I need you so much closer {Onew/Jonghyun}
Focus: Jonghyun, Onew/Jonghyun
Rating: pg
Summary: Jonghyun is getting weaker.
Note: i wrote SHINee fic! :D i've been dying to for months now, and even though i've had Jongkey on the brain, here's some Jongyu for lametortoise , one of my requesters. i went out of order with requests, but i was basing it on where i was finding inspiration, while also not wanting to keep people waiting for too long. listened to a lot of Death Cab whilst writing this. twas good.
Word count: 1408
I need you so much closer
It's called being a mess on the inside and not being able to show anyone except your reflection. But in that case, sometimes you fail as well. Picture this: you're throwing yourself against a brick wall, over and over.
Except on the outside, no one can notice how you're feeling. That's usually how it goes, and this time Jonghyun figures it isn't going to be much different. He hopes for the opposite.
Jonghyun is one of the strong few, they say. The only thing is that he's a tad emotional (see the win they had where he broke down in Minho's arms, they loved teasing him for that, but it's a thing of the past). Other than that, he's strong.
As far as the others are concerned, there's nothing going on that attention should be brought to-in other words: he's perfectly fine. Mint condition, like something new they bought at the store.
His voice is perfect, his dancing is good, he can make people laugh while the fans swoon over his body as he rides his way through fame on a magic carpet. Or something like it.
First things first, he should probably confide first in the best friend. Key. Jonghyun dismisses the idea. He can't talk to Key about these things, maybe it's just that he won't talk to Key about these things-either way, the talking isn't getting done. Nothing is accomplished.
It's a clichéd weight of affection that Jonghyun can't shove off of his body, and it isn't pointed towards Key, either. Not that kind of affection at least. Damned affection. Jonghyun feels like a complete idiot for letting it get to him, for letting it build up for so long like this.
He could tell Minho. Minho doesn't talk that much in the first place, unless he's excited. Why would something like this excite him? Good point, Jonghyun reasons, before crumpling up into a mess and shaking his head over and over. It'd be no good telling Minho.
Taemin. Jonghyun bites his lip and watches the maknae trek across the living room on his way to breakfast, eyes barely open. He almost bumps into the wall that cuts through just before the door-less opening to the kitchen, but Onew is there to grab hold of Taemin's t-shirt and stop him. Jonghyun decides no, for the sake of not wanting to shove this weight onto the maknae's shoulders. He's tiny enough as it is, he doesn't need anything to crush him. Onew puts Taemin in a chair and asks what he wants to eat this morning. Onew.
Onew.
Jonghyun blinks. Someday he'll have to tell Onew. Their clumsy, charming leader is the source, and he doesn't even know it.
"Are you hungry?" Key asks. It's just the two of them this morning.
Jonghyun stares at the wall to the left of Key's head. If he stares long ehough, maybe his eyes will blur. Maybe he'll go cross-eyed.
"Dinosaur. What's wrong with you," this time Key snaps in his head, snaps with his fingers. He's trying to feed me, Jonghyun reminds himself, so I don't go extinct.
He doesn't need food, though. It's always a necessity, but it's not what he really needs. There's something else, and Key isn't the one who can give it to him.
"Eggs."
"It speaks!"
Jonghyun almost sits on Taemin at the kitchen table.
They've finished recording. Of course, they'd thanked the producers and engineers and everyone involved in the long process over and over. Countless times.
Key takes young Taemin by the arm and says that they need to go for a quick trip, grocery shopping. Minho comes off his cell phone, announcing that he's having a late dinner with Donghae-hyung and promptly bids his fellow members goodbye for a few hours. Jonghyun wonders if this all means something to him.
The two of them take the bus, because it isn't too late, yet there aren't many people riding. The moment they board the one that comes in right on he dot, the last person left gets off and passes them without a sound. And the driver doesn't say anything to them, either. Onew pays the fare for both of them, Jonghyun never has time to argue over it, and he doesn't have the strength, either.
Onew's wearing that goofy grin when they sit down in the back of the bus. Jonghyun thinks about letting himself go, and not in the way that would lead to an extra 10-20 pounds plus a disgusting beard or mustache. He's never been too interested in facial hair, anyway (but he thinks about the time Onew drew on his board, facial hair included, and maybe it wouldn't be that bad).
The ride home feels like it's taking forever, and Jonghyun's head is lolling back and forth, as though he doesn't have enough energy in him to keep it up anymore. Maybe it is taking forever, but all Jonghyun knows is that forever is too long a time period, and he's getting tired of waiting. 2pm references in his head and all.
He'll start singing if he has to.
It's the ten minute mark from the apartment, they can both tell, and Jonghyun looks towards Onew, by the window. The lights from outside catch in the ends of his hair, and the drops of water on the window. It's been raining for five minutes now, Jonghyun's counter. Like the number of times Onew's smiled at him since they got on the bus-10.
"Hyung."
Smile number 11. "Hm?"
Jonghyun's head is still hanging. "You're the only one I trust anymore. I can't talk to anyone like this." Not even Key.
"…"
"I need you…and I need you to take care of me, hyung."
Onew pictures Jonghyun as a broken man. When he brings his eyes back into a normal focus, the picture hasn't changed at all. He says nothing. The silence makes his skin crawl, though, he can't stand it. But he never says anything right, or does anything right unless it's mandatory. Unless he's switched into leader-mode, and it's been proven on national television.
He thinks of Jonghyun smiling, like on Hello Baby when they were messing around on camera, pulling pranks and laughing at each other's dumbstruck faces. The wasabi bomb. It's not the same now, because Jonghyun isn't smiling. At least, Onew doesn't think so, he can't see his face.
Jonghyun doesn't want to say it. He feels more idiotic than he could ever imagine, but he's gone this far. Why shouldn't he take it further? Why, why shouldn't he? Onew hasn't stopped him so far. There's nothing stopping him but himself. And that's really all it ever comes down to in the first place.
"I don't care if you need to pretend-I don't…"
Finally, he lifts his head and looks at Onew, eyes hardened and softened at the same time. Like black marbles, needy of attention but not too needy whatsoever.
"Hyung, I love you," he says it. "So just this once, can you-"
Onew's smile is gone but the curve of his lips is replaced with the curve of his arm around Jonghyun's heavy shoulders. "Of course." I love you, he wants to say back. It shouldn't be a problem, Onew loves them all, and they tell him they love him back.
The connotation is the only thing that's different, and maybe it's too scary to answer right now. Even if his feelings could be true. Jonghyun has always been different to Onew than the others. Key is like the nagging second parent of the household, like a more feminine, younger twin. Minho and Taemin are the little brothers, bopping along and causing trouble in their own ways, silent or loud or an odd mixture of the two that only works so well when it's the two of them together. So, what is Jonghyun? Who is he? To Onew, he could be anything under the sun, and then there's the shade.
Two minute mark from home. Onew pulls Jonghyun closer, and when the bus driver isn't looking-like he should care anyway-he draws close enough to kiss the top of Jonghyun's head. It doesn't feel 100% natural (not the hair, the action) but Onew admits that it's something he could get used to you.
"Jonghyun," he says. "I'll take care of you."
The bus pulls into the last stop, and when they step off the bus, Onew never lets go. Jonghyun doesn't even think of it.
--
i want to write more SHINee, honestly.
Rating: pg
Summary: Jonghyun is getting weaker.
Note: i wrote SHINee fic! :D i've been dying to for months now, and even though i've had Jongkey on the brain, here's some Jongyu for lametortoise , one of my requesters. i went out of order with requests, but i was basing it on where i was finding inspiration, while also not wanting to keep people waiting for too long. listened to a lot of Death Cab whilst writing this. twas good.
Word count: 1408
I need you so much closer
It's called being a mess on the inside and not being able to show anyone except your reflection. But in that case, sometimes you fail as well. Picture this: you're throwing yourself against a brick wall, over and over.
Except on the outside, no one can notice how you're feeling. That's usually how it goes, and this time Jonghyun figures it isn't going to be much different. He hopes for the opposite.
Jonghyun is one of the strong few, they say. The only thing is that he's a tad emotional (see the win they had where he broke down in Minho's arms, they loved teasing him for that, but it's a thing of the past). Other than that, he's strong.
As far as the others are concerned, there's nothing going on that attention should be brought to-in other words: he's perfectly fine. Mint condition, like something new they bought at the store.
His voice is perfect, his dancing is good, he can make people laugh while the fans swoon over his body as he rides his way through fame on a magic carpet. Or something like it.
First things first, he should probably confide first in the best friend. Key. Jonghyun dismisses the idea. He can't talk to Key about these things, maybe it's just that he won't talk to Key about these things-either way, the talking isn't getting done. Nothing is accomplished.
It's a clichéd weight of affection that Jonghyun can't shove off of his body, and it isn't pointed towards Key, either. Not that kind of affection at least. Damned affection. Jonghyun feels like a complete idiot for letting it get to him, for letting it build up for so long like this.
He could tell Minho. Minho doesn't talk that much in the first place, unless he's excited. Why would something like this excite him? Good point, Jonghyun reasons, before crumpling up into a mess and shaking his head over and over. It'd be no good telling Minho.
Taemin. Jonghyun bites his lip and watches the maknae trek across the living room on his way to breakfast, eyes barely open. He almost bumps into the wall that cuts through just before the door-less opening to the kitchen, but Onew is there to grab hold of Taemin's t-shirt and stop him. Jonghyun decides no, for the sake of not wanting to shove this weight onto the maknae's shoulders. He's tiny enough as it is, he doesn't need anything to crush him. Onew puts Taemin in a chair and asks what he wants to eat this morning. Onew.
Onew.
Jonghyun blinks. Someday he'll have to tell Onew. Their clumsy, charming leader is the source, and he doesn't even know it.
"Are you hungry?" Key asks. It's just the two of them this morning.
Jonghyun stares at the wall to the left of Key's head. If he stares long ehough, maybe his eyes will blur. Maybe he'll go cross-eyed.
"Dinosaur. What's wrong with you," this time Key snaps in his head, snaps with his fingers. He's trying to feed me, Jonghyun reminds himself, so I don't go extinct.
He doesn't need food, though. It's always a necessity, but it's not what he really needs. There's something else, and Key isn't the one who can give it to him.
"Eggs."
"It speaks!"
Jonghyun almost sits on Taemin at the kitchen table.
They've finished recording. Of course, they'd thanked the producers and engineers and everyone involved in the long process over and over. Countless times.
Key takes young Taemin by the arm and says that they need to go for a quick trip, grocery shopping. Minho comes off his cell phone, announcing that he's having a late dinner with Donghae-hyung and promptly bids his fellow members goodbye for a few hours. Jonghyun wonders if this all means something to him.
The two of them take the bus, because it isn't too late, yet there aren't many people riding. The moment they board the one that comes in right on he dot, the last person left gets off and passes them without a sound. And the driver doesn't say anything to them, either. Onew pays the fare for both of them, Jonghyun never has time to argue over it, and he doesn't have the strength, either.
Onew's wearing that goofy grin when they sit down in the back of the bus. Jonghyun thinks about letting himself go, and not in the way that would lead to an extra 10-20 pounds plus a disgusting beard or mustache. He's never been too interested in facial hair, anyway (but he thinks about the time Onew drew on his board, facial hair included, and maybe it wouldn't be that bad).
The ride home feels like it's taking forever, and Jonghyun's head is lolling back and forth, as though he doesn't have enough energy in him to keep it up anymore. Maybe it is taking forever, but all Jonghyun knows is that forever is too long a time period, and he's getting tired of waiting. 2pm references in his head and all.
He'll start singing if he has to.
It's the ten minute mark from the apartment, they can both tell, and Jonghyun looks towards Onew, by the window. The lights from outside catch in the ends of his hair, and the drops of water on the window. It's been raining for five minutes now, Jonghyun's counter. Like the number of times Onew's smiled at him since they got on the bus-10.
"Hyung."
Smile number 11. "Hm?"
Jonghyun's head is still hanging. "You're the only one I trust anymore. I can't talk to anyone like this." Not even Key.
"…"
"I need you…and I need you to take care of me, hyung."
Onew pictures Jonghyun as a broken man. When he brings his eyes back into a normal focus, the picture hasn't changed at all. He says nothing. The silence makes his skin crawl, though, he can't stand it. But he never says anything right, or does anything right unless it's mandatory. Unless he's switched into leader-mode, and it's been proven on national television.
He thinks of Jonghyun smiling, like on Hello Baby when they were messing around on camera, pulling pranks and laughing at each other's dumbstruck faces. The wasabi bomb. It's not the same now, because Jonghyun isn't smiling. At least, Onew doesn't think so, he can't see his face.
Jonghyun doesn't want to say it. He feels more idiotic than he could ever imagine, but he's gone this far. Why shouldn't he take it further? Why, why shouldn't he? Onew hasn't stopped him so far. There's nothing stopping him but himself. And that's really all it ever comes down to in the first place.
"I don't care if you need to pretend-I don't…"
Finally, he lifts his head and looks at Onew, eyes hardened and softened at the same time. Like black marbles, needy of attention but not too needy whatsoever.
"Hyung, I love you," he says it. "So just this once, can you-"
Onew's smile is gone but the curve of his lips is replaced with the curve of his arm around Jonghyun's heavy shoulders. "Of course." I love you, he wants to say back. It shouldn't be a problem, Onew loves them all, and they tell him they love him back.
The connotation is the only thing that's different, and maybe it's too scary to answer right now. Even if his feelings could be true. Jonghyun has always been different to Onew than the others. Key is like the nagging second parent of the household, like a more feminine, younger twin. Minho and Taemin are the little brothers, bopping along and causing trouble in their own ways, silent or loud or an odd mixture of the two that only works so well when it's the two of them together. So, what is Jonghyun? Who is he? To Onew, he could be anything under the sun, and then there's the shade.
Two minute mark from home. Onew pulls Jonghyun closer, and when the bus driver isn't looking-like he should care anyway-he draws close enough to kiss the top of Jonghyun's head. It doesn't feel 100% natural (not the hair, the action) but Onew admits that it's something he could get used to you.
"Jonghyun," he says. "I'll take care of you."
The bus pulls into the last stop, and when they step off the bus, Onew never lets go. Jonghyun doesn't even think of it.
--
i want to write more SHINee, honestly.