I hate myself
I've gotten myself in to trouble at work again. There is a high likely hood that I'll be fired.
Why do I do this to myself. I just can't help being a stupid asshole.
Just recently WDS/Verizon made a change to the "resolve statement". It can't be a natural sounding statement, it has to be an exact scripted sentence. It sounds completely unnatural and they made it and FCR (First call resolution) requirement. Basically if I don't say it in the exact way its written, I fail the call. To me, the FCR seems to be their catch all excuse to fail calls. Regardless of if I actually resolved the issue or not. I got in to an argument with my supervisor about it. I got written up. Then I did really something stupid. I let my frustration come through to a customer. I got suspended w/o pay. I'm pretty sure I'll be fired on Wednesday which is my next day back.
I know, just fucking shut up and follow the god-damn rules. Which of course is the crux of my problem. I just can't seem to do that. It seems so simple but time and time again I fuck it up. I know I'm diabetic, I know that I get angry when my blood sugar gets out of whack. I know that I'm borderline bi-polar. I know that I don't handle frustration well. I KNOW all this stuff but...
This is just the one thing that broke the camels back.
There are a whole bunch of other things that are/were frustrating me.
I feel like a drug addict or an alcoholic or something along those lines. I just keep fucking my life up. Why? Why can't I be the way I want to be. Why can't I do the things I need to do? Why can't I be a good employee? Why can't just accept it? Why can't I eat right and control my diabetes? Why can't I be neat and organized? Why can't I be smart? It not like these things are hard. I just can't seem to do them. WHY?
I have no savings, no job waiting in the wings. I almost certainly won't get unemployment insurance due to being fired for cause. Even if by some miracle I get UI it is only $250 a week.
I hate myself.
Why do I do this to myself. I just can't help being a stupid asshole.
Just recently WDS/Verizon made a change to the "resolve statement". It can't be a natural sounding statement, it has to be an exact scripted sentence. It sounds completely unnatural and they made it and FCR (First call resolution) requirement. Basically if I don't say it in the exact way its written, I fail the call. To me, the FCR seems to be their catch all excuse to fail calls. Regardless of if I actually resolved the issue or not. I got in to an argument with my supervisor about it. I got written up. Then I did really something stupid. I let my frustration come through to a customer. I got suspended w/o pay. I'm pretty sure I'll be fired on Wednesday which is my next day back.
I know, just fucking shut up and follow the god-damn rules. Which of course is the crux of my problem. I just can't seem to do that. It seems so simple but time and time again I fuck it up. I know I'm diabetic, I know that I get angry when my blood sugar gets out of whack. I know that I'm borderline bi-polar. I know that I don't handle frustration well. I KNOW all this stuff but...
This is just the one thing that broke the camels back.
There are a whole bunch of other things that are/were frustrating me.
I feel like a drug addict or an alcoholic or something along those lines. I just keep fucking my life up. Why? Why can't I be the way I want to be. Why can't I do the things I need to do? Why can't I be a good employee? Why can't just accept it? Why can't I eat right and control my diabetes? Why can't I be neat and organized? Why can't I be smart? It not like these things are hard. I just can't seem to do them. WHY?
I have no savings, no job waiting in the wings. I almost certainly won't get unemployment insurance due to being fired for cause. Even if by some miracle I get UI it is only $250 a week.
I hate myself.