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Poop
I’ve been struggling lately, struggling to be positive. I feel restless and discontent, both are equally bad for me because they often lead me to impulsive and reckless behavior. I really can’t imagine my life without the restless discontentment, overwhelming feeling of chaos and loss of control. I would love not to have it but it’s become so ( Read more... ) -
impatient white mice
I feel restless and ready to go. I think there's so many variables in how things play out in the next months, that I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable with my lack of control. I'm trying to let it go, but it's hard. I'm trying to cut out the booze or keep it contained to the occasional weekend glass of wine or gin & tonic (now that the weather's nice) ( Read more... ) -
tumblr sucks
so i started a tumblr blog back in january. i don't know why really, since i have a perfectly good blog here, but i guess i was bored and wanted some more excitement in the blogosphere. ha. i didn't really even know what tumblr was all about but now see it's more for reposting crap you see on the internet. if i'm going to blog it's going to be more ( Read more... ) -
Riding a bike is like riding a bike
My brother John taught me how to ride a bike. I can’t remember exactly how old I was but I must have been pretty young. I do remember that he taught me on a boy’s bike, which is why I believe I learned so quickly. Every time I lost my balance I would fall onto the bar. Just because we girls don’t have balls that doesn’t mean that our genitals ( Read more... ) -
oops, part deux
So I dropped the ball again. Well I’m nothing if not inconsistent. I’ve always been a do or die kinda girl. But I have been a busy little beaver. I finally made a plan. A good plan I think. I will go back to school to become a psychotherapist. I’ve always toyed with the idea of being a therapist, but got intimidated by the amount of school ( Read more... ) -
oopsy-daisy
well i dropped the ball on my posting frequency, but in my defense i had lots going on in the quest for finding a life after 40 and i think i found my path. still working out the kinks but it's a keeper for sure. this is it. the one. the almighty. the plan. more later on that. in other news. my boobs are saggier. my waistline is straighter. and ( Read more... ) -
the way of the dog
yesterday when i was walking to the u-bahn station i saw a stray dog pee on some unsuspecting person’s wheeled shopping bag trolley (popular in Berlin) which was parked outside a pharmacist. i don’t know why this made me so happy but it did. right after he was finished, the dog looked at me with what i fancied as conspiratorial agreement. it ( Read more... ) -
Over the hump?
I'm feeling a little better today and ready to get motivated. Or mostly ready. I have a little over 6 months before my 40th birthday and while I know that if I don't have it all figured out by then, it's not like a big gavel is going to come out of the sky and whack me on the head the minute the clock strikes 12 on July 23rd, 2011. But still, ( Read more... ) -
Escape
Last night I felt miserable. For all my bravado I'm still freaking out about turning 40. Mostly because I feel I'm wasting my life. It's the usual complaints, working a dead end job, living for the weekend, not having any real purpose besides that and feeling empty. If I were living in the states I would probably take a class or look into ( Read more... ) -
Reinventing the face
I'm not much of a proponent for plastic surgery, which is a bit hypocritical because I've always been a champion of body modification. I, myself, have had various piercings (stretched & unstretched) in various body parts, as well as had those same body parts tattooed and re-tattooed. My hair has been every color in a bag of Skittles and cut ( Read more... )