This is what a resume might look like
In the interest of chronicling my life up to my impending graduation this month, I decided to post my employment history and resume. Make no mistakes, this is neither professional or breathtaking, but it is the truth.
Objective
I've read a lot of books and I would like to read a lot more. More than anything, I love knowledge, whether it be how people think, the topology of the universe, or just what the weather is like. Any job that is intrinsically interesting and not repetitive gets my seal of approval.
Education
After five long years at the University of California, Davis, what do I have to show for the money and time spent? Well, I can perform some interesting calculations that might be useful for physicists and I know a lot about the structure of esoteric objects that can be described by group actions or (systems of) differential equations. Not to mention the wide variety of errata that now calls my cranium home.
Skills
Here I am sorely lacking. Although I spent two years as a Comp Sci major and know my way around several programming languages, my programming habits and knowledge are not as complete as I'd like. If you need some back-of-the-envelope calculation done, I'm your man, but don't expect me to be able to reliably tell you if t he sun is going to rise tomorrow.
Experience
December 2006 - present
Lead Programmer, UC Davis Department of Epidemiology
This is by far the most appealing, creative and downright strange job I've ever even applied for. Currently, my boss is in Africa studying wild cervids (deer, elk). He has a grant to develop software for producers (read: dumb men from the midwest that import/export deer and elk) to determine the risks inherent in dealing with infected herds. The majority of my work involves writing very poor Delphi code and trying to determine on the spot how the information on the page should be laid out. Although I do enjoy this, it can be incredibly monotonous and depressing when I am desperately searching delphi documentation so I can make some monstrously inane design possible. Did I mention that I work from home?
June 2006 - October 2006
QA/QC Dominion Enterprises
The only reason I got this job was that my friend Jen worked there already and spoke very highly of me as some sort of walking genius. I wasn't in school when I applied and the only work I had was developing some chess AI so I could have an opponent to play chess against. Dominion Enterprises (formerly Harmon) produces worthless real estate magazines, the type you might see at a laundromat or in the gutter outside a corner market. My job was to take the pages the designers had finished and proof read/check it against a printed out copy of what we had been sent by the realtors. Since I was never actually trained in what exactly to look for and how carefully to proof (much much more carefully than you might suspect), my trial and error work style ultimately led to several thousand dollar goofs and I quit when my boss was beginning to downsize the production team.
February 2005 - February 2006
Photolab clerk Longs Drugs
By far the most ADD job I've ever undertaken. Initially I started as a regular clerk, but when it was revealed that I was a mathematics major, I was thrown into the photo department (since it requires so much mathematics to carry heavy paper and adjust the colour in lame college drinking party photographs). Perks included lots of free time for reading or calculations, a certain pride that comes with operating large machines, more creativity than any other position in the store, and the joy that comes with looking at untold numbers of photographs you normally wouldn't. However, poor management, paranoia, and poor customers drove me away.
February 2000 - August 2002
Student Activist/Student Leader HOME Project
Initially started as a fun way to fulfill my high school community service requirement, I spent three long years working with this non-profit organization that was situated at the abandoned Navy Base in my hometown. I'd like to say that I did something useful, but aside from helping with the construction of their facility one summer and sitting in on various meetings that accomplished nothing (you'd be surprised how many ways you can get nothing done), I mostly continued to go here for the food and social interactions. There were many pleasant people working here that encouraged me to play guitar, learn more about the world and generally become a better person.
July 2001 (three days)
Door to door knife salesman Cutco
I wasn't out of high school yet but I desperately needed a job. The only opportunity I could easily find as a young, dumb boy was a position selling knives out of downtown Oakland. Highlights included biking three miles in a suit into Berkeley for an outrageous job interview, my coworkers constantly being stoned out of their gourds and finding out that I wasn't getting commission for my first two weeks and deciding to quit. I think I spent the rest of the summer playing video games and surfing the web.
...and that is what my job history has been like! Wow!
Objective
I've read a lot of books and I would like to read a lot more. More than anything, I love knowledge, whether it be how people think, the topology of the universe, or just what the weather is like. Any job that is intrinsically interesting and not repetitive gets my seal of approval.
Education
After five long years at the University of California, Davis, what do I have to show for the money and time spent? Well, I can perform some interesting calculations that might be useful for physicists and I know a lot about the structure of esoteric objects that can be described by group actions or (systems of) differential equations. Not to mention the wide variety of errata that now calls my cranium home.
Skills
Here I am sorely lacking. Although I spent two years as a Comp Sci major and know my way around several programming languages, my programming habits and knowledge are not as complete as I'd like. If you need some back-of-the-envelope calculation done, I'm your man, but don't expect me to be able to reliably tell you if t he sun is going to rise tomorrow.
Experience
December 2006 - present
Lead Programmer, UC Davis Department of Epidemiology
This is by far the most appealing, creative and downright strange job I've ever even applied for. Currently, my boss is in Africa studying wild cervids (deer, elk). He has a grant to develop software for producers (read: dumb men from the midwest that import/export deer and elk) to determine the risks inherent in dealing with infected herds. The majority of my work involves writing very poor Delphi code and trying to determine on the spot how the information on the page should be laid out. Although I do enjoy this, it can be incredibly monotonous and depressing when I am desperately searching delphi documentation so I can make some monstrously inane design possible. Did I mention that I work from home?
June 2006 - October 2006
QA/QC Dominion Enterprises
The only reason I got this job was that my friend Jen worked there already and spoke very highly of me as some sort of walking genius. I wasn't in school when I applied and the only work I had was developing some chess AI so I could have an opponent to play chess against. Dominion Enterprises (formerly Harmon) produces worthless real estate magazines, the type you might see at a laundromat or in the gutter outside a corner market. My job was to take the pages the designers had finished and proof read/check it against a printed out copy of what we had been sent by the realtors. Since I was never actually trained in what exactly to look for and how carefully to proof (much much more carefully than you might suspect), my trial and error work style ultimately led to several thousand dollar goofs and I quit when my boss was beginning to downsize the production team.
February 2005 - February 2006
Photolab clerk Longs Drugs
By far the most ADD job I've ever undertaken. Initially I started as a regular clerk, but when it was revealed that I was a mathematics major, I was thrown into the photo department (since it requires so much mathematics to carry heavy paper and adjust the colour in lame college drinking party photographs). Perks included lots of free time for reading or calculations, a certain pride that comes with operating large machines, more creativity than any other position in the store, and the joy that comes with looking at untold numbers of photographs you normally wouldn't. However, poor management, paranoia, and poor customers drove me away.
February 2000 - August 2002
Student Activist/Student Leader HOME Project
Initially started as a fun way to fulfill my high school community service requirement, I spent three long years working with this non-profit organization that was situated at the abandoned Navy Base in my hometown. I'd like to say that I did something useful, but aside from helping with the construction of their facility one summer and sitting in on various meetings that accomplished nothing (you'd be surprised how many ways you can get nothing done), I mostly continued to go here for the food and social interactions. There were many pleasant people working here that encouraged me to play guitar, learn more about the world and generally become a better person.
July 2001 (three days)
Door to door knife salesman Cutco
I wasn't out of high school yet but I desperately needed a job. The only opportunity I could easily find as a young, dumb boy was a position selling knives out of downtown Oakland. Highlights included biking three miles in a suit into Berkeley for an outrageous job interview, my coworkers constantly being stoned out of their gourds and finding out that I wasn't getting commission for my first two weeks and deciding to quit. I think I spent the rest of the summer playing video games and surfing the web.
...and that is what my job history has been like! Wow!