168 - A somewhat edited Christmas Classic
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
in hopes that St. Lissa soon would be there.
Kari was nestled all snug in her beds,
while visions of sugar plums danced in her heads. (and slowly ate her brain)
And Gabriel in his 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
had just settled down for a long winter's nap.
When out on the roof there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. (which caused Gabriel to mutter uncontrollably about how much I jump on the bed)
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
tore open the shutter, and threw up the sash. (and the holiday wine)
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
gave the lustre of midday to objects below,
when, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Lissa.
More rapid than eagles, her coursers they came,
and she whistled and shouted and called them by name: (I am so sorry for the following, especially to Luckycee and Psylight: I don't know you're real names :( )
"Now Jesse! Now Grace!
Now, Cee (which is for cookie, and that's good enough for me)and Andrew!
On, Keegan! On, Gen!
On, Psylight and Sasha!
To the top of the porch!
To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away!
Dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky
so up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
with the sleigh full of toys, and St. Lissa too. (she just got out of jail, and back into the habit of robbing small children)
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
the prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
down the chimney St. Lissa came with a bound.
She was dressed all in fur, from her head to her foot, (but it was a faux fur)
and her clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of toys she had flung on her back, (from the breaking and entering)
and she looked like a peddler just opening her pack.
Her eyes--how they twinkled! Her dimples, how merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, her nose like a cherry!
Her droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
and the beard on her chin was as white as the snow.
The stump of a pipe she held tight in her teeth,
and the smoke it encircled her head like a wreath.
She had a broad face and a little round belly,
that shook when she laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.
She was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
and I laughed when I saw her, in spite of myself.
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head
soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
and filled stole all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying her finger aside of her nose, (she had to scatch)
and giving a nod, up the chimney she rose.
She sprang to her sleigh, to her team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard her exclaim, 'ere she drove out of sight, ("Ha ha! I got your X-Box!")
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
in hopes that St. Lissa soon would be there.
Kari was nestled all snug in her beds,
while visions of sugar plums danced in her heads. (and slowly ate her brain)
And Gabriel in his 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
had just settled down for a long winter's nap.
When out on the roof there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. (which caused Gabriel to mutter uncontrollably about how much I jump on the bed)
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
tore open the shutter, and threw up the sash. (and the holiday wine)
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
gave the lustre of midday to objects below,
when, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Lissa.
More rapid than eagles, her coursers they came,
and she whistled and shouted and called them by name: (I am so sorry for the following, especially to Luckycee and Psylight: I don't know you're real names :( )
"Now Jesse! Now Grace!
Now, Cee (which is for cookie, and that's good enough for me)and Andrew!
On, Keegan! On, Gen!
On, Psylight and Sasha!
To the top of the porch!
To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away!
Dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky
so up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
with the sleigh full of toys, and St. Lissa too. (she just got out of jail, and back into the habit of robbing small children)
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
the prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
down the chimney St. Lissa came with a bound.
She was dressed all in fur, from her head to her foot, (but it was a faux fur)
and her clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of toys she had flung on her back, (from the breaking and entering)
and she looked like a peddler just opening her pack.
Her eyes--how they twinkled! Her dimples, how merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, her nose like a cherry!
Her droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
and the beard on her chin was as white as the snow.
The stump of a pipe she held tight in her teeth,
and the smoke it encircled her head like a wreath.
She had a broad face and a little round belly,
that shook when she laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.
She was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
and I laughed when I saw her, in spite of myself.
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head
soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
and filled stole all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying her finger aside of her nose, (she had to scatch)
and giving a nod, up the chimney she rose.
She sprang to her sleigh, to her team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard her exclaim, 'ere she drove out of sight, ("Ha ha! I got your X-Box!")
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"