this just depresses me to no end.
I cant stop crying...normally im in control enough to calm my breathing down and stop crying but right now i have no ability to do so. this is the definition of depression.
xZen And The Art: Would you allow me to say something to you? I'm not asking for you to talk to me. just to listen fer a minute...
Br0knBrbieD0l666: ..
xZen And The Art: u can say no. I really dont want to be a pest.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: say what u have to say.
xZen And The Art: I'm sorry I hurt you. I have no excuses for what i did because what i did was wrong and there is nothing i can do to change what I did. What i do have are reasons, at the time I thought what i was doing what the right thing to do. I was trying to push you out without letting you know that it was my choice. I tried to make you hate me and in that i was sucessful. What i didn't know then and what i have learned now is that there was nothing in this world, to me, worth losing your friendship. sometimes people say what im about to say and they have no clue what it means to say it but i swear to you not a day goes by when i dont miss you. I'm sorry I couldnt treat you with the respect and kindness you treated me with.
I am not asking for you to forgive me.
I am not asking you to be my friend.
the best i could do is ask that you give me the opportunity to become your friend again. but even that seems like i might be asking to much.
I just want you to kno that no matter what happens in the future if what i did determined our fate then I am and forever will be truley sorry that I hurt one of the few people in this world i cared about as much as my family.
I will not ever forget you Q and i thank you for everything.
Like i said, you dont have to talk to me if you dont want to so you dont need to respond to this.
but if you ever want to talk to me for any reason you'll know how to find me.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: i apoligized to robin for sleeping with you.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: thats all i have to say.
Br0knBrbieD0l666 signed off at 10:45:19 AM.
Br0knBrbieD0l666 signed on at 10:46:08 AM.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: i dont forgive you. i never will. i liked our relationship as it was and i shouldnt have crossed that line. you were my friends boyfriend and i lost her because of it.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: i am a horrible person for doing that to her and i dont blame her at all for hating me.
xZen And The Art: I was single when i slept with you Q.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: robin loved you.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: i was her friend.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: i shouildnt have done that.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: dont call me Q.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: we're not on a friendli basis anymore. you dont see me calling you T and thats exactly why.
xZen And The Art: your right, im sorry.
xZen And The Art: I wish there was something i could do to make it up to you.
to be honest i really thought youd never be able to say "I will never forgive you".
xZen And The Art: not just to me, but to anyone...
Br0knBrbieD0l666: you're puppy is adorable. - i do have one nice thing to say./
xZen And The Art: Jacqui, my heart stops every time i think i might have the guts to talk to you. i start crying because there is a conflict in me in that one part of me wants you to be happy but the other wants back what made me happy.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: just cuz you're sorry u fucked up doesn't mean you're not still way to manipulative for my taste.
xZen And The Art: i dont say this for sympathy,m i dont want it
xZen And The Art: i just want you to know i really did care and i kno i fucked up.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: you're not gunna get it anyway, i think u know that though.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: sometimes when you apoligize you dont get forgiven, its as simple as that.
xZen And The Art: im not asking you to forgive me
xZen And The Art: im asking you to give me a chance to show you what a mistake i made. I'm pretty confident i meant enough to you that there is some part of you that misses me...
Br0knBrbieD0l666: true, you want me to decide to on my own to do that.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: otherwise u wouldnt be bothering withme right now.
xZen And The Art: if you forgave me without me having to prove anything it wouldnt feel like i had done anything productive
xZen And The Art: i fucked up, there is nothing i can do to change that. but you meant more to me then to just let you go. i've made enough mistakes letting it go this long.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: i loved you tristen. but i dont anymore. you showed me aspects of you i hadnt seen before and what i dont like outweighs the parts of you that i loved.
xZen And The Art: I want to show you that the parts of me you disliked are not me anymore.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: too late.
xZen And The Art: why?
Br0knBrbieD0l666: i dont want you in my life.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: why is that so hard to get around?
xZen And The Art: because it matters to me that i correct the things i will regret for the rest of my life if i dont.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: u cant correct this one. some things are out of your hands.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: im going now.
xZen And The Art: I will not make you regret giving me a chance. if i mean nothing to you then let me mean nothing, but please dont deny me the chance to prove that i am better than that.
Br0knBrbieD0l666: leave me alone.
xZen And The Art: im sorry.
Br0knBrbieD0l666 signed off at 11:01:07 AM.
at least i said what was on my mind. I didn't think I'd have the guts to do it.
that girl intimidates me to no end.
im sad now but im not giving up hope.
I hope someday things will change...