Weather Forecast: Sunny with a chance for Flames

[lerah99]

I’ve waited a week really thinking about if I should post this.

I’ve spent that time reading the links on rape culture, watching people share deeply personal and traumatic stories about survival and coping with the long-lasting effects, and of course reading all the archived and screen printed posts about what happened at Winncon 2008.

What tipped

Comments

[telaryn]

In fact, the argument was made that in our culture women are taught to downplay our emotions making the word “uncomfortable” ok where “scared” may not be socially acceptable. This has actually prompted a lot of introspection on my part (in between doing whatever I could behind the scenes to diffuse this crap

[lerah99]

I prefer to deal with the reality that some men rape and some men molest - not just sit passively by and wail about the fact that it's not fair that men get all the power and can rape anybody they like. We can't control what men do, but we *can* control what we do in response.

Yes. This!
The world isn't "fair". It has never been "fair". There will always be predators. The key to survival isn't to cry "It's not fair that the predators are trying to destroy us!" but instead to do everything we can not to be destroyed.

Was I perfect at it every time? Nope. Have I ever agreed to sexual contact I didn't really want?

Yes, and I really don't see that as rape or molestation. I see that as making a bad or lazy choice that was not in my best interests. Nobody ever forced me to say yes.

This too! You put this so clearly!

I really wanted to say something about the whole "No mean no" versus "Only an enthusiastic and continuous Yes means Yes" thing - but I couldn't find the way to word it. I think your comment makes the point for me.