(no subject)
I broke up with Mark because I was leaving and fell back into a little thing with skyler after the trip to san francisco. It happened after a drunken "we're meant to be together" statement accompainied by a completely sober "i just want you to know, i'm taking this seriously this time." Even after that was said I decided I was not taking any of it seriously and, as I was about to make huge life altering moves and changes, I didn't want anything serious and the sex is amazing so whatever. I was over him as anything more than a friend and that was that.
In the days building up to the move I was frustrated and anxious and terrified and wanted nothing more than to get the road trip over and not have to see skyler again for a very long time. All i wanted was to hang out with sean and carissa and chris and sean and paul and sean. Then sean blew me off on my last night(so i thought, he really fell asleep and called me first thing in the morning to see if i had left yet) and chris and paul and others came over and i said my temporary goodbyes to them and carissa and i got our tattoos and watched almost famous and ate chipotle and hung out one last morning while waiting for skyler to pick me up with the truck. I cried off and on for the first 3 hours and then i drove. and drove. and drove. Louisiana from baton rouge to the texas border is the worst driving you could ever do especially at night and especially in a 16' truck. Then we got to my mom's.
I went and took and shower and skyler and my mother talked the entire time. they were laughing when i got done. We shared the sofa bed but not in a frisky sorta way. He was affectionate but not overly so. He didn't hold me hand or anything, but he gave me hugs and little things. He met Kristin and got along with her. Actually, he got along with her really well. They have alot in common. Probably more than i have with him. There was a big barbque and my mom had friends and kristin's family over and everyone sat around and played guitar and sang and talked and had the kind of good old texas fun i always thought i made up when i remembered my childhood. I was terrified that he would sneak out to the truck and smoke. These people are not the kind of people who wouldn't notice the bloodshot eyes and slow response time. But he didn't. He didn't smoke the entire two days we were there. Not even before bed when no one would notice. My mom said she could tell he really cared about me and was protective over me.
The next two days of driving across texas and into california were spent with music that whoever was the passenger tolerated gracefully and talking about nothing and taking pictures and having fun. Then we got to his dad's/grandparents house. we slept then went to breakfast with his dad and aunt. Before we even got our coffee she asked the question..."so are you two boyfriend and girlfriend?" to which i respond with big eyes and silence and skyler responds with stuttering and a jumbled up "kinda i guess, not officially but she's the closest thing to it. we're keeping things casual" and his dad starts laughing hysterically and says that his grandma asked the same thing and he told her that we left two bedroom doors open last night and only one was open this morning so to draw your own conclusion from that. his dad was amazing and took us to places from The OC and Laguna beach and took me to see pacific ocean for the first time and took skyler and i to the boardwalk/arcade where skyler used to go alllll the time when he was little and then we had dinner with him and his grandparents and his aunt and cousin and other cousin who's a boy and into photography and is a total weird surfer/indierock/druggie LA hipster kinda guy. and his stupid snotty girlfriend and i think that's all. So needless to say i was more than a little intimidated and tried to be outgoing but failed because deep down inside i'm still a super shy little 5th grader who just started school in the middle of the second semester.
We got here and i stayed with him and justin for 4 days and then moved into the place i'm in now. work sucks more than i can say and i'm going back to school if i can get the funding for it. Interior Architechure and Design. 16000 a year for 4 years plus 33400 for living expenses. for one year. That's a ton of motherfucking money. skyler got less and less reliable and less and less friendly until we had another huge fight about the same bullshit. so now i'm here, alone. completely alone in san francisco. i never realized how much i need hugs and kisses and little daily affections that i didn't even notice. he held my hand here. alot. the first 4 days we were here he held my hand. he never held my hand once in orlando. whatever.
i have the flu.
this is the maid speaking by the way.