Resolutions for 2010 Part 1
I’ve been thinking a lot about this whole New Year’s Resolution thing. It used to be a big deal with my family when I was in elementary school. We’d all pick something and try to encourage each other to keep up with that. It lasted maybe until the middle of February. My family has never been very good at encouraging each other.
By middle school I had become thoroughly disenchanted with the whole concept. It seemed rather childish and overly optimistic to me. Granted, I considered myself wise beyond my years when I was in middle school. I also clinically depressed, a lil druggie, and suicidal. So cynicism came easy, what can I say.
Freshmen year I had a promise to myself to come out as bisexual and by the middle of Sophomore year I was out to everyone in my high school. It is rather interesting feeling being the only out queer person in your high school. Especially one with as few of people as LWA had. Sophomore year through Junior year I made no other resolution. With Andy’s death I made a very simple New Year’s Resolution. I was going to do whatever, say whatever, and be whatever that would make me happy. After all, life is too short to spend it unhappy.
Since college life has began my New Year’s Resolutions have been very simplistic. I will take whatever steps are necessary to make myself more comfortable in my own skin; closer to being who I thought Alexandra should be. In light of that decision, those resolutions, I have constantly re-evaluated my identity. This has led to two name changes, hair styles, fashion sense, and even a change in my major. Its ever changing.
This year though I have decided to make a list of goals. These goals are pretty much lifelong ideals. Some of them are superficial. A few of these will be getting their own posts about them. I guess the more I think about them the more I realize that they are along the lines of words to live by.
So without further ado, here is my to-do list for 2010 and beyond.
1. Get my weight down to 200 pounds. This is 20 to 30 pounds less than what I currently weigh. Ideally I’d like to be back to my high school weight of 175 pounds. I doubt I can healthily reach that weight by the end of 2010.
2. Be healthier. Haha, that’s kind of vague. I want to start to eat a little less junk, drink less soda, cut back on those energy drinks. You know, the stuff you are supposed to do. That also means I need to avoid daily Wendy’s. I am not so sure I will be able to do that, but cutting out soda should help. Maybe.
3. Work out more. I plan to establish some sort of regimen. I am not sure how that is going to work out and I will be asking for a lot of help in this department. I kind of suck in the whole working out department.
4. Being Happy. Well duh.
5. Read more manga and watch more anime. Such a serious resolution. :P
6. Write more. Write more in my journal, more poetry, more essays, more everything. I have not been impressed with the amount or quality of work I have been putting out.
7. Revitalize the ToolShed Original imprint. That includes the web page and the Blogger account. The web page is off to great start. I am trying to figure out how to get more posts up and raise more awareness. The Blogger account is close to being terminated. I mean, I use Something Ambiguous more than I use it. Which brings me to my next point.
8. Do something with Something Ambiguous. This a blog that I started with my good friend Charles. It was originally a place for me to post my reviews and for Charles to post his random thoughts and likings. We still use it. Just not as frequently as I’d like. I think I will chock this up as a semi failed experiment.
9. My LiveJournal needs work. I have begun this new idea. I am working on trying to type up my journals through out the day. I am also trying to become more comfortable with just writing short updates. That and it be a lot better when I get out of my house. Posting is impossible without internet. Especially with the thoughts on my mind.
10. Come out. Yes, I know you know I am trans. I know you know my sexual orientation. But I am not out out. I want to no longer feel like I need to filter myself around people. I want to be happy. Happy all the time. And this constant double life, this filter isn’t happiness. I want to live life and not look back without regrets. I have regrets right now. That makes me uncomfortable.
11. Start a project and complete it. Right now that means the ToolShed Original imprint. But that’s not really a project. That’s my life. Its something that’s been around since I started writing. Since I started The Word. Right now there are two projects I really want to succeed. My media campaign for the Vagina Monologues. The other is my benefit. Those are my next two points.
12. Vagina Monologues is a huge problem for me. For a couple of reasons. One, I don’t know how I feel about the casting. Not like who is in the cast. But like, what the director wants me to do. I don’t know if I can handle doing that monologue again. And I don’t know how I like the idea. Well, we’ll see how it goes. And then there is the fact that I got the huge responsibility of promoting it. I am not sure any of my ideas are going to pan out. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.
13. Ok so I have this awesome idea to throw a benefit for the Damien Center which is located in downtown Albany. I don’t know how I am going to make this work so I don’t want to spill the beans too early. Sorry folks.
14. Define my identity. For myself. Not you. Not the school. For myself.
15. Sing more. I miss singing everyday and I want to start doing so again.
That’s all for now. But there is more and I have more to say about certain things and there are some things I want reiterate. However, for now, I’ll leave it as is.