sweet name of the being that was now resting his perfect head over his throbbing ribcage plastered on his lips and the long kept secret in his mind as he exhaled the last breath this mortal life ever gave him.
“It’s somewhat true”
“You just sounded like a sissy prick”
Perhaps I am one, after all.
“I love you too”
“Stop it!” Kibum joked. “That’s sickeningly gay! I might puke now!”
“Do people like that give you the creeps?”
“It’s not normal, Taemin”
“Oh” Oh. So I am a monster after all.
-
“I didn’t know they made white tea bubble gum”
“The sweets they create these days…” the taller man sighed. “You want some?” he offered, handing his soul mate the silver box of the soft center gum.
“People are starting to talk” he replied, chewing into the soft small square. “About us”
“Let them talk then” he simply responded. “We both know it’s not true”
“We base our careers on what people think about us, so it isn’t that easy, you know”
“It’s not true, we are not together…we are both gay, yes, but we are publicly straight…fans are the ones that think things too much”
“Fans are not stupid, you know” he shrugged. “Well at least not all of them”
“Then they might know already we are not fucking each other”
“Perhaps they are wondering if all Dong Bang Shin Ki members are gay”
“Perhaps they are doing the same with Big Bang”
“You are gay”
“You too”
“But we are not gay together”
“Certainly not…then why are you so worried?” Changmin raised an eyebrow questioningly.
“If they ever find out about it then her career is destroyed and he’ll get even more hate than he did back when he debuted, and consequently the other one might as well get backlash and…well…you two are screwed” Jiyong commented matter-of-factly.
“What are you talking about? Your career might be destroyed too”
“Yes, but my fans know I drink, go to parties, have sex…basically they know I am human too, a human that has needs; something your fans don’t”
The taller man lolled his head backwards, exasperated, he sighed loudly.
“My name is big in the industry, I might get a lot of hate and my releases might sell less, but don’t ever think my name will lose popularity” Changmin simply said.
“What about him?” Jiyong asked. Both of them knew who he was referring to. The child both cared and loved most.
“He’s the one I worry the most for”
Jiyong’s laugh came out low-pitched and so fake it actually hurt. Even Changmin could notice the slight bitterness hidden behind the laughter.
“Why would you even fall for him? He’s barely a teenager”
“He’s growing up too fast…Soon he will be a man”
“He's turning seventeen years old” the other laughed. “Still illegal, honey”
The eldest leaned on his knees, his face hidden behind his great, calloused hands.
“I know…” he whimpered “Worst thing is, it’s been like this ever since he was thirteen”
“Wow, it’s been a while now, hasn’t it?” Jiyong replied snarky.
“Yes”
“Didn’t know you were the pedo of Dong Bang Shin Ki…could’ve believed it of Yunho hyung, or Yoochun hyung, or everyone else but you” the youngest mused. “How ironic is it…the youngest preying on the youngest of another group”
“I wasn’t the only one” he confessed.
“How come?” Jiyong asked amused.
“Xiah, he used to prey on Kibum too…”
“But it’s different”
“No, it wasn’t…back then he was also a jailbait”
“True”
“Isn’t it sickening, how come such an old man like me is hitting on him?” he said, faking amusement, hating how bittersweet his dry reply came, just like Jiyong’s laughter.
“What’s truly interesting is to see how Kibum ah attracts gay men so easily; the funniest thing is that he is somehow frightened by homosexual people”
“Back then Xiah didn’t even know he liked men”
“Just like you”
“Kibum was hitting on Minho’s sister, he was really upset when he found out she was lesbian”
“She is a true eye candy…if I were straight I would have gotten upset too”
The other man inhaled deeply.
“We are soul mates” He started talking. “It’s funny to see how Jaejoong hyung and Yoochun hyung kept insisting they were soul mates, and I thought it should be like the most ridiculous thing ever…to say you have someone who complements you in a way that’s not a romantic one, plain bullshit…now I believe what he said…”
“It’s funny because that’s what Seunghyun has with Hyunjoong hyung”
“And what we both have as well” he added, amused. “Jaejoong hyung and Yoochun hyung went as far as to have each other’s name tattooed on their body”
“What’s with that? I get tattoos all the time”
“It’s different…” he simply replied “he would never do it for Yunho hyung, though…”
“That must hurt”
"You have no idea...he keeps talking in his dreams to his Boo...Boo this, Boo that, Boo I love you...it hurts me the most, it angers me to no end, Jiyong, and I can't help it...he things he has gotten all of us fooled just because no one says anything about it...but to be honest the one he is fooling is himself...even the new staff notices it, you know, the staff that has barely been over a month or two..."
Jiyong kept silent, not knowing how to react or what to say even.
“He would have been okay with it, you know, back to the tattoo thing, I know he wouldn't have minded, after all” Changmin said again, attempting to contain the tears. “What’s the deepest wound to hyung is that a cosmetics business in the end was far more important to him than what they had together”
“I thought that wasn’t-”
“You thought that wasn’t what triggered the whole problem?” he spat sharply. “That’s what they want you to believe”
“But they said-“
“Look, I don’t want to sound rude or anything but my dad and Jung ssi released official statements saying the truth, and they were quickly dismissed as lies, so truth sometimes is what you want to believe, or what they make you believe was actual”
“Okay, I get it, but-”
“I am done talking about this, Jiyong”
“Okay”
Both of them stared into each other’s eyes, and it was like that for a few more minutes; trying to read the other’s thoughts, inner fears, joyful memories. At the end both would give up and wait for the other to voice their thoughts out loud. Even if they were soul mates both of them had way too complex personalities to try working out anything.
Changmin was the one who weakened first. He fell down pathetically on his knees, tearing apart. Like a large, strong, powerful building that suddenly collapsed out of the blue, hitting the floor hard.
“What do I do?” he hissed, clasping his skull fiercely with his strong hands, hurting himself. “I can’t do anything about it; I don’t even know if he’s gay, he has got this promising career ahead of him, he needs to discover the world, whilst I am already a grown man, he’s got a lot of things to live…he’s still a baby, and that makes me feel dirty…it’s so disgusting…”
“Fortunately enough I like my men around the same age as me, and I am already a grown up man myself so…” Jiyong ventured, sipping his cup of green tea, watching how the other fought against his feelings.
“Shut up” the tallest whimpered.
And Jiyong could have sworn the pitiful status of this tall awkward man actually stung his heart. Is it really bad to be a closeted gay here in Korea? He thought.
-
AN: I sucks, I know it. omg someone pls tell me how to quality blog. /flies away to the island of shame
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Unrequited!TaeKey.
Warnings: It deals with pretty sensitive topics amongst fandoms. OOC overload. You have been warned.
Summary: Taemin grows a green house in the rooftop of the apartment he shares with Kibum.
A/N: Tha last two parts are events of the past, just so you know
Taemin had been staring through the glass walls of his greenhouse for a very long time already, and his mind was so far away he barely noticed when the door slid open to let the slender body in, even when it squeaked.
He felt the smooth and tender pair of arms he had learnt to love through the years hold his tiny frame and he let himself be buried within the warmth they brought to his mind and body, a hot breath sending eventual chills to his spine.
His lips drew themselves into a thin smile and he couldn’t help but think perhaps God did listen to his prays after all.
He didn’t, and Taemin had known it all along; he just liked being delusional.
“Did I miss something while I was away, duckling?”
Taemin’s heart gave a jump, and he was sure it was now bumping loudly inside his throat; he feared he might spit blood if he dared replying, but did it nonetheless.
“Not really, nothing exciting happens here, that’s why we moved in, remember?”
Kibum smiled, sighing into Taemin’s ears. The youngest wondered if it had been intentional, because if so, then Kibum was succeeding in making him want to puke butterflies.
“You smell good, duckling” Kibum whispered. “Are you going on a date tonight?”
“N-no, not really…Minho hyung just invited me to go bowling…”
Kibum fell silent.
“So is he the lucky one you’re going on a date with?” the eldest tried joking.
“No, hyung…you know it isn’t like that”
Taemin clenched his lips in an ultimate attempt to not let the cat out of the bag and tell Kibum he was actually going on a date with a boy Minho had tried to set him up with, and to which Changmin had strongly opposed to. Kibum could feel the body wrapped underneath him tense up, he wondered what was it that made Taemin so sad, even when he tried smiling honestly, all Kibum could see in Taemin’s eyes were sadness and a little hint of bitterness. ”Please don’t let the sadness rot you” he pleaded lowly while kissing the youngster’s hair. “Don’t let it consume you” he pleaded again.
“I don’t want to lose you” he did it again, pressing a third soft kiss behind Taemin’s ear, and the young boy shivered. Taemin wondered whether he could really hide his attraction too well or Kibum was just too oblivious to it.
-
Shim Taeho turned out to be a nice, well-mannered young boy; even younger than Taemin, which quite surprised him. He was a pianist, and a vocalist, but wasn’t really interested in pursuing a more serious career.
“I wish to be a fashion designer, Taemin ssi” he confessed. “I want people to wear clothes that make them feel beautiful, that’s why”
Taeho was lovely, Taemin admitted. But he reminded him a lot of Kibum, and was reluctant of dropping the ‘ssi’ for a more friendly treatment, which were the two reasons that made Taemin refute Taeho.
“It’s okay, Taemin ssi…”
“I hope you don’t feel bad about it, because seriously Tae ah it’s not because I dislike you, but-”
“But you like someone else, right?”
Taemin’s jaw dropped and he swore he could have fainted right there in the spot. But Taeho was fortunately faster than him.
“It’s okay, Taemin ssi” he smiled. “I won’t tell anyone…Minho hyung told me everything, so I wasn’t really expecting anything to develop any further between us”
“I am sorry, Taeho ssi”
“It’s not like I liked you after all” Taeho giggled. “Sorry about that, but my friends, well…they insisted a lot about me going on a date with SHINee’s Taemin so I finally gave in and accepted the offer, it’s not that I originally liked you either…sorry”
Taemin seriously didn’t like the boy in a romantic way but still he kissed his cheek furiously.
“Thanks a lot, Taeho ah” he smiled “If you happen to need anything or anyone, you know you can always come to me”.
“Don’t worry hyung” Taeho was blushing slightly. “Just try to live happily”
“Don’t worry, I will”
Forty seven minutes later Taemin was being driven back home; he received a text from Taeho.
“Does he at least know?” it read.
“Don’t think so”
“Is he gay too?”
“Not really”
“Then why bother? Doesn’t it hurt you that he won’t love you back?”
“You’ve never been in love before, right?”
“Not at all”
“Thought so; because otherwise you wouldn’t have asked me that”
“Is love really that blind?”
Taemin sighed.
“You would be surprised if you knew how stupid a man in love can be”
“^^|||”
-
“Taemin! Taemin!!” Kibum slammed the door frantically, too excited to care. Too immersed within his own amusement he had bumped into a lot of things and people on his way up his apartment; he had also bumped on countless things on his way to his flat mate’s room, but either he didn’t care or he didn’t notice the amount of things that fell on the ground as he walked by.
Taemin had been napping, and was surprised by the loud slam. Rubbing his still sleeping eyes he was greeted by the sight of his crush about to jump into his bed; he didn’t know if he should be happy or worried.
But Kibum stopped on his tracks as he realized Taemin had been sleeping; it somehow made him feel guilty for waking the boy up. Taemin had been awake these past three days unpacking the stuff from their past home, and he had also cleaned up and ordered their brand new apartment, whilst Kibum had been over the moon with his crush.
“Oh my God I am sorry for waking you up I shouldn’t have done that you have been so busy these days and I haven’t been of any help okay I should go no right please go sleep again I will tell you tomorrow morning to be honest I should go sleep now shouldn’t I oh my God I am so embarrassed please forgive me because it’s just that-”
“It’s okay hyung!” Taemin said with half-lidded eyes, a sweet smile plastered all over. “Stop ranting and just tell me!”
Kibum stared into Taemin’s eyes euphorically. He tried suppressing it but he eventually gave in and a childish grin appeared drawn into his lips, he squealed and Taemin could have sworn his hyung could have fainted right there.
But Kibum didn’t, instead he started bouncing around the bed with Taemin held into his arms, resembling one of their hormonal fan girls, Taemin thought.
“Taeminnie yah…have you ever been in love?” He shrieked, voice gleaming. The youngest blushed.
“Well…sort of…”
“Nonsense” Kibum interrupted. “You are way too young for this kind of things, what are you even saying?”
“I am already sixteen years old, hyung” Taemin tried to laugh it off, even if the comment hurt him more than it should.
“Still young”
“You are only two years older, what does that make you?”
Kibum clenched his lips shut.
“Touché”
“I know, right”
The elder snuggled closer to Taemin, resting his head on the youngster’s chest.
“Love is so beautiful, Taemin ah…I hope someday you’ll fall for a person that it’s truly worth it”
“Believe me, I already have” Taemin giggled. “Hyung, have you already got your heart stolen?”
“Yeah” the said sighed sweetly. “Kind of…except that I didn’t have it stolen…more like already too eager of giving it to them…”
“How are they?” Taemin stroked his elder’s soft locks; he liked Kibum’s dark auburn hair, so soft, so tender, with that characteristic scent he couldn’t quite recognize.
“The greatest person ever alive…kind, smiling, cheerful, talented, their heart is made of the purest gold ever” he ranted. “Gosh they are just so perfect…why am I this lucky? I am nothing next to them”
“I am so happy to know you have finally found the right person”
“I just love her. I can never get enough of her…I am in love, Taemin. And it’s the greatest feeling I have ever experienced in my whole lifetime”
“Don’t say that” Taemin was now drifting off. Kibum looked up at him, questioningly.
“Huh?”
“They noticed you were even more perfect, that’s why they approached you first. Don’t say you are nothing next to her, that’s all a lie, hyung; you shine on your own, you daze people off, yeah you are that perfect; you so deserve only the best. So that chick better meet my standards or else…in fact we all should feel thankful for even knowing you…”
Kibum stared at Taemin with a disbelieving look on his gorgeous black orbs, a small smirk placed on his pink plump lips.
“You got to be kidding me”
Taemin rolled his eyes, slightly annoyed; heart racing, his insides were screaming in utter heartbreak, yelling, ‘I wish I was’, but he couldn’t just say that. Only monsters like their kin, and Taemin was one; he liked his kin in gender, he was repulsive enough to admit that to himself, but not repulsive (which could also be used as a synonym of brave) enough to admit it to others. That was forever going to be a secret he would keep with his life even if given the chance.
He was sure he would die with the sweet name of the being that was now resting his perfect head over his throbbing ribcage plastered on his lips and the long kept secret in his mind as he exhaled the last breath this mortal life ever gave him.
“It’s somewhat true”
“You just sounded like a sissy prick”
Perhaps I am one, after all.
“I love you too”
“Stop it!” Kibum joked. “That’s sickeningly gay! I might puke now!”
“Do people like that give you the creeps?”
“It’s not normal, Taemin”
“Oh” Oh. So I am a monster after all.
-
“I didn’t know they made white tea bubble gum”
“The sweets they create these days…” the taller man sighed. “You want some?” he offered, handing his soul mate the silver box of the soft center gum.
“People are starting to talk” he replied, chewing into the soft small square. “About us”
“Let them talk then” he simply responded. “We both know it’s not true”
“We base our careers on what people think about us, so it isn’t that easy, you know”
“It’s not true, we are not together…we are both gay, yes, but we are publicly straight…fans are the ones that think things too much”
“Fans are not stupid, you know” he shrugged. “Well at least not all of them”
“Then they might know already we are not fucking each other”
“Perhaps they are wondering if all Dong Bang Shin Ki members are gay”
“Perhaps they are doing the same with Big Bang”
“You are gay”
“You too”
“But we are not gay together”
“Certainly not…then why are you so worried?” Changmin raised an eyebrow questioningly.
“If they ever find out about it then her career is destroyed and he’ll get even more hate than he did back when he debuted, and consequently the other one might as well get backlash and…well…you two are screwed” Jiyong commented matter-of-factly.
“What are you talking about? Your career might be destroyed too”
“Yes, but my fans know I drink, go to parties, have sex…basically they know I am human too, a human that has needs; something your fans don’t”
The taller man lolled his head backwards, exasperated, he sighed loudly.
“My name is big in the industry, I might get a lot of hate and my releases might sell less, but don’t ever think my name will lose popularity” Changmin simply said.
“What about him?” Jiyong asked. Both of them knew who he was referring to. The child both cared and loved most.
“He’s the one I worry the most for”
Jiyong’s laugh came out low-pitched and so fake it actually hurt. Even Changmin could notice the slight bitterness hidden behind the laughter.
“Why would you even fall for him? He’s barely a teenager”
“He’s growing up too fast…Soon he will be a man”
“He's turning seventeen years old” the other laughed. “Still illegal, honey”
The eldest leaned on his knees, his face hidden behind his great, calloused hands.
“I know…” he whimpered “Worst thing is, it’s been like this ever since he was thirteen”
“Wow, it’s been a while now, hasn’t it?” Jiyong replied snarky.
“Yes”
“Didn’t know you were the pedo of Dong Bang Shin Ki…could’ve believed it of Yunho hyung, or Yoochun hyung, or everyone else but you” the youngest mused. “How ironic is it…the youngest preying on the youngest of another group”
“I wasn’t the only one” he confessed.
“How come?” Jiyong asked amused.
“Xiah, he used to prey on Kibum too…”
“But it’s different”
“No, it wasn’t…back then he was also a jailbait”
“True”
“Isn’t it sickening, how come such an old man like me is hitting on him?” he said, faking amusement, hating how bittersweet his dry reply came, just like Jiyong’s laughter.
“What’s truly interesting is to see how Kibum ah attracts gay men so easily; the funniest thing is that he is somehow frightened by homosexual people”
“Back then Xiah didn’t even know he liked men”
“Just like you”
“Kibum was hitting on Minho’s sister, he was really upset when he found out she was lesbian”
“She is a true eye candy…if I were straight I would have gotten upset too”
The other man inhaled deeply.
“We are soul mates” He started talking. “It’s funny to see how Jaejoong hyung and Yoochun hyung kept insisting they were soul mates, and I thought it should be like the most ridiculous thing ever…to say you have someone who complements you in a way that’s not a romantic one, plain bullshit…now I believe what he said…”
“It’s funny because that’s what Seunghyun has with Hyunjoong hyung”
“And what we both have as well” he added, amused. “Jaejoong hyung and Yoochun hyung went as far as to have each other’s name tattooed on their body”
“What’s with that? I get tattoos all the time”
“It’s different…” he simply replied “he would never do it for Yunho hyung, though…”
“That must hurt”
"You have no idea...he keeps talking in his dreams to his Boo...Boo this, Boo that, Boo I love you...it hurts me the most, it angers me to no end, Jiyong, and I can't help it...he things he has gotten all of us fooled just because no one says anything about it...but to be honest the one he is fooling is himself...even the new staff notices it, you know, the staff that has barely been over a month or two..."
Jiyong kept silent, not knowing how to react or what to say even.
“He would have been okay with it, you know, back to the tattoo thing, I know he wouldn't have minded, after all” Changmin said again, attempting to contain the tears. “What’s the deepest wound to hyung is that a cosmetics business in the end was far more important to him than what they had together”
“I thought that wasn’t-”
“You thought that wasn’t what triggered the whole problem?” he spat sharply. “That’s what they want you to believe”
“But they said-“
“Look, I don’t want to sound rude or anything but my dad and Jung ssi released official statements saying the truth, and they were quickly dismissed as lies, so truth sometimes is what you want to believe, or what they make you believe was actual”
“Okay, I get it, but-”
“I am done talking about this, Jiyong”
“Okay”
Both of them stared into each other’s eyes, and it was like that for a few more minutes; trying to read the other’s thoughts, inner fears, joyful memories. At the end both would give up and wait for the other to voice their thoughts out loud. Even if they were soul mates both of them had way too complex personalities to try working out anything.
Changmin was the one who weakened first. He fell down pathetically on his knees, tearing apart. Like a large, strong, powerful building that suddenly collapsed out of the blue, hitting the floor hard.
“What do I do?” he hissed, clasping his skull fiercely with his strong hands, hurting himself. “I can’t do anything about it; I don’t even know if he’s gay, he has got this promising career ahead of him, he needs to discover the world, whilst I am already a grown man, he’s got a lot of things to live…he’s still a baby, and that makes me feel dirty…it’s so disgusting…”
“Fortunately enough I like my men around the same age as me, and I am already a grown up man myself so…” Jiyong ventured, sipping his cup of green tea, watching how the other fought against his feelings.
“Shut up” the tallest whimpered.
And Jiyong could have sworn the pitiful status of this tall awkward man actually stung his heart. Is it really bad to be a closeted gay here in Korea? He thought.
-
AN: I sucks, I know it. omg someone pls tell me how to quality blog. /flies away to the island of shame