To Be A Rainbow Fish (3/?)
Pairing: Hankyung/Siwon, Hankyung/Donghae (sort of), Hankyung/Kyuhyun (again, sort of)
Rating: pg-13
Summary: A reunion that both heals and breaks Hankyung's heart at the same time.
Note: i thought it'd end with 3 parts. but nope! there's a 4th…and a 5th in the works…and then definitely a 6th :|b
Word count: ~2200
A Spotless Mind
The first thing Hankyung hears in the morning is Siwon’s voice, and he rolls over, extending his arms to reach Siwon as he sits at the edge of the bed. There’s a phone pressed against his ear, but then he turns to face Hankyung, who watches expectantly as Siwon smiles into the phone and says a polite goodbye.
“Good morning,” Hankyung starts off, caressing Siwon’s forearm with his thumb.
“Morning.”
Hankyung opens his mouth to ask something, but he’s cut off before anything can come out.
“Kyuhyun’s almost here,” Siwon notes, and gets up from the bed. Hankyung gives him a small smile at the mention of their younger friend. Soon it turns to a frown as he watches Siwon pull a suitcase from their closet.
“What are you doing with that?”
“My parents called. Some kind of family get-together that they need me to be at. Something along those lines,” Siwon sighs, tossing the case next to Hankyung, who opens it for him without behind asked to.
Hankyung bites his lip. “You’re leaving?”
Siwon nods and lifts his eyes to meet the sad ones on the Chinese man’s face. “I’ll be back before you know it. And besides, you’ll have Kyuhyun to keep you company. Play video games with him, or something.”
“I know how to handle Kyuhyun,” Hankyung laughs. “You don’t have to tell me.”
Siwon scurries to the bathroom for a quick moment for his toothbrush. Hankyung picks up a few of the shirts that were thrown more carelessly into the case and folds them properly. He thinks for a brief moment, and takes this as a bad sign-Siwon must be distracted. When Siwon comes back, his eyes are off in another direction, and the light pouring in from the window of their bedroom makes him seem pale and almost white.
“What’s the matter?” Hankyung sits up more, eager for an answer.
The gaze comes back, and Siwon looks less pale in the sun as he leans over his suitcase, dropping his shadow. “I’m worried about you.”
“You just…said you’d be back before I’d know it.”
“I know, I know. I know what I said,” Siwon nods, eyebrows pinched. “But there was-there was-that.”
Hankyung tries to pretend he doesn’t know what Siwon’s referring to. He averts his dark eyes towards his hands, and notices that his hands are closed in tight fists. Now he’s the sunlight’s victim for pale skin. And suddenly, Hankyung feels sick.
With soft footsteps over the carpet, Siwon goes into the nightstand and pulls out a series of photos. His mind does of series of flashes-and they tell him that keeping these pictures isn’t right anymore, and it’s not good for Hankyung.
The other man clenches his jaw to keep it from trembling, but he holds his hand out towards Siwon.
“You need to stop looking at them.”
“I took them,” Hankyung persists. “They’re mine to look at.”
“If you say so,” Siwon hesitates, but hands them over.
Hankyung mumbles a quiet thank you before he holds the series of photos in his hand like a pocket full of jewels. Siwon disappears for another moment, and Hankyung flips to the second to last picture-he knows exactly where it is, at all times. He holds it up to the light and his eyes nearly glaze over from new tears.
This is the most precious one of all. Because it had been Donghae, but it wasn’t little fish Donghae-it was a younger man, full of life and love and fascination and other things Hankyung could see in those eyes. Since that day, Hankyung wonders what life would’ve been like if he’d stayed by the pond with this new Donghae, instead of running away.
The photo slides into his sweatshirt pocket before Siwon returns and starts to zip up his suitcase. If he ever showed Siwon the picture of Donghae, maybe he'd just think Hankyung was crazy.
“You pack too fast,” Hankyung sits on the edge of the bed and kicks his feet back and forth against the rug.
Siwon’s eyes get a little rounder and larger and his mouth slips into that startled pout that he gives Hankyung every so often. It’s a silent apology, and the older man knows that. He touches Siwon’s hand and smiles.
“Well, I’ll sure take my time getting out the door,” Siwon hands back a smile and moves over until he’s leaning over Hankyung. Their lips touch in a gentle kiss, and Hankyung puts one hand at the back of Siwon’s neck to keep him there.
Siwon doesn’t hesitate to discreetly push his lover back down on the bed, propping himself up with one knee on the edge as he nibbles Hankyung’s lower lip.
“Didn’t you say that Kyuhyun’s going to be here soon?” Hankyung’s logic tells him that now isn’t a good time, but he locks a leg around Siwon’s waist anyway.
“Who?”
He laughs into Siwon’s mouth. “Kyuhyun…”
“Oh, him,” Siwon pulls away just enough so that their noses still touch. Hankyung feels their breath mixing together, and he tangles his fingers together when he wraps his arms around the strong shoulders in front of him. Don't let go, Hankyung tells himself, but Siwon has family things to attend, and Hankyung knows that he shouldn’t try to stop him. But he’s too afraid to tell Siwon how worried he is that as soon as he drives off down the road, Hankyung’s mind will collapse and he’ll fall to pieces, right in front of their house. He’ll be a pile of nothing for Kyuhyun to fret over and try to pick up to put back together, but even then it wouldn’t be the same. Hankyung wouldn’t be the same. Hankyung hasn't been alone since before Donghae and Eunhyuk were…gone.
But he puts his leg down and stands up with Siwon. They don’t say anything, but they kiss again-much slower than the first time-and Hankyung follows behind Siwon as they leave the room and trudge down the stairs.
“Kyuhyun should be here any minute now,” Siwon glances at the clock in the kitchen as they pass by. Somehow their fingers have tangled and they’re swinging their connected arms between them.
“Are you going to wait for him, or…or are you leaving now?” Hankyung’s hand tightens its grip on Siwon’s, almost without a thought put into it.
“I should leave now,” Siwon sighs. “Long drive…”
“It’s fine,” Hankyung sees the crestfallen look on Siwon’s face and wants nothing more than to correct it. “Go have fun with your family, alright?”
Siwon lets go of his suitcase to open the front door, not wanting to lose Hankyung’s touch just yet. He doesn’t release him until they’re at the car door. They kiss through the window one more time. They whisper goodbyes and words of affection, and Siwon is gone.
Hankyung waits for his seams to tear-he waits for himself to crumble when he watches the car get smaller and smaller, but he doesn’t. He’s still intact.
Kyuhyun wears a comforting smile when his car pulls up in front of the house. He steps out and steps into Hankyung’s warm, welcoming hug.
“Hey.”
“What’s up, hyung?” Kyuhyun pulls away and his smile is still there.
“Not much. Siwon had to leave, though.”
“Yeah, he told me on the phone,” Kyuhyun shrugs. “He said you were still asleep. Lazy.”
Hankyung throws a friendly punch to the younger man’s shoulder. “Shut up.”
“Oh, hey,” Kyuhyun pats his hyung’s shoulder. “I hope you don’t mind, but I picked someone up on the way here and he kind of-well, really-needs a place to stay. Do you mind if he’s here, too?”
First, there’s hesitation, but Hankyung doesn’t see much harm in it. Except for the fact that Kyuhyun picked this person up on the way.
“Donghae-ssi,” Kyuhyun leans through the window of his car again.
Hankyung tenses, his mind flips through pictures-the rainbow scales, the chocolate brown hair, the pretty eyes and sculpted muscles. He wants to cling to someone, but Siwon is gone, and Kyuhyun is the one making these memories come back. There's no one to cling to.
“Wake up, we’re here now, Donghae-ssi,” Kyuhyun’s voice sounds in Hankyung’s ear again.
Maybe it’s just the name, Hankyung shuts his eyes tight for half a second and tries to convince himself. It doesn’t work very well; it’s a complete failure. Once Kyuhyun’s coaxing took an effect, stepping out of the other side of the car was a lean, handsome young man with the same hair, same face, same smile, same eyes, same everything that Hankyung remembers.
This is Donghae. There is no question about it.
“This is Hankyung. We’re gonna be staying here for a few days,” Kyuhyun leans against his car and grins as if he’s proud of something.
Donghae is still smiling, and Hankyung feels like he’s about to fall over-like he’s about to collapse.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Donghae holds out his hand.
Hankyung hesitates again, but forces himself to smile when they touch palms, even though his heart is racing his mind at uncomfortable speeds. “Same, nice to meet you.”
Hankyung takes a second long look at Donghae, and catches swelling around his lashes, a pinkish tint that’s just barely noticeable.
Kyuhyun gives a loud yawn and brings Hankyung’s eyes away. “Hyung, can I go lay down? I’m fucking tired.”
“Uh-” his voice is caught in his throat, but he makes like he needs to cough and fakes it, “-of course.”
“Do you have another place where Donghae can sleep?” Kyuhyun puts his hand on Donghae's shoulder blade and for some reason, Hankyung wants to smack it away and pull Donghae under his wing. But he does nothing, just leads them up the short walkway, into his house.
“He can sleep in the guest room,” Hankyung shrugs. “Why not? Did you want to be by yourself or something?”
“No,” Kyuhyun puts down his suitcase. “I was just curious. I didn’t want to make Donghae uncomfortable by us having to sleep next to each other.”
Hankyung resists rolling his eyes, or biting his lip. It only takes him an extra moment from Kyuhyun’s original question to realize what he’s angling at. “Sleep in my bed, then.”
“Hyung, you don’t mind?” his eyes light up.
No sighing, just grinning and patting Kyuhyun’s shoulder. “Of course not.” His words are only half-lies. This is bad, this is bad, something's going to happen, and Hankyung just knows it-and he knows that Kyuhyun knows and wants it, badly. “Why don’t you go rest, though?”
“Yeah,” Donghae agrees, speaking after several moments of silence. “You’ve been driving for…a while.”
Hankyung gives Kyuhyun a playful shove towards the staircase. “I’ll wake you up by lunch, if you aren’t up by then.”
“Okay!”
Hankyung turns to Donghae, he tries to ignore the pang his heart gives him. “Do you need anything? Water-?”
“Yes, water, that’d be great!” he blurts, and almost seems to surprise himself. Soon he shrinks back a little and Hankyung can’t help but smile as he leads Donghae towards the kitchen.
“So, where are you from?” Hankyung asks, heading to the cabinet. Might as well make small talk. “Go ahead, you can sit down if you want.”
Donghae pulls out a chair from the kitchen table and sits down, albeit a bit hesitantly. His words are just as uncertain. “I, uh, don’t really know. Wherever Kyuhyun found me?”
“Huh?” Hankyung almost loses his grip on the glass, and he starts the faucet way too fast. He slams it to stop the sudden water flow before he continues. “You don’t know?”
Donghae’s eyes are big, and they look as if they’re on the verge of tears, empty tears? Confused tears, and Hankyung is suddenly at Donghae’s side. “I’m sorry, it’s okay, you don't have to know,” he pats Donghae's arm, just then noticing something about his clothes. They’re a bit too big, not incredibly so, and then a new thought processes through his mind: these are Kyuhyun’s clothes.
“I can’t remember…anything!” Donghae’s face is against Hankyung’s shoulder before either of them really notice. “But I have to remember, I have to, I have to, I have to.”
Hankyung comforts him in the only way he can think to, he holds on, pats Donghae’s back.
“There’s-there’s someone I have to-that I have to remember,” Donghae speaks like he’s trying to hold back tears, sobs, the whole nine yards. “But, I just…I just can’t do it, Hankyung. I can't.”
Someone. Someone…
“You can, I’m sure you can,” Hankyung lets the words come out, he doesn’t regret any. He marvels at the fact that he’s holding Donghae, holding this person who may or may not be that rainbow-scaled little friend of his that used to shine brighter whenever Hankyung came to visit. It all seems so likely, and there’s a new question in his mind, and it swims in like a pretty silver fish with a waving tail that Hankyung remembers just as well.
Is this someone…Eunhyuk?
--
lol i ended this part so badly XD
Rating: pg-13
Summary: A reunion that both heals and breaks Hankyung's heart at the same time.
Note: i thought it'd end with 3 parts. but nope! there's a 4th…and a 5th in the works…and then definitely a 6th :|b
Word count: ~2200
A Spotless Mind
The first thing Hankyung hears in the morning is Siwon’s voice, and he rolls over, extending his arms to reach Siwon as he sits at the edge of the bed. There’s a phone pressed against his ear, but then he turns to face Hankyung, who watches expectantly as Siwon smiles into the phone and says a polite goodbye.
“Good morning,” Hankyung starts off, caressing Siwon’s forearm with his thumb.
“Morning.”
Hankyung opens his mouth to ask something, but he’s cut off before anything can come out.
“Kyuhyun’s almost here,” Siwon notes, and gets up from the bed. Hankyung gives him a small smile at the mention of their younger friend. Soon it turns to a frown as he watches Siwon pull a suitcase from their closet.
“What are you doing with that?”
“My parents called. Some kind of family get-together that they need me to be at. Something along those lines,” Siwon sighs, tossing the case next to Hankyung, who opens it for him without behind asked to.
Hankyung bites his lip. “You’re leaving?”
Siwon nods and lifts his eyes to meet the sad ones on the Chinese man’s face. “I’ll be back before you know it. And besides, you’ll have Kyuhyun to keep you company. Play video games with him, or something.”
“I know how to handle Kyuhyun,” Hankyung laughs. “You don’t have to tell me.”
Siwon scurries to the bathroom for a quick moment for his toothbrush. Hankyung picks up a few of the shirts that were thrown more carelessly into the case and folds them properly. He thinks for a brief moment, and takes this as a bad sign-Siwon must be distracted. When Siwon comes back, his eyes are off in another direction, and the light pouring in from the window of their bedroom makes him seem pale and almost white.
“What’s the matter?” Hankyung sits up more, eager for an answer.
The gaze comes back, and Siwon looks less pale in the sun as he leans over his suitcase, dropping his shadow. “I’m worried about you.”
“You just…said you’d be back before I’d know it.”
“I know, I know. I know what I said,” Siwon nods, eyebrows pinched. “But there was-there was-that.”
Hankyung tries to pretend he doesn’t know what Siwon’s referring to. He averts his dark eyes towards his hands, and notices that his hands are closed in tight fists. Now he’s the sunlight’s victim for pale skin. And suddenly, Hankyung feels sick.
With soft footsteps over the carpet, Siwon goes into the nightstand and pulls out a series of photos. His mind does of series of flashes-and they tell him that keeping these pictures isn’t right anymore, and it’s not good for Hankyung.
The other man clenches his jaw to keep it from trembling, but he holds his hand out towards Siwon.
“You need to stop looking at them.”
“I took them,” Hankyung persists. “They’re mine to look at.”
“If you say so,” Siwon hesitates, but hands them over.
Hankyung mumbles a quiet thank you before he holds the series of photos in his hand like a pocket full of jewels. Siwon disappears for another moment, and Hankyung flips to the second to last picture-he knows exactly where it is, at all times. He holds it up to the light and his eyes nearly glaze over from new tears.
This is the most precious one of all. Because it had been Donghae, but it wasn’t little fish Donghae-it was a younger man, full of life and love and fascination and other things Hankyung could see in those eyes. Since that day, Hankyung wonders what life would’ve been like if he’d stayed by the pond with this new Donghae, instead of running away.
The photo slides into his sweatshirt pocket before Siwon returns and starts to zip up his suitcase. If he ever showed Siwon the picture of Donghae, maybe he'd just think Hankyung was crazy.
“You pack too fast,” Hankyung sits on the edge of the bed and kicks his feet back and forth against the rug.
Siwon’s eyes get a little rounder and larger and his mouth slips into that startled pout that he gives Hankyung every so often. It’s a silent apology, and the older man knows that. He touches Siwon’s hand and smiles.
“Well, I’ll sure take my time getting out the door,” Siwon hands back a smile and moves over until he’s leaning over Hankyung. Their lips touch in a gentle kiss, and Hankyung puts one hand at the back of Siwon’s neck to keep him there.
Siwon doesn’t hesitate to discreetly push his lover back down on the bed, propping himself up with one knee on the edge as he nibbles Hankyung’s lower lip.
“Didn’t you say that Kyuhyun’s going to be here soon?” Hankyung’s logic tells him that now isn’t a good time, but he locks a leg around Siwon’s waist anyway.
“Who?”
He laughs into Siwon’s mouth. “Kyuhyun…”
“Oh, him,” Siwon pulls away just enough so that their noses still touch. Hankyung feels their breath mixing together, and he tangles his fingers together when he wraps his arms around the strong shoulders in front of him. Don't let go, Hankyung tells himself, but Siwon has family things to attend, and Hankyung knows that he shouldn’t try to stop him. But he’s too afraid to tell Siwon how worried he is that as soon as he drives off down the road, Hankyung’s mind will collapse and he’ll fall to pieces, right in front of their house. He’ll be a pile of nothing for Kyuhyun to fret over and try to pick up to put back together, but even then it wouldn’t be the same. Hankyung wouldn’t be the same. Hankyung hasn't been alone since before Donghae and Eunhyuk were…gone.
But he puts his leg down and stands up with Siwon. They don’t say anything, but they kiss again-much slower than the first time-and Hankyung follows behind Siwon as they leave the room and trudge down the stairs.
“Kyuhyun should be here any minute now,” Siwon glances at the clock in the kitchen as they pass by. Somehow their fingers have tangled and they’re swinging their connected arms between them.
“Are you going to wait for him, or…or are you leaving now?” Hankyung’s hand tightens its grip on Siwon’s, almost without a thought put into it.
“I should leave now,” Siwon sighs. “Long drive…”
“It’s fine,” Hankyung sees the crestfallen look on Siwon’s face and wants nothing more than to correct it. “Go have fun with your family, alright?”
Siwon lets go of his suitcase to open the front door, not wanting to lose Hankyung’s touch just yet. He doesn’t release him until they’re at the car door. They kiss through the window one more time. They whisper goodbyes and words of affection, and Siwon is gone.
Hankyung waits for his seams to tear-he waits for himself to crumble when he watches the car get smaller and smaller, but he doesn’t. He’s still intact.
Kyuhyun wears a comforting smile when his car pulls up in front of the house. He steps out and steps into Hankyung’s warm, welcoming hug.
“Hey.”
“What’s up, hyung?” Kyuhyun pulls away and his smile is still there.
“Not much. Siwon had to leave, though.”
“Yeah, he told me on the phone,” Kyuhyun shrugs. “He said you were still asleep. Lazy.”
Hankyung throws a friendly punch to the younger man’s shoulder. “Shut up.”
“Oh, hey,” Kyuhyun pats his hyung’s shoulder. “I hope you don’t mind, but I picked someone up on the way here and he kind of-well, really-needs a place to stay. Do you mind if he’s here, too?”
First, there’s hesitation, but Hankyung doesn’t see much harm in it. Except for the fact that Kyuhyun picked this person up on the way.
“Donghae-ssi,” Kyuhyun leans through the window of his car again.
Hankyung tenses, his mind flips through pictures-the rainbow scales, the chocolate brown hair, the pretty eyes and sculpted muscles. He wants to cling to someone, but Siwon is gone, and Kyuhyun is the one making these memories come back. There's no one to cling to.
“Wake up, we’re here now, Donghae-ssi,” Kyuhyun’s voice sounds in Hankyung’s ear again.
Maybe it’s just the name, Hankyung shuts his eyes tight for half a second and tries to convince himself. It doesn’t work very well; it’s a complete failure. Once Kyuhyun’s coaxing took an effect, stepping out of the other side of the car was a lean, handsome young man with the same hair, same face, same smile, same eyes, same everything that Hankyung remembers.
This is Donghae. There is no question about it.
“This is Hankyung. We’re gonna be staying here for a few days,” Kyuhyun leans against his car and grins as if he’s proud of something.
Donghae is still smiling, and Hankyung feels like he’s about to fall over-like he’s about to collapse.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Donghae holds out his hand.
Hankyung hesitates again, but forces himself to smile when they touch palms, even though his heart is racing his mind at uncomfortable speeds. “Same, nice to meet you.”
Hankyung takes a second long look at Donghae, and catches swelling around his lashes, a pinkish tint that’s just barely noticeable.
Kyuhyun gives a loud yawn and brings Hankyung’s eyes away. “Hyung, can I go lay down? I’m fucking tired.”
“Uh-” his voice is caught in his throat, but he makes like he needs to cough and fakes it, “-of course.”
“Do you have another place where Donghae can sleep?” Kyuhyun puts his hand on Donghae's shoulder blade and for some reason, Hankyung wants to smack it away and pull Donghae under his wing. But he does nothing, just leads them up the short walkway, into his house.
“He can sleep in the guest room,” Hankyung shrugs. “Why not? Did you want to be by yourself or something?”
“No,” Kyuhyun puts down his suitcase. “I was just curious. I didn’t want to make Donghae uncomfortable by us having to sleep next to each other.”
Hankyung resists rolling his eyes, or biting his lip. It only takes him an extra moment from Kyuhyun’s original question to realize what he’s angling at. “Sleep in my bed, then.”
“Hyung, you don’t mind?” his eyes light up.
No sighing, just grinning and patting Kyuhyun’s shoulder. “Of course not.” His words are only half-lies. This is bad, this is bad, something's going to happen, and Hankyung just knows it-and he knows that Kyuhyun knows and wants it, badly. “Why don’t you go rest, though?”
“Yeah,” Donghae agrees, speaking after several moments of silence. “You’ve been driving for…a while.”
Hankyung gives Kyuhyun a playful shove towards the staircase. “I’ll wake you up by lunch, if you aren’t up by then.”
“Okay!”
Hankyung turns to Donghae, he tries to ignore the pang his heart gives him. “Do you need anything? Water-?”
“Yes, water, that’d be great!” he blurts, and almost seems to surprise himself. Soon he shrinks back a little and Hankyung can’t help but smile as he leads Donghae towards the kitchen.
“So, where are you from?” Hankyung asks, heading to the cabinet. Might as well make small talk. “Go ahead, you can sit down if you want.”
Donghae pulls out a chair from the kitchen table and sits down, albeit a bit hesitantly. His words are just as uncertain. “I, uh, don’t really know. Wherever Kyuhyun found me?”
“Huh?” Hankyung almost loses his grip on the glass, and he starts the faucet way too fast. He slams it to stop the sudden water flow before he continues. “You don’t know?”
Donghae’s eyes are big, and they look as if they’re on the verge of tears, empty tears? Confused tears, and Hankyung is suddenly at Donghae’s side. “I’m sorry, it’s okay, you don't have to know,” he pats Donghae's arm, just then noticing something about his clothes. They’re a bit too big, not incredibly so, and then a new thought processes through his mind: these are Kyuhyun’s clothes.
“I can’t remember…anything!” Donghae’s face is against Hankyung’s shoulder before either of them really notice. “But I have to remember, I have to, I have to, I have to.”
Hankyung comforts him in the only way he can think to, he holds on, pats Donghae’s back.
“There’s-there’s someone I have to-that I have to remember,” Donghae speaks like he’s trying to hold back tears, sobs, the whole nine yards. “But, I just…I just can’t do it, Hankyung. I can't.”
Someone. Someone…
“You can, I’m sure you can,” Hankyung lets the words come out, he doesn’t regret any. He marvels at the fact that he’s holding Donghae, holding this person who may or may not be that rainbow-scaled little friend of his that used to shine brighter whenever Hankyung came to visit. It all seems so likely, and there’s a new question in his mind, and it swims in like a pretty silver fish with a waving tail that Hankyung remembers just as well.
Is this someone…Eunhyuk?
--
lol i ended this part so badly XD