It smells like California
So I woke up at bitching 6:40 am when I had only been sleeping for a few hours to get ready for my limo town car to pick me up at 7:30 from my mom's house. I had some shitty coffee and said bye to my mom. I couldn't sleep during the ride to LaGaurdia because I forgot my passport, thus had no photo ID to prove that I'm Lauren Duke. So I freaked out for a while but everything worked out at the airport. I think they searched me and my bags and shit because I was wearing my TSP sweatshirt, which has a grenade on it. They probably assumed I was some weirdo in a cult that blows up people for fun and wishes to die in the process. Anyways, I ate some fattening McDonald's while waiting to board the flight and I sewed the ripped pocket on the front flap of my beat up, ridiculously old shoulder bag that is now covered in black duct tape.
I got on the plane and there were these little brats in front of me who wouldn't shut the FUCK up! God damnit, I was hoping that the mother would have enough sense to make them shut up. God, my children, if I have any, would never be that annoying. But then again, the mother is probably just as annoying as her 2 kids. She looked like a bitch. Anyways, the flight to Charlotte was olny 1h51 minutes long so I listened to music and read a magazine.
When I got to Charlotte I immediately got some advil because I felt really sick (I have a bitching cold). And, the best medicine of all: a diet coke from Burger King. Hell yesssss. I walked around because I had a couple of hours to kill before my flight to San Fran so I looked in every store possible looking for more duct tape because I ran out. But I knew that no one would have it anyways. I was about to ask the security people for some but they were staring at me already. I guess I looked a little bit out of place. haha
Anyways, I read a magazine and walked around, and finally got to board the plane. There was this guy who seemed cool sitting next to me, but because of my luck he offered to switch seats with this girl's boyfriend. They were the most annoying couple I've seen so far. The guy looked like some lame-ass struggling author and the girl was maybe 38 but looked old and had blond hair that was in pigtails. They both whipped out their novels after they got seated. I peered over to see what kind of shit the girl was reading and I saw some dialect "Oh Arthur"... blah blah shit shit "I forgot to buy the stereo!" Holymotherfuckingjesus. How incredibly lame is that? Anyways, this girl looked like some annoying belemic chick who was once really fat but lost a bunch of weight because she's trying to be an artsy model who only eats health food. Oh, and she's a wanna-be vegetarian like her lamo bf. Anyways, I almost snapped when she pulled out a baggie of some fancy rice pilaf shit with shrimp in it. She ate really loudly and obnoixously because plane food is not on her diet. I was like damn girl, are you trying to set a new record by eating your food in 4 seconds instead of 5? Then she fell asleep with her mouth open. Repulsive. And then the wo fell asleep on eachother. Oh, how fucking cute! I wanted to puke because the guy's head was almost on my lap.
Oh, but the good news was that I finished my drawing of Kurt Cobain. That's basically what I did the whole flight besides chillen with the Doors, Grateful Dead, and Abestos Records. Well that flight was only 4h20 minutes. The worst part was getting off of the flight and walking down to get my luggage and having to watch the couple slap eachother's asses all the way down the hall. At that point I vocally expressed my total disgust with them. I hope they heard it. This woman was so corny that you could see her butterfly tatoo sticking out of her capris.
Well that's enough for now. It's already too long.